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Consent and respect are a must... But there's a lot of judging here, that's surprising in this community. Lots of people enjoy very rough sex, and it has nothing to do with disrespect or violating trust. In fact, in many cases, it is an extreme expression of trust. I mean, the entire BDSM scene is an extreme expression of trust. You guys get that, right? I know it's not for everyone, and that communication and consent is key. But enjoying rough sex is NOT intrinsically disrespectful or dangerous.

At the core these issues are all about respect and communication. No respectful person would borrow a neighbors Porsche for the afternoon and proceed to take it to the 1/4 mile track, then 4 wheeling in the dunes and finally pull a Duke's of Hazzard jump over a bridge before returning it. We all understand that our wives and husbands are not property, but the same holds true. I agree with a previous post. When I share my wife and vis-a-versa, and when I'm provided the opportunity to play with another mans wife...it goes without saying that respect and gratitude are paramount. Yes, if a person asked to be spanked, that's okay, but only because their was communication. The guys who perpetrated these aggressive and dis-respectful acts don't get it. They don't understand the lifestyle. They were there to get laid and acted just as they have at their college keggers. They probably couldn't believe their luck, that there are places that they can carry out their Rape fantasies without the possibility of a jail sentence.

Our five golden rules: 1. The couple, specially the woman, decides who and what she should accept or not accept. 2. Condom is essential. 3. If the swingers partners are not close, avoid talking about politics, religion and other controversial topics.4.Lesbianism is allowed and welcome.5. Respect to all swingers.

"I do not like rough sex. I am not here as a submissive. If I push your hand away, it's not brat play. it's because what you're doing feels unpleasant. If you need that, this session has to end immediately." With a strange partner, it might not hurt to even say that in advance, if you have any doubts about their intentions. I do agree with christnthms that there can be a surprising amount of judgment about this on this forum, but I think part of it is because of negative experiences with clumsy partners like this spoiling the fun for others. Maybe a good rule of thumb that young men who are trying to learn this should start with is that if the two of you haven't explicitly discussed a safe word, there's absolutely no excuse for failing to recognize that all forms of resistance are the safe word.

Disrespectful, no quite the opposite. Dangerous, potentially but in the way any hard contact sport is potentially dangerous. For people interested in learning more about BDSM, I would actually highly recommend Stjepan Sejic's graphic novel series Sunstone (great sex positive love story, great art and a lot of "this is what BDSM is really like"), but I'm a geek.

Trust. The primary sign of a great relationship is trusting your partner. Your partner trusts you alone with others, you giving him the same trust. I trust my wife to have sexual fun without me watching her or even asking her afterwards. She extends the same trust to me. The sexual dynamic alone with a partner is extremely opposite of having someone else included.

I could never choke anyone period. Have been with women that like hair pulling and can’t bring myself to pull hard. Spanking depends on the lady and her wishes as I never understood the pain and sex relation til a partner did something just as I was cumming. It was strange and a different feeling.

The feel of a swingers club? I was walking around Trapeze in Florida with rubber beach shoes. There was a squeaking noise from stepping in ejaculate. I thanked the Lord that I brought the shoes. Would not want to take that walk barefooted.

nusofties, that’s my assumption as well, though over the past decades I did know a woman who enjoyed going to bars with her sister where they would pick up guys to play with together. I don’t know if they played with each other during the scenes. In a similar vein, I had a vanilla friend who was involved with a mother/daughter pair, but I don’t know if it was the three of them together, or he was just with each of them on different dates. Also, it’s worth keeping in mind that even when a post is clearly just the poster’s fantasy, the ensuing discussion can be useful in a practical sense to some subsequent commenters and readers.

I think the OP is a fake post, written for the poster’s “pleasure”. Too effing weird.

I think the hair pulling plays into that rough sex porno thing as well. Rough sex has really gone mainstream in porn I think. My opinion is to just lay down the rules. If you don't lay down the rules beforehand then I think you have to be willing to give guys a little bit of wiggle room as they might try some different things to see what you like and don't like. But once you tell them no or signal them to stop and they continue - that should be the end of it.

Don’t ever choke me! I see nothing pleasurable about almost dying. No hair pulling either. Spanking can be part of sex not an act in itself. I don’t think I ever told a partner to spank me during sex, it just happens and can heighten an orgasm.

On the site SDC, one of the self descriptions is “pull the reins and let’s go.” I see it posted alot. Again, never did it, never would. If done to my wife, I predict that she would ask them to stop and if happened again, she might pull something on them.

My GF loves both spanking and choking. I am fine doing some spanking on her but choking is just not my thing. If you don't lay down the rules beforehand then some guys will try to push things and that is usually ok (in my opinion) as they are trying to learn and figure out what you like. What is not ok is when a guy tries to push the limits and the woman tells him no or signals no. That is not ok and that is a person who you should stop and not engage with again. And yes I think a lot of the younger guys see this in porn and that's where they learn it. Porn is definitely more rough sex with humiliation and domination nowadays. My friends are young and I see the kind of porn they watch and how they prefer to fuck and there is a correlation. Fortunately my GF enjoys the rough stuff so it ends up working out for everyone but I was never into the rough porn and am not a rough lover.

Topic drift... My wife really enjoys spanking and light impact play generally. She describes it as "thuddy" and like a deep, intense massage. One of my play partners enjoyed choking. She believed it was because when she was young and learning about sex, one of her partners inadvertently pinned cord around her neck shortly before orgasm, and she found the loss of air added to the intensity of experience. Of course, she also enjoyed all manner of rough play, some of which I was ok with and some of which was beyond my comfort zone. We actually had a very long online chat discussion about likes, dislikes, and soft and hard limits... "So, when you say you like being slapped, what does that mean?" ... hell of a discussion but very, very valuable. It's always the quiet ones. Actually, speaking as a quiet guy with an outgoing wife and a kinky side, there is probably some truth behind that joke. We can hide a lot behind that quiet face and, more, when we let go and open up sometimes it's too far and too fast. Not excusing what he did by any means, just saying... us quiet guys are sometimes hiding things, sometimes even from ourselves.

I'm a woman and that's what I like too, starting with him totally flaccid and letting it grow until it no longer fits.

Were they hurting your wife/partner, J & Wu? We try to stay in the same room for that reason, unless we are pretty familar with the other players.

Thanks for the responses. I felt disrespected in both instances. I'm not a prude (lol, not by a long shot), but my husband would NEVER touch a woman in a way like that. I thought guiding their hands away would give them the signal without having to alert others, but I guess not.

Mrs ID and I were into BDSM way before we started swinging. Under no circumstance would we EVER do that without permission. It's not acceptable-period. A love pat on the butt once or twice is on thing. And choking is something I don't like to do because of the risks involved. Anything with rough play requires a negotiated scene before hand. As @christnthms said if I make it better for her I have an even better time. And as @Lionheart72 mentioned a little direction is a good thing.

This is a pretty common "like" by women, in my experience. I'm not a choker or hitter by natural inclination. But I've learned to play along when requested. I think it's the kind of thing that really requires a comfort level and boundaries, though. As a personal guideline, I never, ever, choke unless it is specifically requested. A light smack on the ass is sufficient to test those waters. If she likes it, you'll get pretty direct positive feedback. If she doesn't respond, then it's probably not helping. As a guy, I kind of work off the assumption that the better I make it for her, the better it will be for me. Even in a very casual situation, this has been true for me.

I heard, never went, about that club. Don’t think it’s there anymore. Have fun with your friends old and new. Be safe around a pool, who knows you may meet great new people. Think about it, they are just like you, looking for a fun day.

Please Don’t Make This a Covid post. ? Not afraid, just cautious. Thank you. No disrespect, we are educated. We aren’t sure about that. From what our friends told us, and they don’t know first hand, their friends said to expect anything and everything. It is a private party and the club closes down the day after for cleaning. I believe it because that is what the rumors were about the club when I was younger. The story was the pool was closed for a full heavy chlorine load and filter. Condoms were found all around and in the pool. I hadn’t thought about those stories until this invitation. I wasn’t there and only heard guy stories about it. That club no longer exists, only notorious stories.

AS we generally swing within a long standing group, condoms are rarely used. Few if any women make a dash for the bathroom straight after the man pulls out. However, we were with a different couple over the weekend and as soon as the sex was over, she would immeadiately grab a wad of tissues and run off. which leads to my question. How do others feel about cleaning up after sex. Should it happen straight away or should it wait at least until the post orgasmic euphoria has subsided. Most of the women in our group tend to leave it until the HAVE to visit the bathroom. Do we have a strange subculture in the group?

Recently we have been having a lot of threesomes with a friend in a his waterbed. He keeps some dry washcloths in the headboard. We use those for an initial clean up because it is very difficult to get out of a waterbed, and especially difficult if you are trying to get out out without really messing up the bed.

well, Condomless sex with me is always a mess, for some reason I can't hold much cum inside me, as soon as the penis is removed or loses its erection most of the cum goes out... I always keep a towel handy for that part of the encounter, Then I usually go and sit in the toilet for a minute to allow the rest of the cum to run out, then a can use Baby wipes for an external clean up, I do not clean or watch inside me, that can cause me a big time irritation that will ruin my night.

Have and love it. Much better watching another m fill the pie I'm eating.

As the female, I certainly don't mind if someone wants to do that. I have taken men back in my mouth after they have cum. Mike is more apt to go down on me after he cums in me, not so much after I had sex with someone else.

I have never done it nor have any other girl done it to me, but once I introduced my fingers inside my girlfriend pussy right after my hubby came inside her

At the begging, I used to wash my privates between plays in the same night, but that was causing me several problems, I was getting irritated very easily during sex and I was finding difficult to get lubricated after water entered me. We were new and we thought that was the etiquette. Then we learn than a wash after sex was not necessary, a quick clean up externally with some Baby-Wipes is more than enough,that way I feel much more comfortable and I can resume action immediately in most cases. In the event that I was condomless with someone I usually sit in the toilet for a minute before clean myself with the Baby-Wipes. That is how I do it and that is how most of our friends do it as well.

I love sloppy second. My husband knows that and usually jump in right after other lovers shoot his load in me. I also get a second orgasm with my husband then, it feel great. Then the 2 guys got warm towel and clean me up while I am just laying there to enjoy post-orgasmic )) Luvky me !!

The problem with this poll is there is a vast difference between what type of guy I think I am and what type of guy my wife says I am!

This is gross. Are you saying you watched your mother and sister have group sex and your father watched his daughter? If so that is perverse.

Do any of you girls enjoy whatever it is you call the male version of a cream pie, licking off a dick after he has cum inside a pussy, like I do?

We will languish a bit, but if it was messy to the point of needing to cleanup to save the sheets/floor/etc... then the less incapacitated of us will get up and make up a batch a facecloths dampened with nice warm water. Then we clean each other, and the others, up for them. It's really pleasurable to have someone else run a warm washcloth over your bits and pieces and take care of any mess in the process.

One of the best things about a MFM threesome is the chance to have two men shoot inside of me! My hubby loves the feeling of doing me when i am full of my other lovers cum! so, to us cleanup is a turnoff! you just need to make sure that your lovers are clean and d/d free.

When we have our threesomes we don't clean up. My husband and my bf like to cum all over me and I rub it all over my tits, tummy and even my arms. I love the smell of cum and I like the way it feels. Raeann