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I like the concept of compersion!

This essay that we wrote and posted 5 years ago may be of use to the OP framing perspectives.

When you started to learn to drive, did the first thing you do is jump on the freeway in heavy traffic? Set your limits...and they can be as simple as meeting another couple for drinks and talk or going to a swingers club and only watching others, and then stick to them. There is no rush and there should also be no pressure on either of you. Your original limits can be anything, just make sure that everyone knows what they are. Other couples will not try and make you do anything you aren't ready to do (and if they do try, just walk away). We were both worried about what would happen when we started as well (you would be foolish not to at least think about it). I used to be very jealous as well, but as we proceeded forward we were both good with what happened. We even had the infamous 'no kissing' rule but that only lasted one outing before we both agreed that it wasn't needed. Set your limits and rules. Don't try to change them in the heat of passion, but discuss any potential changes the next day for the next time. Always move at the speed that the slowest person is comfortable with. No means absolutely NO. If one of you decides this isn't for them and they want to stop, then you both stop. You are a team, play as a team. If you both aren't enjoying this, then don't do it. Swinging will NOT save a troubled relationship, only end it. If you show each other love, trust and communication, swinging will be the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae. Good luck and let us know what things are going.

With all the shutdowns and not going to the gym for what feels like forever I finally started going after my vaccinations. It was nice seeing some of the women who I had seen over the years, women and men who I only know in passing at the gym. My old gym friends who I would have very little conversation and mostly just idle gym talk. There are people you notice and say hello to and don’t know their names. I was on the elliptical, with my mask on, and not paying attention to anyone and then I see a woman two machines over having mask problems. I recognize her from classes we both took over the years. Feeling bad I motion that I have extra masks she could have. I now know she wanted to get my attention. She told me her name and said she knows someone in common with me. My heart blipped when she said who, a woman we met a few years ago. She said she knows we haven’t talked in years but she her friend knew I worked out in this gym. Don’t know how she knew or how she would know I would be there at that time. I didn’t know to react when she said if we could talk after our workout. The couple she knew were one of the couples we met on a site who were just starting out. The couple lived not close to us, something we did for many reasons. Now I have someone who is in our everyday life asking me questions about swinging. I couldn’t get a real answer of how she got my name or why her friend would bring my name up. Her friends are swingers, they have met others after us. Her promise of discretion is gone, I’m not sure how to handle this new friend. Her and husband have not met anyone, even if they are friends with swingers. She told me that they have talked and knew her friends met us and for a year her and her husband talked about what it would be like. Her friends refused to be the first for them, too close they said. So much could go wrong and jealousy could ruin the friendship. She asked if we would just meet with her and her husband for drinks. Her and her husband have been vaccinated and have been monogamous in their marriage. She showed me a picture of her husband who I recognized from the gym. They both workout and she said they live a healthy life. In the years we have met others we always kept our lives separate from our play. Not sure if meeting someone who knows more about me, maybe stalking me, is someone we should get involved with.

We are a swinging couple, in that we have foursomes and moresomes. But my wife also is a hotwife, in that we have MFM threesomes together and she sometimes solos without me. I got to wondering, how many other couples do stuff like this? And here’s the answer: In 61.7% of couples that swing the wife is also a hotwife. Now, before you go quoting that figure as gospel, or try to tell me I’m full of it, let me say that you should read this whole message. (Preview: It’s quite likely that the figure isn’t true.) So, how did I come to this figure? What I did was I analyzed 120 swinger profiles on SLS. I picked them from various locations, suburbs of large cities, made sure that the profiles were paid, and the couple said they did full swap. I sorted the profiles into three categories: 1) Couples that said they are as interested in single males as they are in swinging, 2) couples that said they like swinging more but they can get into single males, 3) couples that said they have no interest in single males. Category 1 was 37.5% of the profiles. Category 2 was 24.2% of the profiles. Category 3, couples that have no interest, is 38.3% Add Category 1 and Category 2 together, you get that 61.7% figure. So, while I was at it, I also analyzed the age of women who are in such couples. I was surprised to find that the percentage goes down as women get older, I thought it would be the other way around. Heres the table. Age 21-29, 80% 30-39, 60% 40-49, 70.8% 50-59, 52.5% 60 and up, 50% So, that’s my findings, based on analyzing profiles of couples on SLS. Is the study flawed? Hell, yes! • I only looked at couples who are paid members on SLS, maybe they’re not representative of the whole population of swingers. • I only looked at couples in the suburbs. If you go either into the inner city or out to rural areas, who knows what that would show. • The sample size of 120 couples is way too small. If I’d get up to 1,000 I’d feel a little more confident. 5,000, and I’d say yeah. I'm not going to spend that kind of time. • I trusted that what the couples said in their profiles is true. We all know that you can’t rely on it, ages in particular are misstated. If you have any questions about what I did, go ahead and ask. If you want to see the actual data, IM me with an email address and I'll send you the spreadsheet. Yeah, I’ve got way too much time on my hands.

Swinging sex seems to reignite the passion and make loving sex more passionate again. For us, the thought of 'replacing' one with the other is just silly...two different things totally, but it does seem to put more spark into the 'normal, day to day' (for lack of a better term) sex.

Overlapping risks like that, I think, are the basis for the pause, until they fully understand who it happens to and can inform doctors of how to handle cases. It would really suck if it turned out that it disproportionately hit women on birth control (say) and they could have headed it off. Overall, though, it's a risk comparable to the annual risk of getting struck by lightning. The same type of clot is reportedly about 8x more common with an actual infection. We both got our J&Js two weeks ago and it was a bit rough for her for a couple days but we both feel great. Had we been aware of the clotting concerns we might have started Pfizer earlier instead, but it's also not totally clear this is unique to the adenovirus vaccines. Either way, we're planning our summer vacation. Moving right along.

Honey’s big complaint is guys who cum taste horrible. I watch what I eat when I know we are going to be with a girl or couple. Honey told me that my cum was bitter after eating ice cream and sweet after eating fruit and I looked it up and found pineapple makes you sweet. Most of the time we are either having me sucked or Honey licks out my cum from the girl we are with and I want everyone happy. Also drink plenty of water that day so you have more cum.

I think our experience is generally the opposite, and from discussions of "reclamation sex" as a phenomenon, I think it's generally the opposite for a lot of people. We might have 2x or 3x the normal amount of sex for a week or so after playing, with more casual dirty talk, etc.

Welcome to swinging. Separate is not a mistake, it was the only way for us. I was able to enjoy without worrying that my husband would be watching everything that was happening. I also didn’t have to watch what I knew was going on in the other room. We played with a couple we just met on vacation and I was free to be me. I felt wanted and desired by a man who didn’t rush me as we were going to spend the whole night together. This happened years ago and still a night I cherish. The next day we had sex in the same room and I honestly can say if the night before didn’t happen I would say swinging is horrible, don’t do it. Men act differently in front of others, the real person will show when you are alone. There are those who will say swinging is a couple experience and I understand that, for me it’s a ME thing. I have no problem letting my husband enjoy his time, I am not a voyeur nor an exhibitionist.

I understand her concern, it's real for her, it needs to be addressed. I can only say to her, 'try it, you'll like it!' Humans have a thing with sex, when they have it and it's hot, they want more of it. When they don't have it for awhile, they tend to lose interest. When you have sex with somebody else, you'll find that you're so turned on you can't wait to have sex with your spouse. It's fantastic. But, of course, it's one of those things that seems a little counterproductive until you actually experience it. Best of luck.

John & Emily, separate rooms may or may not be a mistake for you. For your first experience, the sight and sounds of your spouse as they mate with someone else can be a tremendously erotic event, to be relived over and over as you recall the loss of your monogamous 'virginity.' In addition, the wife often is a bit nervous, that her husband is so close can calm her, help her to feel more safe. On the other hand, the thought and sight of his wife with another man can often give a newbie husband ED; sometimes (but not always,) being away from her allows him to concentrate on the woman he's with and respond to her better. Also if there is jealousy on either's part, it can sometimes be better handled. Either way can be a perfect time, or it may in retrospect, be a 'mistake.'

We started in our fifties, are now in our seventies. Njbm and Lcmim gave great advice. Slow and steady is the ticket here. Going to a club is not a bad idea. The key to avoiding her jealousy is to tell your wife sincerely and often how much you love her, that no other woman could ever take her place, that you'd never leave her for another woman. She won't believe you, completely, at first. Reinforcing it time and again will cement that in place. Even so, she'll be nervous the first few times you interact with another woman, that's quite natural. Take it one step at a time. I suggest you get into a situation where you have a make out session with another couple. Kissing only, no petting, no nudity. Afterwards, talk to her about it, see how she feels. The next time if she's willing go further, perhaps petting, perhaps a soft swap - but you should not penetrate the other woman. Again, analyze your reactions. Eventually, perhaps, she'll see that nothing significant will change if you full swap. Best of luck. BTW, how's the East Bay doing without the Raiders? I used to live in Oakland and Fremont.

We started at about your age. We went soft swing same room initially. That gave my wife time to acclimate and take charge. At out first party she wouldn't even go into the lobby without holding my hand. Things progressed as she felt more at ease. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. There is more to our backstory, but I have written of it here before. Feel free to post us.

I know I’m overthinking this, Alan laughed at me and my conspiracy theories. He said what you are saying and used my own words to convince me to set up a date. She is attractive, smart and real. I already know more about her than any other couple before. He convinced me to set up the date.

I think you're looking a gift horse in the mouth. Go with it, have fun! There are a lot of us that would be dying to be in your shoes.

We were all new once. Introspection is hard. Acknowledging fantasies, professing intentions, setting boundaries, those are hard as well. Monogamy insulates and contains, what is inside becomes familiar and safe. Once that insulation becomes porous, weakens, and cracks, those inside are no longer contained...but neither do they enjoy the comforting protection. Your conversation required courage...for both of you.

Hope you get vaccinated. It’s beneficial to both of you and your community. Other than rank speculation, there is no valid cost benefit analysis reason not to get it. We know people who suffered and died who wish they had the opportunity to get it.

Yesterday after work, I WFH, went to the gym and my new friend was there. I apologized for not following up on getting together. I suggested a Starbucks after the gym. There goes the calories. Even if she told me before I wanted to get to know the real Why they wanted to meet us. I already knew about the attempt with their friends that she stopped, I wanted to know the real reason. She said they never thought of swinging, never. When her friends opened up to her she thought it was a crazy idea that they were having sex with others. The others were Alan and me I’m thinking. Her friends told her how freeing it was, having been married 25 years and only being with one person. She mentioned menopause has changed their sex life, something new ignited a newness. They questioned the why and the why nots. I asked why she wants to be with a woman, I had asked her the last time. She explained she never thought of ever being with a girlfriend then all the lesbian relationships on TV and movies and her friend telling her she should open her mind. She said she was ready to explore two years ago, just couldn’t with her friends. Asked about her husband and seeing him with me, she hesitated and said yes she wants that. I felt like I was interviewing her, asked what she really wanted, her scenario. She said she didn’t know and wanted me to go slow like we did with her friends. I went home happy I saw her again, she is a very nice and funny person. The more we talked the more I liked her.

Several issues here: First: Is trust. The two of you need to have an open talk about fantasies. There are LOTS of women who don't want to 'admit' that they are interested in swinging (or any type of sexual fantasies) because they are afraid it will make them a 'slut' and/or scare you off. She needs to know that it's okay to have fantasies. She needs to know that having a fantasy doesn't mean that it will come true unless she would like to have it come true. She needs to know that if it does come true you will still respect and love her. She needs to be able to trust you COMPLETELY. Second: Before you go, you need to talk about limits. How far are you both comfortable with going? Once that limit is set, it is SET IN STONE. No changing limits once you are there. She needs to be able to trust you that the limits are the limits and that you respect them and her. Even if she says it's okay to change them, it's still isn't a good idea because 'in the moment' it might seem like she wants to but later she might not think the same way. There will ALWAYS be the chance for another time as long as you both are okay with things. You have the rest of your lives together to take that next step, if you decide to take it. When it comes to swinging, taking a bunch of small steps will probably get you further than jumping in head first. (One of our hard rules is never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with) Finally: ED. This is much more common than you would think, both with swingers and non-swingers. If only there was a pill for this...wait, there IS! One of the more common causes is YOU. You worry and pressure you put upon yourself, especially about what might happen or what others will think or being naked where other people will see you messes with your mind which, in turn, messes with your body. Back when we were first starting, there were times when I was watching my partner doing the hottest things imaginable...live porn right before my eyes! My eyes were telling my mind 'can you believe what you are seeing?!!' and my mind says 'nope, can't be happening' and my cock would then ask 'hey, what am I supposed to be doing here?'. Mind says 'nothing, this can't be happening'. Once it happens the first time, you then start to worry that it will happen again...so it does because you were already worrying about it. If only there was a pill...even if there wasn't, it just takes some time to get used to the idea that what you are doing is okay and there's nothing wrong with doing it. Take your time already, and always remember, if all else fails, you still have a tongue! Most couples will understand since this really isn't that uncommon. Just remember that you are doing this together and just have fun with whatever happens. You can always stop at any time if things aren't working out for you both. Take your time and enjoy the experience. Let us know how things are going.

We've done this a few times. A couple of couples who were just breaking into the LifeStyle. And my wife is a hotwife, she's mentored some men who want to get into it, she's showed them the ropes. She'll even take them to a house party we're going to and introduce him to other women.

SEEEEEE - It is possible to treat a female with respect even if a bunch of you guys are banging our brains out! I have been in many rooms where the sex was intense, the sex talk was intense, and yet there was still no degrading. Yet is it still Super Hot!!!

Worrying is like paying a debt that may never come due. you had amazing sex. Stop punishing yourself ( let someone else do that?) Enjoy

Before becoming Mrs we were set up with a couple as a show for someone who watched. We were athletic and the other couple was an athlete too. He had to be 6’5” at least and his partner was very fit and hot. We were stripped down and some just talking for the first time, we just met. I noticed the snake hanging half way down his thigh. I was gawking and leading Honey’s eyes to his long cock. I was thinking what his girl thought of mine and if she was going to feel me. The girl I was going to fuck was muscular with a gorgeous bubble butt and firm tits. Honey turned to me and said let’s have fun. And fun she had and I had fun. We weren’t married and I just thought how I could ever fill her again.

Go get him girl. Sounds like a real Jersey Girl to me.

I think there's a fear some people have that your wife getting to play with a far bigger man will result in her leaving you for the other man. Any woman that I cared to be in a relationship would not be as shallow as that. Sure, my wife enjoys a man with a large cock. But, let's say she found some incredibly well endowed man who could barely fit comfortably in her, who gave her unbelievable sex 10x better than anything I ever gave her, who was able to make her cum over and over again...should I be jealous? I don't think so. Personally, I'd be very happy for her that some guy sent her over the moon that much. She makes an active choice to be with me, to be married to me. It's not a choice she made just on the day we got married; it's a choice she continues to make all the time. She could leave me if she wanted to, but doesn't. We constantly work on our relationship to make sure it stays very close, and very stable...because we both like being in our relationship. We don't to lose that. Some gentleman with an enormous cock who gives her phenomenal sex isn't going to change that. Sex is not the bricks of our relationship; just some of the mortar. If you're insecure about your own cock size (relative here; assuming significantly smaller than theoretical large-cock play partner), you shouldn't be. Your wife chooses to be with you. She's coming home with/to you. If you're worried that once your wife has an enormous cock she will never be satisfied with yours again, be at ease. It is highly unlikely this would ever be the case. Women's vaginas are quite capable of passing a baby and then very much enjoy a normal size cock, so it's not a question of your wife being irreparably stretch out or something. It's also not a question of a huge cock making it impossible for your wife to enjoy a normal size cock. If you're worried about how you might react to seeing her with a man who had a huge cock, I wouldn't worry about it. If you're into swinging for the right reasons, you very likely enjoy your wife getting great pleasure from playing. This is no different; if your wife enjoys it, likely so will you. Of all the men my wife has played with in swinging, just one had a truly enormous cock. A couple were large; 8 inches and reasonably thick, but just one was truly huge. This guy's cock was enormous. Quite long, and very thick. She only got to play with him once, but it was all of an afternoon and early evening, with multiple breaks, and multiple sex sessions. She spent a lot of time with his penis in her. An issue we ran into was that condoms were difficult for him, in that it was hard for him to maintain an erection with a condom. It wasn't a story; we saw this in action. This was one time where we agreed to relax our rule about the use of condoms for someone so new to us. He agreed with not using a condom, and things got better after that. The first time my wife took him inside her without the condom, the sounds she made we absolutely delightful. She was thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying his huge penis inside of her. It took some time for her to adjust to his size, and further still for her to adjust to taking his length, but that was part of the delight for her. He was very gentle with her. Later on he was able to thrust inside of her quite vigorously without worrying about hurting her. For my part, I found it incredible to watch that huge penis thrust in and out of her. I'd never seen such a huge penis, and it was fascinating to watch, even though I'm not bi (well, maybe a slight twinge, but 99% hetero). At the end of it all, my wife was thoroughly spent, and slightly sore. She had a very good time. Years on, I still fantasize about that memory, and even now find myself getting hard thinking about it. I asked my wife recently which play partner has been her favorite over the years. Interestingly, this fellow did not enter into the top three. Her number one was a fellow whom she got to play with for a couple of years who had a cock that was a bit smaller than I am. Sadly, he has a girlfriend now who isn't interested in swinging, or for him to have my wife as a girlfriend as well. He respects that, and so my wife doesn't get to play with him anymore. So, the take away from this is that a huge cock shouldn't have a negative effect on you or your wife. If it does, I'd suggest having some very open conversations with her about it, to discuss your feelings and thoughts and work them out together. If a huge cock causes issues, there some heart to heart talk that needs to happen about swinging in general, and not just about swinging with me who have huge cocks.

I was surprised to see how big his cock was. I was excited to know what she was about to experience. She is always nervous with a new playmate and she had her eyes closed as she waited for him. It was awesome to watch her reaction as he went into her. She never had a cock that big. She was experiencing feelings she will never have with me. I was jealous and happy for her at the same time. It was a good experience for her and we played with him many times. It never affected our feelings for each other or our marriage. It was just another fun thing to do together. It made our marriage stronger.