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With all the shutdowns and not going to the gym for what feels like forever I finally started going after my vaccinations. It was nice seeing some of the women who I had seen over the years, women and men who I only know in passing at the gym. My old gym friends who I would have very little conversation and mostly just idle gym talk. There are people you notice and say hello to and don’t know their names. I was on the elliptical, with my mask on, and not paying attention to anyone and then I see a woman two machines over having mask problems. I recognize her from classes we both took over the years. Feeling bad I motion that I have extra masks she could have. I now know she wanted to get my attention. She told me her name and said she knows someone in common with me. My heart blipped when she said who, a woman we met a few years ago. She said she knows we haven’t talked in years but she her friend knew I worked out in this gym. Don’t know how she knew or how she would know I would be there at that time. I didn’t know to react when she said if we could talk after our workout. The couple she knew were one of the couples we met on a site who were just starting out. The couple lived not close to us, something we did for many reasons. Now I have someone who is in our everyday life asking me questions about swinging. I couldn’t get a real answer of how she got my name or why her friend would bring my name up. Her friends are swingers, they have met others after us. Her promise of discretion is gone, I’m not sure how to handle this new friend. Her and husband have not met anyone, even if they are friends with swingers. She told me that they have talked and knew her friends met us and for a year her and her husband talked about what it would be like. Her friends refused to be the first for them, too close they said. So much could go wrong and jealousy could ruin the friendship. She asked if we would just meet with her and her husband for drinks. Her and her husband have been vaccinated and have been monogamous in their marriage. She showed me a picture of her husband who I recognized from the gym. They both workout and she said they live a healthy life. In the years we have met others we always kept our lives separate from our play. Not sure if meeting someone who knows more about me, maybe stalking me, is someone we should get involved with.

Hello everyone, I need some advice that I'm sure is a regular question for most of you: We're a couple in our early 50s, and have been married for 18 years. We're best friends and have a solid relationship with great communication. Close to 9 years ago I, the husband, brought up the topic of swinging. My wife gave it some thought and eventually decided that it wasn't for her. At the time our sex life was great and I was completely ok with that, and we continued on our merry way. There were times over the years when it was brought up as pillow talk, with the understanding that it was only pillow talk and not leading to anything, which I thought was super fun and sexy. Over the past 3 years, her interest in sex has seriously declined, while mine has ratcheted up. I tried to bring up swinging during our pillow talk about 2 years ago, and she didn't even entertain the idea, and in fact kinda shut down about it. That was the last time I've talked about it. We have a very open line of communication in our relationship, and we've talked about her lack of interest, and for her it's sort of an age/been there done that thing - which I completely understand. We're still somewhat active, though we're down to 1-2x. per week due to busy schedules, and all around tiredness (getting old sucks!) and tbh it's become quite routine and somewhat boring for both of us. Which brings me to where I need the advice. I'm not looking to "convince" her, or sell her on anything she doesn't want to do, and of course I would never force her into anything she's uncomfortable with, but it seems to me that this is a good time to bring up the idea of swinging again - inject some new life into what she feels is something not so exciting. I'm curious whether the lifestyle has done this for other couples, and whether anyone else experienced that same type of decline in interest in sex. Everything I've read says that you can't "fix" a relationship with swinging - but we're not looking to fix anything outside of the bedroom. We always have been super close, a perfect couple and have an amazing life together. There's nothing to fix other than what has become a stale and routine sex life. What are you experiences, and how has the lifestyle affected your relationship? Is it a good way to spice up our sex life, or should I just be content with more "age appropriate activities?" Also, are we starting to get too old for this? Obviously there are couples our age and older, but I'm assuming most of those in the lifestyle are a bit younger. Thank you for any advice you have.

Menopause can be an inhibitor. Lack of lubrication, hormonal caused disinterest, other factors are depressing. She should discuss it with her doctors. There are some hormonal replacement treatments that used to be common, but are currently frowned upon. There are other solutions. Having sex 1-2X per week is probably above average for your age. We are older. My wife went for swinging about ten years after I brought it up. But your wife seems pretty uninterested.

If she's uninterested in sex with you, her husband, and she doesn't seem interested in talking about swinging, no, I doubt swinging is for you guys, at least at this moment. You're way not too old for this, there's plenty of couples in it or just experimenting at your age. Now, why is your wife uninterested in sex? First, it could be hormones. She should talk with her doctor. Second, you mention sex is boring. Okay, make it interesting. I suggest the book '101 nights of great sex' by Laura Corn, it's available on Amazon. Best of luck.

The couple has to know how fortunate they are to have you as their first experience. Before our first successful meeting we were being fooled by internet vultures and scammers. During the pandemic people are preying on others just looking to get out and try new things. The big testament to you being thoughtful was her friends suggested her approaching you instead of pushing to play with them first. I wonder if one of our friends approached us how I might jump right into it. I laugh because I know which of our friends I would love to think would do this. Making a sexual experience more than a sex event is magical. I only prayed that our first time wouldn’t be with a hardcore sex driven orgy type people. Being undressed in front of anyone can be painful especially in front of a beautiful couple, making it fun by someone skilled in reading peoples feeling is such a talent. As mentioned before, you and Alan are indeed wonderful mentors and guides. Even your dialogue of your experience makes me look forward to your next post.

Before my wife and I had our first experience, we talked about the possibility of having neutral or even bad experiences in swinging. We both agreed that we shouldn't judge it based on one experience, or even a few that were neutral or bad before we found good. We decided to play it by ear and see where we were after two or three experiences. Good thing too. It wasn't until the third experience (a MFM); that one blew my wife's socks off, and she was hooked.

Thank you. It is strange feeling when we meet a new couple, my first question is are they who they say they are, we have met with too eager couples. We both enjoy the swinging experiences unless the people are totally obnoxious but that can be a defense mechanism. You understand that our objective is sex, sex with a newbie. Our initial contacts in the LS was Alan wanting to watch two women and progressed to much more. That first experience had us shaking our head when the guy treated his partner and me very poorly. Instead of souring us we turned our thoughts to trying to make others have positive takeaways. I think we agree if this couple wasn’t sincere on top of being extremely nice, fun, and personable we would have quit by now. I am sure all couples have discussions afterwards, we do. Sitting in a room completely nude you get to see exactly who you are with, emotionally and physically. We find them very attractive, Alan said he was looking forward to completing the acts, he is a guy. Our time was not totally without sex, both husbands were pleased and we suggested that if she didn’t want to continue we can resume at another time if they wanted. She suggested that her husband could go further, it didn’t happen. I believe it will soon.

cplnluv1, I agree with Fundamental Law. It sounds like you are really going about this in the right way. I wish I could be a fly on the wall in that couple's discussion afterwards :) Some very few couples can just jump in to the deep end of the swinging pool right off. Some take many years. Most are in between. This couple sounds like they are going about it the right way, taking their time, going slowly, not pushing too far past their comfort zones. I'm sure their discussions are going well (regardless of outcome).

You are wonderful mentors and guides. The LS would be a happier place if every mentor-newby relationship looked like this. Blessings to all of you.

They are sincere and very nervous, he is more willing but is respectful of her wants. They invited us to their house which is fine for us and I sensed the nervousness immediately. We let her bring up the first mention of sex, she asked general questions about other couples we met. We stayed away from talking about her friend who we were with. She asked how to start, do we just get naked and I suggested she undress Alan then me and we can take it from there. She said to let her husband undress me. We tried to make it fun, again she was very nervous. She undressed Alan leaving his underwear on, her husband undressed me completely and hesitantly touched me. I said it was our turn and she agreed but asked to leave her panties on. She questioned what next, I jokingly answered watch TV. We continued to some soft play, not total play. It was me who suggested we stop, it was already to much for her to absorb. I know she was relieved that we didn’t push going all the way.

Tossing a few cents into the bucket... It seems like you are going down this road with this couple now, so this is perhaps post-facto. I don't think there's any risk in proceeding with this couple in the sense of more people knowing about your swinging life. They already know. Playing with them isn't going to change that of course. I wouldn't suspect some sort of stalking going on in regards to her being at the gym at the same time. It's just coincidence, and more likely to happen than people suspect. Your lives in terms of general schedules are probably vaguely similar, with free time slots being vaguely similar. Thus, showing up at the gym is more likely than we might otherwise suspect. Based on what you've told us, she seems sincere. Nervous, but sincere.

Thank you. The woman from the gym and her husband are nice people. Some people need time to adjust to what they think they want to do. We never push and let others go at their own speed.

I know I’m overthinking this, Alan laughed at me and my conspiracy theories. He said what you are saying and used my own words to convince me to set up a date. She is attractive, smart and real. I already know more about her than any other couple before. He convinced me to set up the date.

What I call an interview was fun for me, looking back possibly uncomfortable for her. She came across as educated, health conscious and I would consider attractive making our chat enjoyable. We talked about women talk, and how she is handling changes. Her reason for wanting to enjoy others was much different than ours. We were looking for a woman, I wasn’t interested in adding a man to the equation, it just happened to find that unicorn we ended with a couple. I told her my fear was my husband watching me with a man. She said her husband is fine with that and she is looking forward to the complete experience.

We were all new once. Introspection is hard. Acknowledging fantasies, professing intentions, setting boundaries, those are hard as well. Monogamy insulates and contains, what is inside becomes familiar and safe. Once that insulation becomes porous, weakens, and cracks, those inside are no longer contained...but neither do they enjoy the comforting protection. Your conversation required courage...for both of you.

We sure hope so ?

I still think she's a sexual deviant

Yesterday after work, I WFH, went to the gym and my new friend was there. I apologized for not following up on getting together. I suggested a Starbucks after the gym. There goes the calories. Even if she told me before I wanted to get to know the real Why they wanted to meet us. I already knew about the attempt with their friends that she stopped, I wanted to know the real reason. She said they never thought of swinging, never. When her friends opened up to her she thought it was a crazy idea that they were having sex with others. The others were Alan and me I’m thinking. Her friends told her how freeing it was, having been married 25 years and only being with one person. She mentioned menopause has changed their sex life, something new ignited a newness. They questioned the why and the why nots. I asked why she wants to be with a woman, I had asked her the last time. She explained she never thought of ever being with a girlfriend then all the lesbian relationships on TV and movies and her friend telling her she should open her mind. She said she was ready to explore two years ago, just couldn’t with her friends. Asked about her husband and seeing him with me, she hesitated and said yes she wants that. I felt like I was interviewing her, asked what she really wanted, her scenario. She said she didn’t know and wanted me to go slow like we did with her friends. I went home happy I saw her again, she is a very nice and funny person. The more we talked the more I liked her.

U guys seem great. Honey just goes to the honey pot when we are with a first time player.

I have some clarification on how our contact happened. Contrary to what I thought was stalking she told me she has been too nervous to approach me for over two years, one of those was during lockdown. Her friends confided in her how they were looking to find a couple, and approached her and her husband. She said that her and her husband were not into anything like that. What happened was her friend telling her how they finally met us. She swears it was coincidence that she belonged to the same gym I belong to. I still don’t remember telling anyone I belong to the gym, possible? Maybe. Things changed after her friends met us. They kept telling her that the experience was what they needed. The way she explained it to me, her husband agreed to play with the couple we met. She backed out several times. She couldn’t go through with it, being friends was a bigger problem. She said the closest they got to playing was her husband encouraged her to play and he wouldn’t do anything unless she was comfortable. The night she was prepared to go all the way our friends husband got as far as putting his hand in her pants when she froze again. That is when my name came up. Better to try with strangers than friends. I explained we are more open to women who are curious and that our focus would be on that if we meet. She said she understood, she knew that is what we did with her friend. Is this the real story, it sounded feasible. She sounded sincere in wanting to get involved with any pressure and without a friendship that could be ruined.

I would say this is a Win-Win for you. You don’t need to look for a willing couple who has never been with anyone. They already know you and made the first move. She must find you attractive and you acknowledged you know her friends. I think your secret is no longer a secret.

I got a text response but I needed more so I called her. She claims she told me about her friend when we met, something I don’t remember if she did 2 years ago. She said she had a friend who went to my gym, again I don’t remember. I asked why didn’t she and her husband play with her friend and she said she tried alone and it didn’t work out. Her friend, the one at my gym, couldn’t do it. We then got into a discussion about turning 50 and changes we go through and the pandemic and what we have been doing. I told her we keep our private life private and I hate that too many people know what we do and she apologized and said she should have reached out not knowing both me and her friend would be at the gym at the same time. She swore nobody was stalking me, she thinks her friend just built up her nerve to approach me. Then she thanked me for being so nice when we met knowing how scared she was. Alan suggested I talk to the gym friend.

You are a great couple and will make them feel welcome and safe. Linda you are a terrific person.