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Ewww. I thought the post was about swinging with my doctor.

Yeah at my doctor there was a simple selection for sexual orientation and partner(s) to indicate whether you were exclusively monogamous. A result of which was a change in vaccine recommendations(hepatitis/hpv) and an ask at checkups if I need sti screening. Took all the awkwardness out of it.

For us, it's when I asked my wife what would you do for a million dollars. "Would you lick a dollar bill, eat rotten eggs type questions." All with "that's so gross, but I guess I would" type answers. Then I said, "Would you have sex with a stranger?" Without hesitation and with conviction she said "Yes, no question." She said it's because she has a finance degree, it would be purely for monitary gain. I jokingly said sure, "all except for another guy's cock being inside you." In context, we each had only one sex partner before getting married. So for my Christian brain, the ease of her answering that question, rocked me like I never imagined. After much silence, I blirted out "I can't believe how much that turns me on!" She said, "excuse me, are you serious?" I explained that I didn't understand it, but other events/feelings I had over the years started to make sense. When she answered in such a matter of fact way, I felt this rush of electric excitement and jealousy start in my face and wash over me. Then all these memories came to mind... *We were 19 at a bar when we had gotten in an argument so she went to a few guys at the bar and started to talk and laugh to make me jealous. I felt the same wave of electricity. I was so confused, I wasn't even angry. *At 21, just after getting engaged we said if we get married we have to tell all our secrets. Hers was, when we just started dating, she had sex with her ex the day before fucking me. Again, same feelings. Well actually stronger because she actually did something. *This one really triggered me. In our late 20's, I bought a huge dildo. Like Shane Desil big. With toys, my wife says, "I don't want to see them, just get me really worked up and then use them on me," (Anyone want to unpack that psychology for me, please do.) So she took all 9" with it's almost Coke can girth with ease. Her body moved in ways I'd never seen. After a violent orgasm, she said she wanted to feel me. Her pussy felt so different, amazing, and the rush, then the animalistic surge we had for each other... So intense, like never before. *We were in a booth flirting with each other and I dared her to go flirt with a guy at the bar. She said, "Do you really want me to? I will." She got up to go talk to the guy. Again, that flood of electricity went through me. My wife got half way to the guy, but she saw our drinks were served so she came back to the table. So yes, that "Million dollar question" seems to have put us on a path of better communication, better understanding. Needless to say, we may have some adventures ahead. So how did you guys start? How did you take your next step. How did you reconcile your traditions, religion, feelings of jealousy, fear, melded with lust and excitement. I'm sure I'm reinventing the wheel by asking these questions and some folks have already helpedin their responses to my other posts. Thank you for sharing your experiences and kindly reading mine. I've learned so much from you guys already.

Yes it does! - No it doesn't! I know you are, but what am I?

We're back on our regular schedule with the single female we meet with. We're all vaccinated. We'd like to resume travel and will probably meet new people again soon, and won't pry about vaccination unless there are changes in the news about effectiveness and variants.

I'm not sure - I'll report back after my visit. That said, while I appreciate the notion, I can't logically put a whole lot of confidence in temperature check or ask if vaccinated. You?

Interestingly, as prelude to a standard annual checkup, one of us yesterday completed a "standard intake form". There was a new question on the form, "Do you wish to be tested for sexually transmitted infections?" There was no judgment implied, and no one particularly bats an eye at whatever tests need to be done. As an aside, in addition to the usual tests screening for lipid abnormalities, cholesterol levels, blood sugar and hemoglobin A1C, colonoscopy needs to repeated. I mention all of this simply to emphasize that conversation about sexual activity and sexual risk is sandwiched between the questions about alcohol use and exercise habits, and with not particular stigma.

I (male) told my doc (female) the whole story in the context of a discussion of an ED issue that had begun to surface. Other than the expected cautions on her part, which this group gives to each other on a fairly regular basis about STI's, there were no negative responses. There were some good questions on her part about the whys and how's. How it affected our marriage etc. The conversation lasted over twenty minutes. She ordered a testosterone test. She offered in house STI screening which she said my insurance would cover, offered the strategy that if my wife and I each spaced our physicals 6 months apart that we could effectively have two tests a year. I also walked out with a recommend to a urologist just to make sure there were no other players than age in the ED matter and a script for sildenafil. My advice is if your doc is not understanding, then find another doctor.

Most Docs will have the same reponse yours did, so honestly that's the one thing neither of us share with our Dr. But we are the strictest lifestyle couple we know in terms of making sure we and our partners are std tested and have paperwork and we conduct that business outside our regular Dr. and use a site/service (stdtest.com) and pay outside our insurance plan for it. Bottom line is we are behaving as responsibly as possible and choose to spare ourselves the usual reprimanding from our Doctors.

I am not technologically advanced enough to understand your post.

You could always say how you are no different now then the day before she found out. That the only thing that has changed is her perception of you. Oh and you could add how saying "I'm not judging but what you are doing is wrong" is just as dumb as saying "I'm not racist but I don't like minorities."

They don't pay your bills or write your paycheck... It's your life, live it the way you want to.

I guess Mr. Sweet and I are the odd ones out again. We have been very lucky to find friends through swinging that we can hang out with "vanilla style". Just a couple weeks ago, we hosted a vanilla party and the majority of the guests who showed up were swinger friends. And I've made the Bff connection, too. Heaven knows I never expected it to happen via swinging, but I'm grateful that it has. That said, I do understand the difficulty in finding a balance of how to spend your free time. Do you spend it with your family, your vanilla friends, your swing friends for vanilla stuff, or do you play? But to the original question . .. I agree with the theory that you're better off not trying to be friends first when looking for playmates. We look for that "spark" first, and if it's meant to happen, the friendship will develop naturally. =)