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I have had weight problems my entire life, as has my entire nuclear family and three out of four of my grandparents. When we started in the lifestyle, I was at a heavy point and I was consigned to eating coffee cake in the living room at house parties. For my own health and longevity, not the lifestyle, I lost around 50 pounds. I did much better with breathing, moving, clothes, A1C numbers and the lifestyle. Unfortunately, attractiveness is a top issue for this hobby. However, that said, I have played with women who are average in looks and overweight and, due to the fact that they are nice people with spirited personalities, I have enjoyed myself thoroughly. I realize while I think that I am pleasant looking, I am no Adonis. You guys need to match up with people on line that are in your perfectly desirable league and pursue them. House parties can work, too. I have been the subject of cruel rejections (my husband would do your wife, but...). Once you match up with kindred spirits, you will forget the glitterati.

When I hold a cock and look at my bf he knows that I am telling him "it's your turn" just started this and it hot

There’s nothing at all wrong with you, friend. One problem we’ve noticed since we began getting involved in this kind of thing is there’s no lack of superficial/egotistical/narcissistic jerks involved in “the lifestyle.” Personally, I prefer real in every sense of the word. An ugly mind and soul will ruin anything, no matter how pretty it is on the outside. I’ve got no use for fake anything, and that includes lips, boobs, butts, not to mention attitudes. Take your time. It took us 3-4 years to find our first actual experience, and even then it was with good friends. Be yourself and be patient. Above all, just be yourself.

My wife and I have been in the lifestyle for several years now, though we do a lot of separate swinging. There haven't really been many issues, and we're very much in love and committed to each other. Today, however, I ran into a new situation that I'm having some problems with, and would appreciate any help or advice anyone has. My wife was just with this guy who has a massive dick, like seriously huge. The first time they were together it actually hurt her really bad. The second time though she had an incredible experience and came three times. Now, I'm average in size...about 6.5" long and on the lower end of average in girth. This is the first time she's been with anyone this large, and she described how the sensation of him hitting her deep inside, though initially painful, just sent her over the top with pleasure. Now, one part of me is of course incredibly turned on by this. And part of me is happy for her, I mean, shouldn't that be the idea? And I do trust the situation in all other aspects. However, part of me is extremely insecure and jealous. Realistically, I can't possibly give her that sort of stimulation with what I'm packing. She's never even been multi-orgasmic before today, so...I'm feeling pretty inadequate. My fear is that she's going to enjoy sex with him so much more that our sex life is now going to pale in comparison, and just not be nearly as enjoyable, and as it's a physical issue, there's nothing I can do about it. Does anyone have any experience with this situation? I would really appreciate any feedback, advice, or stories!

That really does not address my point, though. Let's take sexual orientation out of it with an example. Let's say couple A is really into BDSM. Let's say that Couple B is not, and it is even a turn off for them. Couple A says "No problem, we like regular sex just fine." Couple B then says, "No, you guys are into BDSM, therefore, we feel uncomfortable playing with you, even if you promise no BDSM." I know plenty of women with zero interest into sex with other females. To a one, they are willing to play with couples where the other woman is interested. This is about guys not wanting to naked in the presence of a bi guy. Do I call it "homophobia"? I am not doing that, but there is some level of discomfort that stops them from wanting to swap with a couple where the guy is bi. What if they are in separate rooms? They still are unwilling to play with them? It is not something rational. It is some sort of hang up. And it is a double standard. Gay men and bi men are simply less acceptable to Americans, even in swinging. And if you don't think there is a anti male-homosexual bias in swinging then you have not been paying attention. Again, I am no longer willing to lie and say I am 100% straight, that makes me uncomfortable. If some man is uncomfortable having sex with my wife because I am bi, neither of us want to play him or his wife.

Good morning. We found there are sooo many couples that don’t know how to start. We didn’t know either when we were looking for someone. I keep in touch with some of the women we have met giving advice and support in how to go forward. We don’t meet the same couples more than a few times just that we think some become clingy. We have met some where Alan never gets to play, just watching is all he gets to do. This couple was just like many of the others who never did this, she was very curious about women and told us she wasn’t positive she could have sex. She told me she wants to do more if we meet again. Talk is much easier than actions and we never do more if they don’t want it.

This is a very common conversation in the lifestyle. Especially with those that are new to it most everyone has a question of doubt about themselves at some point...Brest size, shape nipple size, penis size, shape, body image.....the list is endless. And all who stay in the LS all discover the same thing eventually.....it doesn’t matter. There are those who are interested and those who are not. Like donuts and Icecream there are so many flavors, shapes and combinations. commercial clubs are just that commercial businesses. We have always participated in home parties and private groups. Do we play or have we played with everyone there....no. And for no particular reason. everyone has likes and dislikes. we learned that attending parties with expectations, anticipation.....can and often leads to disappointment. Attending and meeting people at parties or directly is best as the social event it is intended for....and let things unfold naturally.....and do not judge or compare yourself to anyone.....is much more relaxing and often produces a surprise or two which is just lovely.

That's a secret...

Have you ever met a couple where you were more sexually compatible with the other spouse, and your spouse was more compatible with the others spouse. My husband and I love each other but we have alternate preferences in the bedroom. My husband is a lover, he likes taking his time with it, lots of kissing and oral and then he likes to grind deep inside me till we both cum, then he enjoys cuddling. Its extremely intimate and passionate and intense. I like it rough, really rough, I like to get pounded, pull my hair, maybe choke me a little, call me a slut. I like it rough and dirty. Its also passionate but in a different way, its about need not love, and it is intensly satisfying to me. I can't really call it making love, its more just getting fucked. I like that, a lot. Now James and I enjoy time with each other but its either he gives me what I want or I give him what he want. A few years back two of our best friends inquired about our swapping experience after a get together at their house. Over several bottles of wine we discussed it, James and I went to bed in their guest room as we had drank to much, they stayed up talking. About 2 in the morning I got up to pee, and Julie and Adam were still up, Julie asked me if we would consider swapping with them. I went in and talked to James and we decided we would. Physically we are opposites Julie is adorable and has a very tight body, and Adam is a fitness instructor and very ripped and pretty muscular. I am curvy and soft, skinny in the middle but a D cup with a Serious booty and thick thighs, my husband is muscular but leaner than Adam and not chisled. After we decided yes, I came back out and took Julies hand and took her in to leave her with my husband then I took of my shirt and walked out to grab Adam in all my naked glory, and I took him to bed. Sexually Adam is aggressive which is usually my role with my husband, so it is a nice change of pace to be chased. To my delight Adam was packing and likes it rough, which is my jam, but Julie is smaller than me at 4 foot nothing so he often has to be careful of hurting her. Since I am sturdier I can take more, a lot more, after we got started and I realized he liked harder sex , I started prompting him, I told him to fuck me harder a few times, I told him to pull my hair, I put his hands around my throat and pulled his weight on me, and told him to call me a slut and other naughty names quite a few times. Once he realized the rules were different than his normal he really brought it, and I very happily took every deliciously mouthwatering inch of it. To say it was a good night for me was an understatement. Once we found our groove Adam fucked me like he had been fucking me for a decade and knew all my kinks. I orgasmed several times and spent a good amount of time with my face buried in the bed and my ass in the air as he hammered away at my insides. Afterwards my legs were so wobbly I couldn't stand. I was a happy girl. In the morning, I went into the bathroom and Julie was there getting ready to take a shower, she told me to stay, so I asked her how it went and she smiled shyly and said it was really really good, she was hoping Adam and I had as much fun. I assured her I had and since I had drained Adam three times I felt safe in saying he had ample fun. She looked at me in shock, you took him 3 times? He is too rough with me for that, I smiled and explained I like it rougher, I actually made him go harder. She looked at me and said there is a harder? My vagina hurts just thinking about that. I replied well I am guessing that you enjoyed my husband's softer touch. She smiled, and said she really did. She told me last night was intensly passionate and I needed that. She mentioned she had multiple orgasms with my husband and he had cum several times also. We've been friends for a long time. So she knew I was bisexual, and I always felt she seemed curious, but I do not like to push those kinds of things as I'd never ruin our friendship. She asked if not having any girl time ruined it for me. I laughed and said no, I got what I wanted last night. It's not a must have type thing, I am the queen of taking cock. If girl time happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't, but if she wanted to make it up to me I'd be happy to oblige. She laughed, and commented on how much more aggressive I was than her. She mentioned sh might like trying kissing but was nervous. I pulled her into the shower and we made out a little in the steamy hot water. It was sexy. Afterwards on the drive home I talked to my husband and he said Julie was so passionate he had loved every minute of it. That was three years ago and we have had many such nights with Adam and Julie, in March they were selling their home and needed an apartment for a couple months, we let them stay with us, then Covid happened. In PA the real estate market was not considered essential and put on hold, then their deal fell through so they have stayed with us in our guest room. Over this time living together we have melded into a more Polyamorous relationship. Julie loves to cuddle as does my husband, but Adam and I are not cuddles and were more likely to slap someone's ass to show affection. So Julie and James have a solid routine, and Adam and I have a solid routine. We still all have sex with our spouses but we both find deep satisfaction with each other. Have any of you run into this type of poly relationship? I've talked to my husband and we kinda feel it will be sad when they find a new place and we were considering asking if they'd like to find a bigger place with us and we could expand this relationship to a more permanent thing, more defined.

Nope, I've pretty much said the same to women in similar situations. See, what is happening is common. In a new and sexually charged environment someone often 'performs' for the new person in the group. Then, because they actually did what was expected of them, just not in the way they were expected to, the other person is 'feeling ' hurt. If you're going to travel to the edge, you cannot complain if you get your nose bloodied. He wanted a new experience, he got one. As far as what she did in a sexually charged environment, good for her. As many have suggested, be happy for her. What ever happened to 'no crime, no foul' ? This was one time, one night, which by your own admission, went on for hours. I tell ya, one more person tells me how their spouse really came through, the sex was so good the neighbor needed a cigarette, only to bemoan some irrelevant point because they cannot stop themselves from overthinking. Sheesh pal, she had a great time, you had a great time and the other guy did to. That is often a rare thing.

Meeting a couple for the first time is an exciting experience when they have played with others before. A virgin couple needs to be tension packed and you need to be commended on taking it slow. Going from talk to action for women on woman can have traumatic results if a woman is pushed into the act. To have sex with a woman, another man and seeing your spouse having sex for the first time brings back flashbacks for me.

You got everything you wanted and more. Then, you find yourself troubled by the 'more' part. She'll get to you, but not if you're going to complain after the first excursion. Ever think of being happy for her (and yourself) instead of these self indulgent contemplations where you pity yourself. Just because you feel an emotion does not mean you need to indulge it. I'm not trying to be mean, but your behavior is pretty selfish and don't think for a moment she doesn't realize this. "You gave him a better blow job than I get so to make things even we have a threesome with a girl !" Say it out loud and you might begin to understand. Curious no description of the intercourse they had. That speaks volumes. Simply stated, you're not ready for this until you grow up a smidgen. Lots of good advice here including not doing this any more for a while. Lastly, you're NOT more kinky than she is. Not by a long shot.

I don't disagree, Andrew. I also reserve the right to make judgements about people based on their boundaries. After all, someone's behavior shows their character. If a couple is OK with playing with a woman who is bi (no bi action, they just know she is bi), and they are not OK playing with a couple where the guy is bi (no bi action, they just know he is bi), that says something about their attitudes. There is a hang up there. I am not saying it is sin, just that it is a double standard. They are treating bi men differently than bi women. We are not big fans of double standards in general, and when we encounter one, we wonder. I gave up pretending to have no bi interest on profiles because I don't like lying. If a couple is that freaked out simply because I am bi, they are not the couple for us.

We have never been party people and enjoy contact with one couple at a time. Our best most exciting experiences have been with newbies, first timers with curious wives. We had met a couple last year just before shut down, their first time ever meeting a couple and her first time doing anything with a woman. When we left we had a tentative time we would meet for more fun. We enjoyed them as a couple and they liked that we didn’t push any situation. Through lockdown Linda kept contact with the wife and spoke with her many times. I kept saying to just text I don’t like people who might think we are going to answer every call. With all this going on it was good for them, Linda too, to have social calls. Now we are all vaccinated and plans are in for a second meeting. We are looking forward to some fun with them and according to the phone calls it’s all the wife can think of doing.

My wife is scheduled for April 7 and May 7. I was vaccinated on Feb 16 and March 16, so my two weeks after vax is approaching.

They keep lowering the age and opening up to more people. It’s crazy that smokers get priority, what do I know.

I’m not sure where you are on the list, you should still get the vaccine when you can. Unfortunately too many people near us are not getting vaccination and the numbers in NJ are still rising and are the some of the highest in the country. Warm weather is coming and I want to get back to doing normal things like getting back to Gunnisons Beach.

This remark speaks to tremendous respect for your spouse. Bravo, it is foundational to all marriages, vanilla or otherwise. She seems fully content with fantasy and role play. Is there a reason for *her* to be discontent? How might she see the downside to feeling discontent? Suppose for a moment that she drives a perfectly safe car manufactured 12 years ago, runs fine, a few blemishes, does everything she wants it to do. You can afford to give her a brand-new whatever marque/make/model. You broach the subject, "Honey, we have the money, let's get you a new car." In many marriages, you won't get her to do so much as a test drive without a focused plan. There will be a reason to save the money, or she will be unsure of what the best choice is, or ... . You will get "it runs, it's paid for, it does everything I need it to do or want it to do." On the other hand, suppose you have eaten at pretty much the same restaurants in your area for some time. There's a couple of new restaurants that have opened up. You casually suggest trying one of them for dinner. In many marriages, you'll be tasked with making sure they can get you in tonight while she's getting dressed. What's the difference in the two scenarios? Is it "getting stuck with something you might not want or need?" Is it "cost" and the inability to just walk away? Is it fear that the "old and reliable" might pale in comparison?

Hope you are Positive and have the antibodies. That would mean you had Covid and no bad effects that go with it. Lioness I have been so jealous of you. Mike and I always enjoy reading your posts.

I divorced my X because he liked guys more than paying attention to me. He is very attractive with a huge cock able to get anyone he wanted in bed. We used to take on guys together and I would fuck them till they couldn’t get it up anymore and then he would take over and fuck their asses. It was hot watching him in action. My ex and I are still good friends and he is also friends with my new husband/slave. I still fuck my ex when I can screw him into giving me what I want. When my ex found out that I was fucking my slave in the ass with a strap-on he wanted in on the action. The guys always watched sports together and became good friends. I had rule in the house that we would all be naked together. During half time I would fuck one or both of them. Sometimes I would have them DP me nice and slow. Once the guys got familiar being naked together and we’re starting to do some touchy feeling each others genitals I knew it was time to take the next step. I decided to give my new husband an education by turning my ex-husband loose. I decided to do the same technique and fucked my slave until he couldn’t get it up anymore and then I turned him over to my ex-husband. I held him over the leather divan in the living room while my ex-husband carefully took his anal cherry nice and slow fucking him for a good 15 minutes. My ex-husband wanted another fuck so after about an hour I sucked him hard and he fucked my slave again. Behind closed doors my husband learned how to suck cock and enjoy taking it in the ass. Now I have more time to spend with my girlfriend in bed while the boys are playing. My slave still thinks he’s straight but I know better.

Always, an interesting topic. Once had a friend tell me she didn,t want to play with me because she knew I played w bi couples. The irony of the whole thing is she had just told me about how she had caught gonorrhea playing w some straight guys that she met off of a random dating site. Just because a person is gay or bi it does not mean that they will want to engage in sex with you. If someone touches another person without consent then thats a person you should not be hanging out with in the first place...as mentioned above in someone else message. Have heard so many excuses about why people don't play w bi or gay people and it usually comes down to the good old STD argument. Truth be told I have been swinging about 17 years and have been having sex even longer than that....lol. The point I am trying to make is that I have known quite a few ppl to contract STDs. Almost all of them have been between people that were heterosexual...both within and outside of the swingers community.

Being a female dominant I’ll never bring another guy into the relationship with my slave if he will not submit to my will. I believe that the three of us must be totally open about our medical checks and having had very recent blood tests to make sure we are STD free. I believe in using condoms unless I have a very close friend where I keep track of his every move and relationships. I can keep a guy on the side sexually happy and loyal with my expertise in fellatio so he is not looking for anyone else so that we can have fun bareback sex. Behind closed doors I love getting the guys hot and horny to the point of them mixing it up sucking cock and sometimes taking it in the ass. Sometimes I act as their fluff keeping them hard and making them take turns doing each other. My personal slave still believes he is straight because I have him psychologically programmed and everything we do is a secret in the bedroom. We may do an MMF relationship every other month and practice heterosexual sex in between. If I find a willing bi-partner that wants a lasting relationship things may change. It’s not a problem for me to take care of two guys because I know exactly how to make them play.

I can see this, yes and no. On one hand, I sort of had those feelings when my wife and I started fucking around together. But they quickly went away with the feeling that "it's not gay if a woman is there.' So I easily started kissing/eating my wife or his wife after she sucked off/was fucked by another guy, did DP, did DVP. Since the guys butt fuck our wives and each others wives, the guys sometimes now do it to each other. So it evolves as time goes on, as it always does. And yeah, so on the other hand, if most guys are sure homophobes, then why is MFM so popular over FMF? If two guys are doing it to one woman there's go to be some ball knocking and friendly fire expected.

All the bi guys we know are respectful in that if your straight - they don't come on to you. Having said that, there has been a few DP's we had a "oops" moment where some dick has touched the other one while lining up the girl lol It's not a worry in our book even though I'm straight.

My husband is similar in the sense that he's not attracted to another male but he enjoys bisexual acts during sex. We have played with plenty of straight people and we respect their preferences. He has never grabbed any part of another male knowing that he plays straight. I can't speak for others, but it's not an uncontrollable urge. Just like other fetishes, it's simply a matter of not doing it if the other partners are not into it.

I'm a bi guy, play with other couples with straight men all the time. Not a big deal. I have had my ass grabbed expectantly by a man I thought was straight. However, I have never grabbed or touched another guy when he told me he was straight. Hope that helps!! Good Luck and have fun!

My ex and I played in threesomes with guys we knew to be Bi. I told them I was straight before we started, I never had any problems. If you're uncomfortable with just knowing the guy is Bi and don't want to play with him, that's fine, your preference. But if you're afraid he'll come on to you, and that's the only reason you're rejecting him, I'd say go ahead and schedule a date.

Yes. I actively searched for someone with a large cock over the internet so she could have that kind of experience. I felt insecure at first as I watched them knowing that she could never have that kind of feeling with me but I felt secure enough in our relationship that we could have an intimate married relationship and still play with others. She felt the same way and loved me more for letting her have those kind of experiences.

I don't think it's a double standard as traditional swinger culture is entrenched in F/F but does not involve man-on-man. And I also believe that the overwhelming majority of men involved in the lifestyle have no interest in sex with another man - and that the vast majority of LS females are open, for a variety of reasons, for sex with other females. Am I wrong?