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So my wife and I have discussed swinging for several years. We've decided we're going to play soon, maybe by visiting a new lifestyle club in our town. We've discussed our preferences, boundaries, concerns, etc.... The Mrs. Biggest concern is: We both feel like we're really going to enjoy this. I'd like to see her with another woman, and she's always been curious about women. She has no doubt she'll enjoy that experience. I'd also like to see her with another man. She has said me and another guy with her would be hot, and we roleplay this often.. We're both bi-curious. So her concern is that once we start down this path, our regular love-making, and occasional fucking may seem diminished because adding a third or possibly another couple is going to be erotic overload, so to speak. How do y'all experienced swingers find this has affected your normal, day-to-day sex lives? Does regular love making seem less intense since y'all started swinging? Thanks in advance. Sean

I know I’m overthinking this, Alan laughed at me and my conspiracy theories. He said what you are saying and used my own words to convince me to set up a date. She is attractive, smart and real. I already know more about her than any other couple before. He convinced me to set up the date.

I got to thinking about how we all did things early on that we look back and now and wonder "what were we thinking", "why did we do that" and it came down simply to we didn't know any better. For me/us it was jumping in too fast and driving 45 minutes to meet the first couple we found within 2 hours of us that was interested in meeting and then (despite the lack of connection) attempting to play with them. (We are good friends now and laugh about it, but that didn't happen till 2 years later). So what was your major faux paux? What do you look back at in your swinging life (even if it was only a month ago) that you cringe at?

I understand her concern, it's real for her, it needs to be addressed. I can only say to her, 'try it, you'll like it!' Humans have a thing with sex, when they have it and it's hot, they want more of it. When they don't have it for awhile, they tend to lose interest. When you have sex with somebody else, you'll find that you're so turned on you can't wait to have sex with your spouse. It's fantastic. But, of course, it's one of those things that seems a little counterproductive until you actually experience it. Best of luck.

I can say that me and my GF's day to day sex life has not diminished but that could be because it's a lot different than our "swinging sex." If anything I would say that the "swinging sex" feels less exciting over time more than the day to day stuff.

John & Emily, separate rooms may or may not be a mistake for you. For your first experience, the sight and sounds of your spouse as they mate with someone else can be a tremendously erotic event, to be relived over and over as you recall the loss of your monogamous 'virginity.' In addition, the wife often is a bit nervous, that her husband is so close can calm her, help her to feel more safe. On the other hand, the thought and sight of his wife with another man can often give a newbie husband ED; sometimes (but not always,) being away from her allows him to concentrate on the woman he's with and respond to her better. Also if there is jealousy on either's part, it can sometimes be better handled. Either way can be a perfect time, or it may in retrospect, be a 'mistake.'

Changes the definition of going for 'a work out'

We started at about your age. We went soft swing same room initially. That gave my wife time to acclimate and take charge. At out first party she wouldn't even go into the lobby without holding my hand. Things progressed as she felt more at ease. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. There is more to our backstory, but I have written of it here before. Feel free to post us.

We worried about it before, but had no jealousy when we had our first swaps. A good initial test is to go to a swingers’ club and only play among your selves and watch and be watched. Once in that atmosphere, you will have a better idea of whether this is doable or a bridge too far. The only real way to know is to exchange partners. If your wife tries it and cannot stand it, she doesn’t have to do it again. It is not a world ending experience. Of course, if she is militantly against a swap, don’t push it.

The ones listed above are the biggest for sure. Then there are some more off the beaten path ones that are sort of swinger friendly nudist getaways. Mountain Creek Grove in north Georgia is one. It's been a while since we've been there, but we enjoyed it when we did. It's nice if what you are looked for is a low key getaway just lounging around by the pool in a more natural setting. I probably wouldn't call it a resort, but that's a term that means different things to different people. Usually, swinging, at least out of the shadows swinging, is a definite no-no at what I call "true" nudist resorts. Then there are a few that are just the opposite, more of a swinger place, and where nudity is encouraged but not required. This one is more along those lines. Have fun, and good luck in your search!

I think you're looking a gift horse in the mouth. Go with it, have fun! There are a lot of us that would be dying to be in your shoes.

U guys seem great. Honey just goes to the honey pot when we are with a first time player.

That was pretty well our biggest mistake early on - in fact it happened the first time we played with another couple as opposed to a single male. We went along with the intention of it being a purely social meet. Inevitably, after a few drinks (and then a few more) it seemed like a great idea to go for it there and then. Not that we were planning soft swing though. Anyway, it ended up in separate rooms - not a good idea as it turned out. We put it down to inexperience and didn't worry about it. CB

I think (even though we are Newbies) that our biggest mistake was going to far to quick. We should have started with more of a soft swing approach instead of jumping right in to full swing. We also went into separate rooms which was a real mistake. Live and learn I guess

As time goes on, we've had to ammend our profile quite a few times, usually after someone writes us and we realize there's something we need to add or be more specific about. We still have yet to meet that elusive couple we actually want/get to "play" with, but hey...all in good time.

I am still to new to know what most of our mistakes are, but I wanted to add We have changed our profile 7 times now.