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It is exceptionally rare that I ever find myself in disagreement with Alura, but this time on just a single point; if you're out in the singles seen looking for a girlfriend who might some day be your wife, I would strongly advise against including the idea that you like to swing in your profile. The vast, vast majority of women will look very poorly on that, and you will be dramatically reducing your chances of finding a wonderful woman to be with. But, I'll combine that with something that Alura said that I'm slightly removing from context but I agree with; if you find a woman who is stable, knows how to communicate, isn't insecure, and has an open mind I'd say that after you've been together a year or two, introducing the idea of swinging would likely go well. This isn't a bait and switch; I'd personally be quite happy with a woman of all those qualities who was adamant in her opposition to swinging. Swinging is secondary to me; a spice, but not the main dish. She's the main dish. If I never enjoyed the pleasures of another woman in my entire life other than my wife, I'd die a happy man. If I enjoy the pleasures of many other women in my life while still being with my wife I'll be a happy man as well.

Yeah, we go off separately, alone (MF or FF) or with another couple (MF-F or MF-M) for a weekend or sometimes longer. The unusual situation is with one of the other wives and me. We go on real dates: the theater, concerts, museums, the opera - things the others, my wife and her husband included - have no interest in. Early on, she and I went to New York for a long weekend. I talked about it both before and after a too much and my wife was a little upset. She said that she didn't mind the shows and the sex and the concerts, but it was a little too much like a honeymoon. Then my wife came to realize that my excitement and the other woman's excitement wasn't for one another, it was for the things we could do in The City. My wife and the other woman's husband have come to call us Frasier and Niles. We do have sex together, often with her husband, my wife, or both. But when alone it's about the kinky cultural things that our spouses won't do. The alone sex is intimate, tender and intense, but relatively quick - we have things to do! That's why, I guess we like the "honeymoon" trips, we can spend more time, sleep together, have a chance for twice-a-days. My wife and her husband said that they are saving up to spend us on a London and Paris getaway. It's a fantasy for me now: the Tate, the West End, the Musée d'Orsay... All with someone who appreciates it.

I'd say the bottom line is to establish communication. Laura and I did on our first date. In a four-hour period in which we talked about anything, including our sexual histories. During that phase she remarked, "I can't imagine living your life and only fucking one other person." I agreed and suggested that people who swap mates must have trust in their relationship. She agreed. We went to her apartment and had sex on her living room floor. Then in her bed. We continued that for thirty years.

I'm sorry you see a contrast between the two positions. I don't. Perhaps I can clarify. If you walk into a first date, and proclaim every negative thing about yourself in the interests of being "upfront", you likely will never have a second date. Swinging, to most people who have never been involved in it, would strike as a negative with very likely the vast majority of women. If I were in this person's shoes, I wouldn't bring up swinging on the first date (!). Non-monogamy is not a must have. It's an interest, and something I enjoy. If it never happens, it never happens. I would not feel my relationship with a woman is compromised in any way because she doesn't want to swing. This is radically different than me being attracted to a person whom I presumed from every cue to be a genetic woman, only to find out she is a pre-op transwoman. If I'm looking for a genetic woman, and you're presenting yourself as a genetic woman only to find out when we get to the point of being in bed and you've already given me oral sex, that you are not, you have been deceptive in who you are. You can't contribute to the relationship in the same way, that is something that can't be "if it never happens, it never happens". I don't have a problem with someone being a pre-op transwoman. I do have a problem with them being deceptive about it to the point where we've already had sexual acts together before I find out. I had the former come up with my now wife. Prior to being with her, I had been in a poly triad. I was romantically involved with a married woman, and was friends with her husband. He knew and approved of the relationship. Some time after that relationship, I met my wife. A few weeks, a month into the relationship I told my wife about this prior relationship in the poly triad. I wasn't going to not tell her prior to getting married. My wife didn't approve, and felt I was causing this other woman to cheat, spoiling her marriage, and contributing to the breaking of her vows. The subject of open marriage would occasionally come up in our relationship, both before we were married and after. it was never in the context of "maybe we should consider this" but rather in the context of "I can't believe you did that in the past". I feel as I do then; swinging isn't something I have to have. If she wasn't comfortable with it, it would never happen. I never asked her, never suggested, never intimated that I would like her to do so. We got into this because my wife voiced interest rather out of the blue, shocking the heck out of me. I don't feel the way I handled this was in any way dishonest, and neither does my wife, who values truth and honesty very, very highly.

I think there's a fear some people have that your wife getting to play with a far bigger man will result in her leaving you for the other man. Any woman that I cared to be in a relationship would not be as shallow as that. Sure, my wife enjoys a man with a large cock. But, let's say she found some incredibly well endowed man who could barely fit comfortably in her, who gave her unbelievable sex 10x better than anything I ever gave her, who was able to make her cum over and over again...should I be jealous? I don't think so. Personally, I'd be very happy for her that some guy sent her over the moon that much. She makes an active choice to be with me, to be married to me. It's not a choice she made just on the day we got married; it's a choice she continues to make all the time. She could leave me if she wanted to, but doesn't. We constantly work on our relationship to make sure it stays very close, and very stable...because we both like being in our relationship. We don't to lose that. Some gentleman with an enormous cock who gives her phenomenal sex isn't going to change that. Sex is not the bricks of our relationship; just some of the mortar. If you're insecure about your own cock size (relative here; assuming significantly smaller than theoretical large-cock play partner), you shouldn't be. Your wife chooses to be with you. She's coming home with/to you. If you're worried that once your wife has an enormous cock she will never be satisfied with yours again, be at ease. It is highly unlikely this would ever be the case. Women's vaginas are quite capable of passing a baby and then very much enjoy a normal size cock, so it's not a question of your wife being irreparably stretch out or something. It's also not a question of a huge cock making it impossible for your wife to enjoy a normal size cock. If you're worried about how you might react to seeing her with a man who had a huge cock, I wouldn't worry about it. If you're into swinging for the right reasons, you very likely enjoy your wife getting great pleasure from playing. This is no different; if your wife enjoys it, likely so will you. Of all the men my wife has played with in swinging, just one had a truly enormous cock. A couple were large; 8 inches and reasonably thick, but just one was truly huge. This guy's cock was enormous. Quite long, and very thick. She only got to play with him once, but it was all of an afternoon and early evening, with multiple breaks, and multiple sex sessions. She spent a lot of time with his penis in her. An issue we ran into was that condoms were difficult for him, in that it was hard for him to maintain an erection with a condom. It wasn't a story; we saw this in action. This was one time where we agreed to relax our rule about the use of condoms for someone so new to us. He agreed with not using a condom, and things got better after that. The first time my wife took him inside her without the condom, the sounds she made we absolutely delightful. She was thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying his huge penis inside of her. It took some time for her to adjust to his size, and further still for her to adjust to taking his length, but that was part of the delight for her. He was very gentle with her. Later on he was able to thrust inside of her quite vigorously without worrying about hurting her. For my part, I found it incredible to watch that huge penis thrust in and out of her. I'd never seen such a huge penis, and it was fascinating to watch, even though I'm not bi (well, maybe a slight twinge, but 99% hetero). At the end of it all, my wife was thoroughly spent, and slightly sore. She had a very good time. Years on, I still fantasize about that memory, and even now find myself getting hard thinking about it. I asked my wife recently which play partner has been her favorite over the years. Interestingly, this fellow did not enter into the top three. Her number one was a fellow whom she got to play with for a couple of years who had a cock that was a bit smaller than I am. Sadly, he has a girlfriend now who isn't interested in swinging, or for him to have my wife as a girlfriend as well. He respects that, and so my wife doesn't get to play with him anymore. So, the take away from this is that a huge cock shouldn't have a negative effect on you or your wife. If it does, I'd suggest having some very open conversations with her about it, to discuss your feelings and thoughts and work them out together. If a huge cock causes issues, there some heart to heart talk that needs to happen about swinging in general, and not just about swinging with me who have huge cocks.

I have a former fiance with whom I am still very close. When we were together back in our 20s, we had a good sex life. We weren't two sexed crazed maniacs or anything, but it was good. She enjoyed sex, but it wasn't by any means a focus for her. Some years after we broke up, she and I and another friend of ours were camping together. She said at the time (this was in our 30s) "With sex, I could take it or leave it". Now, 20 years on, she tells me her sex drive is much stronger now, and she enjoys it much more than she did in the past. I don't know if she's multi-orgasmic now though.

Numex, this is exactly the kind of relationship that the O'Neills postulated when they wrote the book "Open Marriage" back in the '80s. You and the other wife have things in common that your spouses don't. If you and she hadn't found each other, your interests would suffer. Instead, your life, and the life of the other spouse are enriched. At the same time, you're not endangering your marriage and will be able to keep that wonderful relationship solid. Congratulations.

In our group all the women do oral. How would I feel if someone didn’t? I don’t know because it hasn’t happened. My husband and I don’t have rules. Oral sex has always been part of any sex I’ve had since having sex.

Can only speak from two examples. The surgical Vulvas looked fine, the giveaway is they don't change much. The Vulva & Labia did not swell or open noticeably. The natural lubrication did not increase or decrease much, nor did the tension of the Vaginal walls change much. The feel of the Kegel muscles around the Vula was the same. Thats just the results of two surgeons, from California and Thailand respectively. Mileage may vary with others.

Mrs Doc has a friend in her 50's back home in Pa who left a long term and bad marriage. She eventually gravitated to her half brother for advice and comfort which led to lots of intimacy and finally a sexual relationship. They may visit during the holidays and yes, Mrs Doc told her friend that we were swingers. She was intrigued. When my wife initially told me about her friend, there was a "yuk" factor for me until I thought it through. I concluded that since neither are children and they are past the procreation stage, why should I care or judge? The "yuk" factor is that I immediately thought of MY sister when I was told of this. She weighs well over 200 lbs and I NEVER want to see her naked!

I do fuck other women and we occasionally have FMF threesomes but it is rare. She clearly prefers 2 guys and the chemistry with 2 or more guys is always better for her. She fucks a lot more guys than I do women. When I first met her I think we were both on the same page sexually but she has surpassed me in becoming more sexually adventurous and kinky. She has a very intense submission fetish which she gets to enjoy with other guys. I think she is also developing an exhibitionist fetish as well. While I enjoy watching her have rough sex with other guys, I have no interest in slapping, spitting, gagging, verbally abusing, choking, etc. her while we have sex. I admit it's hot to see her getting treated that way because I know she and the guys are really enjoying it, but it's one of those things I just don't enjoy doing in my sex life. I do occasionally enjoy having sex in public places with her but even then she is much more of a risk taker than me. She doesn't mind guys taking pics and vids of her and I am 100% not down with people taking pics and vids of me, so I am much more discreet than she is.

Exactly! Lunch quickies (called "Funch") are usually twosomes and on the way home quickies are threesomes.

OK, from reading the posts I’ve determined that there are two major categories of MFM experience. One where both M’s participate, and one where it’s more of a voyeur-type experience with hubby looking on as wifey gets it on with another guy. For myself, the ladder of these two experiences really entices and excites me (and my better half is on board), but as many times as I’ve tried to run through the situation I’ve not been able to picture myself just standing around watching the whole thing transpire. Won’t I feel like a dope just standing there? I’ve read that other people actually get naked and start masturbating, but (to me at least) this seems like it would be extremely uncomfortable, not only for myself, but for wifey and the other M.

As Alura pointed out, you'll be going through a lot of changes in the coming months and years. Your emotions will be all over the place. I sympathize with you. Whenever you feel good about yourself, it will be time to start dating again - and your lifestyle experience will mean very little in that world, even if the woman you are dating is lifestyle friendly. On the other hand, you want sex! If you have some lifestyle contacts from people you've played with, contact them politely. Let hem know you're available if they are interested in MFMs. And you may get invited to house parties and such. Best of luck.

You should marry that woman.

We're not married but my GF frequently spends the night with other men. I get a little uncomfortable (for her own safety) when she spends the night with someone she just met at a bar or something but she is an adult and makes those decisions on her own. When she comes back it sometimes makes for really hot stories and/or pics and videos.

I always wore panties of some sort growing up. I think it was for health reasons, I thought. I later learned it was healthier to not wear. I went through phases growing up, cotton underwear at Target with prints. I switched to Victoria Secrets in HS and dating. I had some sexy underwear and then realized guys don’t care, they just wanted them off. I think I wanted panty lines because it gave me shape and then I wore thongs for no lines. A friend once told me my panty lines were horrible and said she never wore underwear. I stopped wearing and then my mom asked me why there wasn’t underwear in the wash. Now I don’t wear if I am wearing jeans or shorts. I wear if skirt or dress. Bra, yes at work or dressy, no if just going out. Don’t think people notice, I’m an A. My husband wears black boxer briefs all the time. I have suggested commando but he doesn’t like the feeling. Happy he does wear. I still enjoy popping it out. Never gets unexciting to do it and that goes for any guy I’m with. I still enjoy the thrill of undressing a guy... or girlfriend

I wouldn't object to THAT in the least!!!!!!!

I'm a firm believer that the best way to start is to let your wife take the lead and do what she feels comfortable with and is the most fun for her. No arguments, and the payoff is huge.

I don't know if swinger couples are more connected than vanilla but we DO know that we connect waaaaaay better and differently with our swinger friends than we do with vanilla friends. I think that there is a level of intimacy beyond the obvious physical that we don't reach with vanillas. We've had occasions when we've had invitations for the same night from vanilla and from swinger friends. Sex aside, the swinger friends win out every time (unless Mrs Docs VERY vanilla sister and b/f are in town). Swingers are just more fun in social settings!

My wife and I have discussed this a lot and agree - It is different having an intimate, alone sexual encounter with a play partner compared to just fucking with others around. But that's why we play alone - to enjoy that brief time when we can be intimate lovers, not just fuck buddies. It burns bright, hot... and brief. Seems dangerous, both way, but the more we do it, the more we realize that it is actually a safe outlet and strengthens our marriage.

I'll trade you a mule and three chickens for a night with your wife!

As has been said elsewhere, men come to realize that it's better to have a wife who likes a little too much rather than not enough or not at all.

Really? Clair, Lora and I all ramped up after 30 and was the reason we found a boyfriend to share who supplements what we get at home from our two guys. Fifty doesn't look so dreadful anymore!

I couldn't imagine giving up one of my partners in our family anymore than I could imagine having to give up one of my children.

The thing I miss most is curling up with Laura and giggling together about what had happened.

Personally, I like leggings that have a single seam in the crotch rather than the more common ‘modesty’ triangle, and don’t wear panties...guarantees a sensationally sexy cameltoe which is made even better with thin and/or shiny fabric!! If the leggings are slightly short-waisted, even better, as the seam will ride up between your lips providing for even more definition....AND at the same time, rub your juicy bits... ))

Another good reason why you should keep your swinging life and vanilla life separated, go somewhere that swingers hangout and pretty much everybody will be cool with the idea of mfm, due mainly to the honesty of the participants, as in they are happy admitting what turns them on, like you say most of your friends would probably be up for it but probably aren't ready to admit it's a turn on. They probably watch mfm porn all the time.