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There are a lot of different ways to get started swinging, and no one approach is the right one for everyone. As you say though, some form of soft swap is probably the most common. Our first experience was full swap with another couple, and it worked for us

It is called This is Life with Lisa Ling on CNN, Season 6, Episode 7 - Swingers. First Aired: November 10, 2019. A MUST WATCH! Non-judgemental, impartial, non-sensational, look at the lifestyle.

We also watched this particular episode and have to agree with the poster, it was a, "Non-judgmental, impartial, non-sensational, look at the lifestyle". We appreciated how she (Lisa Ling) portrayed the LS, which was vastly different from how other documentaries we have seen have portrayed the LS.

We've been swinging for a long time. For us, and the vast majority of our partners - no, let me rephrase this, ALL of our partners - once we've agreed to head into a room and have fun, that's been all the consent we've ever required. If the couple or single has some requirement, such as no kissing, soft-swap only, or condoms required (that's always been our rule,) it's discussed before clothes start coming off. That way, if a person doesn't agree to it, we can choose not to go into a room and no feelings are hurt. If somebody is doing something to someone that isn't comfortable, someone will say, "Stop," or words to that effect. We stop, we figure out what's happening, then we go back to having fun. Swinging is a sport for adults. If you're not one, mentally, don't swing.

The rules of swinging are whatever you (all) decide them to be... same room, soft swap, full, whatever. In our experience, if jealousy is an issue, there are other underlying problems that should be addressed before continuing. Set your own rules and boundaries and see where it leads.

Pervert? Yes...isn't that why we are here?

Welcome the The Swingers Board! Going into a new sexual situation is a very stressful time. Remember when you lost your virginity? My wife felt similar to you, body willing, but difficult shaking all the years of social standards. She decided to see a therapist. After talking to her a couple times she was ready to jump in with both feet. She was still apprehensive and had a lot of rules, which were shed quite quickly. I remember the talk afterward and she was feeling she had put so much pressure on herself. It's just a stressful situation until you actually do it. Like the first time you walk up to a zip line.

...because you're not ready (yet). In order to be successful in swinging (or a 3some) you need to be in a solid committed relationship. If the relationship is less than granite, then you start worrying about everything else...is she better/prettier/someone he likes more than me? Am I not good enough for him? Etc. Wait until you have a wonderful relationship built around the big three (love/trust/communication) and then see about moving forward.

I don't know why, but it never occurred to me that there would be a website and list of Gloryholes across the world. 50 years ago they sent the first communication over the 'internet', I wonder if they ever thought, hey we could list gloryholes as a public service as well.

Most of the people we see online are middle aged to older! It seems many people start looking into the lifestyle when they are more mature and established in their relationship. You should not have any issue finding people in the same place as you. It is actually way harder to find serious younger people in the lifestyle.

I think there's a fear some people have that your wife getting to play with a far bigger man will result in her leaving you for the other man. Any woman that I cared to be in a relationship would not be as shallow as that. Sure, my wife enjoys a man with a large cock. But, let's say she found some incredibly well endowed man who could barely fit comfortably in her, who gave her unbelievable sex 10x better than anything I ever gave her, who was able to make her cum over and over again...should I be jealous? I don't think so. Personally, I'd be very happy for her that some guy sent her over the moon that much. She makes an active choice to be with me, to be married to me. It's not a choice she made just on the day we got married; it's a choice she continues to make all the time. She could leave me if she wanted to, but doesn't. We constantly work on our relationship to make sure it stays very close, and very stable...because we both like being in our relationship. We don't to lose that. Some gentleman with an enormous cock who gives her phenomenal sex isn't going to change that. Sex is not the bricks of our relationship; just some of the mortar. If you're insecure about your own cock size (relative here; assuming significantly smaller than theoretical large-cock play partner), you shouldn't be. Your wife chooses to be with you. She's coming home with/to you. If you're worried that once your wife has an enormous cock she will never be satisfied with yours again, be at ease. It is highly unlikely this would ever be the case. Women's vaginas are quite capable of passing a baby and then very much enjoy a normal size cock, so it's not a question of your wife being irreparably stretch out or something. It's also not a question of a huge cock making it impossible for your wife to enjoy a normal size cock. If you're worried about how you might react to seeing her with a man who had a huge cock, I wouldn't worry about it. If you're into swinging for the right reasons, you very likely enjoy your wife getting great pleasure from playing. This is no different; if your wife enjoys it, likely so will you. Of all the men my wife has played with in swinging, just one had a truly enormous cock. A couple were large; 8 inches and reasonably thick, but just one was truly huge. This guy's cock was enormous. Quite long, and very thick. She only got to play with him once, but it was all of an afternoon and early evening, with multiple breaks, and multiple sex sessions. She spent a lot of time with his penis in her. An issue we ran into was that condoms were difficult for him, in that it was hard for him to maintain an erection with a condom. It wasn't a story; we saw this in action. This was one time where we agreed to relax our rule about the use of condoms for someone so new to us. He agreed with not using a condom, and things got better after that. The first time my wife took him inside her without the condom, the sounds she made we absolutely delightful. She was thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying his huge penis inside of her. It took some time for her to adjust to his size, and further still for her to adjust to taking his length, but that was part of the delight for her. He was very gentle with her. Later on he was able to thrust inside of her quite vigorously without worrying about hurting her. For my part, I found it incredible to watch that huge penis thrust in and out of her. I'd never seen such a huge penis, and it was fascinating to watch, even though I'm not bi (well, maybe a slight twinge, but 99% hetero). At the end of it all, my wife was thoroughly spent, and slightly sore. She had a very good time. Years on, I still fantasize about that memory, and even now find myself getting hard thinking about it. I asked my wife recently which play partner has been her favorite over the years. Interestingly, this fellow did not enter into the top three. Her number one was a fellow whom she got to play with for a couple of years who had a cock that was a bit smaller than I am. Sadly, he has a girlfriend now who isn't interested in swinging, or for him to have my wife as a girlfriend as well. He respects that, and so my wife doesn't get to play with him anymore. So, the take away from this is that a huge cock shouldn't have a negative effect on you or your wife. If it does, I'd suggest having some very open conversations with her about it, to discuss your feelings and thoughts and work them out together. If a huge cock causes issues, there some heart to heart talk that needs to happen about swinging in general, and not just about swinging with me who have huge cocks.

Some people are just not 'wired' for swinging, others don't have a strong enough relationship. What you CAN do is work on the relationship: love, trust and communication. Make all three better. The worst that can come from that is your relationship improves. Most of the time, a partner will take the suggestion of swinging as 'you're not good enough and I want something more' or 'I'm just looking for your replacement'. When the love/trust/communication is all there, this no longer is the issue. It's a long shot, but at least it is a shot and it can't really hurt anything.

We like our play friends, we trust our play friends. They (different couples) have reported to us contracting HPV, HSV, chlamydia and gonnorhea while swinging. We will continue to play with condoms with the realization that they are not perfect. Even if someone has STD test results, they are moot the day after they play with someone else. Caveat emptor.