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Don’t get too hung up on body part shapes and sizes. You’ll have more fun with nice, considerate partners.

1. Amen to the "kitchen table" conversation. 2. Age, size, body parts, skin tone...what matter is how the other person makes you feel and vice versa. It turns out that the key organ is the one between the ears.

"she is just shy because she is just a tad over weight." "male had to have a flat stomach and muscular" "preferably a hung guy" Ummm. njbm is heading you down the better path than the one that you seem to be on at the moment.

I can't begin to try to understand what's going through your wife's mind. I can't think of a more appropriate time to communicate, communicate communicate. The only way to move forward is to talk to each other. Learn where your boundaries are and commit to activities that don't cross those boundaries. Make sure you communicate your desire and boundaries with your FWB and give it a go. As with all aspects of our lives. S^&t happens. These are learning opportunities. Learn from it and then move forward. Whether that is swinging again or not.

So, you say you're having a hard time processing what happened. What does that mean, to the two of you? Clearly, this is a problem for you both and you need to work through it. You know that. You said it. You've been together 17 years, so you've been through some tough spots before and worked through those. This is just another tough spot. Difficult as it may sound, set the sex thing aside for a moment and thing about how you've worked through other difficult problems in your relationship in the past. I'm going to guess that trust, love and honest communication played a big part then, and they will again here. You need to confront what is really bothering you (it sounds like you're carrying a lot of guilt for having a good time when he didn't) and talk about what is really bothering him (and only he knows that). I suggest you sit down and talk it through... it isn't about blame or anyone being wrong, it isn't about weakness or failure... it's about trust, honesty and communication. Those are the wounds I suggest you need to heal. My $.02, take them for what they're worth.

You can be as picky as you want about looks, body type and penis size! That is your choice. Just remember that the people on the other end can be too and it may take you a lot longer to find what you are looking for with that approach. If you are just looking for a single guy however you may have better luck, because many of them will hit just about anything that moves!

We actually DON'T AGREE with some of the things said above. Sure, mistakes were made, but to just dismiss them as mistakes is another mistake. You have already pointed out what the mistakes were, but they need to be returned to. Let your partner know that you are sorry for breaking the rules and that you won't ever do it again (and stick to that). You should never change the rules when you are in a sexual situation. If you find that a rule no longer applies or that you are ready to set it aside, it should be done outside of a sexual situation and only if you both agree on the change. You should also make sure by checking in with him...and this can just be something as simple as a look and a nod, and make sure that he is okay with everything that is happening...even if you are veteran swingers and have been with 100s of couples. Always check in with your partner. If either of you are having a problem, be it emotional or physical, call a time out and take a break to find out what is happening. You are a team and should always play as a team. As for the ED, and this has already been pointed out several times, this is entirely normal...but that isn't going to help him knowing that. All he knows is that he was having problems and he doesn't understand why. Dwelling on the problem is only going to make it worse for him. I'm SURE that he is embarrassed and confused about this happening, but sometimes...especially when you are just starting out, it will happen. Luckily there is a pill for this, but you need to work with him so he knows in the future if it happens again (and it may) that you are there to help and support him and if he can't perform, you need to take a break or maybe even postpone things until the next time. Most all couples will understand this. Really! Biggest thing here is you need to reestablish the trust you two have and he needs to know that everything was okay and that you love him completely and won't ever break the rules again.

To be successful swingers you need an abundance of love/trust/communication. Since she didn't feel like she could openly talk about what happened four years ago until you forced the issue and even now you are afraid that if you approach the subject again you will get into an argument means that you really need to work on your communication with her. So there's where you need to start, fixing the communication (even if you never have another 3some, this needs to be fixed) and then think about asking if she would be interested in this again and be sure to set rules and limits (and stand by them once set).

I'm a bit surprised your wife got so upset over that. I'm also a bit surprised the guy would just grab your dick like that. Sounds like something you just need to talk to her about.

A vist to a swingers club will take care of her weight fears. It's not just the 'beautiful people' who are there...it looks pretty much just like the people you would see at the market. All shapes, sizes and colors and they all can find people interested in them. However, this has also motivated others to improve themselves as well (worked for both of us). Also, now that you have taken the first step, the next step is to set your limits and boundaries, whatever they may be. Keep in mind that these will be a fluid, ever changing thing, however, never exceed them once set and the only time they can be modified is outside of a sexual situation and only if both of you agrees on the new settings.

Amen to that brother. We engage in sex with the person, not their body parts!

Some really good advice. I always recommed having a kitchen table discussion. NOT pillows talk. When you both sit there and can reveal all of your fantasies and i mean all of them. Then you are ready to lay out you your boundaries. Excellent 2 way conversations are the only way to get where you want to go. You see posts on sls all the time for people looking for specific types of people

A question occurred to me after I posted the above. Is your previous third still an active FWB with your wife?

I agree with both of the above. Tell her again that this was about her pleasure not yours. If she cannot accept that, then YOU accept how she feels. This is not all that different than the lady thinking you are in this to have a FMF threesome. It might help if you had her pick the third, if she is willing to try again. Whatever happens honor her feelings in the matter.

Psychic powers notwithstanding, the only way to know what's going through her mind is to talk to her. The only way to approach her is to approach her. Obviously, it's still on your mind, so you need to talk to her about it. How do you talk about other difficult issues? Some couples get there by sitting down and having a calm, rational discussion. Some couples need the catharsis of screaming at each other first in order to reach the place where they can have the calm, rational discussion. (I've been in both kinds of places at various times in my relationships.) In the end, however you get there you need to get to that place where you can have an open, honest conversation about what is really bothering you (which I don't think you've mentioned) and what is really bother her (which you won't know until she tells you).

Anyone else?? Or am I alone here?? I am into Pleasure...period. If it is pleasurable I'm all for it. I have no urges, desires, wonders, fantasies, attraction, or anything else of having a relationship, cuddling, kissing, holding hands or any of that with a man. But if in the moment your good enough where my body signals my mind to where it arouses me or vise versa then let's roll with it if not then I'm 100% cool with that too. We have met couples and single men and we've exchanged head, hand jobs, frottage, and I mean like I said if it feels good then I'm down for it... So when I hear the term(s) gay or lesbian or bi I think attraction, lustrous, connection, relationship with someone of the same sex. Its always associated with a relationship or attractions to someone, or feelings/actions of intimacy. Anyone else get where I'm coming from??

I call Viagra the insurance policy. On quite a few occasions, I rose to the event and the other husband did not. Viagra is the difference maker. It should only be taken if needed and medically prescribed, not recreationally. But I can go two rounds for the first time since I was young.

Yup it sucks the mind is willing but the body.... I blame a lot on sensory overload. After all it really IS mind blowing. I would be lost without daddy's little helper pills. With a Rx they cost about $12 for generic Viagra.

Ok well today I brought it up. And she is willing to do it she is just shy because she is just a tad over weight. But I told her it was fine she said she would love to try it as long as the people we are talking too are all on the same page. I made love to her last night and as I was inside her thrusting away she started blowing the bbc dildo and she asked me if I like it. I then said I love it . She started jerking off the dildo while I was inside her . Oh man it turns me on lol. She did stated she wanted to meet a couple but that the male had to have a flat stomach and muscular I told her Maybee we can exchange numbers and text it out with the couple send pics to each other comfortably with each other and she said that’s sounds like a good idea

Dvanni, adamgunn is absolutely right. If you set up a profile on a swinger site as a single female, whether straight or bi, you will be absolutely OVERWHELMED by the number of messages you will receive. There is an easy way to help filter this. In setting up your profile, make it so that it takes some time to read, a few paragraphs. Somewhere in the second or third paragraph, put a single sentence that says something like "If you read this, start your message off to me with 'I read it'". The vast, vast majority of messages you will receive will be people who do not actually read your profile. So, if you get a message that starts off without "I read it", delete and block and move on to the next. As a single woman, you will have many, many offers and from some really great people too. You can do this as a single woman or as part of a couple with your FWB. It will work fine either way. Don't settle. If you're not actively turned on by and attracted to the guy or couple, don't waste your time. Move on. We're always here, and we're always happy to answer questions!

The way to start is to talk to her openly about it! If you can’t do that with each other then there isn’t a next step to take.

After meeting the couple several times, they are a terrific couple just very nervous, we finally introduced them to a new way of enjoying their sexuality. Usually we don’t extend our contact more than a few meetings, I think our friendship can extend passed the bedroom, something that will make going to the gym less uncomfortable. I found I enjoy her friendship.

It’s been our experience that finding a guy isn’t difficult at all. Finding one who will be honest about himself and his situation - his entire situation - is damn near impossible. We want to live out some fantasies and have fun, but not at the expense of our peace of mind, comfort, or someone else’s relationship or feelings.

I fucked a transsexuals during a gay pride in San Francisco. Oral sex and then he fucked me. It was weird and cool. He had boobs and a small bones, he was shaved smooth like me. It was so damn naughty.

It's NOT an opinion, its a biological fact! Female humans do not have dicks, male humans do! You want to dress like a girl or lie to people and tell people you are a girl? That a choice and maybe a bad one depending on the circumstances. You can "identify" all you want but saying you're something rather than being that something are two entirely different things. I self identify as a billionaire but the local Bentley dealership will not sell me a new convertible based on that self-delusion even though I WANT one really badly!!!!.

We have happened to play with two different male to female transgenders pre-op, who happened to be at parties we attended. They were fun, sexy people, who had different equipment. Very much enjoyed it.