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We have set up social first time meets and been stood up and ghosted a couple times. Really makes you step back and reevaluate yourselves. The hardest example was a couple that introduced us into the world of bisexual play. We dated them for a number of months and enjoyed our playtime. Suddenly they seemed to move on. It would have been nice to have an email or text reply so we could at least have closure. Finally after 6 months they replied that they are just going into a vanilla relationship. True or not? At least we can now move on also.

njbm, We agree about trying not to take it personally. There are billions of people, thousands of whom we meet over a lifetime, a small fraction of whom ever become friends of any sort, so why take it personally at all? Well face it we didn't just meet at a business meeting or bowling, with no expectation of anything more. Even those we do meet vanilla on a very casual basis would most likely respond to communication with at least rudimentary civility. So why not the same standard for lifestyle acquaintances? The whole concept of ghosting any but the most annoying of people with pronounced stalker vibes seems to me less than civil. It is down right rude. Maybe ghosting comes to pass because those who do it lack the honesty and courage to simply say that they do not feel the chemistry necessary to proceed. Saying that need not be mean or hurtful. How many people has any adult dated before finding their spouse? Deciding it was a "no go" is just life. That life for most of us has been filled with first dates that had no sequel. We do not expect anything longer lasting on an intimate level than a time or two. We have been pleasantly surprised to be welcomed into people's real lives on occasion. No matter how that plays out I can not envision ever just blocking anyone out of our lives, for anything other than a serious breach

We like to play with couples who appear to be in love and respectful of each other. We have met many such couples in the LS. They want their spouse to have fun (compersion). Therefore, all four of us are having fun. People who rush sex, push for people to do things they don’t want to do—we don’t want the drama. Evaluating if the other couple will be a good match is a part of the search. And it’s not easy. Some couples with whom we thought we had a good time were never to be heard from again.

We have a HARD 'no' rule. If either of us say no to another couple, then it's no for both of us regardless to how the other feels. If she isn't into the other guy, then you are just wasting your time and making her do something she isn't interested in...not a good plan. Finding a 4 way match is HARD. Trying to force something that isn't working to work is not going to make it work any better the second time, but IS a common mistake that most couples starting out make. Walk away and keep looking. Nobody said finding another couple would be easy, no matter how hard it is to find ANY couples. It just means you need to look harder...and ALWAYS listen to what your wife says. You don't want her to feel like she isn't being heard and stop communicating. Good luck, but in this case, listen to your wife.

I tried it before just to experience how it feels. After the experience, just like Couplers, I felt empowered that I was able to try what others would just love to fantasize about. The experience was great from an hedonistic point of view - that is when I turned-off all logical and moral filters for a brief moment in time. Afterwards aside from being worn out and dead tired, there was guilt (I'm not saying it was absolutely wrong because everything was consensual) but it was like all the philosophers I read about were debating with me inside my head on the nature of being human, of pleasure, or of the purpose of human sexuality. Then there was a bit of worry if I caught some bugs from my partners during the process I call it a "mini-gb" and wrote about it at some prior post. I feel 3 guys all at one time are just enough for my experiment as it is difficult to organize a larger group that I would consider 'safe' for my psyche. Small group but not dull at all. It was somewhat similar to the experience of "willyoats" in a prior post from this thread: It was my last gb but later on I tried to beat my own record to have tried 4 partners on a date, separately but successively in one day. At least it is at par with Coupler's record, though not all at the same time.