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Dvanni, adamgunn is absolutely right. If you set up a profile on a swinger site as a single female, whether straight or bi, you will be absolutely OVERWHELMED by the number of messages you will receive. There is an easy way to help filter this. In setting up your profile, make it so that it takes some time to read, a few paragraphs. Somewhere in the second or third paragraph, put a single sentence that says something like "If you read this, start your message off to me with 'I read it'". The vast, vast majority of messages you will receive will be people who do not actually read your profile. So, if you get a message that starts off without "I read it", delete and block and move on to the next. As a single woman, you will have many, many offers and from some really great people too. You can do this as a single woman or as part of a couple with your FWB. It will work fine either way. Don't settle. If you're not actively turned on by and attracted to the guy or couple, don't waste your time. Move on. We're always here, and we're always happy to answer questions!

Every one is different but there is no way we're giving out phone numbers right away. There has to be a bit of online chat first and maybe even a meet at a Starbucks somewhere at a halfway point. The whole temp phone# etc. gets too complicated.

Ok well today I brought it up. And she is willing to do it she is just shy because she is just a tad over weight. But I told her it was fine she said she would love to try it as long as the people we are talking too are all on the same page. I made love to her last night and as I was inside her thrusting away she started blowing the bbc dildo and she asked me if I like it. I then said I love it . She started jerking off the dildo while I was inside her . Oh man it turns me on lol. She did stated she wanted to meet a couple but that the male had to have a flat stomach and muscular I told her Maybee we can exchange numbers and text it out with the couple send pics to each other comfortably with each other and she said that’s sounds like a good idea

Previous folks are correct about performance issues for men. It happens ALL the time. Really. I remember how excited, nervous and giddy we were our first time. it was certainly an A ticket ride. So many taboo thoughts, sensory overload etc. We are bound to make mistakes in that situation. We sure did. I think it helps a lot to remember that you two are a team. Your have a 17 year track record where you trusted each other enough to actually have sex with another couple. No little party mistake should or could derail that. Really. Discuss what didn't work. But do so from afar. Like put the bad shit in a box and pretend to look inside and see, oh that's the shit we didn't like. Oh well, never going there again. Then close the box and put it out with the trash. Learn fro the mistakes, but don't let them rule your life. Then look each other straight in the eyes and talk about what worked, the excitement you shared, how you felt about each other, how you love each other. Hug, kiss have sex. Deepen your love and your commitment to EACH other. Now the next time you venture out, you'll have more experience and you probably won't make the same mistake.

Concur with above. Ok, some mistakes were made, but I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. Take a deep breath, love each other, cuddle, talk, and be together. You'll be ok. Yes, it is very common for a guy to not get hard the first time playing. I'd never had problem one before our first play (a soft swap), but had problems anyway. It had nothing to do with the other couple. We got to play with them again some time later, and Mr. Happy was quite willing to cooperate. First time jitters, that's all. If it's the first time for your husband to have encountered this, it can be a bit unnerving., But, it's entirely normal, and nothing to worry or feel ashamed about. When you're ready to play again, be clear about your expectations and rules going in next time, and be clear that you're not going to change them during play.

Agree with Hunterdon. A guy having erectile problems in a swap is commonplace. When it has happened to me, the women have been helpful and understanding. I am sure they see it all the time. Some things of help: ED medication, separate rooms from your spouse if you are super trusting and comfortable with the other couple, just receive oral and finish that way if possible. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work and the more you think about, the more it won’t work. I don’t see where anyone did anything wrong. These things happen. As one woman said to me, “We’re not porn stars.”

I think these things are all part of the bargain which is why open minds and accepting attitudes are so important. Please don't beat yourself up over getting a little lost in the moment because that's part of the joy of swinging. Assuming you both knew what you were getting into then it's unfair for one of you to hold anything against the other. Having ED under pressure of his first FS is actually quite normal. To quote George from Seinfeld, "sometimes a guy feels it would be easier to bend a spoon with his mind than get an erection". Normal newbie jitters. The mixed emotions part is also normal. We have watched a few episodes of Playboy TV's "Swing" and on that show the 'new' couple has to sign a contract that basically says "All the normal rules of a normal monogamous relationship are temporarily set aside and we give each other permission to explore and engage is sexual relationships with other partners.... something about no judgement and no animosity etc.". From what you describe I don't think anybody did anything wrong. Assure each other that no matter what happens in the Lifestyle you love each other and are there for each other. Then take a short breather and try again.

We usually arrange a meeting (dinner or drinks at a neutral location) shortly after contact with a couple that we think we might like. Sure, texting, chatting, even talking on the phone is fun, but you will learn more in the first five minutes of meeting in person than you will learn in a lifetime of all the other options. Most important is if both people (if there even is a second person) are interested in swinging. Then, and only then, do we consider exchanging numbers, and even with that, it is usually just the men. We do not allow any cross m/f conversations ever. Either the men communicate, the women communicate or everyone communicates (usually group texts). That way there can never be any misunderstandings taking place.

we are showoffs so like to be naked and also post naked pics but our one rule for posting pics is to either crop out or blur faces of explicit pics. you can't control ppl finding ways to steal and distribute your profile photos, but you do have some control over how incriminating your photos are.

The way to start is to talk to her openly about it! If you can’t do that with each other then there isn’t a next step to take.

Couplers, I don't think you are contrarian at all. The advice is solidly in the do no harm strain. Even my post which was a caution about dismissing possibilities out of hand was pretty specific about everyone being on board and well balanced in terms of their relationship with their spouse. So I think that you are squarely in the mainstream.

No, not really. This isn't meant to be a hookup site. We're primarily a discussion forum although we do have a Personal Ads forum where people can post looking for other like-minded folks. I won't say it never happens because I'm sure it has, but if you are looking to hook up, then one of the true online swingers personals sites like SLS or SDC or Swingtowns would be a better option.

Have you talked to her about it? What does she think?

Yeah this thread is showing its age(2013). Kik seems to be the standard now. Having a Google Voice number is a good thing as well so you're not giving out your real number to anyone. Use that for things like car dealers and such as well.

There are so many options that it is not necessary to give a phone/text number. Messaging apps are widespread, and even videoconferencing can be semi-anonymous.

Welcome... and as I think you can see, you are quite welcome. I can see most of you questions have been well answers by others. I really wanted to weigh in on one which caught my (salacious) eye - what to wear? First and foremost, wear something that feels good. That might mean something comfortable, or something flirty or sexy or downright outrageous... the important thing, above all, is that you feel good wearing it. Having said that, at most swingers gatherings I've attended one should "dress to impress" so ratty sweats and an old t-shirt might not be the best choice (though I've known some folks who can carry that off). I can also add that most swingers clubs I've attended have changing rooms with lockers (bring your own lock) and I've known many ladies who brought multiple outfits and changed throughout the course of the night. From the guy-eye perspective, it's... interesting... to watch a lady start the night in business casual, move to sexy party, then to naughty nightgown and finally to nothing at all. Still, I expect it's exhausting. When we could go to clubs, my wife usually went with street clothes for getting to the venue, a nice sexy outfit for dancing and ended the night wearing nothing but a smile (and a bit sticky ). As with most everything else in swinging the key is to be comfortable with it and have fun.

There is another facet of this that I would like to mention. First, I would like to say that all of the above cautions are correct. There are however other possibilities. In 2018 I had a conversation with a lady at a swingers event. We were both waiting for our spouses in the hotel lobby. I had seen her before. She was hard to miss. Ladies in wheelchairs are not the norm. After ten minutes I knew that we were meant to know each other. I am still trying to figure that out. When my wife came down, I told her that this lady was in my future in some way. It was that clear. Over the next three years the four of us developed quite a friendship. With the knowledge and blessing of our spouses the two of us were clearly falling in love. At no time did this pose a threat to any of the marriages involved. The two of us were crystal clear about where our loyalties were placed. My lady just died as a result of her MS. I owe my wife and the lady’s husband a debt beyond measure for their ability to allow us to be. Outside of my wife there is no human being with whom I have been able to share such total transparency. Despite the pain it was worth it. To say that opening oneself to other loves in the LifeStyle is always wrong, is an error. Obviously there are dangers and if it threatens a marriage , either one, run for cover. Sometimes though there are marvelous , life affirming possibilities.

Women in the LS run the show. Period. We firmly believe in the meet and greet way to start out. An important note about online, the area you live in will dictate which app you can get the best response from. Get a couple free membership so you can look around. Then absolutely pay for a membership. Many people bypass the "free member" listings. We routinely play with couple's and singles from early 20's to their 70's. And we both are about 60. So age, weight and other physical attributes are not all that important. Clubs are another way to go. I absolutely frickin guarantee that if you don't find someone to play with, it will be because YOU didn't find someone to YOUR liking. And most importantly... don't do anything that you don't want to or with anyone you are not attracted to. The LS can be really empowering for women. Good luck and let us know how it's going. Ask all the questions you want and feel free to DM me.

We find that about 50% of people want to exchange phone numbers right away. We're just not comfortable with that and don't give our phone number out until a meet is eminent,