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My gut tells me that time is your ally in this because your wife is still wrapping her mind around the concept. I would say let it gestate. You are young enough to let things progress slowly. We waited until the complexities of raising our family were in our past. To everything there is a season. In the meanwhile do your best to get well beyond the "brother/sister" relationship.

We are a happily married couple in their early 40s living in France. Last year, around Easter 2019, I mentioned my wife the possibility to spice up our intimate life by going to a swingers club or meeting a swingers couple. At that time we were almost living like brother and sister (young kids, busy professional life, Netflix evenings, etc). The fact that I mentioned the possibility resulted in our first big marriage crisis. My wife honestly believed that I was announcing a divorce, and she completely freaked out. It did not help that her best friend was caught in a naughty divorce battle. To end this crisis, I promised to never talk about that again. And I kept my word... Fast forward one year later. As I said, we have a happy life. My wife knows that I was not seeing any one else. Suddenly, in the Summer, she started to hint that we can open our marriage. Her idea is that I can organise an erotic date (after Corona)... We have talked now about 20 evenings about fantasies of opening up, a spark, new excitement. There is the feeling that we be completely honest. Our intimate life has become much better, as if we are 10 years back. Ok... That's the background. Now comes my question to you experienced folks :-) We have discussed the "next steps" very openly. She wanted that I make a profile. Which I did on a swingers dating site and I have informed her of all steps. But she indicated now that she doesn't want to be involved. The idea is that I choose the perfect match for her, and that we then do a blind date. She doesn't want to show any pictures and I am not allowed to give any detail about her. Interested couples have contacted us. Some have asked details - which I cannot disclose. Some have asked photos - which I cannot provide. Some have suggested to whatsapp. I discussed that and my wife said: "I am not going to whatsapp those people. I am not going to waste my time. You have to arrange the date." One of my key points is that I never want to force or manipulate my wife into something she doesn't want. But there is a mixed signal here. Some part of her wants this. But another part strongly rejects the whole idea. Of course, this awful Coronavirus in some way gives us much more time. We are not going to restaurants at all - this makes it a bit theoretic, there is no urgency. But in your experienced opinion: what should I do...

Early in adult life, there is exploration and experimentation. Young people are expected to "date" widely. 100 years ago, virginity might have expected. Contemporary cultural norms reflect the fact that a couple should probably "try out" all facets of married life, including sex--and especially sex with each other--prior to marriage. There is a wonderful romantic myth that we all eventually find "the one" true life partner. The wedding vows typically involve "love, honor, and 'forsake all others'". The problem, of course, is that people grow, they grow differently, and sometimes grow in different directions. Monogamy, which is used as a symbol or as a fence, is threatened. Boredom ensues, and the married couple starts to to yearn for some variety. What's interesting is that so often the couple is still very much in love. The marriage may also make sense for economic or other reasons. The couple wants to sustain and even further mature the relationship. But sex--or more precisely lack of sex--is in the way. For women especially who have been told that after marriage, only marital sex is permissible, start having difficulty dealing with their sexual fantasies. They have been told it is "wrong" to have them, much less act on them. Men seem to have less embarrassment about the fantasies, which itself is problematic because it can make the woman feel somehow inadequate. Still, the idea of sex outside of marriage has been intrinsically thought to be so sinful that it gets not one but two mentions in The Ten Commandments: thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife, and thou shalt not commit adultery. (Killing only gets one mention, which gives some sense of priority. ) So it is understandable that consideration of (much less a decision to) violate 2/10 commandments causes all sorts of stress. Of course, swinging is neither about committing adultery nor is it about coveting someone else's spouse. It is adult play. But it is hard for many--men and women--to wrap their heads around the idea that it is just adult play. And if something "goes wrong" , there is fear that there will be irremediable and horrible consequences. At the same the are looking forward to some play, some fun, some relief from the ordinary stresses of the ordinary world. "You make the arrangements, I will just show up" is another way of saying "If it doesn't work, you own the responsibility, and I will not burn in the fires of hell". We might suggest finding two or three lifestyle couples who seem interesting enough that you might enjoy--and especially that your wife might enjoy--sharing drinks or dinner without any expectations beyond that initial social get together. We spend so much of our lives these days isolated that the idea of actually getting dressed a bit to go to a restaurant and enjoy someone else preparing a meal while having interesting conversation is going to be attractive. The nice thing about the lifestyle is that "no thank you" is respected and never taken as an affront. On the other hand, the mutual seduction is fun and interesting. What makes the lifestyle good for many who are in it is knowing that their spouse is quite attractive to others--but going home with you.

Take your time, there's no rush here. It sounds like she has warmed to the idea, but doesn't want to be responsible if anything goes wrong. The bigger issue here is that you both need to be in this together. Work on improving your mutual trust and try to get her to open up more. You are a team and must work together as a team.

With some people, you can explain it to ‘em ... but you can’t understand it for ‘em! ?

Hard to tell, but they were very friendly. I'm thinking to women had a connection.

Many years ago I had a friend in college, a very good friend, who always had money. I had taken jobs at minimum wage and some waitressing. I still had to ask my parents for money. My friend had enough that she would buy the pizza and sometimes beer. I found out she worked at a gentleman’s club. She told me it was easy money and could make a thousand on a good night. No real physical contact just dances. When I asked if she thought I could try it she admitted that guys touched and she would jerk guys off in the VIP room. Then she said there is even more money if you went to the motel in the back. She said not every girl does that. I finally gave in and tried it. The men were mostly sleeze bags. You would dance and try to get lap dances and then VIP room guys. Guys grab you and you would grind on them. Even the nice ones were nasty. I never went back.

The barter system...trade. I'll trade you some of mine for some of yours.

No, but I would like to know what I'd be offered. I probably wouldn't fetch much now as an over thirty mother (maybe, I'm in good shape), but when I was nineteen and looked thirteen (small tits, very little hair), probably a lot from certain people.

While it is interesting to compare swinging women with professional prostitutes I am going to have to say that they are two completely different things. I think it is like comparing a professional NASCAR driver to a taxi driver. They both drive cars and make money doing it but the simalarities pretty much end there. I think your swinger/prostitute comparison ends at enjoying sex and separating sex and love. Heck my grandmother probably enjoyed sex and I know she knew there was a difference between sex and love but she was niether a swinger or prostitute. There probably are some hookers that are in the lifestyle that do both for the reasons you mentioned but I would be willing to bet that if you were to sit down and really talk to the married hookers you would find that most of them would consider themselves to be in a traditional monogamous marriage when they punch out from work at the end of the day. Swingers may see a separation between sex and love but swingers also are largely interested in the open and erotic social envirnment and get a lot pleasure and excitement from both the sex as well as the social interaction. Hookers may enjoy sex to a degree , afterall sex is pleasurable, but make no mistakes the hookers are in it for the money and for the work hours. They are going to work just as you and I. I enjoy my job and if I am being interviewed on tv I will say I love it, but I go to work every day for the pay and benifits pure and simple. I would not do it for free just because I enjoy it and I bet the hookers view it the same way. Many have home and families for the same reason we all do and they go to work for money to pay for the home and families just like we all do.

First I will just say, don't believe everything you see on TV. I know several women that work at the ranches here, included the Bunny Ranch, but I have never met one that "actually" does it for the sex. Of course it is good business to say that if someone with a camera asks you. Additionally, I have never met one that could afford a mansion or drove around in a Mercedes. If they are good and work long hours they make pretty decent money but those figures sound highly inflated to me. Keep in mind that the owner of the Bunny Ranch is a good promoter and the women interviewed work for him. Even if they did make the money they claimed he gets half of it, and like any other business, their are expenses involved that trim down what actually gets taken home to a much more modest income figure than the gross income would lead one to believe. Mrs. GT and I admire these women, because as she says, "I sure couldn't do it", to be successful at it takes a very special kind of woman.

Ya know, one of my best female friends (Mr. LFM is my bestest friend) did a speech for college on legalizing prostitution in Idaho. She talked to many of the girls at the Bunny Ranch for her information, and come to find out, many of the girls there are married, yet are just going to "work" like they would at any other job. They do their work, go home and have a family to take care of there. She named names and talked to some of the regular girls at the Ranch who've worked there for quite a while. What a lot of people might not know is that the girls at the Ranch donate a lot of their money to charities around there. They've bought a new ambulance for the EMS unit and they also chipped in and rebuilt a house for a families that was destroyed by fire. Their hearts are big as gold. I could do that! I really could! I don't know about the label, but I'd be a girl who just loves sex! She spoke to many of the girls and everyone loved their jobs. After hearing her speech, she convinced me that I should work at the Bunny Ranch and I should fight to make prostitution legal in Idaho.

There is no cure for HIV either but we go on and continue our lives . Get to know and trust people and still having sex. I find it silly everybody slaps on a mask and say they will stay isolated until so-called pandemic is over with. I have a feeling most are in a long wait if they put their life on hold. It may take 5 or more years to find a vaccine. Like any viruses a person has I expect if you know you are sick don't go to work and don't hang out with people to get other sick. Now the interesting twist of words that everybody gets sucker into is " You could be the carrier and not know you have it" sorry I don't always trust the government. More control then I care for. Elder has their rights to be protected. It is actually common sense but you do not want anybody with a weakened immune system to even be around anybody with a flu or cold. Covid is over played bureaucrat mess.