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This is not the path you want to go down. You either play as a team or you don't play at all. If she doesn't want to go someplace local, then plan a weekend or vacation where it isn't local. Most couples are looking for other devoted couples so they can avoid drama...this plan seems to create drama from nothing. Bringing a 'stand in' is in a way misrepresentation and (lets just suppose) you are seen by someone who knows you at a swingers party with someone they know is not your wife...Usually seeing someone you know is a secret you both want to keep private, but being there with someone who isn't your wife now becomes a HUGE secret that will get out. Then there's the problem of finding a single woman that will want to go to swingers events with you...they are known as unicorns and are in even greater demand as a single woman. Presenting the two of you as a couple means that you will be expected to play in some manner together as well. While I doubt you will be able to find a play partner, being discovered with someone who isn't your wife will be much worse that being found at an event with your wife. Teachers and nurses/caretakers are VERY prevalent in the l/s, probably something about their willingness to please others. For the record, both of us work in the teaching field and have morals clauses in our contracts. A better question to ask is probably why do you want to pursue swinging without your wife? Swinging can make a great marriage even better, but it takes two devoted people in a relationship to play the game. If it's only one playing, then there really cannot be much of a benefit.

Anyone who would see her is likely there for the same reason, no?

Maybe you just can’t be in the lifestyle. Sometimes you are getting a signal and just not accepting it. Respect your wife’s concern, watch porn, buy more toys and equipment, be thankful your wife has sex with you and has a good job that she values. Sorry to bear harsh news.

For what it's worth, a good many of the couples we meet - one of them is a teacher. Go to Desire in March - teachers on spring break! Teachers are open-minded, nonjudgmental, and fun (freaks).

I currently have a cert from a single male whose profile has been deleted, so, unless you remove them yourself they will still be present.

I was wondering about some of the wildest things that people have done. I guess ours would be when we went to a club not far from New Orleans where there were couples on stage and we sat in the front row and watched them perform on stage. We had had a few drinks and I decided that I wanted to join the guy on stage. I went to the side of the stage and walked up, and everyone started cheering, and I started to strip. There I was naked on stage in front of about 40 to 50 other couples and I got down on my knees and gave the guy on stage a great blow job. When I got off my hubby asked me if I wanted to go up there and perform with him. We ended up having sex on stage. It was exciting and fun and I wish I could do it again.

I totally spaced on the first part. That's the obvious answer to her stated problem. The second part is, I think, at least some of the evidence that the problem she's describing is not the real problem. If she was so worried about gossip, she'd surely be worried about people recognizing him, too. Mrs. E always mentions STDs as one of her fears about clubs. Mrs. E has never expressed the same concern in any other setting, playing on exactly the same terms we would in a club. Ergo, there's something else going on, and that's OK. People come to ideas at their own pace.

If Ms. Gold wanted to not attend an event, or not do something or go somewhere, or even stop swinging, we would stop without a second look back. Swinging is the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae that is our relationship. Better with the sprinkles, but if they were not there, they really wouldn't be missed.

It can be and is for us, but I think there's at least something to think about here if you feel you "need" it to patch up the intimacy. Working on that intimacy should be a priority whether you're swinging or not. Obviously, you know your relationship better than I do, but I would be questioning whether visiting a club with another woman because your wife isn't interested will yield the same benefits. I would also point out that there's a lot of survivorship bias in discussions of swinging: most people who discuss their marriages in swinging forums, etc., are successful swingers. People who had the cracks in their marriages exposed by the intense experiences it can provoke probably don't post. I'm not trying to talk you down, here, it just read to me like a yellow flag. We really enjoy our experiences and want to have more, but if one of us didn't anymore, it wouldn't leave a hole in our relationship at all. We just happened to be in the right stages of our lives where we introducing her to a more casual and taboo side of sex was perfect for both of us.

We agree with GoldCoCouple. Pursuing lifestyle activities with someone at work is courting disaster. Look, in our opinion, people can pursue the lifestyle in one of two ways: Publicly or privately. But, it can't be both. If you choose to pursue the lifestyle with someone at work, the "secret" will get out. You will be exposed not only to the potential embarrassment, but it creates the conditions for myriad other professional and social complications, too. These should be fairly obvious.

Gym buddies will be a hard sell as our friends are also our gym buddies. ?

Thank you so much! That’s what I wanted to know. I had good experiences and wanted to make sure those kind fun people keep their certs. I know I can deactivate as an option too but was just trying to figure out what would happen so I could decide accordingly.

Thinking about it, I achieved having sex with more women after marrying Daniela than before, 12. But she is unlikely to exceed her number, around 60, because we now play within a closed group. As my wife has pointed out, however, I had a lot more sex than she did, albeit with with only one woman, my ex-wife. We had sex just about every day, and sometimes even during and after our divorce. Although Daniela's number was five times mine, she didn't live with anyone so she had sex only two or three times a week. Since we got married and especially since we started in the lifestyle, she's been making up for lost time. Ten times a week maybe, five with me (I'm older now) and five with one of her play partners. And to think that when we got married Daniela said that she was ready for monogamy after living a life of overlapping lovers. She didn't need much convincing to go back. I'll need to do some calculations to determine when her total number of intercourse exceeds mine.

Confession from *last* weekend: We have been playing around with apps more and decided to have a meetup. It was supposed to be a drink only but worked out. We didn't realize it at the time, but the bumped "how many" thread got me thinking. Mrs. E managed to get over the hump to having intercourse with more men since she met me than when we started. (Her first husband was #3, I was #7. This made #15.)

Wenn i left today morning the house to the work, my wife makes herself ready for the visit from her toyboy.

Nothing unusual for us, but it could be classified as cuckold: our daughter and I ran a few errands and did chores at home while mom was at another couple's house engaged in a threesome.

If he's that domineering and rude before you've even met, imagine him once the clothing is off.

This says exactly the way I feel. I have not been in exactly the same situation, but similar. I have had a couple gf's who still had a relationship with a previous spouse and I had no problem with it at all. With one former spouse I had a I got some jabs by him, trying to make me jealous, but I refused to let it get to me. And the other I became friends with. There is no reason to not get along in my mind.

Wonderful story about your wedding day. You two are truly have a special thing going, being so accepting of each other. The post you mentioned points out something very good too. One time I told the ex of a gf that I didn't own her, she was free to do what she wanted with who she wanted. I knew that she fucked him once and a while. It was good for her. He thought I was weird for not getting all jealous. Not in my makeup.

Couplers, that could have been me...