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I sometimes dress to get people to notice me. A short skirt, a top showing a little, even jeans that hug my butt. What woman doesn’t check the mirror to see what their butt looks like. I am guessing men will wonder what I look like undressed. Answering this I’m thinking as I get older that maybe they would be disappointed. Mike and I agree on most people look better with some clothes. We will go to our nude beach and will say that this one or that one should have left their clothes on. Thinking others are saying that about us. Of course a nude beach is more of being nude, not dressing to impress. We also agree a big breasted woman is sexier dressed as we both prefer smaller breasted women undressed. I guess I do undress a well built man. Check out his butt, his body. Smiling now as I think I do the same to women. Do I look at men below the belt, not unless his pants are tight. I know I’m not the only woman who will notice a big bulge even though I don’t need a big one. I think my eyes are just noticing and wondering. I have read other women saying that they wonder what a man has before undressing for sex. To me a man’s butt is more attractive dressed. My thoughts almost always tend to undress a man in my mind as I undress him physically. One of my favorite parts of foreplay is wondering what that bulge will really be. I don’t think it’s a size thing, more of what it will be.

Getting away from the 'is it a hobby' discussion and reacting to your situation. It appears from what you've said that actions of yours have hurt your SO. I'd guess you cheated on her, and you've lost her trust. If you want to save your relationship, it's time for you to give up all thoughts of non-monogamous sex. I know, that's so tough, you can't just wipe the subject from your karma; but you must disguise it thoroughly for your relationship to survive. Immediately, get off all these sites that are to do with non-monogamy! She feels that if you access these, you're cheating again. In addition, accessing these brings your mind back to what you should be avoiding. With her, walk away from 'virtual' discussions - have real ones instead. I'd also start a new, non-sex driven hobby that you can share with her. If you can't do this, it's probable that your relationship with her will suffer and quite possibly end. I wish you the best of luck . . .

She considers virtual contact cheating. I was having explicit direct messages with others through swing sites. She asked me to not log in and instead share fantasies and discussions with her. But that just doesn’t work as the subjects usually die in her inbox or get blown off. At the end of the day I think some counseling be best in our future.

A hobby? Most definitely! But as Adam said there really ARE 2 different forms. We make love together and we like to fuck other people. It feels good and it's amazing to watch my wife getting pleasure from someone else and let's face it.....it's fun to be naughty.

It's never a hobby. Sex with my wife is my duty. ? Sex with others requires no sacrifice as a hobby would, it is pure joy.

I would like to understand your question. When you say you're involved in swing things, telling us that you you're involved in actual physical contact? Are you, rather, telling us that you are perusing swing Websites? When you say that your wide found you sneaking while her back was turned, did you mean to say that she suspects physical contact or are you, rather, saying that she suspects you are viewing swing-related stuff on-line?

Ladies, you have my permission to undress me with your eyes anytime.

If you're worried about what other people think, then you shouldn't be involved in something that is on the front edge of human social evolution. I don't talk to others about the sexual aspects of my life, but they know that I live with a group of people who treat each others children as their own. I'm viewed as the professional, conservative, hippie chick, but living in a liberal part of the country, people don't make an issue of it.

The others in our family aren't really interested in this site, but it doesn't bother them that I visit here. I stay because it was such a source of support when I was first non-monogamous with my ex-fiance and my new boyfriend, now husband.

Yes, for us, sex is a hobby. There are two parts to this. The first is sex between Mary and I. This was a hobby even before we got into ethical non-monogamy, and although it's changed a bit since we got into the sport, it's still the same to a great extent. It's about pleasuring each other, making sure we're both taken care of. Then there's sex between us and others. There's some times when we just want to have this need of ours taken care of! It has a lot more to do with fantasies than the actual sex. And there's other times (this happens to me more than it does to Mary,) when the only thing I really want out of it is to make sure my partner is sweating bullets at the end of it; to the point that I'm willing to forego my own orgasm and other pleasures if I can get the other lady to have one of the best times of her life. Sex is a lot better than bowling!

Yes, swinging is a team sport. Both parties have to want to do it. It’s different than watching porn. We find many couples on sites are just looking and have no intent to meet or play. Honestly, if your wife think it’s wrong, dirty or cheating, you have a tough road to hoe.

Recreational sex is one of the hobbies we share and enjoy together. It is OURS not mine alone. If you've been sneaking around or cheating in the name of lifestyle activities you won't find much of a welcome among swingers. Continue to do so at the peril of your marriage. I have more news for you too; watching porn isn't swinging and it isn't the problem, you're either bored or depressed and its likely that your marriage is in trouble. Address those issues first WITH your wife and maybe with counseling. Swinging only works when couples are both on board equally and you two are not.

Most certainly. Also a recreational activity as well as entertainment.....and just plain fun. However, like art....it is in the eye of the beholder, or everyone has their own opinion and perception. So it depends. Even with in the lifestyle each participant has his or her definition of who they are, what is acceptable and what is not. Who and how they participate. What activities etc. and even have opinions of others and their activities.....if it is acceptable to them. so no hard and fast box or rule applies.

As others have said, communication is important. We made it a point from the beginning that we would discuss after every encounter. I am not a mind reader and I doubt I know everything she enjoys unless she talked about it. Continue talking and enjoying.

Coming up to two months working from home. Like most couples we are spending more time together we ever had before. It has given us more time to talk about everything including what brought us to swinging back a few years ago. I was the one who held back and wondered why my wife wanted to swing with our friends. I was extremely worried about our relationship and the why’s of her desires. She knew I was hesitant yet I never said the reason. I thought I wasn’t good enough and had all crazy things in my head. When I finally agreed to swinging with her friend and her husband I subconsciously didn’t want her to enjoy. The trade off was I got to be with her friend, a very attractive person who I maybe had thought of sexually before. From the very first time I didn’t enjoy watching. At first I was taken back that she was having an orgasm in what might have been more intense than the ones she had with me. Since those first times I am still not a watcher except when she is with another female. I find that an extreme turn on. After swinging encounters we don’t discuss specifics. I’ll ask if she had fun. I don’t ask about acts or how the sex was. I never asked The was he better question. There is no good answer to that. I don’t want her to have a bad time. The more we have done this the more I want her to enjoy, yet I’m still not a watcher. I think for the first time I asked her for a truthful answer to why she wanted to try this. Was she attracted to her friend’s husband. I wanted to know the why. Her answer I think is truthful. Her friend and her second husband were swingers. Her friend told her stories of the fun experiences she was having. She told me the real reason was she wanted to experience a woman and a ménage. We had watched many threesomes on line. I thought it was for me and now she said she enjoyed the thought of being in bed with a woman. She felt it would be better if I was involved too. I hope that’s true. When questioned she does enjoy the other men too, not as a replacement, more as an addition. I understand that feeling as I do enjoy the women I’ve been with. My wife said she was afraid to watch me at first and now enjoys watching me have fun. Our talks this month have been very open and much more detailed. I think I feel more comfortable telling her my experiences rather her telling me hers.

Of a Wardrobe Manager: "He doesn't undress women with his eyes. He looks at a gal and thinks, 'Wow! What a body! I'd love to dress you up!'"

There seem to be no excuses too small for to you to post provocative pictures with your replies. Your pictures do very little to move conversations forward. What reason do you imagine you have for this behavior?