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Actually, history is replete with stories of powerful women being "in charge" and sexually liberated, with some even weaponizing their sexuality and using it as a means to an end. Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette, Elizabeth I, to name just a few. Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile, is probably the most infamous. By many accounts, she was an irresistibly beautiful, shrewd, and determined woman who successfully ruled one of the most powerful empires on the planet, inheriting the throne at the tender age of eighteen. To say she was sexually liberated is a gross understatement, as her exploits are legendary. The Egyptian religion, and culture, of the time considered sex and procreation to be at the very center of both life on earth and in eternity. They built entire temples devoted to sex and procreation, some of which still stand to this day. The portico of the Temple of Seti, for instance, is supported by massive stone columns carved in the shape of erect penises. King Tut was mummified with an erect penis pointing upward, to the heavens. Erect penises and images of sex can be found in hieroglyphic carvings throughout the ancient kingdom. Cleopatra used her sex to guile both commoners and other powerful rulers, including Rome's Julius Caesar, with whom she bore one illegitimate son, and Mark Antony, with whom she bore three somewhat legitimate sons. Her exploits didn't stop there. She participated in incest (as was the custom of the time), killed at least three of her siblings (also somewhat common at that time), was a legitimate polyglot (she was fluent in nine different languages), was a warrior empress who sailed aboard her naval fleet in battle, and grew to believe she was the literal embodiment of the goddess Isis. Other interesting factoids: Cleopatra was actually Macedonian Greek, not Egyptian, and she was the seventh regent to use the name Cleopatra. And, of course, there is Catherine the Great, whose reported sexual appetite was so... ravenous... that mere men were not sufficient to satisfy her needs and legends of her penchant for having sex with creatures beyond the two-legged kind followed her both in life and after her death. Catherine, getting her *FREAK* on!

M has had three children and is still the tightest woman I’ve ever been with (lucky me!)

Yawn. These are exceptions. And ALL of them were living in a male dominated society, which was my point . . . And now that I come to think of it, the four examples are actual proof of how women were discriminated against. Cleopatra was not a puppet ruler of Egypt, her title was imposed upon her by first Julius Caesar then Marc Anthony. (And when he was about to be deposed, she took her own life rather than be subjugated.) Marie Antoinette was a plaything of Henry the VIII, when he was done with her he had her head cut off. Both Catherine and Elizabeth were indeed effective rulers, but they came to power ONLY when there was a power vacuum, and the men couldn't agree on which of them was the better ruler, so they let the women in, thinking they could depose them.

It is great that you are being sensitive to your wife's feelings. My comment wasn't directed at you, just the asymmetry. Thinking about it, it is interesting that men having multiple female sexual partners seems to be the historic norm, but recently the trend is to MFM threesomes, cuckolds, and hotwives.

Never understood it either. When my first wife and I divorced it was because she "cheated" but it would not have mattered if she just said, "This is what we did..." but instead lied about what that she did. I never cared that she was fucked, I cared that she lied and from there the trust was broken.

I get your point ? But, turning it serious for a moment, the largest sexual organ is the brain. Sure, when I was a teenage boy, thanks to the raging hormones of puberty, I woke up every day with a dick as hard as an abacus, and there is picture of Yours Truly in the Jacking Off Hall of Fame! But, that phase was fleeting. As adults, sex is almost entirely a mental and emotional thing that eventually manifests as a physical response. My point being as swingers we tend to oversimplify sex. It's not like sneezing or eating a bowl of cereal. Sex involves all kinds of emotional and intellectual stimulation. This is why the lines can get very blurry from time to time.

You asked, so I'm responding to this honestly and without judgment. But, I believe it needs to be said: Based on your post, it appears earlier in your relationship you had a normal sexual response. Is there a physical or medical reason why your sex life has "dried up"? Physical intimacy is fundamental to a healthy relationship. Aside from eating and breathing, sex is one of the strongest drivers of the human condition. Sure, everyone has differing physical needs, and over the long term course of relationship, needs ebb and flow. But, "dried up" entirely? That's a red flag. Introducing a new sex partner, or partners, is very likely to create more problems than it is going to solve. The titillating fantasy is probably not going to play out very well in reality. You may want to begin by figuring out why your sex life has "dried up" and get it back on track. Then, with things in good working order, you can decide if bringing in another sex partner/s is a good fit. Best of luck.

We sleep in the morning before a date, avoid rigorous exercise, eat light and limit alcohol to one or two glasses of wine. With kids at home we don't have a ton of opportunities for play dates so when we get them we want to make them count!

I don't really think it's possible to go from dried-up sex life to cuckold/hotwife in a single step. Before we were in the Lifestyle we started visiting nude beaches together. The fun yet naughty, zero sexual pressure atmosphere of the nude beach, combined with all those naked bodies, eventually led to first Lifestyle experience. Fast forward a couple years and my wife is dating other men with my full blessing and support. Today, two decades after we started visiting nude beaches, she is still dating other men and we couldn't be happier together. But it probably wouldn't have worked if I just told her i wanted her to see other men back then. That probably would have freaked her out. So I think a shift to a hot kinky lifestyle is possible, but I think taking a series of baby steps in that direction will get a better outcome. For us it was the nude beach. For you it could be something else - like perhaps arranging a masseur to come to your house. But I advise starting small.

In addition to the other advice given, you have to make it absolutely, totally, 100% clear that this is about her and her pleasure. Let her know that you want her (not you) to have more sexual excitement and enjoyment in her life. She deserves it. Make it clear that you are not looking to have sex with anyone else. That she can have a boyfriend, lover, or fuck buddies, or Lesbian experiences, whatever she wants. Then follow through. Don't nag or criticize her or anything she does. Just tell her that you love her and let her do whatever, whenever, however, and with whomever she wants. You will get your reward from that.

Keeping the fire alive in a relationship is a much bigger topic and a much broader question--what happened? That's your first priority. Swinging is an activity, never a "solution". It really does take two people to talk about what has happened. It is, as Idaho points out, a kitchen table talk. It has to be non-accusatory. Moreover, it has to be one where you are willing to own up and take responsibility. There is almost always a reset around things that affect the relationship--responsibility for household chores, finances, how time is spent, and so on. There also the idea that foreplay is 24 hours a day, and telling your spouse how important s/he is to you how much better your life is because they are in it--that should be part of the fabric of your relationship. People drift apart unless they are intentional about staying together. Only after you are intentional about staying together, and are seeing each other working at staying together, and are finding and fixing the things that threaten your staying together--only then can you begin to approach the intimacy issues--including the lifestyle.

You make a great point. Of course, this all comes from the male dominated societies that have flourished in the past. Along with the ability to have as many sexual partners as a man likes (as long as they aren't other men,) other practices such as abuse of women, the inability of a woman to own property or inherit or vote were all signs of such societies. And so, the stories of women who had multiple lovers didn't make it into media (which until fairly recently was all printed.) We are changing. We can debate why until we're blue in the face (and many have,) but it's true. In western society, women are more able to control their lives (including sexual patterns( than they ever have. Is it perfect, is the revolution over? Of course not, and it probably won't ever be. But I think we're on the way there.

You need, first of all, to be on the same page, this happens through conversation. I suggest you take the mojoupgrade.com quiz together, that will get the talk started. Idaho gave great advice, expect that if she is interested it will be a long time before she's ready to try something in real life.

You're right. This is an emotional insecurity of yours. No amount of factual, objective data, or anecdotal evidence, is going to persuade you because this is a problem that exists in your emotional realm, not the factual one. My best advice is to talk it over with your wife, explain to her how you are feeling, and allow her to give you some reassurances. Perhaps have her play with a dildo that is larger than you are and then watch as her vagina "magically" returns to its normal condition. You might even enjoy the show ? However, I will note that a woman's body does change as she transitions through different stages of life. Post-menopause, it relatively common for a woman to experience increased vaginal tightness (and subsequent dryness) due to significant hormonal changes. These issues are fairly easy to remedy with a visit or two with a gynecologist. One of the common recommendations is simply to have more sex. Hooray! ?

Well, it was pretty fantastic as it goes. Mrs. C had a whale of a time and explored lots of fantasies - said mostly she was comfortable because she could treat the other guy however she wanted without having to be careful about the feelings of his partner. We think now she must definitely be switch. She really let loose and it might have been the first time I have seen her completely at ease with her own (somewhat ferocious :-)) sexuality. He was a gentleman and (I think) couldn't believe his luck. I came 4 times (which is a record for me by a factor of 2), once in DP (again a first), and she is still horny 2 days later. Naughty flashbacks apparently! I think in an ideal world (for me at least), we would find a great couple that we could be natural with, but this was an amazing and big step towards what I hope will be a great future......... Thanks for all your kind comments! Until the next time

I'm certainly not suggesting that I should be allowed to fuck around while my wife isn't. In fact, we're doing the single man thing exactly because she doesn't feel completely comfortable to see me with another woman. I suppose that previously, it's mostly been with couples which felt like something I could get behind a little more easily. But I am trying to learn compersion - doing OK with it, at least when it's about sex ?

I agree with the "don't ever tell" anyone about your lifestyle. Some people won't care. Some will and create alliances - you won't get invited to neighborhood gatherings, etc. We live in an awesome neighborhood. Families everywhere, kids everywhere, gatherings 2-3 times a month (birthday parties, pool parties, etc). The first event we attended after moving in we were let in on the "horrific incident" where a couple in the neighborhood had some relations with others. That couple has been excommunicated. Since then we've heard the story from 4-5 other "astonished" couples who just cannot believe such things happen. It is ridiculous. The gossip is junior high stuff. People whispering about others. Those "immoral swingers"....give me a break. So I would not tell anyone what you do, and I wouldn't play with anyone in the neighborhood. Once the genie is out of the bottle, you'll always be viewed as some sort of heathen by the loud-mouth majority. It isn't worth it. It isn't any of their business why you're going out on weekends without them. As for your guest, again, none of their business. It is a college friend, a family member, whatever. You don't need to explain.

At the risk of hijacking the discussion, I'm going to respectfully disagree with GoldCoCouple on this one... I think it depends on your friends. I've had friends who I've told whose response was "of course you do, because you and your wife are CRAZY PEOPLE" and we're still friends. I've had friends I told whose response was "oh my god, you too?" which then lead me spending a year having an tumultuous friends-with-benefits relationship with one them, that ultimately ended disastrously (dig a little in the archives here, you'll find posts ) but it was a hell of a ride I wouldn't want to have missed. I have friends I will never tell just because sex simply isn't something we talk about. So, yes, telling people might cost you a friendship... or expand one, or leave one exactly the same as before... it all depends on the friends.

We agree with Lionheart: The best 'lies' always involve the truth. First of all, you don't need to tell them anything but if you feel that you need to, tell them you are going away for the weekend (leaving out the 'to attend a l/s event"). We have a friend coming to visit and stay with us for a night or two (leaving out "to have sex with"). One thing that I have been able to get away with (since I'm kind of a joker at work) is when talking about what everyone was doing the upcoming weekend was to say that we are planning on going to an orgy. Everyone would laugh and shrug it off as another one of my jokes. On Monday, one or two people would always ask how the orgy was and I would say it was great and we would all laugh again. DO NOT tell your friends that you are involved with swinging...ever. This will cost you friendships. There will be several 'friends' who are so shocked and appalled at this that they will quit seeing you AND tell everyone they know that you are swingers (not that it is any of their business). Unless you are ready for all of your friends, family, and coworkers to know what you are doing in your bedroom and pass judgement on you, don't tell them anything. Why do they even need to know? This is something best kept separate and if one of your friends suspect something and ask (which is kind of rude that anyone would ask about something like this), you can decide what to tell them at that time. Otherwise, NOTHING GOOD WILL COME FROM TELLING THEM ANYTHING. If, on the off chance you are to run into one of your friends at a L/S event, remember that they want to keep this a secret as much as you do, so your secret will be safe with them. It will also give the four of you something to talk about when you are together (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Maybe some day people will become more enlightened and open (remember people 'coming out' as gay as recent as 30 years ago and being shunned and shamed), but today is not that day.

Back in the day, we told the truth... just not all of it. We'd tell our friends we were "going dancing" (which was true, we would start the evening dancing... we just didn't mention the group sex with strangers part of the evening). We once ran into a couple we'd met at a swingers club at church... asked how we knew each other I responded "oh, we met through some mutual friends at a party" (which, again, was true... I just didn't say who the friends were or what kind of party it was) In regards to your lady friend coming over, I would really suggest you just say "she's a friend who is visiting and is going to be staying with us instead of getting a hotel" ... just avoid the temptation to mention the crazy naked sex part. People don't look for things they don't expect and really, most people don't expect "oh, we're swingers and we're going to spend the weekend having wild sex with this women."

Respectfully, I think a few folks might be oversimplifying things. The decision tree has a few more branches on it: Keep in mind, if you decide to go public with your lifestyle activities, you could (likely will) also be exposing your lifestyle partners. What are their privacy expectations? Have you discussed it with them? Do you have their explicit permission to expose them, too? Have you thought about your families, and what they might feel about it? What about your professional careers? Have you thought about what might happen if/when your lifestyle activities are exposed at your respective companies? Your lifestyle actions/inactions could (and probably will) affect more people than just yourselves. And once the toothpaste is out of the tube, there is no way to get it back in. Also, while your friends may be "great", you might want to prepare yourselves for the fact that some of them may not be so accepting of your choices. I've never known anyone who has "come out" publicly about being swingers who did not experience some negative social, and often professional, consequences. We all wish people would be kind and accepting of everyone. But, that seldom happens in real life. If you decide to "come out", good for you. And there could be some good that comes from it. Just think through it carefully before you do. Best of luck.

Again , someone seen "sneaking" in through the back door is far more comment worthy than any one walking in through the front door.

Makes me think they are not that good of friends. My theory is that people gossip only about things that are unknown. Jim and Sue at the office? When nobody knows for certain what's going on between them, there's lots of salacious talk. Once they talk about how they are living together and you see them driving in together, no one talks about their sex life any longer, despite whatever it might be. With us in our poly family, people used to speculate about what we were doing. Now that they know we all live in one big house (a "compound" as hubby like to call it with a house and guest house) with all these kids of various parentage, no one asks or even cares. So perhaps if you come right out and say your spending time with your swinger friends, the gossip will burn very hot, but very brief and your friends will no longer care about your sex life. It will become normalized, just like Jim and Sue having sex.

Do not overthink it. If you act like you are hiding something shameful you will be. If your friends get overly intrusive of curious , you owe them nothing more than being polite. If they get too curious tell them she was a lover from years past, and let them wonder.

Gym buddies will be a hard sell as our friends are also our gym buddies. ?

You could do that, there's also always Uber/Lyft. Our single female lives a block away and they are cardio buddies, so gym clothes have made for a decent cover story.

So what if your wife and the other guy have feelings for each other? If it makes her happy, it's good. She will appreciate your generosity. It amazes me how many guys are thrilled that their wife and other men are enjoying playing with every part of each others bodies, and the guys are pumping cum into every one of her orifices, but feelings? No way. My wife exchanges "I love you"s with one of the guys we play with. I am flattered and prefer it over some guy treating her as just a cum dump.

Really depends on the season and location! Rather cold most times of the year where we are, but during summer it's great (as brief as it is!) Below is what you could say would be the absolute minimum during summer (only!) depending on location Work, Daily life, Beach, Topless beach Oh and nude beach, as per profile pic

Ok, I'll speak up. My husband and I have been into cuckold play for many years. I think I may have mentioned it in some of my posts. We only know 3 other cuckold couples but plenty of guys who are in this lifestyle to dish up cuckold fantasies. From our experience, no one has a cuckold contract like that. Not to say people don't play that way but I agree with Chicup that this contract is not the norm. For us and others we know, it's a form of role play fantasy, just like dressing up as a nurse and doing that whole medical exam fantasy. We have normal lives outside of the bedroom, and when we invite a single guy over for cuckold play, we make conversation like normal people, until it's play time and we get in character. The 24/7 mental and financial domination in the contract is practically impossible to do, at least for people like us who have jobs, have vanilla friends, and on top of that balance it with a swinging lifestyle. As a roleplaying fantasy, we certainly have done some of the sexual things in the contract. The most basic is really an extension of a MFM threesome, like having my husband watch while I have sex with another guy, have him eat out a creampie and get sloppy seconds. Sometimes it's an extramarital affair fantasy when I and the guy have sex without husband in the room. And sometimes the "humiliation" is taken outside like a play date. We discuss everything before we actually do it. There are some single guys who are really good at this lifestyle because they have a creative imagination to come up with new scenarios. As for why we do it, part of it is a submissive game, just like people who are in the d/s lifestyle. My husband and I both have a submissive side sexually so it fits. Another reason is that my husband and I find the "humiliation" and the roleplay situation exciting. I never asked him why he likes it. It took him long enough, not to mention a lot of courage, to tell me he likes being a cuckold, although it didn't take me long to get used to the idea. I never felt a need for him to explain it.