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I think it has more to do with not wanting to ruin a great friendship, if the situation is mis-read and the other couple isn't interested in playing with the two of you; it will always be in the back of their mind: "Do they only want to be friends because they're [you] are trying to seduce us?" or worse, "I can't be friends with him because he wants to sleep with my wife." If it -- playing with friends -- happens naturally, organically, then that's awesome and you're very lucky. Given the small percentage of people involved in alternative sexual practices, it is statistically unlikely your friends are open to playing with you. Personally, we value our friendships too much to risk approaching many of them.

Strong and alpha males are secure enough in themselves that they take rejection in stride and move on with confidence. If he merely "feels" rejected he isn't alpha, not even close.

Here is my standard, canned answer to this question: I advise you to take the mojoupgrade.com quiz with your SO. You both answer questions independently about your sexual desires, then the site matches what both of you are interested in. Even if your SO answers that s/he is not interested in group sex, this is a wonderful and non-threatening way to begin the discussion.

Sounds like maybe the lifestyle isn’t for you guys then! If a person can’t handle rejection well then this lifestyle isn’t going to do them any favours, because it will happen regardless of who you are. As far as the Alpha male thing the women are the ones who are in control and call the shots in this lifestyle so if that bothers him then he will be bothered. As far as him not wanting to have to put an effort into picking up other women good luck. It is no different then the vanilla world. You get what you put in.

To be clear, me and my wife have only swung once. It was a full swap with some close friends, but reading some of these posts, it sounds as though most people prefer to swap with strangers. What do most people enjoy and why? Like I said, we have only done it once. And though we both thoroughly enjoyed it and are open to doing it again, we are not to the point where we are making a lifestyle change. But it seems like doing it with strangers would be terrible. I feel the only reason we participated the one time is because it was with trusted friends. Do you do it with strangers because it's a turn on, or because you dont have friends in the lifestyle?

We are very new to the lifestyle. We have had FFM play before so husband decided to try lifestyle. I am up for it. Well we have been to a local small club and only played & had sex with each other. We have gotten a couple of notices from other couples and the girls don't seem to be into my husband (he's being shy which isn't him).So now my husband has decided that he's unsure of the lifestyle. He just said that he didn't want to feel rejected and doesn't know why he can't be himself. He is use to being the Alpha male & doesn't like the idea of having to work at getting people to like him.

My suggestion will take some time to happen but safer. Try several mfm first. Then invite the guys who play well and respectful of your gf into your gb plans or ask them to invite someone they know. Listen to their inputs so they will feel part of the plan. That worked well for us.

Our first experience was great for me and not the best for my wife. We talked a lot about it afterwards and realized what we’d do better next time: signals if we are into or not into the other couple, our limits and what we want. With the goal that next time would be awesome and I’d be really attuned to her enjoyment. Some good advice here. Not being drunk as it was said will help. But communications before during and after is key with her and your partners.

The fact that a news report can run with a balanced perspective suggests that the LS has become more mainstream than fringe. People like th event, people come back to the event, the organizers and the hotel must be doing something right. Echoing Captain Renault in Casablanca, "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!". Except that in Sacramento, no one moved to close the place down.

We jumped right in. We had played a bit with a friend but the real swinging didn’t start until we were at a club for the first time. We had no idea what to expect. We were introduced to a lot of couples and had a blast. A super hot couple invited us to a room and we really didn’t know what to expect. They started making out so we followed. I got bold and dropped to my knees and started sucking my hubbies cock in front of them. I had never had anyone watch before so it was a rush. They watched and her husband took off her top and bra and massaged her tits. She asked if she could help so we both sucked my husbands cock. We laid him on the bed and got him completely naked and focused on him. While I was bent over sucking him, I felt her husbands hands in my waist from behind. He caressed my ass and slid his hand up my skirt wear he found my wet pussy - i had lost my panties earlier! We continued giving my husband oral and I felt him positioning me to receive him. I leaned forward like a bitch in heat and he slid his cock inside me. The adrenaline was incredible. As he started on me. She got on top of my husband and guided his cock inside her as she faced me. We kissed and I went down on her while she rode him and just like that - it was full swap time. Didn’t really plan it or expect it - it just happened. Still one if our best experiences.

The LS does many things. Among them, it lays bare the relationship of the couple entering the LS. Admitting vulnerability is hard; embracing vulnerability is harder still. One cannot be afraid to put one's best foot forward and still come up short--that's the rule (not the exception) in the LS. Only after one acknowledges the fears of rejection, fears of inadequacy, and the ultimate fear of abandonment can one begin to feel comfortable in the LS. That's a very high bar, and explains why the LS is not for everyone.

Our first was at a club. I wasn’t comfortable meeting up with total strangers in a hotel. It was actually very organic. My husband took me to a room with a sex swing and we left the door open. One we got going, we had a small group watching us. One at a time, my husband invited guys to come in. Once four guys were in the room, I asked them to take me. I actually asked them if they would jerk off a bit for me while my husband warmed me up. Then, they took turns with me. The swing was a perfect touch. Now that we have made a lot of friends, it’s pretty easy to put together a familiar group.

In a display of first world problems, while on a week long trip making the rounds to visit family Mrs cplnuswing and I recently whispered some bedtime moaning and groaning that we missed sleeping in our king-sized bed. Thinking back on our swinging escapades, I can't really remember ever having foursome sex on something smaller than a king bed (swingers clubs excluded since the playroom floor or benches doen't really count as a bed). Some of that may be that since the beginning, separate room play was always something we were open to, so often it was only two people at a time needing room to romp around. When it has been a foursome, it's been on a king. But, just because we haven't doesn't mean we wouldn't give it our best try, I'm sure we could figure it out

Oh, goodness. When you read these comments you might determine that swingers are as diverse as the population in general.

We like to be with one or two couples at a time. We find things more comfortable that way. Not looking for a lot of notches on our bed posts.

This has been our experience too. We haven't totally eliminated either approach in favor of the other for the future, but there is a lot to be said for having this type of comfort and connection with another couple...it just allows you to go to different places and take things to a whole another level.

If my wife is ok with romantic, so am I, it's a turn on for me and nothing wrong with caring. Early on my wife was a little disturbed/curious about all the texts and emails between me and another wife. She read them and said, somewhat disappointedly, "These are all about the museums and the theater." (My wife is happy when I don't drag her to those places.) Swinging for us and our partner couples isn't solely about "same kind of sex, different person," it is doing things that we don't do (sexual or otherwise) with one another for whatever reason.

We have encountered men, rarely though, who are a little too romantic, clingy, attached to my wife. Limiting it to three and out keeps this to a minimum.

We found keeping it to 3 or 4 meetings and then moving on. More than that and guys were telling my wife how much better off she'd be with him.

There are two schools of thought on this...there is the FWB camp and the NRE camp. Neither is right or wrong, just different. We are in the FWB camp. We want to get to know another couple and have a connection before we proceed. Others just want to be with a new couple a few times and then move on to the next couple. Different strokes for different folks, pick whichever is right for you and have fun!

We have a great core of friends we play with. Any new people we meet are friends of friends and at time that circle widens a few degrees. At first I was hesitant to approach new people. Don’t know why I became shy. My wife and her friend were less shy and always welcomed a new face. I am now finding why, it’s exciting. I still have a feeling of nerves approaching and then once accepted there is such an excitement. I don’t want to give up the comfort of people we know and have now learned to relax and explore new experiences.

We agree with Fitlake (a fairly unusual occurrence!). We do enjoy meeting and playing with new couples but became VERY comfortable with one couple in particular. The excitement of a new couple was replaced by a comfort level that we have never achieved before while swinging. We too became way more adventurous, to the point where Mrs Doc was more than willing to play in separate rooms or even separate houses. Something that would have never happened on a 1st or follow-up meeting. Funny that just when we had given up on finding that kind of couple…..we DID. Its been really nice.

We disagree. The more time we spend with our 'go to' couple friends, the more comfortable it becomes. We are more adventurous because trust has been established. We better understand each other's wishes and wants. More than a few fantasies have been checked off that were never going to happen on the first or second date/session. Seeing them again next week. Can't wait.

There are plenty of things that people like/want to do - only after getting a “buzz”. Think karaoke. There certainly are things Hey-Baby likes and wants to do - after getting a “buzz”. It’s never karaoke. To each his own.

Not hard at all but a lot of fun! My GF and I have a good sex life but it's fairly normal. Neither of us were ever very adventurous actually. She would never do anal, swallow cum, let me cum on her face, etc. but that all changed when she started fucking other guys. She discovered that she really enjoys men taking control and doing what they want to her. Personally I am not into the rough stuff like choking, slapping, spitting, facefucking, hair pulling, verbal degradation etc. but it turns out my GF really enjoys it. And while I am uncomfortable inflicting that kind of pain on my GF when we have sex it is actually very hot to see other men do it to her. Do I enjoy slapping my GF across the face, call her a whore, and then shoving my dick down her throat forcing her to gag all over it? No. But do I enjoy watching my friend do it to her? Yes. And believe it or not she loves it too.

Unless we are in a hotel, a Queen size bed is pretty much the norm for us. It's what we have at home and whenever we are at our friends it's usually a Queen size air bed. Plenty of room for side by side sex, regardless of who wants to be on top.