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Our experience with our poly family has been the contrary. All five of us, three women and two men, are fully perhaps obsessively committed to what we have built and are always looking to strengthen our ties. Our children are a big part of it.

Are you afraid of offending extremists? BTW why do you think they died virgins?

This is why it is important to have good pictures (we hope ours are at least okay). We have some of her, one or two of me, and several of us together (important to show that we are actually a couple)...and not a single dick picture.

For this male two women is sensory overload, like chocolate cake that makes your teeth ache.

My wife and I have discussed this a lot and agree - It is different having an intimate, alone sexual encounter with a play partner compared to just fucking with others around. But that's why we play alone - to enjoy that brief time when we can be intimate lovers, not just fuck buddies. It burns bright, hot... and brief. Seems dangerous, both way, but the more we do it, the more we realize that it is actually a safe outlet and strengthens our marriage.

May I also point out that (mostly in the vanilla world, but applies to swinging too) that women who string you along, flirting, then playing hard-to-get saying you misread them, often turn out to be Drama Queens even if they want to fuck you. I would rather be unambiguously rejected than played by a potential sex partner.

If there is a term more loosely defined than "soft swing" it is Polyamory. I recognize what you have couplers when I think of it, yet when I signed on to two different Poly lists,just to check out the culture, what I found was what I would call just hooking up. There were no rules, commitment, or intent that there ever should be any. Yet these folk all claimed "Poly" as their banner. Seemed to me that tere was a problem differentiating between Love and Lust. Your situation seems more "hive marriage" and theirs more "frat party".

I've said it before in other threads, but there's no arguing with FMF, yet MFM is just more practical in a lot of ways.

Indeed, kindness and decency are key in all aspects of life.

If you don't make an effort, you already know the result. As Numex said, you do the work but let her make the choices (that's usually how it ends up with most couples anyway).

We look at the first meeting (date) as just a chance to get to know everyone better and see if there is any 'spark'. After that first date (usually ON the first date), we will talk with the other couple about what their limits and expectations are. Whatever they say, that is what we limit ourselves to until told otherwise. If we are not willing to keep things to their limits, then we don't have a second date...we're not a match (and vice versa). If we are interested, then just kindness and decency says not to make them feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything they don't feel ready to do. Lots of new couples (we were once new and had our own limits that, now, seem silly...but they weren't then and they were needed to make each of us comfortable with what we were doing) have limits that will either eventually be set aside or they usually will figure out swinging isn't for them. We want to find people we want to have as friends and pressuring them is NOT the way to build friendships. Answer to your question of how many dates: as many as it takes. No expectations, no pressure, no problems, no drama.

Yes.

1hot- I can understand having a profile on SLS to access the site but if your wife were to find out...invite her to this site instead.

I, Mrs. Fla, totally agree with you on this. To add to that, the one or two or more dick pics the husband does have quite often are being compared to something ridiculous like a beer can, TV remote, Febreze can, soda can, and on and on and on. We have also seen profiles that list as a single female but are actually a couple with a husband listed in the description but no picture and not information about him. Also, I have noticed many single male profiles that are loaded with one partial body pic followed by 6 or more dick pics or they have a bunch of female pics on their single male profile, still have not figured that one out. Finally, the profiles that only show the wifes pictures and none of the husband, when I asked if they can email me a picture of what the husband looks like to see if I would be attracted to him I get all the usual excuses...he is too shy, he can't because he is a very important public figure locally and can't be seen on a swinger site, he is famous, and so on. Do they not understand that if someone does see them on a swinger site its because they are themselves on a swinger site. Whats the issue? Ok, I'm off the box and done with my rant......

I've not met anyone in my polyam community who would argue with you that maintaining multiple relationships is more complex, requiring substantially more communication and logistical work as you add folks to your constellation. Because of the mathematical complexity involved, I've seen lots of "V" structures where there may be a stronger arm of the V between two people than the other and that is accepted and valued - the understanding being that not all relationships need to be the same, have the same goals, or the same intensity, to be valid and worthwhile. In addition, I think a key differentiator for those who practice polyamory (in my experience anyway) is the understanding that: Relationships are transient in their very nature. The needs of the people involved are more important than the relationship itself. People grow on different trajectories and the things that brought them together initially may no longer be in sync. So impermanence is accepted as a valid and understandable part of the relationship dynamic. That doesn't mean that people who pursue polyamory treat relationships frivolously - well not all of them anyway, there are selfish dicks in all walks of life - rather the majority of the folks I've met are very conscientious about the nurturing of their relationships, but they do accept that all relationships are going to end (or more accurately transition to something different) at some point. D

We started out as a same room only couple and were for years. We liked group settings and really enjoyed watching each other having fun. We have developed a really nice and playful relationship with a couple who had just started swinging a year ago, we were their 1st couple and she, the other wife, would rather use separate room. Before we actually played with them, Mrs Doc and I discussed the option and it turns out that my wife was comfortable enough with the guy that she was OK with it. We enjoy socializing with them but when the clothing starts to come off we head to opposed sides of the house and it has worked quite well for the four of us. We all know what's going on down the hall, we can hear them and they can hear us and surprisingly, that is kinda hot. I think it has to come down to doing what is comfortable for the least comfortable in a foursome. As I think you've noticed, couples tend to evolve in this hobby. I say give it a shot. 3 somes are a blast but I absolutely LOVE undressing and learning and pleasing a new partner. If your wife is OK with you and another woman, enjoy it and see where that takes you two.

After reading your post, the above seemed to sum it up from your wife's perspective. I suggest you let your wife take the lead in arranging your play. Your swinging is likely go in a different direction, however, than casual arrangements. She will likely prefer having a lover, or two if she's bi, instead of merely sex partners. You may become part of that or need to find your fun separately. The important thing is to find arrangements that SHE likes. Put your wife first. We started by me suggesting to my wife that she look up two exes who we talked about and she said she enjoyed. They (separately) had vanilla dates, she told them that I knew, they started having sex. That was the most comfortable way for my wife to start swinging (for me too, they were exes, she had fucked them before). Eventually we moved on to MFMs with them, then regular swinging, now just certain couples. But each step was what my wife wanted. Let your wife choose not only who is the most satisfying for her to have sex with, but you as well. She needs to be comfortable all around.

A bad experience is worse than rejection. Sometimes your rejected for reasons that have nothing really to do with you. Just take it in stride. For example, you look or sound like someone’s brother or sister or close friend. We had that experience, we didn’t play with a lady because she acted and looked like someone we knew as a friend only and it was just a turn off.

"How well do you deal with rejection?" I'd say very well, not because of any virtue, but I'm just not interested in a woman who's not interested in me.

Sounds like a couple we've met. If it is the same couple then you are hardly the only ones to be "disinvited". The wife is well known for this. He's super friendly and she is not. He invites couples and when he tells her, for reasons unclear to all, she makes him disinvite. I think she's got issues.