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For us, its kindness and class. Attractiveness is relative, both of us have our "types". Its nice when we meet a couple where both match our types. But if one is and one isn't we look beyond, to see how they treat one another. Is he loving and respectful towards his wife even while wanting to get mine naked? Is she an equal partner in their swinging life? Could we, without embarrassment, introduce them to our bosses or vanilla friends while in a public place? Good looks and personality do figure in for us but classy, kind hearted people can cause us to overlook a few extra lbs or even a toupee (although god help the rug if my dog gets it!!)

Anything that makes me think I am having to refer to HR's Employee Handbook is a turn-off. I can see some aspects of the cuckold/hotwife and BDSM scenes being interesting and understand why some are drawn to them, but sometimes it seems like in those scenes the minutiae takes on more importance than the act itself. To each their own though, I guess if you are really into it, even the minutiae can be fun.

About 20 years ago, my best friend asked me if my wife and me would be interested in swapping with his wife and him. They had a pool and we had skinny dipped with them but nothing more. Our wives were out at lunch at time and we talked about it for a while. I was interested, but I told him my wife definitely would not be. We had been to Hedo and played together in public, but not with any one else and my wife said she thought swinging was disgusting. So I didn't bring it up with my wife. In the meantime over the years my wife and I have been to Desire several times, and on the last trip to Desire we met a couple we spent quite a bit of time with. They said they weren't swingers, and we told them we weren't either. They lived only a couple hours from us and we've met several times for lunch or dinner. There was no discussion of swapping. We decided a couple weeks ago that we would all go to Desire together this fall. Yesterday, I asked my wife what she would do if he got touchy with her at Desire. I know he has a thing for her and his wife and I flirt a lot, but nothing physical. She said she wouldn't get mad at him or anything, and then said she wouldn't mind it. So I asked her if she wouldn't mind or whether she would actualy like for him to touch her. I could have fallen on the floor when she said she would like it. So for the first time ever we talked openly about swinging. I asked her how far she would go with him and she said she didn't know, that it would all depend on the situation. She asked me how I felt about his wife and I told her that I would like to have sex with her, but wouldn't do it unless she had sex with him. She said that was possible, but she would really have to be in the mood, the timing would have to be right, and she would probably need a few drinks to loosen up. I told her about the conversation with our friend twenty years before (he sadly passed away at an early age a few years ago), and she said she wished I had told her about it, and that if the circumstances were right, she probably would have done it. All I've been able to think about since is twenty wasted years. I had been afraid to ask her. Back then we didn't communicate about sex very much. I don't know what will happen at Desire, but I suspect its going to be fun.

We discussed for 2 years about going to Hedonism before we did our first trip in 2004 for our 25th wedding anniversary. We didn't swing on our first trip. We spent our time being naked and having sex in public. Our second trip was in 2007 - again we spent time being naked and having public sex. We had our 3rd visit in 2009 - had some soft petting - only me. My husband does not swing. He enjoys me getting all the attention. When discussed about me having MFM for 18 months before we went back in 2010 for me having sex with others. It happened and the same arrangement continues. He says I seek variety in everything, so what is sacrosanct about sex with only one person. Different food - for taste, different smell, different music, different sights - then why should sex be boring and repeated with one person.

That's your decision of course, and I respect it. But I'm here to tell you that not all guys in that situation are cheaters- for example, I'm not a cheater! The Mrs and I play together sometimes, and we allow each other to play separately sometimes, too. As it happens, my wife's appetite is not as high as mine these days, so I'm nearly always the one playing solo when we're not playing together. We take care to assure anyone who I contact solo that the Mrs. is onboard with my solo play, and is available to talk, write, or to join in a first get-together, in order to reassure people that she is cool with the situation. We feel that we are doing everything we can to prove that this is not a cheating situation. But I admit that sometimes even this completely transparent offer to provide any kind of assurance that's needed is not enough.