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Finally had our first experience in the lifestyle this past weekend, after two years of talking about it and spinning our wheels with online couples! Husband and I were invited to a house party with four couples. (One couple didn’t play. The female of the host couple stopped playing, right after she achieved orgasm at the beginning of the night while being tended to by other females.) We went into this experience without any rules (figure how will we know if something bothers us unless we’ve tried it). Where to start? So much to say! (And don’t want this post to be a chapter so I’m trying to summarize the things we loved and the things we hope to avoid in the future. Things we loved: *We each loved seeing the other receive pleasure. *Especially loved the foursome feel when the “extra” male left the room. *I loved touching and tasting a woman. *We each loved giving pleasure to others. *We met two couples - one of which we played with and enjoyed, another that we have plans to meet up with in February at a hotel party. *Have had great sex since the party, just from talking about the events. Things we didn’t love: *Before the party started, the other couples tossed around a few rules such as “you always ask before touching”. When our party kicked off, it began with the females only playing. I joined in, but within a minute or two, the male half of the host couple pulled me away from the group and got on me. (Without asking) *once the female host exited the room, there was an extra male who was a bit of a bulldog personality and took whatever he wanted without asking. *we had been invited to sleep over. So once everyone went to bed, we could hear the host couple arguing well into the night. I worried I was the subject of the argument since I was the one he had bulldozed his way o to all night. So neither of us slept a wink. I’m glad we had some great experiences and met some really great people. I felt a little uncomfortable saying no for some reason. Probably because no one ever asked permission to do anything?. It felt awkward to say stop. I think if the one pushy guy hadn’t been in the mix, it would have been a close to perfect night. I have vowed to do a better job if speaking up for myself. Most importantly, it was more good than bad and were looking forward to our next adventure!

You don't actually believe that women wear them because they are comfortable?

Right now, I'm the hinge between 2 guys in a poly relationship. I agree that Coupler's ratio can be challenging for the guys, although she mentioned that she discovered her lesbian side during their journey that might compensate for the ratio. For me, my ideal ratio, if our polycule will grow, is like 3 guys, and 2 women.

Well said Jess..

We know the problem with that first time meeting. We tried and tried to find someone who would fill our fantasy. Free accounts gets you what you paid for. Plenty of fakes and no shows. We went back and started with a brand new account and paid for it and still struck out. We had too many no shows leaving us with paid hotel rooms. Dinners and drinks just the two of us. Our first meeting with a couple was too easy to set up, for sure it was not going to happen. They weren’t married and the boyfriend agreed the women would play first. The pictures they sent were too good. They showed, looked like the pictures, she was sweet, he was someone we normally would have walked away from if we met them first. We learned from our early mistakes and promised ourselves to be sensitive to the needs and wants of couples we meet. Sure we want sex, not rushed sex. We like to start with girl play and we always ask if that is what they want. If agreed on Linda will put the wife at ease. She normally makes all the first moves then things just happen.

We also never do sleep overs, there are only two couples we would stay the whole night with and they are our best friends. We were all friends back when we were all still Vanilla, which by the way is a saying I resent a little, I'm pretty sure when I was Vanilla, I was at least sporting a little chocolate swirl in there, maybe some dark fudge and peanuts, definitely a banana.

I voted HELL NO, but I would say that if it came up that one of our co-workers (as in PEERS, not superiors or employees) was into the lifestyle - and I mean seriously into the lifestyle, had a very mature outlook, a few years experience, a sense of discretion, and a great marriage - we might consider it. But there's about a 0.001% chance that this would happen. Why? Because one thing we've learned is that people change, and circumstances change. People get promoted/demoted all the time, and somebody ends up working for their swing partner. People develop an inoperable tumour and suddenly they feel they must confess their sins before they die. They "get religious" and they feel they must strike a blow for "righteousness" by outing the people they used to play with. Extreme examples, but you get the idea. There are too many variables. This is why we don't play with people we a) work with, b) live on the same street with, or c) even in the same TOWN with. Kingston is a much smaller world than you might think. It's population keeps on growing (we even have rush hour traffic now! ), but I've received emails from lots of single young guys wanting to play...then say that they're Queen's students. Uh...no way. Would we swing with someone who worked in a completely unrelated department at Queen's? Maybe...under the right circumstances. Would we swing with one of the students? Not a chance. I totally buy into Murphy's Law; as soon as we had sex with them, we'd find out the student had one or more classes within my department. :rollseyes I'm in a position that has access to students' marks, which suddenly puts me in a very awkward position with my employer. Not to mention legally. So. Student = no play. And I don't care if they SAY they're never taking a class in my department, that student is there a minimum of 4 years. Sorry, but I just don't trust anyone to hold themselves to a promise like that. See? Way too complicated.