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Our first experience at a club was last month at Trapeze in FLA. Safe to say that we were both very nervous not having been to anything like that before or experienced any Lifestyle events. We had a great dinner before hand with a couple of drinks and said that while they idea of going would be fun, and prepping for it was amazing (with her picking out an outfit and getting her self ready mentally) maybe it would be too much for us. After dinner, she surprised me and said, why don't we drive by and at least see what the place looks like from the outside. Who was I to argue. Making the short drive up we made nervous small talk and pulled up front seeing the valets parking cars and people waiting to head into the door. People of all shapes and sizes, but very sexy dressed and clearly looking to have fun. We drove around the block a few times doing the should we or should we not go in routine. Eventually, my girl made the decision to head home and say that this was a good first step. I totally understood, and to a certain extent had a breath of relief as I was super nervous to, but tried to play it off as nothing. We drove about 10 minutes in silence before looked at me and told me to turn the car around. She said that she would regret chickening out, and at worst, we can go in, walk around for a bit, and leave. No harm done. My jaw hit the floor and I quickly pulled a u-turn. She hopped in the back seat of the car and started to pull on the outfit that she picked out the week before. She looked smoking hot. My eyes bulged out of my head looking through the rearview. Pulling up to the valet was the point of no return. A couple of cars pulled in behind us and it was time to leave the safety of the car. We got out of the car and headed to the line. She went with confidence that I never expected and it seemed like the nerves were through. She told me afterwards that leaving the car and walking in was the hardest part. Not being in the club, dancing, going to the playroom, but simply walking in the door. We awkwardly do the whole new member check-in, but are comforted by the fact that others are doing the same. We went on couples night to avoid the single guys as we had read that they can sometimes make it a little more intense for newbies. After check-in, we head to the bar area and realize that with our nervousness, we forgot our drinks in the car....(real pros here!). We ask for a couple of waters so we don't seem like fish out of water and head to the area around the dance floor. Its our first time experiencing anything like this and it took us a bit to take it all in. People were having a great time. Lots of range in age. But I would think that most were mid-30's to early 50's which put us (both in late 30's) at ease. There were older and there were younger but I would say most fit in that range. If anyone is torn-up by what to wear to one of these clubs, don't be. The guys were all pretty standard, dress pants and a shirt, while the girls ranged from trying out for the AVN hosting awards, to looking like they just came from work at an office. I would definitely say that most were on the less is more vain, but no one looked out of place and it seemed like a pretty accepting and inviting group. Lots of couples dancing and at about 11:00, the place was absolutely packed. We both looked wide-eyed at each other and commented a number of times that we were amazed at how many people are into this and that they all seem pretty normal. There were a few folks on the older side who were going at it pretty good which was a bit weird given that the playroom was like 10 feet away, but hey, whatever floats there boat. We danced a bit, kissed a ton and my hand moved her dress over her ass. Super big turn on for both of us being so inhibited in public like that. I would say we were very much into each other, maybe in hindsight a bit too much, because we didn't really get approached by anyone at that time despite the fact that we would both be described as being very fit and her very attractive. Despite not thinking about it too much, we ended up at the side of the dance floor where the entrance to the playroom is. We saw the people coming in and going out. Towels in hand. Our eyes both pop out as a very attractive girl comes out of the play area with no towel on and wades through the crowd naked to the bar to retrieve her bottle....We joked to each other that it must be fun in there as we keep an eye on the door opening and closing. After a few more deep kisses we agree that there's no harm in going in and checking it out. The same as there was no harm in coming in in the first place. We got the locker room, change out of our close in a way to small room with a bunch of others head over to the door. As we walk in we hear the moans of someone obviously having great sex and a ton of people walking around in just towels. We wander through the crowd to the open play areas, turn the corner and get smacked in the face by a full on orgy. Keep in mind that we're completely new to this, so it takes a moment to sink in that its okay to look. It was obviously a turn on for both me and Mrs. to see the group of people enjoying themselves. There's no room to sit and just joining in would be going a little too quick for us, so we stand and start playing, the towels coming off. The Mrs. left a g-string on just to get her mind over being naked in a group and I have to say it was very sexy as basically everyone else was walking around in a towel. It was super hot to see my beautiful girl confident wearing just that. We played a bit, watched a bit, kept mostly to ourselves other than a brief welcomed interruption by a woman wanting to touch a bit. We eventually found a spot and hand mind blowing sex with people watching and walking by. Definitely a high-light. After a couple of more laps in the private area we decided that it was a bit of overload and it was time to call it a night. Overall it totally exceeded our expectations. The people were nice, the facility clean. There was no pressure to do anything and it was just about having a good time and being into your version of fun. Not drinking was actually a great think as it allowed us to be a bit more clearheaded and even though I was bone sober, there was a fog after with sensory overload. It took us a few days to get over the fog and actually have an intelligent conversation about it. We both agree that it was a great experience and that we were happy at how far it went (and didn't go). She was very much into the idea of going again and has mentioned a few times since that now that we've gotten the first experience out the way, shes looking forward to visiting a club like that or a party without the first time nerves. Just a few thoughts if anyone is looking at doing something like this for the first time too. a. Its okay to be nervous b. Only do what you both really want to do, there shouldn't be any pressure by either hubby or wife. Let it happen organically. c. There's always tomorrow if you have second thoughts and don't go through with it. d. Get a spot early in the playroom as it fills up fast. e. Don't forget your booze in the car! XX00 LC

So far, our record is three. She didn't consider herself at her limit.

My wife has had more than three on many a night. Other things cause a limit: If one guy is very rough, if more than enough alcohol is consumed, etc,

Mike, it is likely that your friends are looking for a rematch. The tequila is your sign. As I suggested on an earlier thread, you may want to consider separate room play. Sometimes, especially with inexperienced couples, swinging provokes a sensual overload. I'll bet your erection has seldom if ever failed you in a 1 on 1 situation. I would take it easy on the booze, not saying don't drink but a wise man tends not to make the same mistake twice. If you plan on using the viagra, take it on an empty stomach, not right after a meal and take it an hour or so before playtime.

And whatever you do, come back on Sunday and tell us the rest of the story!!

We're same as EastInWest; my wife has had three men in one night, and didn't feel at her limit. She thoroughly enjoyed it, and probably could have gone for hours more. She hasn't done more than that.

He can do both ... IF he does ‘em in the correct order! ;-D

First and foremost, thanks for reaching out to this community. You will find that it is the only LS community devoted to objective, non-judgmental conversation. about the LS. Jitters are normal. They are even more normal among introverts who are often uncomfortable even in vanilla social settings. When "my partner is dragging me into a social situation" is "amped" up to "my partner is dragging me into a potentially sexual situation", palms become sweaty, stomachs start to churn and so on. By all means, follow the advice above and have a preset exit strategy: that will give you confidence of a sort. You should not hesitate to use that strategy. However--and this may be difficult to wrap your head around--you might find that LS people are much easier to interact with. Many/most introverts/shy people feel uncomfortable around others because of childhood experiences. They were bullied, verbally or physically abused, ridiculed, excluded from cliques, whatever. Those experiences made it easier to retreat, and difficult to trust. Their marriage is a protected space, and they rely on their partner to 'run interference'--even at innocuous gatherings such as cocktail parties (and we have seen the behavior at PTA meetings as well). The interesting thing about LS people is that every one of us--and every one of our partners--has had to deal with the idea--and the reality --of vulnerability. Every one of us knows what it is like to be 'out there', thinking 'I might not be at all attracted to...." or, worse, "I might not be at all attractive to...", and worst of all, "s/he might see me for who I really am". As a consequence, LS people are among the most caring and supportive people we know. They do not judge. They do not criticize, they respect the idea of "no thank you, I'm not up for that". Intimate LS people refer to each other as "playmates". The emphasis in the compound word is on the fragment "play" over "mate". We invite you to go back in your memory to a time before you were wounded, when play--dressing up, imagining yourself as an ideal, splashing in a pool and having harmless fun left you feeling good about yourself and about the world, pleasantly fatigued, ready to rest, and looking forward to tomorrow. The LS is all about that--license for fantasy, intention for fun, even while setting some boundaries. For many--even most---adults, having fun with other people is something that is idealized on a screen and rarely experienced in day-to-day life. Sometimes its lack of time. More often, it's the vulnerability issue. You might find--as so many have--that simply being around LS people makes it easier to cast aside the vulnerability and enjoy others' company. It would be wrong to suggest that the LS is all "orgasms and roses". There are highs and lows, great dates and bad dates. It is nevertheless a journey with intent to share some pleasure and even find some joy in everyone around you smiling and laughing and playing. Give yourself an exit strategy. But don't deny yourself an entrance strategy. Let us know how it goes.

There was a book I read, "Speaker for the Dead" which had something I really liked as a kid and still do now. The "Speaker for the Dead" would basically do an investigation of the life of someone who died and then tell their whole story at the memorial. The good the bad the shocking. I wouldn't mind my swinging activities coming out after my death, but obviously I wouldn't want my wife to have to field those stares from the uninitiated either, so I'd have to go second