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There is really only one pathway to learn her true thoughts and feelings and desires, and that's through her. The trying to "arrange the pieces" approach to lead a spouse into swinging never works, at least long term. Finding some guy to be a piece in that scheme by flirting with her isn't going to get you any further along,, and in fact sets you back even though you may not realize it at the time. Why? Because it wasn't something you did together, it was something you arranged. Swinging just doesn't work any other way than together. I would recommend that instead you put your energy into truly talking with her, putting your viewpoint aside long enough to see hers, and all of the other things that go into open and honest communication that is two way. That should be your first goal, getting that going. Does it guarantee swinging? Nope. It will pay dividends though in an improved relationship, and that's really what is important.

I do wonder if he is using you as a partner/wing woman in order to find more opportunities for himself. I think my assumption is that single men have a harder time of finding couples/women to play with than do couples. This could just be a way for him to be more readily accepted. As for the MFM he tried to set up. that has to be 100% agreed upon by all 3 participants and if you don't want that at all or even just not with a particular gentleman, then remember, NO means NO.

Adamgunn, totally agree. Desires change. And sometime you just can't live the fantasy alone or between a couple. The wife isn't interested in 'fake' cock, dildos etc. She likes the real thing, flesh and blood. We also pursue bi-male activities which can be simulated with a strap on but it's just not the same, again real flesh and blood, and doesn't ,for example, provide the opportunity for perspective on the wifes' part. ie Sitting back and watching. Sometimes you just gotta have another person the help.

Not only more play, but more satisfying play. It seems to me most experienced couples are in this to assuage urges that can't or won't be scratched by play within their marriage. Sure, you can role play and talk about fantasies or past experiences all you want, and that will lead to great sex, but if you want to see what your wife would do with a big dick, even a large dildo won't give her the whole experience. (That's just one example, I'll leave others to the student.) We all have different desires, and those desires can change from year to year, even day to day. Flexible non-monogamy allows us to satisfy those desires, sometimes.

My wife is the same way. She can get off on any dick. She thinks that when a couple is fucking it is unfair to the guy for him to bear the responsibility to get her off and himself.

The answer to all those questions is No, Tim was cheating on his wife, although it's always possible he could have been lying to Daniela and it was some sort of game Tim and his wife played, or his wife was cheating on him as well and he didn't know it. Daniela liked being the "other woman" to married men. She's had a successful career and they had families, so it wasn't for pecuniary reasons. Although I let my wife play before I did and only started playing myself when she wanted me to, my one rule was no married men or women who are cheating. In retrospect, even if Daniela and I weren't swinging, I think getting to meet one of her ex-lovers over dinner was... interesting.

Quite often, I see comments here that seem to indicate you need to choose a path through the LifeStyle: foursome swaps -OR- wife only (hotwifing) -OR- open marriage. My wife and I started with foursomes, but quickly moved into a combination of the three, whatever was available and interesting at the moment. Choices don't have to be made.

Please expound upon the two brides who were not your wives. How did you arrange such encounters? Usually the stories I hear are of the "last fling before the ring" type, before the "forsaking all others" vow is made, not afterwards. Any participation by the new husband? Bridesmaids and best man?

May I recommend that you go outside at least once a day to run or cycle or walk or push a stroller. We all pretty much do it twice a day, once alone and once taking turns with some of the children. It really helps.

Brides were serial, not simultaneous. ☺️ First one was ten years, second one seven years and most recent one 30 years and counting. ? I’m optimistic that with this one “Till death do us part” will be literal and not simply notional. None of my three spouses had sex with anyone else on our wedding nights, but then again we didn’t attend swinger parties in the evening of our nuptials. My first wife did have (non-penetrative) sex with the then husband of my current spouse while I was in the same room playing with my current wife. But that was a one-off event, more than 40 years ago and there was no follow-up with current wife for about a dozen years (during which I had a whole second marriage, the wedding for which my current wife attended. Is this sufficiently complicated?) My first marriage was casually but consensually non-monogamous. We talked about swinging, but in those days there wasn’t the current social infrastructure to facilitate it. We both thought it might be fun, but our lives were quite busy (she was a medical student) and we weren’t sufficiently committed to the notion to follow through. Early on in our relationship my second wife hinted at interest in swinging, but at that point I didn’t have much interest. My current wife identifies as bi, but isn’t interested in casual sex and doesn’t believe she could manage a polyamorous lifestyle. (“If I fall in love with someone else and start having sex with them, it’s going to be bad news for you.” Okay, got it!) Thankfully, she is a generous and non-jealous soul and okay with me pursuing my variety of sexual interests, as long as the relationships remain casual. And as long as I always keep her fully informed. Which I do. So, no, none of my wives had sex with anyone else on our respective wedding nights. But I will note that watching my first wife with current wife’s then husband remains one of the most compelling sexual experiences of my life. My wife is well aware that I would be more than eager to bring a third of either gender — or a couple — into our bed. I most often play with couples, mostly committed ones. I see how avidly the men tend to watch while their women and I engage, and I am just a little jealous. I would love to watch my own wife in that same situation. And she knows if she ever changes her mind I will do whatever I can to facilitate. Even if she wants the privacy of a one-on-one.

I started with a new boyfriend, who became my husband, all the while still seeing my ex-fiance Red with the knowledge of both. I introduced them early on and it was remarkably comfortable for all three of us. We started doing things together, so it became inevitable that I had sex with one while the other was around. Eventually, we would have an occasional threesome, and ultimately all move in together. But you need to be very aware of their sensitivities. The dynamic was/is such that hubby much prefers boyfriend go first because he gets excited and enjoys watching me have sex with Red pre-orgasm (not as much afterwards), then getting sloppy seconds. OTOH, Red likes me "fresh," doesn't get particularly excited watching me with hubby, and so typically leaves the room after we've finished and hubby is starting with me. There are other things too, like I've never had anal with hubby, but do with Red; who goes where when they're both in me at the same time, etc. If you find what each likes and all accommodate each other, it will be fine. (Now with our poly family, there are many other preferences on how we relate (including, but not just sexually) among the two guys, Clair, Lora, and me.)