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Yes, how others would react is an interesting topic unto itself that my wife and I have discussed. Even with people who we have no interest in playing with, we (my wife especially) would prefer that social norms would allow that this part of our life be known. In particular, she would take being judged a slut by women as a positive thing.

I am a retired lawyer. Many years ago, I received a speeding ticket at Sandy Hook/Gunnison nude beach. I decided to represent myself (usually foolish) to try to knock down the ticket. While I was waiting for court, I was hanging out in the judge’s chambers. The prosecutor was discussing plea bargains. One case involved a woman charged with disorderly conduct . She was caught giving her husband oral sex in the car in the parking lot. Her lawyer said to the prosecutor “Come on, this couple has been married for 25 years. She deserves a commendation!”

"We all know"? Really? My wife actually suggested it to me. Dang, she's always doing things out of order. If you have to talk her into it, she's likely not going to be into it. If you think it's bad that she'll shoot down the swinging idea, wait until you push too much and she takes half your stuff.

It really depends on the couple, what are perceived as limits, as barriers, and as opportunities. Perhaps one can begin by acknowledging that many women are socialized by men towards body shame, sex shame, and pleasure shame. Many women are told from early in their lives that exposure of their bodies is sinful, sex is purely procreational and never recreational, and that the pursuit of pleasure leads to hell and damnation. That destructive orientation has been used by men for centuries to exercise control and maintain power, and is reinforced even today. Dragging an unwilling spouse into nude recreation much less swinging is wrong for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which is that is will be perceived as a sort of public shaming. On the other hand, supporting a spouse's liberation from shame is a wonderful act for both members of the couple. Motive matters, actions matter, love and support matter most of all.

Well don’t leave us hanging, njbm, how was the matter resolved by the judge? (I assume this was a misdemeanor non-jury trial.) Oh, and dud you beat the rap on the speeding ticket? ???

Given your handle on this board, @hunterdonNJcpl, you might well be referring to Gunnison Beach on Sandy Hook. Kathy and I formerly well about a 30-minute drive from there, and enjoyed spending there late weekend afternoons (sometimes just the two of us, and occasionally with friends visiting us from out of town). We have found a couple of hours at any beach, nude or clothed, was about enough for us. Public sex, as you note, is forbidden. And walking into the dunes, which are protected in this federal park, for relative privacy, can get you into as much trouble as fucking or sucking. But, lots of swingers attend, and over the years we were discretely approached on a number of occasions by individuals and couples looking for straight or gay play. I can’t speak to the current situation but as of 15 or 20 years ago discreet sexual acts did take place. Some people brought tents they could zip them up for privacy. Kathy enjoyed sometimes going to the far southern reaches of the nude side of the beach, where there was no one within a couple of hundred feet of us, and masturbating with a pocket rocket. (On one occasion she was so turned on by having done that out on the open beach that she masturbated again during the car ride home. ?? )

If you just cannot talk openly about sex, fantasies, and swinging, then YOU are not ready, let alone your wife. Work on being able to communicate first, then worry about the next step.

agreed @AndrewandAnn i should have mentioned that sexual activity of any kind is not tolerated at any family-oriented or public nudist beaches or resorts. Getting too frisky at a nude beach is a good way to get slapped with a violation that just might land you on a sex offender's list. But, especially for new couples, you will likely feel the sexual energy simply by walking around and perhaps engaging in friendly conversation with fellow nudists. We don't have to get touchy-feely to get turned on at the nude beach. When we get back home we literally rip each other's clothes off.

Clarification is in order: We've been members of American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) for decades. Its headquarters are in our backyard in Kissimmee, Florida. We are also members of South Florida Free Beaches/Florida Naturist Association and Treasure Coast Naturists, as well other international groups. The collective purpose of these organizations, big and small, is to promote wholesome, family-friendly venues for nude recreation. Nudism/naturism draws a very bright line between nudity and sex. Public nude beaches are the farthest thing from "... hot, sexually charged atmospheres" as one can imagine. At the public nude beach we frequent here in Florida, it is not unusual to see families with children. Attending a nude beach at a adult-oriented resort (i.e., Caliente, Hedonism, etc.) or private club is an entirely different atmosphere. Those venues are oriented towards creating a highly sexualized atmosphere. Being nude in that setting takes on a completely different meaning and caters to a different clientele. People who choose to attend one of these kinds of venues do so for the specific purpose of being in a "hot, sexually charged" atmosphere. And, yes, you will definitely find your fair share of "lifestylers" in attendance--especially during "takeovers" when the resorts are almost entirely filled with swingers. It is important not conflate one with the other.

A lot to unpack here. How do you "know" your wife is against swinging? Have you opened a dialogue with her on the subject? Or, are you just assuming you know her well enough to read her mind? Hint: Women are chock full of surprises and their attitudes, opinions, tastes, etc. continue to evolve their whole lives. There was a time when my wife would never have entertained having sex outside of our marriage. And I wouldn't have, either. We both evolved. One does not "become" a nudist. Nudism is simply being nude. It doesn't require a conversion. Lol! ;-) Some people enjoying being nude in the privacy of their own home and environment. Others are comfortable being nude around other people in the proper circumstances (for example, at a nude beach like the ones we have here in southern Florida.) Ann and I are nude as often as possible. We are fortunate to have a living environment that affords a great deal of privacy and we can be nude both inside and outside of our home without disturbing our neighbors or being disturbed by them (more likely.) Also, we belong to a social circle of people who are comfortable being nude together. Imagine a backyard pool party with friends--the only difference being everyone forgot to bring their swim suits. The "novelty" wears off quite quickly. You seem to equate nudism with sexuality. They have almost no correlation. A trip to a nude beach will squelch that notion in your mind fairly quickly. It's just ordinary people sunning themselves with the last bits of clothing removed. The average age tends to skew older, I'm estimating 60 and up. Not many "hard bodies" to be found. And, as with any other kind of activity, one is expected to follow proper etiquette. People tend to maintain significant distance from each other (even more so today thanks to the pandemic.) Ogling is not only in bad taste, it will get you invited to leave. Any overtly sexual behavior is illegal. At the nude beach we frequent, there is an organization of volunteers who act as ambassadors to ensure a friendly and wholesome environment is maintained. Creeps are reported to the local police. You are correct about one aspect of nudism: Based upon our experience over the years, we believe nudists are, by definition, more "free" in their thinking and actions and are less likely to adhere to some of the dogmatic limits that society places on people (this is even more true for committed naturists.) And, certainly, they are less judgmental about alternative ways of living. I do believe women in particular find being nude liberating because they so often have body image issues (regardless of how beautiful they are.) It is wonderful to shed the last little bit of clothes and stop worrying about how you "look". The sun and waves don't care.

Just my opinion on this topic. However, if the issue here is trying to convince her to become interested in swinging, I really think you are not going down the right path. As a couple, you both have to be on the same page on the issue, comfortable about it, and in agreement with it. If not, she may become resentful and feel she is being pushed into something. We have met couples in situations whereby either the male or the female was not entirely comfortable with the whole LS approach and it ends up like the less interested party feeling like they are "taking one for the team" and is just putting up to keep the other partner satisfied. This usually does not end well. We have been involved long enough to pick up on this type of situation and never push the issue with anyone. The main point here to to have open and honest communication between you and your spouse/partner. We are all different and the LS is not always meant for all couples or all individuals. If the comfort level is not there just move on to something that you both are comfortable with and will not cause problems with your relationship. BTW, in our case, it was my wife who initially openly brought up the subject of exploring the lifestyle. We both openly talked about it ourselves, investigated things on the internet, and met and chatted with couples in the LS before ever taking our first steps in meeting and exploring the LS with another couple.

This story of Mary is gaining so traction, so . . . I wrote this up for Literotica some time back, I've reposted it here in the Swinger Stories section. Enjoy!

Mostly her tendency to wander around the house naked after showers and such... the kid might have questions about why there are dirty words on mom's butt. OK, the pervert in me would really like the idea of her coworkers seeing the things that had been written on her legs and breasts and acting on them... but real life is not porn and those kind of things just don't go over well in reality. It's just possible that I've been cooped up a little too long. ?

True. However, that presumes the spa and the related facilities are being properly maintained at all times and under varying conditions. The number of users, the weather, the temperature of the spa, the type of filter, and other factors, significantly affect the amount and type of chemicals and other maintenance required to ensure the spa is clean and free of nasties. Also, there is the issue of the cleanliness of everything around the spa, from the changing area, to the railings, the steps, etc. All of those related areas require a regular maintenance and cleaning/disinfecting routine, too. As you can probably tell... lol... I am always skeptical about the maintenance of spas at hotels, large condo complexes, etc. It's a lot of work and most of those kinds of organizations outsource the maintenance to a third-party at the lowest possible cost. That company then hires low-skilled/no skill hourly people who have little to no training in proper pool and spa maintenance. I've been involved with pool and spa maintenance, either as a private owner, or in a complex management capacity, for more than twenty years. I can relate some fairly disturbing stories. Home spas are quite a bit easier to properly maintain simply because they are smaller, have very little variation in average load, and are usually covered or located in-doors and out of the weather. But, even they can be finicky from time to time.

Okay, I'm taking this one off topic . . . My wife has never had a gangbang, if you mean that we set it up for a bunch of guys to concentrate solely on her. She's never been interested. But . . . One night we were at a fairly large house party. After the two of us had played with another couple, a single guy (a rookie) and she decided to play and since the newbie was also interested in exhibition, Mary let him lead her to the common room. He was joyfully having his way with her when she was joined by a guy that we knew well, that takes it to three for the night. I was then surprised when she crooked her finger at yet another, and another . . . After a couple of hours, at least ten guys had been with my wife, I wouldn't be surprised if it was more than a dozen. Now, does this count as an 'official gangbang'? We go back and forth on it.

The gang bangs we've done in the past have all been semi-spontaneous events set up at swingers clubs... most just involving letting a few guys there know we're interesting in doing a gang bang and just letting thing go from there. Sometimes it worked really well. Other times, not at all. Depended on the crowd on any given night. I've heard that setting up a gang bang online is a difficult task. I've never tried myself, but most stories I've heard involve couples inviting 10 guys, having 5 guys say yes and 0-1 guys actually show up on the night. In general, I'd say your rules are right in line with what ours have always been. Simple, clear, easy to communicate. As for finding people, my experience says look for a club once COVID is over, start slow and let things happen. Hopefully others will have some advice more suited to the digital age. Have fun.

It would be nice if you got to know the men before. You could have a few MFMs before the gangbang. Then invite the top 3 or 4 participants to the GB. Do you have a profile on SLS or a similar site? They have GB parties in some larger metro areas and at some swingers’ clubs. If you go to a major swing club like Trapeze or Colette’s, you could probably start a GB. I think things are generally on ice till the pandemic ends.

We both on scholarship when we met that paid most of our college costs not our everyday expenses. Most of us found jobs both private and on campus jobs. Honey was a gymnast and spent hours and hours conditioning and practicing, I did also maybe not as dedicated. I knew where she worked and was amazed the hours after practices she had to work. I was very busy myself trying to finish my senior year and we got together whenever we could and I made the most of it fucking a gymnast is the best sex a guy can get. At her place after a great fuck and still in her bed she became nervous and asked me to listen. She said that I only knew about her office job not about the man who gave her the money for her place, her Benefactor. The man was a voyeur who liked to watch. Then she asked about another girl athlete I knew, he was helping her also. He would have the two of them have sex for him to watch. I just wanted to blow the whistle on this perv or kick the shit out of him. She stopped me and pleaded with me to have sex with her and her friend but it had to be in front of her Benefactor. He would just watch and won’t be involved. That’s when I found out she had done this before with other friends. I was sunken to know she had been doing this all along. I did it. My first time with two gorgeous women and a perv watching. I was going to break up with her afterwards, I didn’t want a whore. Now I’m still enjoying her as my wife.