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Our first was not an online find, it was our friends. My belief is everyone doing this for the first time is not going to know how things are supposed to go. I was scared and I knew the couple very well. I can’t imagine going to a strangers home to have sex. You were smart meeting them first and getting to know them. Five years ago I posted a similar question, how do you go from conversation and drinks to undressing and having sex. Even with friends who were already swingers my heart was racing. I played out the scenario in my head plenty of times not knowing how I was going to react seeing my wife having sex. I was determined to focus on my own sex with our long time friend. My wife was the one who brought up the idea of doing this with her best friend. I figured she was going to be eager that night and I would just follow her lead. When the time came she looked like she was hesitant. Luckily we were with friends and we laughed and took time. I think I would be annoyed if the husband pushed but he didn’t. My wife’s friend was the one who made us comfortable. My advice is to take a deep breath and let the time flow. If you are comfortable with the couple you met, let them guide you. There is something you saw in them that attracted you, maybe their experience. If you become uncomfortable you can always stop. Good Luck. Did I say welcome to the board? Maybe you will share your experience with us soon.

This is the way we approached our meetings, my real question is after deciding to meet for sex play how do you transition from socializing to actual play. When we were younger and dating there was foreplay, kissing, touching and undressing. It was a natural progression that I and my date both knew the outcome. I felt inadequate in know what we were supposed to do or how to respond. I know now my husband was hesitant as well. Fortunately the couple we met was better equipped to handle the situation and lead us. After the fact I told my husband that I felt foolish and showed my unworldliness, to which he thought I was overly nervous and they thought it was fine and I shouldn’t worry That is the method we agreed on. After our first meeting I never thought they would be interested in us. I think I was not as much at ease as they were. I couldn't be me, I was who I thought they wanted me to be. I didn’t want it to be an interview even if I wanted to know all about how they got to this place. How did they start, why did they start, and if the are still meeting anyone they met before. I wanted to ask specific questions and didn’t think it would be right to ask. Our first meeting was limited by the restaurant to two hours, Covid rules and the need to turn the table. We did get to know them, their vacations, what they like to do outside of swinging. I felt they were like us in many ways. The one thought I kept in my head is how were we going to get naked and have sex. He came across as real yet did I want him in me, could I let him? They did not come off as sex crazed or weird. Were we the weird ones? Why was I expecting weird? My husband was more pragmatic and thought they were an excellent couple, smart, caring, good looking. Good looking, she was very pretty in the pictures so we knew that, I don’t think we would meet a couple, a first couple, if either of us didn’t think they weren’t attractive. My real question is how do couples get from point A to point B. How do you get from social pleasantries to sexual activity? I for one felt shy even if I knew what the endgame was. We were new and I didn’t want to misstep or do the wrong thing.

We are new to this and I wonder how most couples feel that first time meeting. I read that couples have gone to clubs, met a random couple, had a friend start. Everyone had to start planned or unplanned. We started by joining a match site that we paid to join. I’ve read many on here are members of that site. Going back and forth crossing off frauds, single men, men masquerading as women and couples and many couples who just didn’t interest us we finally made a date. Meeting a couple for sex during a pandemic and we all decided to come to an outdoor restaurant with proof of negative Covid tests taken that week. We were happy to finally meet and they were the people who were the people they said they were. Before the meeting they asked us what we were looking for, we didn’t have an answer other than looking for a no pressure evening. I never thought about what others do or how to break the ice. I was honest that it was a thought that we discussed during quarantine. We talked about going through changes and how it was with me. She understood the way a man can’t. The pros and cons, the therapies, the sweats and other physical things. I told them things I don’t discuss with my friends. At their suggestion we went home to talk and make sure. I thought it was a way for them to bail on us. The next day she called me to say they had a good time. It was a call after a first date call which amused me. The call went on for almost an hour, her telling me about others they met and then decided not to meet again. She bragged about her husband and what a great guy he is. One thing I wasn’t ready to be asked about is if I was bi curious. I did not have that on my profile, yet it was something I saw in almost all the swinging porn we watched. My answer was the truth, I don’t know what I am. We did meet them again and we had a very memorable time. I just wonder how other couples met and how the meeting evolved to having sex.

This is a common question, a real issue. It happens to every swinger couple, and experience doesn't always provide education. You're sitting there as a foursome, everyone seems to be on the same page, but nothing is happening! What's wrong? Someone has to make a move. It's really as simple as that. Some strategies that have worked for us: - We're all sitting in the living room. I (the male host), suggest another round of drinks, I invite the other wife to help me. When we get to the kitchen, I touch her on the waist. In all probability she'll respond, we start kissing. We take our time, the other couple (my wife and the other husband) figure out what's going on, they start kissing. You can figure out what comes next . . . - My wife has invited the other wife to come up to our bedroom on some pretext. When they get there, she suggests they both put on lingerie. Then they come down the stairs together . . . - There are games to play. Strip jenga is popular, as is truth and dare. Once sexy things start happening, things loosen up . . . Someone has to be bold and make the first suggestion. It takes a little courage, but without it, the party will break up and everyone will wonder what went wrong. The best of luck.

This is the best advice you can get. And it really applies to the whole LS too. I usually start a conversation online and my wife makes the final arrangements. We meet for drinks and if there is a spark we are good to go. While we have made some really good friends in the LS we are in it for recreational sex. So when we do meet for drinks it's for sex. We meet in a public place and get a hotel room for the 1st encounter. A house party or a club is different. There you have to make a snap judgement on how you feel about the other couple.

We don’t chat through Facetime or Zoom, so pre-pandemic, we met people for the first time in person. More than once, people posted 10 year old pictures. We thought we were dining with our grandparents. So we are not ready to go before we meet, see and get to know people a bit. Also, sometimes one of us notices things about the other couple that the other did not. Like some space to discuss.

I guess I should add that if a couple says that they don't play on the 1st date we usually pass. That's just us. I guess chatting online is sort of a 1st meet up but endless chats or hesitant to play is not what we are looking for. It's recreational sex for us, we want everyone to leave exhausted and satisfied. And if we make new FWB great. But sometimes it's just about the sex.?

At some point we ask what the other couple is looking for. Second or third meeting we (being more experienced/comfortable) usually press the issue. Either one of us will say something or I will start 'exposing' Ms. Gold. As already pointed out, someone has to be willing to take that first step...we all know what we are there for, just take a deep breath and say 'so, anyone wanna start this?'.

It gave me 3 day phlegm, that's what it gave me. Fun, none the less.

We refer to it as 'quality' (FWB) or 'quantity' (just meeting to have sex). While there is no right or wrong here, we are of the quality side. We are looking for other people that we click with and can have a friendship that also includes sex. We also have in our profile that the first meeting is no pressure and that sex isn't on the table. That it is best to just meet and see if there is any connection (you will learn more in 5 minutes than you could in 5 years of phone/email/texting), then allow us to talk with our partner and see if they feel the same. After that if everyone is still interested, the second meeting is arranged...but that doesn't mean that sex is expected. Friends first, then sex is our way of doing this. One thing, however, is if the other couple can't talk about sex to others...well, it usually means that they may not talk about sex with each other (and that's a red flag for us). As for the rest of what you said...we have had to wade through all of the same stuff and have more than a few stories about couples we have met...once. Bottom line: decide what it is you are both looking for and then look for it together. Whatever you decide is right for you...well, that's what is right for you. Have fun!

This is something else that got me in more than a little trouble growing up (not just a strict religious upbringing, but Christian schooling as well): questioning how we are only 'allowed' to love one person. So we only love our partner? What about the people in our past that we loved, and still may have strong feelings for? Is that love just supposed to stop when we meet 'the one'. I know all about the three kinds of 'love' (eros, agape, and philia) but I couldn't get anyone to agree on what each meant, let alone have put into context. Eros is lust...physical love...no, it's romantic love. After all, the word stems from the Greek word erotas, which translates to “intimate love.” But then why did the Greeks viewed eros as dangerous due to the loss of control that occurs when someone is struck by this kind of love (i.e. Cupid's arrow). So is eros the good kind of love or the bad kind? And what about in the Old Testament where a man could (and usually did) have multiple wives...did he only really 'love' one of them and not the remainder? I could go on, but it was usually around here I was sent to the office until the end of the period. Bottom line, I think that love isn't limited...only people are as they try to limit love to whatever definition they want it to mean. What we have found out is that if you have a strong enough relationship (built on love/trust/communication), love only grows larger as you allow it to be spread to more people. The problem is the vast majority of people don't really have a relationship strong enough to accept this so they choose to limit the amount of love they can give or receive. Sorry...this just touched a subject that I have had difficulty understanding for years and have spent a great deal of time pondering (but now have what I think is a better grasp of)...rant over.

There are many answers to your implied question. The method you suggest is an on-line contact, a first meet to see if there is chemistry, then another meet for the purpose of sex. This is very popular. Another way is for a couple to meet another couple and then go straight to sex. Another way is to meet at a swinger club or house party and go straight to sex. These three seem to contain most of the swinging activity, but there are others, such as going to resorts or on cruises, picking each other up at a bar or casino, etc.

I don't watch Porn either, I am porn! ????

As a guy, there is something super sexy about being swallowed.

She is not a fan of covered BJs - if he cums in her mouth she swallows

If a man is in my mouth when he ejaculates, I have no problem swallowing. Guys like it when a woman swallows their cum, especially if you make a big deal of it and roll it around in your mouth beforehand. Although I almost always suck a man's penis as foreplay, I much prefer for a man to leave his sperm in my vagina. It goes back to my Catholic school days when sex ed was mostly about biology and baby making, rather than sex. That's why my fetish are guys' testicles and sperm living inside me for several day. More than one man's sperm, even better.

A few thoughts from Mr. Swingularity (and Mrs. Swingularity has always stood and watched in awe at Mr. Swingularity's ablity to shop fearlessly for himself and her). Before reading the suggestions below, please know YMMV and these are IMHO and you should BE YOURSELF, not try to be someone else. 1) Shoes. These are your foundation. No sneakers. No work shoes. Nothing you walk the dog or mow the grass in. They should be leather. On trend slip-ons, chukka's, ankle boots, and the like are a start. 2) Socks. They need to have been purchased sometime in the last 2 years. Don't be afraid of colors. Black shoes, black/grey/navy base socks. Brown shoes brown, tan, earth tone socks. 3) Belt. Should RELATE to the shoe color. Leather. I like wider belts on even dressish pants, as well as jeans, as they don't pinch or allow pant to bunch above or below. 4) Underwear. Bought within last year. Don't be afraid to go with bold colors and patterns. But black is a sure bet. I like the cotton blend with some stretch fabric boxer briefs that are low on fabric volume. A "boy short" cut. Looks flattering when I'm relaxed, and really nice as arousal finds me. 5) Pants. Lots of options here. One non option: PLEATS. Never, never, never on pleats. They add unflattering volume, and contrary to what "less fit/slender" guys think, they DO NOT make you look slimmer. They make you look NOT slimmer. FLAT FRONT PANTS ONLY. Dress jeans can be really great. Casual chic dress slacks that aren't business focused are everywhere today, and look great. Dress flat front Khaki's in non-tan colors are all around and look great. A slack with some pattern that is subtle can be great. I love blacks and shades of grey, but have red, mauve, dark brown, loden, etc. Thin dress cords in Fall look super. And did I say NO CUFFS? No? I am now. NO CUFFS. Buy the pants for your fit now, not what you hope to fit after losing that 10 or 20 that you're about to lose. 6) Shirts: lots of options here. Don't like polos, personally. Sorry guys, but dress polos are for the country club golf outing. "Club" and casual dress shirts are all around. I prefer non button down collars and collar stays. I think they look, in general, more aesthetically "flowy". Another look that is nice is a stretch t-shirt, black, under a long sleeve knit. Adds nice layering, and can hide a few extra lbs. The t-shirt is like a Spanxs effect. 7) If it's jacket weather a nice unstructured blazer, and there are tons of them, is a nice touch to start the night in. Says something about the man that is akin to "I care about my appearance", so I must be a "care about my partner and my lovemaking" kind of guy. The fit is key here, gents. So many guys have a jacket that's a size or more too big, trying to "hide something". It backfires. Get the perfect fit and drape, and you'll look sleeker. I have one blazer I love: it's a leather blazer in black that just smokes the night. Like a dress jacket meets bad boy club hopper. ? Have a nice watch? They speak volumes. Finishing touches: Your feet are self pedicured. Your fingernails are clean, clipped close, and looking good. You are always shower fresh and not heavily fragranced. And your oral hygiene (that means floss and tongue scraper) is impeccable. You'll look good, feel confident, and be the best you can be...and get noticed. What happens when you open your mouth...that's up to you! Well, this is all fairly brief, YMMV, IMHO, and feel free to think "Dude...wtf?!?!" These basic principles have been in place for me since about my mid-to-late 30's, and refined over the years. If the feedback my wife gets about my attire is anything to go on, the ladies notice. I'd be happy to hear any tips or thoughts on the whole "male attire" issue from others. I'm always looking for ideas! Well, it's off to give my wife a minty fresh kiss... Mr. Swingularity

Loving, I disagree. This is the sort of scenarios where honesty isn't welcomed, unless being COMPLETELY honest. We hardly will find out mates whose features, all of them, fit our tastes, we all know other people playing with us feels the same: there are features they like from us better than others, they may even dislike one feature but there are so many other enjoyable things that we don't care. This guy had to know he's with a person, that if she makes such a comment she's exposing her own body issues, it is supposed both of them are there to enjoy each other and to please each other, and taking care of each others self-confidence is something required to please each other. Not giving a shit about your partner's self-confidence tells your partner you're there only for your own pleasure. Facing this question this guy has two possible attitudes: to lie or to be COMPLETELY honest. The first one is obvious "you were wrong the other day, I really like your tits", the second one would be to say the same, but ALSO to say which other features are the one that attracted him in the first place, as to reassure her self-confidence. This guy was blunt and careless. He deserved her to give to him her knees to suck because "skin is skin" and he proved it'd be the same to suck the perfect model's boobs, the saggy ones, or her knees. He wasn't there with a piece of meat to fuck and play with, he was there with a person who deserves her feelings to be respected, who deserves the same care his own wife deserve, OR EVEN MORE because she is NOT his wife and he doesn't know her well enough as to know in which ways his "honesty" could hurt her feelings (supposing such a blunt guy indeed knows what could hurt his own wife). Indeed, this guy doesn't deserve to have sex with her... Moreover, he doesn't deserve to have sex with anyone else (nor even his wife, if he ever managed to have one), instead to jack off until learning some basic manners. I hope I made my point clear.