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If you are one of the many couples that are only looking for other women to play with don’t hit up wives from couples that clearly say they only play together as a couple! There is nothing special about you that is going to make wives abandon their husband to be with you. You also are going to burn bridges for when you figure out what you are looking for is not easily attainable and you move onto looking for couples to swap with. We will have already blocked you personally.

Thanks, this 8s a spectacular place and it is because of the people here, and we're glad to add you to that list. Others may disagree, but I think you are on target when you speculated that maybe it is better couples don't get into swinging until the close emotional bond of love is solid, and I'll add to that, been tested by the trials by fire that only come with time. We've never done so, and I wouldn't totally rule it out, but we would likely think twice before swinging with a boyfriend/girlfriend type couple. If we did do it, we would go into it knowing it likely wasn't going to feel the same, instead more like sex with a single, just two of them simultaneously in this case. That element of a well-established couple sharing just a bit of what they have, and you sharing a bit of what your relationship has, that element would be missing and we would really miss that I think. Here's some previous discussion that may be worth a read. When does swinging best get brought up in a relationship Do people view girlfriends differently than wives in the lifestyle

We like sexy people. The color of their skin or size of their cock makes zero difference to her on whether someone is attractive or not. People that sell themselves as a BBC will get ignored as much as people that sell themselves as BWC. We will leave the cock obsession for others out there.

Wow, a lot of spectacular insight. To answer one of the points specifically: No, not looking for a ticket into swinging. Instead, I am looking for what I think many of you have: That strong bond and relationship that is enhanced by fun you can have with others. What I am also getting out of this is, unless there are single women who are very public in their desire to swing and swap, i.e. they have it in a dating profile or just bring it up in the first conversation, then it's best to keep it out of the conversation with women who don't. But what I also think I'm reading is that not many of you believed you'd be doing what you're doing when you first got married. Swinging is just something that "came up" in a discussion like moving to a different city or changing jobs after years of being married. And since all of you are still doing it, then I'm thinking that is probably the best way for it to happen. Whereas, the impression you're giving me is if a couple gets into swinging while just dating, then as one of you put it--it's really just two single people going out to have sex with others. I think my choice is that I'm just going to not bring it up with women whose standpoints on swinging I don't know. But also start looking for those women are very upfront about it in profiles online. And I'll just see where things go. Hey, really, I'm just glad I am back in this frame of mind of getting together with women after years of avoiding it.

This is just a note from my tiny section of the swingers universe. First you worry about being "that guy". I am thinking that that pretty much innoculates you against that. You are aware and do not want to go there. That puts you ahead of all the horny post notching married men, and there are more than a few of those. Second not all swinger communities are structured in the same way. Some absolutely shun single men. They have their reasons some good some not so. Our particular group , while mostly married couples, decided a while ago that singles of either gender , if they behaved themselves, would be welcome. We are mostly an older group and these singles are sometimes widowed persons or divorced. We have had our share of couples that formed after meeting at a party. There have even been a few marriages.Being a bit older and knowing what you want sometimes makes thing simpler. If you were to show up at a group like ours , out of 40 people, you would be one of 3-4 single males (at this point 5-7 single females). If you were civil and participated in the social and work activities the ladies would notice. It might take a few parties with little or no action as they vetted you. Even as a married guy I went through that.( My wife not so much. I didn't get jealous of other guys playing with her as I was perturbed a bit by the disparity in our activity levels.) At any rate after a number of parties it was no longer an issue. Even at the first party while I was helping the ladies set up the meal I was getting my ass grabbed and on full on hug and kiss as a thanks. I think you would experience much the same given the right group. On our part we met a gentleman who has become a long term play partner, mostly in threes , but on occasion with just my wife. As to your question of WHEN, I would say if you don't recognize the time, then it has not come. That of course is not an issue if you meet in a swingers environment in the first place. If you do get involved with a vanilla, why not just lay it out there as a fascination of yours while you are still in the discovery stage, not phrasing it as "Do you want to do this with me?" Let it perk in her mind for a while if she does she might just surprise you.

There really isn't an answer to your question, or others would have chimed in already. But I will share my thoughts at this point. Every relationship is unique in many ways. And honestly swinging is a really big step for the majority of people. It is contrary to how they were raised and societal norms. The chances of you meeting someone who is "swinger ready" are pretty much slim to none. So, if swinging is something you really want to do, then you have to be honest about it. In my case, monogamy was something that was never really important to me. It all depends on your motivations. If you want to find a woman that feels the same way, then you will have to look where the environment is already swinger friendly. If she is there, she leans that way to start off with. I saw a profile of a woman on SLS the other day who was specifically looking for a male swinging partner for a LTR. You might try there. You can also visit venues in your area that are swinger friendly. If you are up front in what you are looking for in a relationship, where ever you meet her, you are gonna have a lot of one and done dates, but then again, you might get lucky! Women at your age are past the raising kids stage, they are in their sexual prime, and you just never know. Good luck!

This whole thread made me sick to my stomach. Fetishizing Black people is so yuck.

I think you have the idea, Clearwater Man. I'll offer one more tip that I learned from my late wife: Never ask questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no." Laura used the question, "How do y'all feel about Swinging?" She called it an "essay" question.

I lost Marty about 23 months ago and I am finally feeling like getting back out there, I don't think I want a relationship just yet, but I could be wrong. I recently signed up with swingtowns and Recently I got an email saying someone liked me and wanted to message. Now I don't really expect much form them and I am not the hottest property on the planet and I have been honest in what I am looking for and offering. I click on the link and find it either is private or does not exist. When I pay money I do expect some honesty from the provider. Not false interest

What I fimd most interesting/frustrating is that when it comes to girl-girl, it seems like some people think the normal rules no longer apply and they will do stuff they would never think about doing if it was a couple on couple type of thing.

IOHO, the reason that most couples have been together for so long before they start swinging is because it takes that long to develop the love/trust/communication to be able to be successful in swinging. When you are just starting to date, the bonds are just not there yet so many other couples don't want to take the chance of the potential drama. At the same time, if you are trying to catch fish, start by fishing somewhere where you know the fish already are. Look for unicorns on swingers websites or at the clubs. You want to date a woman who is interested in swinging, find a woman that is already swinging (but NOT already part of a couple). I know the amount of available single swinging women is a VERY SHALLOW pond, but more than a few would probably enjoy having someone to go with (and not end up feeling like chum as the sharks circle). Just a thought...

It is a big step for most people to get to swinging so your friend’s reaction doesn’t surprise me. Perhaps with more discussion she may agree to go and watch, only play with each other. As ncmd said some people do advertise they are looking for a LTR with swinging. I know two singles that met swinging and continued as a couple with no break to establish the new relationship. It’s worked for them. In looking for a woman to swing with are you actually looking for an ongoing relationship or more of a ticket into swinging?

my wife loves black cocks and party with them all the time!

I'll have to be honest and say not really. She is much more health conscious and into dedicated exercise than I am. But, she struggles more than me, I am lucky that for decades I was the type of person who can eat all sorts of stuff I shouldn't and never gained any weight or felt out of shape. That has changed the last several years since the job I have now has my butt parked in a chair 95% of the time. I hate it, since between a long commute (i.e. less time to be active at home doing chores, etc.) and sitting on my ass all day, I do feel out of shape now. I'm hoping things will change in a couple of years though and I'll get back to what is normal for me in terms of a lot of things.

My wife makes me drink and fuck strangers, not necessarily in that order. She IS inspiring!

Well, for one thing, you probably shouldn't open with: "Do you want to go to a swingers club?". People generally need to warm up to new ideas. And this particular new idea generally requires a lot of warming up. Slow your roll if you want her to join you. And, even then, when my wife hears it's a couple thats been dating for xx months - she's pretty much out. So be prepared for that too.

Guilty as charged. I love the exhibitionist part of going topless or nude at the beach. My husband teases me about my nipples getting erect when they know that they are being admired. I insist that it is just the ocean breeze.

New, the rules for soft-swap from couple to couple vary a little; you should be clear on the rules for yourself and the other couple before the foreplay starts. The most typical pattern is anything is allowed, except penetration of the penis in the vagina or rectum; oral is allowed and encouraged. It's not unknown for a man to come in the other woman's mouth, but again it should be stated beforehand that this is okay; or at least a very clear, "I'm coming," so the woman can back away.