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We agree with this 100 percent! In ten years of the lifestyle we have never meet anyone from online without exchanging face pics first and never will. We do feel however if they are going to be the ones to contact us first they can be the ones to send face pics first. Just like we do.

No way we are setting up a meeting without face pictures. We want to see who we are talking with and if they feel we are indiscreet because of that - so be it.

I have a really hard time understanding why people can't ride this out with their significant other. I agree, if you must go out, take a walk or ride your bike, you'd be surprised how good it feels. It is a well known fact that a group of "regular" swingers in our area are continuing to have parties. We've been invited and found it shocking that this group can't handle a lilttle down time. We were told we are pussies because we declined the invitation. I can live with that.

I have had this happen more than once (with different men). I am very vocal about not playing without a condom but some men think it's their decision and not mine. It is disrespectful at the very least. I called them both out as soon as I discovered what was happening. I will not play with anyone who acts like that.

Accidents happen. We have all had them. From time to time misunderstandings, sure. Although this does happen from time to time the vast majority including singles and one time players will communicate and accept each other’s play requirements or not play. There are a very few that will try to rationalize or talk over, try to convince.... coax into “allowing them”. This is your red flag. Just step away, move on. Just because you are attending a swing event doesn’t mean you must....anything. If the party/event requires participation at any level....again, red flag....leave. This is not just a single playmate issue. Our experience, collectively, has been males, who are part of a couple tend to push the limits more. And are most often “spoken to” by the hosts or sub hosts at any event. Also, issues come from more newbie, less experienced, high expectation and “bed hopper” participants. Regardless of single (although many single males think it more a brothel, guaranteed sex for them), couples, male or female. communication is absolutely everything. Clear, detailed and specific. Most issues of any type is through lack of or limited communication. Remember your Hosts have a duty to respond to issues. Just be clear that your concern is in fact a concern, not an assumption. We have spoken warnings to both men, women and couples at our events in the past as well as escorted those out for major infractions or not heeding our warnings. At that point you never come back. And we had a notification line to others that hosted to provide a heads up, but never public. most concerns have always been lack of communication, misunderstanding, ignorance of the event (theme related-orgy, group, ladies only, gang bang etc) or just a simple mistake. In many cases alcohol is certainly involved. We have always suggested that the laddies apply the condoms on the men they have chosen. It’s provocative, keeps the woman in control, proper application and for a first time play partner choose to avoid positions that limit or remove your ability to observe. Keep positions that leave you in control and allow you to observe your playmates actions. Be safe, be you, enjoy.

I may or may not have played with a toy while my husband and then others watched at a lifestyle party a few months ago.

Mrs Idaho has/had major body issues. I never suggested swinging because I knew she wouldn't go for it. So when she proposed it I was more than surprised. This has been one of the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us. Her whole demeanor has changed and for the positive. She is more confident. The LS community really is as excepting as everyone says it is. Your wife will find that age and weight are numbers and everything you worried about aren't really all that important. And as far as our relationship.... we are like a couple of teenagers who can't keep their hands off each other. It's a process and everyone goes at their own pace.

Is there a swinger manual where it says exactly where and how a partner can cum? Or where it describes what is acceptable or unacceptable to do while engaged in recreational sex? Is there a chapter where cum on tits or face is a requirement and cum inside is prohibited?? Here's a concept: what is a "shall" or "shall not" for you may be optional or situational for someone else. Sex is about orgasms and I'd prefer that you don't tell us where ours should occur. Unless of course there IS a swingers manual and you wrote it. The OP made a bad mistake and then compounded it. She's guilt ridden and depressed and could probably benefit from more sympathy and less pompous finger pointing. I think from reading her post, she's more than a little aware that she made two serious mistakes.

TLDR: A 23 year old woman decides to have fun with her boyfriend and another man, she is swept away by the situation and has unprotected sex. She winds up pregnant and has an abortion. As a result, she is having problems with her emotional stability. Anonymous, I'm so very sorry for you. Yes, the man didn't treat you very well, some men won't in such a situation. You are going to have to go through the pain until you can recover from this, you have my sympathy. As you said, this will wind up making you stronger, and you will come to be a better person. Let this be a warning to other people: Play Safely!