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Oof tough love! But you aren't wrong and shared some excellent insight... It turned out, after he explained that for anything more to happen she had to meet me, she told him that she's not cut out for it. I'm very fortunate that she was honest with herself and him before anything became more complicated. While I don't think she wanted to take him away at this stage, and had no nefarious intentions, I can see how the fantasy could have gotten carried away and turned out exactly how you described. Lesson learned 😊

I saw that. Sort of a downer to start the day with over your morning coffee I feel for the vast majority of people who just want to live their lives in a safe and peaceful manner and people just wanting to get away to somewhere beautiful. I don't know exactly what the answer is, other than the status quo isn't it. Money corrupts, and the more money, the more it corrupts. We are from the rural Midwest, and during Prohibition there were running gun battles on dusty county roads, broad daylight assassinations of rivals on Main Street, and so on. The stories you heard growing up are true, you can pull up old newspaper clippings about them. Most of those gangs were made up of rural farm boys, at least at the lower levels. On one hand is a lifetime of backbreaking work and drudgery and poverty, on the other is a fast and flashy life with an ocean of money out there to put in your pocket. Once those conditions exist, some are always going to make the latter choice. Only difference is time and place...

There was a shoot out yesterday between drug gangs at the Hyatt Riviera in Puerto Morelos, hometown of Desire. I don't think the cartel will break into Desire, but we used to walk along the beach to downtown Puerto Morelos. I don't think we would do that now. So sad that this beautiful country is in many places ruined by the drug trade.

This thread is the perfect example of the key role this board plays in understanding and navigating the lifestyle. Clear and candid question. Multiple non-judgmental perspectives. No one claiming a "one best way". More generally, new insight creates both hindsight and foresight.

I do think covid has made swingers less carefree about STDs and transmissible diseases. We are older, self-admittedly uber cautious. We have parents with health problems who are 97, 89 and 88. We don’t want to knock them out.

Even better then the “hey” message is the “hey sup” message we got from another clown today! So enticing and intelligent. Hard to resist that dude. Only thing missing was a picture of his dick to match the same one on his profile they usually send lol.

Well, yeah, not how you wanted to start but It was good that you guys managed to have a great time regardless. Unexpected things happen all the time and you have to learn to overcome the situation and make the most of it, We have been in similar situations, we try to schedule dates according to the girls' biological clocks but sometimes nature has other plans, also boys can experience performance issues out of nowhere, the important thing is always focusing on having a good time, there are perfect dates and there are less perfect dates as well, all just part of the lifestyle.

I agree with those saying this will end bad. You've allowed him to wander outside the lifestyle, blurring the line between his fun "hall pass" and her interest in him not being married. She'll likely end up with feelings because that's what she wanted when she said "I wish you weren't married". He'll back off because he is married. She'll then respond to her hurt feelings with telling everyone you two are swingers. Hopefully you two can handle her outing you.

While I agree with the above, you also need to remember that she isn't part of the L/S so her motives are DIFFERENT. Most people in the L/S are couples looking for a good time (either just sex and done or FWB with established couples). She is probably not looking for either of these...she's most likely looking for a relationship and knowing that she is looking towards TAKING your husband, doesn't want to meet you (easier to hurt someone you don't know). It doesn't matter what your husband has told her, I'm guessing that she is still thinking she is going to steal him away. This isn't going to work out well. At some point she's probably going to figure out that he isn't going to leave you for her and suddenly EVERYONE is going to know that he had an affair...with your approval...that you are both swingers that have sex with others. This will blow up and everyone is going to know what you both do in the bedroom. Personally, you both need to run, not walk, from this future drama.

You are entitled to your rule(s), if she wants to continue - she needs to meet you, plain and simple. If she wants to fuck your hubby she needs to own it and be able to be open about it with you. You are the gateway to his hall pass. And, once she does, as far as you and your husband are concerned - she IS in the lifestyle. And, as such, there are rules, agreements, boundaries, etc. A part of this meeting is about educating her of what is in and out of bounds, and how ethical monogamy works. Don't be shy or afraid of taking control - or you may find out she will. I am assuming you that are not interested in becoming a cuckold queen.

If there ever is a word to the wise section as they categorize posts this one belongs there

As a woman I have never received a complaint in regards to my blowjob skills, all men seem happy at the time, but I do understand, we all are all different, and the experience can vary from person to person, now, communication is the key, nothing sexier than a man telling me with moans or actual words what he is enjoying the most, I don't think any woman would complain of a communicative play-partner.

The fact that this happened at work and that they disclosed that they swing really sets off a flag for me. Maybe they don't care, but if she goes haywire emotionally, she has every reason to damage him professionally, and now a gun to do it with. That cat is out of the bag. It's just a risk we would have avoided. You can't know who's going to turn out to be an enthusiastic adulterer as long as everyone agrees to lie to everyone, but thinks swingers are going to hell or whatever.

njbm and Fitlakecouple are spot on. The only thing to add is trust your Spidey sense. It doesn't sound like you have a problem YET, but the lady does need to be brought up to speed.

Going to agree strongly with the above that you are the gatekeeper to your husband and have a right to meet her. There is a recent incident with a submissive I work with that really cemented the importance of this in my brain. She may feel weird but you can make her comfortable. You can educate her through a good, if arm's-length, friendship, and if she isn't cut out for that, then she isn't suitable for your husband. Without applying the principles directly, it might be worthwhile to read up a little bit about dom/sub dynamics in other types of multi-partner relationships, like cuckquean and cuckolding and how power is expressed. Establishing the hierarchy of the relationships and who has the say-so in your minds might help to ease some of the confusing "how dare she bake for him" feelings, or at least clarify whether or not that's the real issue. Also going to point out that while that ship has sailed, in our relationship with a single woman locally, we made a very deliberate decision not to tell her a thing about "the lifestyle". She is entitled to assume or guess anything she wishes, but the facts are compartmentalized to her having an open invitation for FMF because she's Mrs. E's treasured friend.

We do not give each other hall passes. We are “conservative “ in that regard. The red flag that I see is that the other woman has had no exposure to the lifestyle. Not that it’s rocket science, but there are protocols that are unfamiliar to the uninitiated. I think it’s a good idea for you to meet her. If she is hesitant, she may not be ready for open, lifestyle relationships. She may be looking for an old fashioned affair. We think hall passes are playing with dynamite, but others do it successfully.

For some reason I keep thinking of someone being placed on injured reserve and some kid saying 'put me in, coach...'

This statement is factually incorrect. While it is true that vaccinated people can catch and transmit the Delta variant, it is not known that they do so in the same numbers as unvaccinated people. What is known is that unvaccinated do catch and transmit the Delta variant and are significantly more likely to be hospitalized for it.

Some swingers are also nudists, some nudists are swingers, but not all swingers are nudists and not all nudists are swingers (in fact only a small proportion are). There still is an overlap. At our local nudist resort, they have a themed party every Saturday (that, from what we heard) that is pretty much a get together for swingers. Different rules for different resorts, but there usually is an overlap.

Yes! I completely identify with this. Pleasure is pleasure, btw - whether you get it by a penis, a tongue, a vibrator, a hand or...whatever works for you. It's supposed to be fun. I don't get why you can't take her word for it that "it feels fucking great, so quit trying to make my head explode already!" Believe it or not, physical sensation is not the be all and end all of sexual experience. Sure, it's part of it, but it's not everything. That's what she's trying to tell you. You want to leave her drooling? Get inside her head. Sensitive types are just that: sensitive. And yes, it can be annoying. Mr. intuition likes to see me lose control, too, and I often have to remind him that - okay, that's enough now. It's like you guys get to the end of the video game and you don't know how to handle the fact that there just aren't any more levels to play. Like the other night, we were both very wound up, and he pushed me to some extreme limits. He's been teasing me because, once I got there, I'm close to passing out with pleasure, and I'm confused as fuck as to what to do with it all, and I'm saying, "I don't know what to do!" Well it's true. I have no idea what to do when my cup runneth over like that. And then you said this: Okay. There's your problem right there. Especially since you felt the need to highlight the word 'mine.' Happy swinging couples are happy doing what they do because they do not feel okay with possessiveness. If you feel that your desire to own your mate is normal, natural and healthy, you are not cut out for swinging. Like...at all. I think I'm actually better at separating love and sex than Mr. intuition. He admitted as much to me. And possessiveness/jealousy is not gender specific, either. So the men-are-territorial argument doesn't hold water with me. It's the same as the oh-HELL-no-biatch-you-did-NOT-just-flirt-with-MY-man (head wiggle) attitude from women. Mr. intuition and I have an amazing emotional and - dare I say - even spiritual connection. I'm his best friend. His "wing-woman". I have no desire whatsoever to own him, fence him in, or control him. We've moved away from the idea that sexual pleasure is equal to love. This now means it's okay for him to experience sexual pleasure elsewhere without it impacting our relationship. It also means the pressure is off of each of us to be some super-human god/goddess that provides all our needs. We get to be exactly what we are: imperfect human beings. For us, now, love is measured by how much pleasure, joy, happiness, etc. that we wish for our spouse, regardless of where it comes from. I just want him to have it, whether by me or by someone else. The love part is found in that wish that we have for each other. Sex is just one of the media we use to enhance each other's lives. Other expressions might be, for example, working at a job you don't necessarily like, but that pays well, so he can retire early from a job that's eating him alive. Or hopping on the tractor and mowing the lawn when he's sick. Kicking him in the ass when he's overreacting to something. Or maybe losing that extra 10 lbs because you want to make his coworkers envious of him with his arm-candy wife. I would strongly recommend NOT swinging at all until you are able to move away from your possessiveness. It's actually counterproductive, in my opinion, and will hurt intimacy in a relationship rather than helping it.

This may seem to come across as an attack, but in the context of the quote it was referring too I would have to agree! It is okay to be in a monogamous relationship and not share your lover. The fact that mine is in bold letters tells me the OP would probably be better off staying in a monogamous relationship. Nothing wrong with that. If you feel possessive of someone how is it a good idea to get into a lifestyle where you will be sharing them?

We only met one man during our marriage who had a 9.5 inch penis. (My wife measured it; read our book to learn how.) Laura enjoyed the experience very much but the fellow (and his wife) had other issues we didn't want to deal with, so we never played with them again. Be thankful for what you have, especially that which is between your ears and in your heart.