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As far as terms go, when your wife does it and you don't 'swap', it's hotwifing. If you have a girl while she has a guy, then it's swinging. And if you both agree on it, and it's fun for both of you, I don't see why not. You're keeping safe, she's not letting her (and your) identity out, go for it when it's safe. As far as the guy goes, the ex-boyfriend, you make it sound like she hasn't seen him in years, that you don't run in the same social circles. And his wife knows and is allowing it. Again, I can't see anything problematic here. Have a good time!

Sounds like a bad idea to me. A hallmark of swinging is that it is for recreational sex with no romantic connections. This leads to the preservation of the primary relationship. Getting involved with a prior romantic partner is asking for trouble. In my book.

I have had this happen more than once (with different men). I am very vocal about not playing without a condom but some men think it's their decision and not mine. It is disrespectful at the very least. I called them both out as soon as I discovered what was happening. I will not play with anyone who acts like that.

If we are interested in a couple online, we will trade a message or two, and then ask if they would like to exchange pics to see if a mutual attraction exists. If they say yes, we send ours. Usually they will send theirs in response to our inquiry.