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My apologies to the other posters in this thread, but I'm short on time right now and have not read every post. I've read some, but have not seen the following addressed. You are very fortunate to have found a unicorn; a single woman to come play with you. Such a person deserves respect. Sneaking her in in such a manner is very disrespectful. I'm not a woman, but if I were in her shoes I'd feel like I'd stepped back into high school and was sneaking out a bedroom window to go to a party or something. No. Just no. Do NOT do this. Treat her with respect, bring her in through the front door, both literally and figuratively. Anyone can have a friend or family member from out of town come in for a weekend. This is quite normal. No more explanation is needed than that. This woman is a friend, and she's coming in from out of town. It is the truth. What all of you do together while she is at your house is nobody else's business.

Do you have much experience hosting parties, vanilla or otherwise? I think a good place to start is to follow some of the basics that you would with a vanilla party: 1. Keep guest list manageable and in keeping with the size of your event space--consider parking, too. 2. Communicate your house rules regarding COVID-19 vaccines, photography, etc. at the point of the invitation (neither you, nor your guests, want any surprises) 3. Stick to appetizers and light fare (nobody feels sexy digesting a heavy meal) 4. Serve non-alcoholic and lighter alcoholic drinks (i.e., wine, beer, hard seltzers, etc.) and avoid spirits 5. Lighting and music should be on the softer side (avoid strong candles, incense or other intense aromas because what is pleasing to you may not be pleasing to your guests) 6. Offer plenty of comfortable seating 7. Tell guests where are your bathrooms, showers, etc. 8. Stage your play rooms/bedrooms with all the necessities and niceties that people need when having sex (i.e., lube, condoms, breath mints, Hitachi Magic Wand (at least one per room), fresh towels, towel hampers, chilled water, etc.) 9. If you're using your normal bedrooms for play, you probably want to temporarily remove any family pictures or other items that may not be in keeping with the mood you're trying to create. Other options? Dedicated "adventure" play room: Over the years, Ann and I have assembled a collection of higher-end sex toys and related items including a Sybian, Hismith, a sex swing, some bondage equipment, dildos, and so on. We position those in what we consider to be the more "adventurous" play room for guests who are either familiar with those items or are interested in trying them out (or just enjoy watching others.) It's normally quite popular ;-) To newbie or not to newbie...? Because we now play in a relatively "closed circle" of lifestyle friends, we really don't have exposure to newbies anymore. However, when we did, we found inviting newbies to a party was, on balance, more trouble than it was worth.

Many thanks for all the excellent advice provided by the board; this is truly a great resource that we have here!

It's only suspicious if you MAKE it look suspicious. Sneaking someone in and out will become a much bigger thing if someone else sees you sneaking them in or out...because you are being sneaky. The assumption is that you are trying to hide whatever you are doing from your partner, and not the neighbors which makes it much more...interesting and something to gossip about. Finding a single woman that is willing to play with you (in case you didn't already know) is called a unicorn...because finding a unicorn is usually easier than finding a single woman that is a swinger. They are to be CHERISHED and treated like the goddess they are, not hidden and treated like something you are ashamed of. Treat her bad and she will find another couple that will treat her right (feel free to give her our number and email ? ). If you treat having her spending the night like they are just a friend or relative spending the night, then there is nothing suspicious to see. Most people won't even ask as long as you don't make it look out of the ordinary. Short version: quit overthinking this and let us know how things went. Have fun!

We try to be friendly with everyone (some are easier to be friendly with than others). You never know when the couple you think you are not attracted to might be the perfect match. Pictures cannot and will not ever be able to capture a persons personality (which is why we recommend moving from talking and texting online to meeting IRL rather quickly since you will find out more about them in 5 minutes than you would ever find out online). There was this one couple that didn't have the best pictures (they, like us, were just starting out and afraid that they might be recognized by friends/family/coworkers), but we still choose to have dinner and just see what they were like...it's been well over 10 years since then and we're still getting together on a regular basis. So, you never know which couple might be the match you are looking for...

As the wife, you are in control. After ensuring your husband is feeling happy and included (which should. be easy if he's into this,) the only true responsibility is to ensure that you have fun. Discuss with your husband before the first meet that you intend to flirt with the man, and let him know that you intend to draw the man into a liaison. That he should not feel you are 'ignoring' him, simply that for both your pleasure you will be interacting with your potential lover more than you will him. Have a safe word that he can say to slow things down if he is uneasy. Make sure it is unique enough that you are certain to hear it. If he says it, start paying more attention to your husband, find out what the issue is before going back to full-on flirting. However, unless you hear that word, have the belief that what you are doing is fine with your husband - it's his responsibility to say it, not yours to anticipate it. Take the flirtation as far as you want to, as far as you are comfortable with. If you decide that you want to take it as far as going to a private place and getting naked, try to have a short conversation with your husband as to your intention, let him agree with it. As far as knowing if/when you are ready, it's really easy. If the juices are flowing and there are no doubts, you're ready! Best of luck.

A few reflections. 1. For a first house party, best to include couples you know. If you choose to extend to couples you don't know, do so through the couples you do know. 2. Ask for a response (RSVP). If there is a change in plans, or the couple knows they will be delayed more than 15 min, ask that they contact you. 3. Food and drink are essential social lubricants. Offer plenty of light food, plenty of non-alcoholic beverages. 4. If the various guests do not know each other, catalyze some level of "meet and greet" during the initial hour. In modern times, "cocktail hour social skills" have become rare and introductions often need to be made. If all else fails, have some simple backup, for example, ask every guest to introduce themselves and mention something interesting about themselves. This helps anchor names and faces. 5. There has to be an icebreaker, something to mark the transition from an otherwise vanilla evening. This is perhaps the most important thing a host couple will do. There are basically three available signals. (A) Changing the environment (lighting, music, turn the thermostat up a fair bit, change the venue). (B) Changing the outfit ("slip into something more comfortable" or just disrobe completely). (C) Change the interaction among the guests (with a game that somehow brings different people into proximity, e.g. can men pick out their wives blindfolded simply by their scent, can the ladies pick out their men by feeling their butts, etc.) 6. Do what you can to make sure no couples feel left out. This happens with fair frequency. There are variations on the icebreaker , of course. Maybe not for a first party, but one fun party we attended specified that the cocktail hour would be nude. Another party had a adult variation on the "white elephant" Christmas party, except each couple was asked to bring adult "toy" with a maximum price of $20, and the host couple put in a "good prize" of a Hitachi Wand. There was also a strip poker add-on: with each gift drawn and each steal, the receiving couple had to remove one article of clothing each. Anything to get couples interacting will work. Have fun and good luck!

If there are couples you haven’t met, make sure you have a vote of confidence from someone you know and trust. Meeting new couples is part of the fun, as long as they are not drunks that trash your house. You may want to telephone verify to feel better.

I like this format: 1. 7pm-8pm: Appetizers, drinks, meet and greet. 2. 8pm: Get everyone into the playroom. You may have a trick, like let’s look at our massage table or Hitachi wand, but get 75-95% of the guests into the main playroom and get the playing started. I can’t tell you how many house parties we’ve been to that were multi hour staring contests because no one had the guts to get it started. 3. Get desserts out at 10 pm. Have fun! Let us know how it works out!

It's like asking if a woman's mouth will be looser after sucking bigger dicks.