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Agree 100%. But everyone has a different sexual response. Some people are more intense. Some people don’t make an effort at all, which is not good. I trust my wife, but I decided early on to let her express herself without my coaching or advice and she gives me the same lattitude. Our only strict rule is safer sex (condoms).

A few weeks ago, my wife and I went to visit some long time friends. Both of our wives have always liked to have fun, but this time things got more exciting than ever and I saw a kinky side of my wife I’ve never seen and it really turned me on. My wife is in her early thirties and has a gorgeous body. She is in her early 30’s and is beautiful. She is about 5’4, 135 pounds, dirty blonde hair, great breasts (C cup), plump ass, and her legs look amazing (especially when she’s in heels). She is a great woman and an awesome mom to our kids and I would never worry about her cheating. But I do know she has a kinky, sexy side to her, especially when music and alcohol is involved. Just watching her dance turns me on (and probably every other guy around). And she’s always kind of played it safe until this night. About 10 that night, the ladies had already had a few drinks and brought out the speaker. The girls were grinding on us husbands and from where my buddy was standing, when my wife bent over to grind her ass on me, I know he got a straight show right down her shirt. I knew she knew exactly what she was doing, as I her make eye contact with him as she pushed her ass up against my hard dick. A few minutes later, I was talking with his wife in some causal conversation and I overhear my wife joking with her husband about getting in the pool and jokingly gesturing like she was taking her clothes off and even make a comment about skinny dipping. My buddy and I convinced the girls to head down to the pool. His wife disappeared quickly and came back with a very revealing bathing suit and my wife followed her in her short shorts and tank top down to the pool. His wife got in and my wife, while momentarily hesitant, pulled her pants down, took her shirt off, looked back at her husband and climbed up the ladder to the pool, right in front of him, wearing just her bra and thong. His wife took her top off and had her beasts available for everyone to see. My wife looked at me, I nodded, and she took her bra off and tossed it out of the pool. My buddy caught a glimpse of my wife’s bear breasts and I could see his eyes feel up with excitement. Both wife’s backed up against their husbands in the pool, while giving each of us a nice view of each other’s wives bare breasts while they both stuck their hands in our pants. I slowly stuck my hand in my wife’s parties and started to rub her pussy. Her friend noticed a look in my wife’s eyes, so she moved closer to her and put her hand on my wife’s breast. I noticed my wife’s hand move over towards her friends husband, and in both shock and excitement, I knew she had reached for his cock. Her hand stayed under the water for some time. Without missing a beat, positions in the pool switched to my wife being backed up against her husband and his wife and my wife were making out. My wife was pressed up hard against her friends husband and I knew she could feel his dick pressed up against her ass. I watched as she slipped her hand down into his pants. I watched as her husbands hand bushed against my wife’s bare chest. Positions changed back to each of our wives back with their Husband. My wife pressed ip against my dick. She felt my dick with her hand, and knew this was exciting to me. I whispered in her ear to take her panties off, but she was reluctant. I the reached down and slid them off — making it known to everyone she was fully naked. The water was getting cold, so we decided to all get out and head back inside. I watched my buddy watch my wife get out of the pool, completely naked. To be continued….

We have been in the lifestyle for a very long time. We always have fun and try to keep things light. We were playing next to a couple last night and alarms bells were ringing in my head while I watched. The passion between a couple who swapped (one man, one woman) was palpable. Their spouses lightly played and enjoyed each other but this couple had a passion that was hard to ignore. When their spouses noticed how hot they were, they tried to intervene and touch but they were completely ignored. My husband and I agreed that there is a fine line between fun and lifestyle danger. This seemed like more than simple swapping. Ignoring your spouse seems so wrong to me. Thoughts?

https://apple.news/AvDI_0jxhSoyLXDgP2BoAFQ

See also https://www.thedailybeast.com/tiktok-is-paradise-for-swingers-as-long-as-mom-doesnt-find-out

As a couple that has had an open marriage for years, only playing together a few years, this sounds that a can of worms has been opened. Your husband has been truthful, his office mate has been truthful too in that she is looking for more. Meeting the spouse can feel intimidating to an outsider. I’ve had affairs with both married and single women while on business trips. I never hide the fact I am married, just much easier to let a partner know I am Happily Married. I talk about my wife freely. I once asked a single woman what she would think if I brought my wife out on my next trip, she quickly said don’t. She no problem having our busy nights as long she didn’t have to meet my wife. My wife only has affairs with married men, no secrets. She has the hall pass, her partners are cheaters, hiding their affairs from everyone. My wife has no problem being the secretive partner, going to hotels and secretly going to registered room. She even offers to register, her partner remains untracked. She has been meeting a man several times at a hotel an hour from our home and she had car problems. She asked me to drive her to her meeting. I asked her if I could meet her friend, she thought it would scare him so we decided I would drop her off and pick her up in five hours, around 6:00 PM. I was surprised when she met me with her friend who invited both of us to join him for dinner. Nice guy and interesting conversation.

The fact that this happened at work and that they disclosed that they swing really sets off a flag for me. Maybe they don't care, but if she goes haywire emotionally, she has every reason to damage him professionally, and now a gun to do it with. That cat is out of the bag. It's just a risk we would have avoided. You can't know who's going to turn out to be an enthusiastic adulterer as long as everyone agrees to lie to everyone, but thinks swingers are going to hell or whatever.

Kinda along the same lines as others have said...the 'hall pass' for the husband with someone who isn't in the lifestyle, and says "I wish you weren't married" is very risky. Your husband, with 3.5 years of LS experience, has a different via of their interactions than she does (a woman who wished he wasn't married). This is a recipe for disaster. I imagine he'll love the side, one-on-one sex. She'll want more and more of him and you'll end up with a rabbit on your stove. This is why we only play together.

You are entitled to your rule(s), if she wants to continue - she needs to meet you, plain and simple. If she wants to fuck your hubby she needs to own it and be able to be open about it with you. You are the gateway to his hall pass. And, once she does, as far as you and your husband are concerned - she IS in the lifestyle. And, as such, there are rules, agreements, boundaries, etc. A part of this meeting is about educating her of what is in and out of bounds, and how ethical monogamy works. Don't be shy or afraid of taking control - or you may find out she will. I am assuming you that are not interested in becoming a cuckold queen.

We do not give each other hall passes. We are “conservative “ in that regard. The red flag that I see is that the other woman has had no exposure to the lifestyle. Not that it’s rocket science, but there are protocols that are unfamiliar to the uninitiated. I think it’s a good idea for you to meet her. If she is hesitant, she may not be ready for open, lifestyle relationships. She may be looking for an old fashioned affair. We think hall passes are playing with dynamite, but others do it successfully.

Damn, too bad. Wish it would have worked out for you.

I once walked in on my wife entertaining a roomful of men at a house party. To the best of my vision in a dark room, one man was in her vaginally, another man was working on her orally, she was performing oral sex on a third guy and two men were waiting in the on deck circle. A male friend standing next to me as we walked into the room said don’t interrupt her, she’s having fun. I didn’t interrupt her, but I was impressed! I tease her with John Mayer’s description of Jessica Simpson: sexual napalm.

Na, we split up ages ago, and I haven't found anyone like her