Leaderboard

Marriage is a journey. Journeys have different itineraries, structures, and yield different experiences. Imagine travelling to a distant land. You can sit on the bus, peer out the windows, and say that you had a successful journey. You can also choose to walk the land with no more than a backpack without a thought to where you will put your head down for sleep, come home with an entirely different experience, and say that you had a successful journey. Now do that with a companion. It is utterly unlikely that you will report the same levels of satisfaction. They might be close, they might be far apart, but they will not be identical. Marriage is *the* journey. It moves in one direction. So long as you are on it together, you will experience it together but you will never experience it quite the same. There will times when it is "shared wonderful". There will times when it is "shared awful". And there will be times when it seems great for one person, and a whole lot less great for the other. That's just how it works. There is no relationship -- much less marriage--where it's all "orgasms and roses". Compersion means that it's perfectly fine for your partner to have a great time while your experience is mediocre. Not all of the time, of course, but from time to time it's okay and expected for you to find joy in your companion's pleasure. And vice versa. That can be really hard because it makes the other one feel vulnerable. In fact, the most successful and happiest couples we know invest a lot of themselves in finding experiences that make their partners grin. They feel awkward calling off something that makes their partners happy. So the partner has to sense when compersion fails and someone is feeling vulnerable. No one was wrong in the scenario described. Part of the journey, part of the learning, part of growing together.

It all comes down to communication, doesn't it. I don't think you did anything wrong. Unless you're not sharing your psychic powers with us, you have no way to knowing what's going in your wife's head if she doesn't share. Hints, signals and subtle signs don't count as communication. That said, don't put blame on her... she needs to know that she can always speak up and never has to take one for the team. It sounds like she forgot that for a moment. That was her mistake. We all make mistakes. Mistakes aren't bad, in themselves. What's important is that learn from them.

The few times I went to a swingers club alone, I realized very quickly that if I followed my usual habits I would have a great time people-watching but I wouldn't interact with anyone and I certainly wouldn't hook up with anyone. I had to step very much out of my comfort zone (in a good way) and actually go be social with people. While that doesn't sound like Newfoundintrest's problem (you say you're not shy and socialize with people) the truth is, women just aren't going to throw themselves at you. It really isn't the dynamic most of the time. As others have said, women have the power here. If you meet a woman you are interested in, you need to approach her. You also need to accept that you are probably one of many guys who has approached her that night and she will probably say no. Something else I learned quickly was how to deal with being turned down, sometimes not so politely, and keep having a good night... and that's the the key, I think: to have fun anyway.

I realized very early on in this lifestyle the women are the ones that are in demand and as a man I just have to know that this is the way it is and I can go along for the ride or just not bother at all! That is why there are so many single guys out there that are not given the time of day regardless of what they look like and single woman are going to have people hitting them up non stop regardless of what they look like. Women are the ones with the power in this lifestyle. I have no problem with that at all.

You say 'on more than one occasion...', what does that mean exactly? You've been to 'a few club events' over the 'past couple years' and 'on more than one occasion'.....goodness, are you a politician? You wrote all those words and said nothing. How many events have you been to and how many is "more than one"? You've been to 10 events and ignored at 2? That's good success. You've been to 5 and ignored 4? That isn't. What kind of events are you going to? Are you going with another couple or just showing up? Many couples arrange to meet up with other couples at events rather than just show up, thus an unknown couple (like you two) must bring something good to the table to get noticed. You say you keep yourself in shape. No "dad bod". What does that mean? "In shape" meaning you're thin? Does your wife generate attention? A whole lot of vagueness in your post makes it difficult to provide real assistance.

True, he was 84 and fully vaccinated. But he also suffered from “multiple myeloma, a cancer of plasma cells that suppresses the body’s immune response.” (Source CNN). That’s an important fact here.

Fully understand Aero, have been there before. We tend to run into these situations when there is an imbalance in the situation; one set of the partners clearly is enjoying things more than the other set; this can cause jealousy in the partner whose experience was not perceived to be up to the same level as their SO. One issue we have found is expectations; if we go into a situation with no expectations, then there is a higher chance of having a good time, because no bar or standard has been set. Talk it through Aero; no one is guilty of anything here, and the two of you will move through this.

The attempt to draw an equivalence between ibuprofen and the various forms of the COVID-19 vaccines is entirely false. We can begin with the fact that ibuprofen went through the normal FDA approval process that lasted many years before it was approved for over-the-counter administration. And, for years before that, ibuprofen had been administered to patients by Medical Doctors on a prescription basis and its potential side-effects were well-known and understood. Moreover, ibuprofen is part of a larger family of non-steroidal anti-inflammatories that have been studied for decades. We have both taken the vaccine and are glad to have done so. We are waiting for the approval of the so-called "booster" and will be happy to take that, too. However, we completely understand why some people still remain skeptical about the vaccines and have serious concerns about them. We know for a fact, for instance, the FDA approval process for the vaccines has been short-circuited and politicized--to the point that several, high-ranking FDA scientists have resigned in protest over these irregularities. Nobody at the FDA resigned in protest when ibuprofen was approved, right?

We sometimes play a game where when you go to somewhere totally vanilla (Walmart, Target, grocery store) for your normal household shopping, each has the assignment of picking up something for sex. Could be a scarf for a blindfold, cheap lipstick to draw on each other, chocolate syrup, item from the produce section ;), or whatever your creativity can come up with. The thinking about it as you walk up and down the aisles is a big part of the fun.

Before you go any further, you absolutely need to define your preferences and limits. Her definition of 'where this might take us' could, and probably is, very different from yours. These things need to be talked about and agreed upon before you go to any club. Set your rules and limits and do not violate them. They can (and probably will) evolve, but you should never exceed them without the two of you talking about them in a non-sexual situation (never 'I thought she was indicating it was okay to go further' in a sexual situation...she probably isn't indicating that). Also if she isn't 'too excited to discuss' things with you, then you need to make her feel comfortable enough (as in able to trust you enough) to talk about this (and anything/everything). Trust is absolutely VITAL to be successful swingers. Once you are closer to having complete trust, love, and excellent communication, THEN you can think about heading out to the club. Good luck and let us know how things go for you two.

If women are in demand, and have the power, which I suspect is true, then men need to be on the prowl, the aggressors (not in a bad way). Someone is getting the attention of your wife, you need to get the attention of someone else's. Really tough for guy like me that are more shy and reserved. But I wouldn't blame the situation, but rather myself.

Target has a pretty good sex toy section these days!

Do it in a different bedroom or room. Use blindfolds for an erotic massage that evolves into something further. “Meet” each other in a bar, “pick her up” and take her home.

Our friends met our mentors and now we play with them. At first we were hesitant to have sex with friends who never did swinging not knowing how they would handle watching a spouse with another person. I was more afraid how they would react, less afraid of us being with them. I was also testing my own sexuality being with another woman. I’m happy it was a stranger for my first, couldn’t imagine two inexperienced women trying this. We are extremely happy we have understanding loving friends. We are happy to have friends that we can enjoy being open with. We have played together and separately, I have no fear of my husband being alone with my friend and I have enjoyed being with both of our friends. If they lived closer I’m sure we would play with them more often.

NC_ Totally. But no one forced, mandated or coerced them to get on the plane. They did so by their own choosing and under their own free will. Why is an injection any different. By the way, Pfizer shot is NOT FDA approved, at least not the one they are using. If they switch to Comarity (?) then they lose their Emergency Use Authorization and legal protection from the liability associated with side effects. so, they are still using the non-approved version of the drug under the EUA. I do check the safety of most of the things I put in my body. My wife and I have been involved with the food industry for years and years. Do you know that i can put into a bottle anything i want as long as it's not banned and sell it. There is no organization checking to make sure that what I sell isn't hurting people. People need to be much more vigilant, but as you mention, they are not. No wonder American are so sick.

Not sure how active this site still is! But we stumbled on it again! Hope everyone is staying safe and good!