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My wife and I have a very firm rule -- "any mistake innocently made is immediately forgiven". You got caught in the moment. Thats 100% natural and understandable.

Let's see here, thinking this through. My mothers 84 and my sister in law, well I'm just not attracted. But have to admit it would be an A ride, or was it E ride, as they used to say at Disneyland. Holy Moses, i just used an American icon, one connected directly to children in a post about a family, two generations, swinging together. That has got to cost me a few points with the All Mighty! No not doug39...THE All Mighty. Anyway, I can't imagine ever having the experience the OP had, but wouldn't judge him for it either. OP glad you had fun and that everyone seemed to be open and adult about it. It could have gotten weird, I mean if any situation was ready for a bit of drama. By the way, and don't take this personally.. but you must have a pretty hot family certainly fun. I'd love to meet them. Have a great day!

We were trying to describe “the smell of a sex club” to a friend who had never been. We described it as part Ajax disinfectant, part stale smell of cigarettes from 20 years ago, part locker room, and part cologne/perfume. How would you describe it?

Any news on how you two are doing? Have you had your reconnection? Tried again with the same couple or another? Given up on the whole thing?

We like a club in Portland (Oregon) they seem to have a great HVAC system. And they have volunteers that change sheets as soon as you leave the room. They even have a separate smoking room will it's own HVAC system.

My wife loves this, too.

Some of us are always willing and looking to learn. Maybe the other woman doesn't know how to do it 'right' or maybe she just doesn't how to do your version of 'right'. Sometimes a 'can you try it like this...' is all it takes (for you and/or for her). Everyone can't be expected to know how to do everything to please everyone.

we have heard of uptick in hpv problems with friends, which prompted us to cool it and start testing/doctoring.. Our little, young, wiener butt doctor about fainted when we leveled with him..... He was surprised we had been so "active", LOL,, julie

undefeated is a win,,,,,,,,,,,,LOL We like the energy of swing clubs and resorts, so will stick with exhibitionism for the time being!!! Julie

We believe so. At least for HIV, the risks are estimated to be something like 80% lower than with unprotected intercourse. Given the relatively low prevalence outside of specific groups and that transmission rates are not that high for one-off encounters to begin with, it's close to a non-issue. Herpes is still very real, but at least you can eyeball some of the risk, and condoms don't fully protect against it, either. At the end of the day, we talked about this early on when it came to my very specific interest in watching her give head, and her view was that she'd never given head over a condom and wasn't about to start now.

Our definition of soft-swap is no PIV. Other than that, kissing, petting, oral sex is allowed (and encouraged, usually!)

We have a rule as well that says: Once is a mistake, twice is an 'on purpose'...because you didn't learn anything from the first mistake and made no changes to prevent it from happening again. We will add your rule to ours (it was implied, but now will become part of the rule), but we still believe that when you make a mistake, you need to try and prevent the same thing from happening again.

Previous folks are correct about performance issues for men. It happens ALL the time. Really. I remember how excited, nervous and giddy we were our first time. it was certainly an A ticket ride. So many taboo thoughts, sensory overload etc. We are bound to make mistakes in that situation. We sure did. I think it helps a lot to remember that you two are a team. Your have a 17 year track record where you trusted each other enough to actually have sex with another couple. No little party mistake should or could derail that. Really. Discuss what didn't work. But do so from afar. Like put the bad shit in a box and pretend to look inside and see, oh that's the shit we didn't like. Oh well, never going there again. Then close the box and put it out with the trash. Learn fro the mistakes, but don't let them rule your life. Then look each other straight in the eyes and talk about what worked, the excitement you shared, how you felt about each other, how you love each other. Hug, kiss have sex. Deepen your love and your commitment to EACH other. Now the next time you venture out, you'll have more experience and you probably won't make the same mistake.

Agree with Hunterdon. A guy having erectile problems in a swap is commonplace. When it has happened to me, the women have been helpful and understanding. I am sure they see it all the time. Some things of help: ED medication, separate rooms from your spouse if you are super trusting and comfortable with the other couple, just receive oral and finish that way if possible. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work and the more you think about, the more it won’t work. I don’t see where anyone did anything wrong. These things happen. As one woman said to me, “We’re not porn stars.”

I think these things are all part of the bargain which is why open minds and accepting attitudes are so important. Please don't beat yourself up over getting a little lost in the moment because that's part of the joy of swinging. Assuming you both knew what you were getting into then it's unfair for one of you to hold anything against the other. Having ED under pressure of his first FS is actually quite normal. To quote George from Seinfeld, "sometimes a guy feels it would be easier to bend a spoon with his mind than get an erection". Normal newbie jitters. The mixed emotions part is also normal. We have watched a few episodes of Playboy TV's "Swing" and on that show the 'new' couple has to sign a contract that basically says "All the normal rules of a normal monogamous relationship are temporarily set aside and we give each other permission to explore and engage is sexual relationships with other partners.... something about no judgement and no animosity etc.". From what you describe I don't think anybody did anything wrong. Assure each other that no matter what happens in the Lifestyle you love each other and are there for each other. Then take a short breather and try again.

You're going to have to find a way to meet like minded people. That means putting yourself "out there" to a certain extent. With the demise of Craigslist personals I think you're pretty much limited to the swinger's websites. This is going to require building a profile, putting up some photos, even if they don't show your face, but most likely at some point sharing some face photos. A club 2.5 hours away is going to be way more discreet in actuality for most people. Make it a long sexy weekend. Shy is a different issue but you will find people in clubs to be pretty engaging as long as you can make yourselves approachable even if you aren't the type to approach others. If she's hot they will come! If you have the personality to break the ice just let her follow your lead and watch how she opens up. Once she realizes she's in control(the women make the rules) she'll likely become more receptive to advances. That's what happened with my wife. She laughs about being a hermit. She really isn't that bad but she's not a social extrovert...Now that she's comfortable with the club setting she's engaging and seductive in that environment. She seems to see it as a challenge and she's pretty damn good at it.

If you're doing the friendship thing with ulterior motives it is disingenuous at least to her. I'm guessing the other guy would know what you are up to but guys that you find who would be ok with the plan are probably not going to be as patient as you would like or need him to be. My observation is that genuinely good guys get snatched up pretty quickly and aren't single for long. So you court this guy for a few weeks or months, get to know him, become friends and next thing you know he is in some new relationship that he would prefer to pay attention to rather than yours. Why? because he's getting laid with her and not your wife. Now he's out of the picture. Oh, you can find douche bags that will say or do anything to get laid but is that the kind of guy you want to spend a lot of time working on building a "friendship" with? The reality is you're going to have to find a way to talk to her about it. Many couples fantasize about this lifestyle, few actually do it. There's a hurdle you sometimes have to get over. It's that voice inside your head that tells you something isn't right. There's a name for it but I can't for the life of me remember what it is. It's the same voice that tells you that you shouldn't jump out of an airplane, rappel off of a cliff or stick yourself with a hypodermic needle. Lot's of people imagine themselves skydiving but can't take the step in actuality. You have to first find out if this is something she wants to do for real or just keep as a fantasy. If it's real, now you've opened the box and can talk about how she sees that happening and move forward from there. Just be sure not to pressure her. Move at her pace whatever that happens to be. I'm curious as to why clubs are totally off the table. That would be a place where things could happen organically and without too much time to overthink things.

I should have noticed the little red square in his info over there on the left... that probably would have been helpful at the start. still I remained respectful, after all it was just one persons opinion and really doesn't effect the way I live my life. it was a fun experience and didn't cause any issues and still doesn't. take care

Yes you are quite right, it was a situation that could have exploded with drama at any point. Luckily it didn't. It was fun and exciting, certainly not everyone's family night out... My grandmother is 80, not that would have been some kind of reality right there. She was actually going to go out with us that night.. never too late to have fun. Feel free to say hello in yahoo if you like. would love to chat. take care