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Following our recent LS cruise, we were discussing the couples we met who we really liked. Unsurprisingly (we've been together more than four decades) we keep coming to the same features. It's not age, it's maturity. It's not physical perfection, it's how they look after themselves. It's not their (Myers Briggs) personality type, we gravitate to extroverts and introverts, knowers and sensers etc. It's their authenticity. It's how they treat each other. It's their confidence in, and respect for, each other. It's their joy in being with each other. Call us old-fashioned. Or just call us old. What makes a couple attractive to/for you?

One other thing , if you get in to some group function, like a party by some local LS club, participate in the non-sex things. When we first started out and were being vetted by the older members I helped set up for the groups dinner, placing chairs setting up the buffet etc. For some reason this was a duty relegated to the ladies. By the time dinner was served I had received a very friendly kiss, a few equally friendly full frontal hugs and had my ass grabbed. I had become a "real" person all thanks to the cold cuts.

I don't know... my wife has been known to pick a well groomed, polite 50 year old single guy over an athletic, charming 25 years old single guy. Some women like older man and there is something to be said for experience.

Welcome. So, as a single guy, you're at a bit of a disadvantage. Swinging is primarily a couples activity and while singles are welcomed in some groups, single guys are common as dirt and often less well received. At least a few clubs I know of outright refuse to admit single men, and some only admit them on specific nights/events. This is largely due to the perception that single guys are just creeps who think swingers gatherings are a quick way to find easy pussy. Unfortunately enough guys live down to that expectation to support it... and there are a lot of single guys. If you want to do well as a single guy, my blunt advice is don't be the macho asshole who thinks an attitude, a wink and big dick are going to get him laid. Courtesy, charm, humor, good personal grooming and casual confidence will serve you much better in the long run (or so all the ladies I've listened to assure me).

The pandemic changed the way we dress--or more to the point--stay undressed while at home. The accompanying poll aims to understand the current "dress code" inside your home.

Interesting thread this is, the source not surprising. FL, you two are the philosophers of the LS community, thank you. There was a surprise for us here when we entered the LS; our view previous to jumping into the pool, the greater the chance of a connection was directly proportional to the attractiveness of the couple. Time and experience have shown the error of this, for both of us. We have been down that road and it can be bumpy; we found that what may appear to be solid gold, may only be gold plated. Scratch the surface, and all may not be as it seems. For us, we crave couples that love each other, and can communicate well within the couple, and with other couples. Good communication just makes everything else so much easier. A pair having a strong, solid, relationship, seems to be correlated with a higher chance of a connection we have found. A sense of humour, being open and honest - this is all very attractive to us we have found.

My wife kinda ignored me on this subject for a while. Then she started saying "you couldn't handle it." Then while having sex and after drinking, I would ask, while fucking her from behind, "What would you do if there was a big dick in front of you right now?" She replied, "I would suck it!" She claimed, and it may be true, that she was saying it for my pleasure, but now she has admitted or decided, it's her fantasy. Threesomes with me and another guy, as well as mff. We haven't yet, but it's coming.

Of course. This begs the question--what attracts? The first sense engaged is (for most of us) vision. And since first sight is (most of the time) clothed, a great deal of that visual "first impression" comes from how someone is "put together". One of the things we noticed on the recent cruise is how few of the men made an effort to participate on theme night in ways that not only responded to the theme but also to what their lady chose to wear; those couples that made effort stood out. Even during the (vanilla) excursions, it was quite evident that some folks had thought about how they were presenting themselves, others not so much.

Many couples disregard people with free memberships, especially single guys.

We were nudists first, lifestyle second. If nude is preferred, we’ll join in. Or lead the way.

Well said. Your list above describes our approach better than 90% I do wonder though if this is a function of age/experience or if not how much of this finds a reflection in our youth. From observation those who are in their 60's and 70's, who go for body type, tell stories that indicate this has always been so. I know for Connie and I, that we have always been more drawn by the people than their facades. This holds true even back into our teens.

You kind of get what you pay for

I figured I should make a follow up post. My wife and I have decided to visit a Swingers club here in a few weeks. We have also both decided to start with same room play and work our way up

Over the past couple of decades there have been numerous lengthy threads on probably every question you’ve had regarding swinging. Time spent browsing will be well rewarded, though you’ll find that often there are divergent opinions on almost every subject. You’ll need to be able to discern what’s (from your perspective) wheat and what’s chaff. Your concern as someone seriously contemplating becoming involved in the lifestyle for the potential negative impact of swinging on the durability of your marriage is understandable and not uncommon. (When my first wife and I investigated becoming swingers in the 1970s, the way too common "wisdom" was that swinging was the relationship equivalent of driving drunk at 120 mph on bad tires. That, plus being consumed with post-grad professional education and the logistical challenges in the pre-internet age, dissuaded us from taking the plunge. To my lasting sadness; I’m confident we’d have done just fine.) If you follow the advice you’ll find in historic threads and from current active members, to constantly communicate with one another and move no faster than either of you is comfortable, you will maximize the likelihood of having positive swinging experiences that enhance rather than harm your relationship with one another.

Sounds like a simple question but it really encompasses a great number of things here. (side note: whenever I think about simple questions I remember my HS philosophy class where we had a test that was one question...describe the universe and give two examples - that test was also graded on a curve ). First: we are here to answer questions so feel free to keep asking them as you decide what to do. Most swingers, at least the successful ones, have an 'above average' relationship with their partner. This means an abundance of love, trust and communication (you can never have too much of any of these). Couples that think swinging will save a failing relationship are usually disappointed. Swinging is like a magnifying glass: if the relationship is really good and strong, it will make it better and stronger. If it has flaws, it will make those flaws more apparent and larger. We refer to it as the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae. Not something that would be missed if they weren't there, but that little bit more when they are. It's always important to start with a great relationship. Remember you two are a team and that swinging is a team sport. If you don't trust your partner with your life, then maybe you should try to figure out why instead of trying to swing. As for swingers, there are two types (IOHO). What we call quality (as in FWB) and quantity (as in one and done). Personally we are the first meaning we are looking for other couples that we can be friends with, do things with (concerts, trips, dinners, etc) that sometimes are vanilla and sometimes involve playing together. There are just as many swingers that are looking for playing with another couple only once (give or take) either at a club, house party, event, etc. There is no right or wrong here, just whatever you two decide to do. As for intimacy, it usually increases it since this is something that you are doing together. It just seems like we value each other more knowing that we can do and say anything to each other and we don't have to fear their response. We are literally living out our fantasies together, I mean, how hot is that?!! Usually after playing with another couple, there's something called 're-connection sex' where you re-connect with your partner that is usually as good, if not better, than what happened with the other couple. So I would say it increases intimacy (see our tag line: when you don't have to lie about sex...). As for disappearing, there's a bunch of things that can cause that. Either a couple finds what they are looking for (as in another couple that they connect with) and don't need to stay connected with the community or they get older and start slowing down or they find that they have fulfilled these fantasies and move on to other fantasies. We have been doing this for almost ten years, but only with a few different couples (the last eight with one couple in particular). We have had a fantastic time...being able to go to concerts, vacations, dinners, even just visiting. It's one thing to have friends, but when is the last time you saw your friends naked? When is the last time you talked with your friends about sex? When was the last time you watched your friend kissing your partner while you are kissing theirs and thought how hot that was and how lucky you are? I'm getting long winded so I'll end this (for now) here. Next question...

Even in retrospect, I don't think my Lesbian desires were repressed, they just weren't discovered. What opened me up to having sex with women was having a man, my husband, involved and the jealousy that it created in me. Once I was comfortable with and my husband started playing with other women I had the desire to watch, which most were ok with; then participate, which some accepted; then interacting directly with her, which a few eagerly did. The single act that made me go all the way was my desire to lick hubby's semen out of her pussy. It was reclaiming of him in a way and satisfy to me that I could make her orgasm as he did. The two women that became part of our poly family have strong Lesbian sides, something that I don't believe is a coincidence.

aint that a trip down memory lane

You asked for opinions...here's mine - I love MFM! I like being the center of attention and the challenge of taking care of more than one man. MFM was the first swinging encounter I had (years ago) and the first type of swinging we did together. Ever since, we're hooked. He's straight, but likes seeing me pleased and sharing me with another respectful straight man. Do you/would you enjoy? ABSOLUTELY Do you fantasize? Yep, all the time. Do you fantasize but keep it a secret? Never Do you do it just to please you partner but don't really care either way? etc.?? Nope He knows how I feel about MFM and he finds it to be the most erotic combination in swinging too! Yeah, lucky me! As far as your wife goes, I think you have to take her comments at face value. If she says she's not interested, my guess is she's not saying that just to spare your feelings.

Female half here: We have only had 2 MFM threesomes, and we (both of us) love them. I had never really thought about it before my husband brought it up, and at first I wasn't a fan of the idea either. But the more we talked about it, the more I started to think the idea of it was kind of hot, and eventually I did start to fantasize about it. I'm not trying to tell you to talk her into it, just letting you know how it happened for us.