Leaderboard

"Do swinger couples love each other more?" Trying to think about it objectively, that's a hard question to answer. Even if there is some way to measure and the answer is "Yes," how does one know which is the cause and which is the effect? I.e., perhaps those willing to let their spouse engage in sexual activity with another person are more loving in the first place, not that swinging brings ordinary people closer. In my own mind, I would love each of my partners the same if I suddenly found myself in a monogamous relationship with him/her. The only real change is having found that I can love a woman equally as I could a man, and after sharing child birth and caring for children together with Clair and Lora, even more.

Not looking for advice or anything, but if anyone cares to comment, including criticism that this wasn't a good idea, feel free to do so. (Warning: nothing really happens.) Our background is that my wife and I started in the lifestyle by talking about the sex that we had with our exes, what and who we liked. It turned us both on and didn't bother either of us when the other spoke of good sex we had in the past. My wife had more partners than me, although as she pointed out, because I was previously married I had much more and frequent sex (with my ex-wife) than she did. Although we now only play within a closed group of married couples, we started with her getting together (separately) for dinner, then at later times, sex with two of her old boyfriends. They already knew that I (her husband) already knew about their getting together, and she subsequently insisted that they meet me and later have MFMs with us. OK, so, last fall my wife encountered another one of her ex-lovers, Tim, in a professional setting near our city. She told me about seeing him and exchanging short hellos. We had previously talked about their relationship, and I suggested that if possible, she should invite him to dinner to catch up and meet me, her husband. It sounded good to her, so she did, he accepted, and we got together at a nice place. Most of Daniela's lovers were a little older than her, but Tim is a couple of years younger; a fit, good looking guy, I could understand the attraction. He seemed a bit cautious and reserved at the introduction, which I could understand meeting an ex-lover's, fuck buddy's, or whatever's husband. The situation between them was that although Daniela was single at the time, Tim was and is married. (The one thing that I made my wife agree to when we started all this with those two exes, was going forward no more married men, which in her past, she preferred.) In our prior long discussions of her ex-sexual partners, she said that Tim was not the most adventuresome or best in bed, but treated her well. The thing that kept her interested, however, was his eventual willingness to talk about his wife, not in a complaining way, but in a positive manner. You see, one of the attractions Daniela has to married men is that they already have a wife and she was the "piece on the side." She said that before she had sex with one of them, she would literally be sniffing around for the wife's scent. Most men didn't like to talk about the wife they are cheating on, but Tim did and said it made not only the sex life with his wife better for both of them, but also improved their relationship in general. Daniela had met Jessica several times, liked her, and she and Tim were both in her fan club. It wasn't our intention in asking him to dinner to put Tim on the spot or embarrass him, and definitely not there to arrange any hook up. But as he became more comfortable, Daniela brought up places that they had gone (she sometimes accompanied him on business trips when he went to nice places) and things they did. When she mentioned that the San Diego trip was fun, I said, "You told me that the view of the bay was nice," knowing that was what she said was her most memorable sex with him - they had fucked like mad and then she sat on the balcony naked watching the sun set while he ate her to another orgasm. There was never any discussion of sex per se, but I think at that point he knew that I knew just about everything and the conversation became more comfortable. I then asked about his wife, her career and her marathon races, and he spoke about her with some pride. We parted, went home and after putting our daughter to bed, Daniela and I fucked like crazy. About a week later Tim called Daniela, thanked her for the dinner, pleasure of meeting me, and made an aside that, as it was before, being with her had had a positive effect on the relationship he and his wife have.

I can't say that all or most of the people we've met in the lifestyle have the strongest marriages. Perhaps it's because we haven't gotten to know many really well yet. But we do hear from our vanilla friends that they think Tammy and I have a really great marriage. Not just now and then....but we hear it quite often. Dunno.....could be they notice how we act a little wild and show our affection for one another more than they're use to seeing

I totally agree. Successful lifestyle couples have relationships that others can't relate to because they're connected in ways that "vertical folks" have come to cynically believe are a myth. Fairy tales about happily-ever-after-true-love and down and dirty hot sex with virtual strangers make strange bedfellows, no? The happily-ever-after part is hard enough to believe on its own without adding non-monogamy to it. "Cannot compute." [sparks shooting out of ears].