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I have always had doubts about my body. I was always the thin gawky girl or that was the way I looked at myself. I was not well developed on top or my bottom. I prayed guys would look at me. I had friends reassure me about my looks. In the summer I wore what I thought was sexy, shorts and crop tops. I guess I hoped guys would notice. I never mentally undressed my friends with better bodies even I wished my body was better. Secretly I did check guys out. Not that I thought of me with the real hot guys. I was the shy one while my friends were more outgoing. How do you not notice? A guy with a big pack scared me. I did wonder though. Oh things have changed and like Tricia said, there is an excitement the first time with a new partner. I am still not as confident as I should be. I do want people to mentally undress me and when I think someone is looking at me that way I guess I’m thrilled by it.

This about sums it up. I don't "make love" to other women. I derive a tremendous amount of personal pleasure GIVING personal pleasure. Doesn't matter if it's some really good FWB or someone we met at a club 5 min ago. We have absolutely no jealousy or drama as we have the added benefit of being together for some 37 years. We make love. We don't swing from the chandeliers anymore (not that we wouldn't like too...) It's just not possible LoL. And we can't party all night anymore and sometimes our reclamation sex has to wait a day or two. LS friends and vanilla friends always ask how do you do stay together? It's really simple communication. I say all of this because I personally think you guys need to explore your fantasy together. There isn't a better way to start. It's not a easy trip and don't expect it to happen all at once. Over the years we have lost track of the number of couples that implode due to lack of communication. As everyone in the LS will tell you.....if you have absolutely no problem talking about sexual fantasy's. You can over come just about anything. After all sexual fantasy's are the last things people tell. If you guys can't do this alone or with professional help swinging might not be in the cards. LS people will tell you that it is about 90% female driven but with the full participation of both people.

This is great. I love how open this forum is and to be able to actually share ideas with people where in most places these topics seem forbidden. I personally consider sex as a hobby and a natural part of life as well

According to the Oxford Dictionary an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure. I never thought sex was a hobby like other things. Tennis is a hobby. Swimming is a hobby. Watching TV? Going to the movies? Reading is a hobby. Now I have to include sex as a hobby in the truest sense. A sex hobby is surely done for pleasure and it’s done in leisure. I do it regularly with my husband and less frequently with others.

I think your idea about getting professional help would be a wise idea. But I am thinking maybe you guys need someone to help with your communication. Sorta a can't see the forest for the tree's kinda thing. Bluntly if you continue down this path you are most certainly going to blow up your marriage and your life. I don't know your situation but please PLEASE think this through. The LS isn't for everyone. Sometimes people can't or won't separate recreational sex from being in monogamous relationship. I have no doubt she feels the pressure of society (and religious upbringing) to be faithful and for you to be as well. Good luck ?

I sometimes dress to get people to notice me. A short skirt, a top showing a little, even jeans that hug my butt. What woman doesn’t check the mirror to see what their butt looks like. I am guessing men will wonder what I look like undressed. Answering this I’m thinking as I get older that maybe they would be disappointed. Mike and I agree on most people look better with some clothes. We will go to our nude beach and will say that this one or that one should have left their clothes on. Thinking others are saying that about us. Of course a nude beach is more of being nude, not dressing to impress. We also agree a big breasted woman is sexier dressed as we both prefer smaller breasted women undressed. I guess I do undress a well built man. Check out his butt, his body. Smiling now as I think I do the same to women. Do I look at men below the belt, not unless his pants are tight. I know I’m not the only woman who will notice a big bulge even though I don’t need a big one. I think my eyes are just noticing and wondering. I have read other women saying that they wonder what a man has before undressing for sex. To me a man’s butt is more attractive dressed. My thoughts almost always tend to undress a man in my mind as I undress him physically. One of my favorite parts of foreplay is wondering what that bulge will really be. I don’t think it’s a size thing, more of what it will be.

It's never a hobby. Sex with my wife is my duty. ? Sex with others requires no sacrifice as a hobby would, it is pure joy.

Getting away from the 'is it a hobby' discussion and reacting to your situation. It appears from what you've said that actions of yours have hurt your SO. I'd guess you cheated on her, and you've lost her trust. If you want to save your relationship, it's time for you to give up all thoughts of non-monogamous sex. I know, that's so tough, you can't just wipe the subject from your karma; but you must disguise it thoroughly for your relationship to survive. Immediately, get off all these sites that are to do with non-monogamy! She feels that if you access these, you're cheating again. In addition, accessing these brings your mind back to what you should be avoiding. With her, walk away from 'virtual' discussions - have real ones instead. I'd also start a new, non-sex driven hobby that you can share with her. If you can't do this, it's probable that your relationship with her will suffer and quite possibly end. I wish you the best of luck . . .

She’s not into swinging. Counseling is a good idea. But if she isn’t interested in swinging, you may have to accept her decision. Unless swinging is more important to you than your relationship.

I in each same time, it took some time but i really do love this

The first couple we met for swinging, we met online and made arrangements to meet them halfway (about 40 minutes or so from each of us) for dinner and then we were going to split a hotel room (first bad choice). Dinner seemed ok, but since we had already made hotel arrangements we felt a little pressured to move things along even tho we probably shouldn't have (there really wasn't that connection). We attempted to play and both of the guys ended up having some problems getting/keeping it up. We hadn't really discussed our prefs/boundaries ahead of time and that caused some friction as well. The next morning we basically went our separate ways... but the story does have a happy ending. A few years later we ran into this same couple via another common interest. We discovered that we'd all grown a lot and we got to be really good friends and even managed to play a few times together.