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Our first time was a bit impromptu if you will... we were on vacation at the beach. We had decided to do a week long trip in July just the two of us to get away from things. My husband and I had been open about our past before but we had never considered anything like an open marriage/swinging etc. On night 3 we decided to go to a local favorite bar of ours. This place was kind of a staple in the area we were staying and we had been on several occasions on past vacations. Loud music, cheap drinks and a beach atmosphere so pretty much a perfect spot on the ocean. We have never been the jealous type so he had danced with a few women and me a few men nothing more than fun. I had mentioned a few times about my attraction to older men mostly celebrities and people I would never really meet much less have the opportunity to sleep with in real life. He had done the same about girls he found attractive. As the night went on and we continued to drink the lines got a little blurred. I will say I dont recommend trying this especially on the first try with alcohol or any other enhancers but here we are... In walked a nice looking older man probably 30 years my senior (mid 50's) and sat down next to us at the bar. A few rounds of drinks and conversation he asked me to dance. I had gave my husband the "look" and he nodded his approval. We danced to a few songs and i returned to the bar where my husband was laughing... What!? i said and he glanced at me... You think he's hot dont you? UHM... i remember vividly that's all i could say. Like a blur we were in our car my husband driving and him and I making out in the backseat. After a quick stop for some condoms we were in our room. The sex was amazing and it was a fantasy come true in all honesty because I had never been with a substantially older person before let alone a complete stranger. When i woke up the next morning i remember my husband asking me if i wanted to meet him again. In my current state of confusion and addmittingly hungover i remember saying i dont even know his name... My husband said well we have been texting all morning. They are still friends on social media and text on occasion as do him and I. We have never met up since then but its def on our list of things to do at some point. The rest is history from that point on we were swingers.

I do not think you ever know until you KNOW. When we decided to proceed it was white knuckle right up to the moment. We did not KNOW until after the action when we reached over my partner's head, grabbed each others hand, looked up, and saw the other with a great big smile. I guess we were ready. My suggestion would be to have a firm decision to proceed, mutually arrived at, and an intellectual commitment that this is a trail run, "no harm no foul". It would be good to discuss as many what ifs as you can, and agree that it is good for both or it is good for neither. I , being me, made a pretty exhaustive list ( a few pages) of possibilities and how we felt about each. these weren't exactly rules, but it did help with being certain that we would not be blind sided. I have shared that list several times.

Even if you're willing to take your chances with the percentage risk of death, I would be scared of being one of the long-term sufferers who are debilitated for months, perhaps life.

Just block him . . . If you run into him at a club, ignore him.

We are a married couple I'm 23 hubby is 24. We are just getting into a open marriage. I have been curious about black men and so has my husband. He wants me to date black men then come home and tell him what happened.

You're doing the right thing. Don't look back and just keep moving forward (kind of ironic since your profile image is you looking over your shoulder, but it IS a beautiful back side that we get to see). Let us know how things are going and we're always here if you need the help or support.

I think that's important. With lots of rules there are too many chances for rules being broken and disputes. If something doesn't feel right, discuss it afterwards in a calm manner. I can honestly say that whenever my wife did anything that surprised me in any way, it was something that turned me on, not put me off.

Good point. I can't tell if you are the man or woman posting, but what you write is especially true for women. Men can almost always do, and enjoy, the mechanical fuck. Women need something more, even if it's non-romantic, fun sex. My observations have been that when they do get that little more attraction, desire as you phrase it, women end up having more intense orgasms and enjoying sex much more than the quick pop men have. It can keep going at a height for quite a while.

Hi Tahoe, Numex is correct, IMHO, a right attitude and good communication is all that's needed. We saw swinging as an adventure. No different from skydiving, hanging at a nude beach the first time, backpacking the wild, having children, getting married, buying our first home. Most of life has risks and rewards, Some things can be better planned than others and some you just have to get over any fears. Swinging has a lot of energy in our society, sex has a lot of energy. We chose to not let societies pressure, judgement and 'norms' play a part in our lives. We have always been a team. No matter what comes at us we are a team first and foremost. If something goes awry, we move forward together. Always together. So we were ready. We've had good, bad and humorous encounters. We've experienced jealously, embarrassment and over the top mind blowing sex. At the end of the day, it's all just an adventure. We placed few rules on our activities. Opting for a 'let's see what happens and go for it attitude'. Since we are always a team, we didn't feel a need to define what we did or didn't allow. That worked for us because we have a foundation to stand upon. Many in the lifestyle start by dipping their toes in and moving from there. Everyone is different. I suspect that if you have discussed and defined for yourselves the difference between SS and FS then it is important to you in some way and you should both stick to the plan once you're in the middle of a bunch of horny naked adults. Breaking rules on the fly usually causes some hurt feelings.

When you want to know anything just look https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refractory_period_(sex)#Other_studies Looks like my husband’s alma mater did research on refractory period. Your second concern is your wife only orgasming from regular penetration may not be that abnormal. Keep reading older posts and you’ll see she isn’t alone. Some need penetration to orgasm or orgasm stronger from penetration. Personal anecdotal experience say say I have been with guys who cum and continue without going soft and then cum again. I have been with more than one guy who has done this. I can’t say if they could go a third time. I personally orgasm pretty strongly from oral sex by both guys and girlfriends, sometimes a bunch of times and sometimes even stronger ones. As you can guess I am limited to the way I can make a gf orgasm and having a gf multi orgasm orally is a huge thrill for me. Why you don’t see people telling stories of not needing refractory periods on here, most men need a at least some time and even those who might be supermen don’t find it a problem and don’t feel the need to question their prowess. You and your wife are a perfect match, you can go on and on and that’s what she likes. You must make her very happy.

I don't know if this is helpful, but in case it is I'll share. What I think is generally missing in our culture from discussions and portrayals of sexuality (especially with respect to a woman's sexuality) is the element of desire. We talk a lot about mechanics and pleasure but relatively little conscious attention is given to desire. For me, and I believe for others as well (although I'm not in anyone else's head) desire is the starting point and the most important ingredient of sexuality. Pleasure is nice and all but without desire what's the point really? So for me all of the best/most pleasurable sexual experiences have been when my desire has been at it's highest levels. I don't even really think in terms of pleasure anymore - I just go for what I WANT and then trust that the pleasure will happen (to varying degrees, which is the nature of things) as an organic result of increasing, obtaining and ultimately fulfilling that desire. In other words, I try to get as turned on as possible and do all the things I really crave, pleasure/orgasm is a secondary consideration. Good luck, I hope you find some answers that help.

Very accurate and absolutely true. Not only is it difficult to know when to end a relationship in real time, even in retrospect the answer may not be clear. Human affairs are a matter of gray, not black and white, most times. Sometimes the answer is in capital letters on a billboard.

I started out 100% straight, but now I would say that I am 60% Lesbian, 50% hetero. (I know what that adds up to, but that's the point.) From the strictly sexual standpoint I like men and women equally, but from the romantic, emotional aspect Clair, Lora, and I are much closer to each other than to the men.

Variety is the spice of life! Swinging gives you the opportunity to connest with different people of different races - enjoy! Welcome to the board!

I agree. But I also think there is a certain level of trust on both sides in that type of sex. Obviously the woman has to trust the guy who is dominating her and the guy has to trust that this is what the woman actually wants and isn't going to freak out or call the cops or something on him. So I think it just naturally takes time to get there sometimes. I have seen some guys who are quite good with it from the start and jump in head first but others need a little bit of time to get there.

Vaginally, length can be a problem for me hitting bottom. I believe that I could handle a dick of a large girth, but it wouldn't do anything extra for me - my orgasms are fine. It's the opposite for anal, length doesn't matter at all, but girth can be a problem. It took about ten years (and having four other guys in there many times) before I let hubby go in my bum because he is a little bit wide. Bum sex isn't his thing, so it's good. It isn't my thing either since I can't orgasm that way, but I do it if the guy has already taken care of me and promises more oral when we're done. DP is really good though, but hubby is always in the front.

For me, one of the most difficult decisions in life, whether it is in your career or personal relationships, is when to persist and when to move on. No one wants to be a quitter, but no one wants to be a fool either. And the question is not only whether the goal is impossible and the effort totally futile, but also if it is worth the cost, despite what you've already invested. It takes a wise person to evaluate the situation objectively and make the decision because the answer is not always clear, even in hindsight.

She has a couple of regulars who she has great sexual chemistry that can fulfill those desires for her. I actually prefer it that way because when you're dealing with that sort of aggressive sexual play I think it's safer for her to be with guys she knows and trusts. One of them is my best friend who I've known almost my entire life. It feels very natural watching them together which can almost be scary but we both trust him. But the intensity between them is off the charts. Another is her boss who she has great sexual chemistry with as well although it feels less natural and more theatrical when seeing them together. And of course there are some others that come and go.

Strictly speaking you are on the Bell curve, just somewhere on the tail, a standard deviation or so away from the mean.

I'd say you're on the right side of the bell curve for sure, but maybe not on the extreme edge. I've found a lot of variation, but for the most part the swingers and alt-sexual types I've been around tend to have higher performance because they're less inhibited, have fewer hangups, and maybe most importantly have supportive partners. I may have been as performative as you in my teens and 20s, but didn't have an outlet for it then, so who knows. When I started experimenting in my 30s, I could climax 3-4 times a day still, though I'd have to rest at least an hour between. I was also on trazodone, which I'm sure helped with great erections. It probably 'interfered', if you want to call having to take a break after 30 minutes or so a problem--I just started to lose feeling. I liked having the break and none of the women complained, and I don't remember any complaints about finishing later. By my 40s it was slowing down a little, but I'd gotten a divorce and so was highly motivated. Women at swinger parties would be impressed that I could have two orgasms a night, though this was a lot harder bc of the condom. Dating, I remember several women that we wouldn't get out of bed all weekend. By my mid-40s, it was a lot tougher to get there more than 3 times over a day, and I'd often have nothing until late the next day. But it was never a problem with the people I was around, even people half my age. I'm really interested to know how well people in their 50s and 60s perform, so i know what to expect. I'm just 50 and once a day is where I've been for a while, but haven't been swinging in several years.

I don't think you're as far off as some people are saying. I have a friend that can stay hard and cum multiple times. It's certainly not the norm and it does make me a bit jealous but it's not unheard of. And my GF cums quite frequently from vaginal intercourse without clitoral stimulation. That's not to say she doesn't prefer some clitoral stimulation but she doesn't need it to orgasm. And she prefers vaginal sex to oral sex, masturbation, etc. Everyone is different. You two might be in the minority but I can assure you that you're not alone.

You are off the charts. Both of you. Enjoy it while it works. Do you play with others? I am presuming truthfulness and not trolldom to tease the swingers.

There was just a post from a pretty wife who wanted to watch her husband spit roasted by to well hung guys. I thought it was weird but maybe it was a coincidence. I also thought she might have a husband that doesn’t need to be asked what he wants.

An attentive friend with a 5” penis made me cum endlessly last night. He is average in every way except the way he knows how to please me.

He's wrong! You should worry about it. You also have to recognize that some black males are on a power trip that results from a whole lot of deep seated psycho/cultural issues. Many want to dominate and control the (white) woman while humiliating her husband. Be careful what you wish for, you may end up with way more than a color contrast.

Welcome to the Swingers Board. Enjoy the joys of an open marriage!

I think people should be free to do as they want.