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This is a longer answer than what you might want, but the rationale matters. What happens inside a marriage and how two people grow within the marital bond is their choice: there are as many choices as there are marriages (no two are alike). Remarks such as the one your "vanilla guy friend" made come from one of three places: envy, curiosity, or disapproval. You are not obligated to respond. It is your marriage, not theirs. But if we were to respond, we would think to ourselves that "vanilla guy friend" cannot deal with the notion of vulnerability-his, or that of his marriage. He sees monogamy as a fence to 'contain' what is 'his'. Either he wishes that he could be comfortable with your acceptance of vulnerability, he is curious about how it feels to be vulnerable, or he disapproves of 'a guy' (or for that matter, anyone) exposing themselves or their marriage to perceived risk. Place that in context of what really goes on. He has a fantasy life, his wife has a fantasy life, likely unshared--and that makes them both vulnerable. Our response -- if we chose to give one--would be along the following lines. "One of our core values is honesty with each other. Part of that has always been sharing our fantasies. Along with those fantasies, we set intentions, and boundaries. So doing, we create a choice to act on those fantasies--or not. It keeps us honest, and our marriage is stronger for it." Where he's having trouble, most likely, is seeing the concept of monogamy through a different lens. Is it an emblem of the marriage? A fence to contain the marriage? A fence to protect the marriage? An expression of "property" rights? "Long-long" couples---long married and long in the LS---view the marital bond quite differently than most others, and yet that view of fierce loyalty, of 'team together', and of genuine "'til death do us part" is remarkable in its authenticity.

She hasn't been back since July 8th. Either she has acted on the advice, no longer needs the advice, or didn't like the advice she was being given but it would be nice to hear a follow up from her. Maybe she will come back again in the future...

None of those those things listed would necessarily scare us off. Actually, we'd be unlikely to even know many of them because they aren't the sort of things we ask. In sort of a strange way though, if we DID know them, that would be because the other couple was oversharing or bragging, and that would probably scare us off. We don't like pushy or "look at me" types, just not our style, so someone bragging about their past sexual exploits is more of a turn-off than turn-on.

I went with #3 - Yes, I like what I get but it's not as fulfilling as a when we take our time. I think it's part of getting older, but quickies are less fulfilling than they used to be. I think when you are young and ever optimistic...and ever horny :), you think this COULD be the wildest best sex ever, won't know until we try, and regardless, I'm glad to be getting it! Then once you get older and a little more world weary and been there done that, you think this is unlikely to be the best sex ever, and regardless, we can always see what tomorrow will bring. How about you?

The original question I think has been addressed pretty thoroughly. I have a question for the OP. Just how did it come to pass that his guy friends know what you two have decided to do? We have a few select vanilla friends that know about our sex life in any detail. As far as most of the world is concerned the only thing they "know" they need to infer from the fact that we have children. There might be a lesson about discretion in there somewhere.

"Yes I do. And she lets me have sex with other women!"

I have a very close friend who knows I have an open marriage. He has a hard time understanding that I don’t care if my wife goes on a date. My feeling is he would want to play with someone besides his wife and I even asked him if he wants to be with my wife.

How about you give the answer. The way we treat each other makes people wonder what we have if they do not now and makes them want to try it if they do.

“It’s okay. I get to have sex with another woman. It’s a win-win for us.”

or, in COVID era, upside down pineapple masks...