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Women can ask questions about sex without sounding predatory, men not so much. Mrs. Tahoe should ask questions. Laura liked questions that began "How do you feel about... ?" Such questions can't be answered with "yes" or "no." They have to be answered with a discussion. Don't avoid questions asked of yourself. Answer as if you really want them to know, not like you're telling as little as you can get away with. Start with innocuous ones, such as "How do y'all feel about Gathering Place?" Ask a few innocent ones until they get used to the format of the question and are answering freely. Make your questions mirthful, not threating. Watch for frowns instead of smiles, body language, tone of voice. "How do y'all feel about marital dating? This one is useful. Some will interpret it as spouses dating separately; some as two couples going out to dinner together. Delve. If all this goes poorly, go back to innocent questions, or stop the conversation and go home. If the folks are anxious to answer, ask more pertinent questions such as, "How do you feel about life-long marital fidelity?" (Laura's answer on our first date was, "I can't imagine living my life only fucking one person.") If all went well, Laura would ask "the biggie." "How do y'all feel about swinging?" We got answers from "I would never do that; we're out of here!!" to "We've talked about it." (This is the most common in our experience.) to "We want to try it." to (our favorite) "We were both virgins 'til I got pregnant in high school. We've never been with anyone else. Y'all want to be our seconds?"

His voice was a REAL turn off i could imagine having sex with him and that voice would kill the mood. Maybe i am being a bit of a snob about it.

So my wife and I have discussed swinging for several years. We've decided we're going to play soon, maybe by visiting a new lifestyle club in our town. We've discussed our preferences, boundaries, concerns, etc.... The Mrs. Biggest concern is: We both feel like we're really going to enjoy this. I'd like to see her with another woman, and she's always been curious about women. She has no doubt she'll enjoy that experience. I'd also like to see her with another man. She has said me and another guy with her would be hot, and we roleplay this often.. We're both bi-curious. So her concern is that once we start down this path, our regular love-making, and occasional fucking may seem diminished because adding a third or possibly another couple is going to be erotic overload, so to speak. How do y'all experienced swingers find this has affected your normal, day-to-day sex lives? Does regular love making seem less intense since y'all started swinging? Thanks in advance. Sean

We were out of town a couple of weeks ago for a few days. Met this guy and chatted with him on and off for a few days. One day he caught us making out ( we were talking about me having him as my first mmf) I don't think he heard us. Hubby and I had the plan that hubby would make up an excuse to leave so he and I would have a chance to talk alone. I wasn't nervous but I was not attracted to him at all. How do you handle not being attracted to someone? Do you just go through with it or wait? I want to wait until I am at least attracted to him a little. Hubby didn't pressure me at all he said maybe next time.

I wear bras to work, panties sometimes. While going out it's 50/50 on the bra. I love to have my pierced nipples on display. Summer is coming, I can't wait to break out the string tank tops

Great post, Alura, spoken like a true salesperson. My wife always responds if a man approaches her by flirting. A typical first question is, "Which do you prefer, fish or rubber balls?" Two very unrelated things, not at all related to the place. This lets her know whether the guy is agile on his feet, has a thought process as strange as hers, if he's willing to take it further. If he comes back with a double entendre, such as, "Do they have to be rubber?" and makes her laugh, his stock goes way up. If he simply says, "Fish, why do you ask," he's pretty much flunked the first test, She'll respond by saying, "Well, I'm more into rubber balls. Doesn't seem we have much in common," and she'll blow him off.

The only turn off was his voice( talks way to much). Maybe I can over come that in the future. Heck he may not be attracted to me only time will tell.

Everyone is allowed to have their preferences.

If you're not attracted, just say thanks but no thanks and walk away. You want your first time to be enjoyable, it won't be if you're not into it. Other guys will come by, I promise you.

We're a younger couple and do more hotwifing or I should say "hot GFing" more than swinging. I think the younger generation today are more desensitized when it comes to sex so they are more open to just about anything.

It depends on the club, and even more importantly, the night. In her thirties, at many clubs she'll be on the young side, probably.

Our experience is consistent with all the above - swinging sex supercharges our sex life at home. Not that there was anything wrong with it to start with that it needed any supercharging, but it's undeniable that it is like pouring gas on the fire. Does that eventually become a detriment, a "have to have it" sort of thing? Nope, supercharged sex is great, but so is gently making love to the one you love. They aren't mutually exclusive, and it's just what you are in the mood for. When the sex matches the mood, then everyone will be happy and fulfilled

Great questions. But we have also experienced the opposite. Not less intense but more. The sex between us is explosive after sex with playmates. The high lasts for a week or more and is reignited when we re-visit the memories of the playtime evenings together. IE 'remember when you...that was fucking hot' then we get all horny for each other all over.

Swinging sex seems to reignite the passion and make loving sex more passionate again. For us, the thought of 'replacing' one with the other is just silly...two different things totally, but it does seem to put more spark into the 'normal, day to day' (for lack of a better term) sex.

I think our experience is generally the opposite, and from discussions of "reclamation sex" as a phenomenon, I think it's generally the opposite for a lot of people. We might have 2x or 3x the normal amount of sex for a week or so after playing, with more casual dirty talk, etc.

I understand her concern, it's real for her, it needs to be addressed. I can only say to her, 'try it, you'll like it!' Humans have a thing with sex, when they have it and it's hot, they want more of it. When they don't have it for awhile, they tend to lose interest. When you have sex with somebody else, you'll find that you're so turned on you can't wait to have sex with your spouse. It's fantastic. But, of course, it's one of those things that seems a little counterproductive until you actually experience it. Best of luck.