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That's how we view it as well - both before we had sex and still now - it is "dating." The thrill of the hunt, the question of whether they're interested, the excitement of a quick tryst alone. And the most taboo for swingers: going out alone with another's spouse for something other than sex.

If you are asking how your wife being a little bit of an exhibitionist can be turned into you having sex with another woman I don’t have any answers for you. If she is an exhibitionist you would probably have an easier time talking her into being with others then you being with others. Also someone showing off a bit for others is a whole lot different then someone having full sex with others. Not even in the same ball park. If the whole purpose of you being okay with her being an exhibitionist is for you to get some strange I am thinking you might just end up disappointed. If you want to have sex with others then you should be talking about the two of you swapping with other couples. At least then you would be on equal terms. Not to mention finding women to play with you alone isn’t going to be an easy task.

You sure know how to throw a party!

There is no mystery here -- swinging is a female-centric activity. Being a straight male, I think men are disgusting creatures and I thank god each and everyday that he made beautiful women who are sexually attracted to us animal-like monsters. So yeah, it's unappealing to see men have sex with each other. I have plenty of gay-male friends and family members and I have said to them what I said above and it was perfectly understood and accepted as my choice and opinion. I am supportive and pro-gay in every way possible except for personally/sexually. So no, IMO, gay sex between men has no place in a standard swingers environment. But I have seen advertised gatherings that cater to that type of activity, it's out there if you want it, however, you won't see me there. This ain't brain surgery]

Shortly after my wife and I started exploring swinging, a man said to me - "If I can watch my wife suck another man's dick, I can talk to her about anything." As we were both watching her do just that, I believed him. It has been my experience that, in order for a couple to be successful swingers, you need to be able to speak, openly and honestly, about anything. You need to trust her and she needs to trust you, completely. So, that is my suggestion, even more to you in your society than to another... show her she can trust completely. Show her you trust her completely. Show her that you can talk to her about anything... your fears, your concerns, your deepest most hidden desires. Show her that she can share the same with you... without fear of judgement or punishment. Trust each other completely. Communicate openly and honestly. Then, you can begin to explore swinging.

No, I did not miss that. But "But we decided to (..) forget about it" was precisely why I think it only looks fine now. Great that the last night was awesome but there is still so much under the carpet, or so it seems. TheRedHalf still has good advice.

She (probably? It sounds like you don't know for certain yourself) cheated on you during your marriage and sounds like she doesn't want to admit it. If she denies that anything 'happened' then there's nothing for you to forgive her for which is why she got angry. It sounds like you both have some serious problems with trust that need to be addressed...she's broken your trust at least twice. Until this can be repaired, you have no reason to be swinging (our original short answer). We wish you the best, but the two of you need to work on the trust and honesty in your relationship before you do anything more.