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Our definition of soft-swap is no PIV. Other than that, kissing, petting, oral sex is allowed (and encouraged, usually!)

We've been to official swing clubs in London, Texas, Nevada and Florida and only on couples nights. We went to watch and be watched and did not do any trading at all. Very educational! Julie and Robb

We believe so. At least for HIV, the risks are estimated to be something like 80% lower than with unprotected intercourse. Given the relatively low prevalence outside of specific groups and that transmission rates are not that high for one-off encounters to begin with, it's close to a non-issue. Herpes is still very real, but at least you can eyeball some of the risk, and condoms don't fully protect against it, either. At the end of the day, we talked about this early on when it came to my very specific interest in watching her give head, and her view was that she'd never given head over a condom and wasn't about to start now.

My wife doesn't play without condoms unless the gentleman in question has become a regular and only plays with her. She doesn't want to restrict them in any sense, but just asks that if they are going to play with someone else that she is informed about it, and can thus be STI safer with condoms. Otherwise, she'll play with him bareback. With bareback, she always wants her men to cum inside of her, likes to have me cum in side of her too, so she feels sloppy with cum. A favorite fantasy of hers is to have many men cum inside of her without condoms, but sadly that will very likely never happen. My wife dislikes condoms more than any other woman I've ever been with. She very much enjoys feelings a man cum inside of her. For my part, I thoroughly enjoy watching my wife have sex with another man, and however she and he want him to cum is fine with me. That said, I enjoy having sex with her right after another man has cum inside of her. Side note; interesting this thread has been running for 17 years!

We always use condoms, so . . . Given that, Mary would rather the guy finished when he's inside her, but if the guy has a fetish that he wants to get close, then pull out and finish by spraying on her tits or pussy, she's fine with that. For me, I feel it's more 'complete' if the guy ejaculates when he's inside her. But the excitement comes from knowing that my wife has satisfied another man, not from what I'm seeing as he gets off.

My wife and I have been talking about it for a while she is very specific about who the other male is and as soon as we find the person then we will do it I am happy that she is choosing carefully as I feel it really is all about her.

That never happened for us. My wife's play partners have been very respectful of me and somewhat envious that I have such a sexually powerful wife. It's the same now that we're swap swingers, but it's not so much on our minds since the situations are equal all around.

There are lots of flavors to the lifestyle. We participate in foursomes, gentle orgies, MFMs and from time to time she will solo. Each of them seems different to me emotionally. Speaking explicitly of hotwife activities, I'm extremely turned on when I'm there, watching her with another man. When she goes to another man's house, I'm thinking about her but not quite so aroused. But when she texts me with the message, 'wer'e done, I'm coming home,' my mind takes that as a signal that she's been screwed and I get tremendously hard waiting for her to get home. Not disagreeing, just giving another perspective.

Maybe he was planning on showing up naked...

I think the key takeaway in swinging is that "cuckold" usually implies enjoying a submissive role to the wife's libido, and possibly being humiliated in favor of the bull. This is different from the old customary meaning, which, like Numex says, is maybe more properly a 'wittol' kink. The boundaries are loosely defined, but this is a pretty important distinction from stag/vixen, hotwifing, etc., in that misunderstanding the expectations if they were all lumped together could lead to some bad communications and bad experiences.

Then I consider you fortunate. May your luck not run out Sparkstar. I prefer statistical safety over intuition and trust.

OK, a couple of issues here... 1) Trust. Either you trust your wife, and therefore believe that she did not know if he came in her or not, or you don't. If you don't, I think you need to stop swinging until you reestablish the trust. 2) Biology... there is semen flowing from a man's erect penis long before he ejaculates. Therefore, by allowing a man to place his unprotected erect penis in your wife, you are allowing him to put his semen in her. This is a reason the "pull out" method of birth control doesn't work. Allowing a man to fuck your wife unprotected but requiring that he pull out before ejaculation is a little absurd, IMO. I think you need to serious reevaluate your rules here. If you don't want him to cum in your wife, make him wear a condom. If you don't want him to ware a condom, accept that he has cum in your wife.

We have always seen "Soft Swap" to mean no physical interaction. That is pretty darn safe. Maybe you could get crabs using the same sheets?