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Performance issues are common in men that are new to the Lifestyle regardless of age, the pressure of performing in from of an audience can be overwhelming, my suggestion is to start with some separate room action to build up your confidence, then move gradually to same room encounters. Also, there is nothing wrong with watching at the beginning, usually, I start with the other girl while the boys watch and acclimate and warm-up, then they join us by turns once they feel ready, it is totally ok to take your time to enjoy the show while you touch yourself a little.

Without daddies little helper I couldn't perform, besides being over 60 I have MS. With ED meds instead of wishing I could go 2 or 3 times I CAN. Now TBH the knees, elbows, back etc give out first. 😉

Yeah... I really don't understand the issue the OP is raising...? "The passion was palpable?" Gee. I would hope so. And why would their spouses want to intervene? "Honey, I'm cool with letting you fuck him. But, only if you promise not to have too much fun. Then I'll have to put a stop to it!" Lol! WTF?

About a month ago a a Tiktok user of Madi Brooks admitted that she is a swinger and that she "shares" her husband with her mom and sister. I am surprised that it not been shared on here and people giving there 2 cent. Both me and my parents are swingers but I would never let my mom do my husband. My husband belong to me. Not sure if what Madi say is true and that. But that just too weird for me. It sound like one of the weird porn scene stories. Just too weird for me. But I guess to each there own. Like in my previous post I made a few years ago. When I was 16 my parents came clean to me and told me that they were swingers and my mom is bi. They wanted to come clean to me and be honest. I was shocked by what they told me. I had no idea that they were into that. When they told me I was playing 20 question with them. They were honest to all my questions. I was quite surprised by their answers. I found out they did gangbangs, orgies, groups, threesomes and foursomes, and other crazy stuff. They were even members at a local swingers club for a few years. I even asked them do I know any of their swinger friends, and they said yes. One of the couples were parents to my bff. After it was all done, I asked them if I could take part of the lifestyle and give it a try. My parents were a little hesitant about my request but they knew it might happen after they told me. So after my 18th birthday they took me to their local club and paid my first year membership. And I never looked back. During the early days of my swinging life I got to "played" with my parents swingers friends. I learn a lot of stuff from them. While my parents and there swingers friends got to "played" with my BBF ( GF ) For stuff with the family. Dad and I NEVER done anything, that a line that we NEVER cross. For me and my mom we only done 1 soft swap. We did a gangbang with 8 guys at the Hedonism. I was 21 and mom 48 at the time. Only rule I ever implied during the years was that my mom doesn't played with my husband and she was fine with that. Here the link for a news site from this story. https://www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15529202/husband-mum-daughter-swingers/

I contrasted Miami and NYC...as you requested. You're not being consistent. You cling to a NY and FL comparison but dismiss WA/OR as anomalies. Why is NY not the anomaly? Also you mention CA but their death rate was significantly better. FL's death rate is 2,813/1M. CA's is 1,847/1M FL's case rate is #8 at 172,738/1M. CA's is #41 at 122,951/1M https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/ NY's(137,837) case numbers per million are significantly better than FL(172,738) too. But the death rate is slightly higher(2,949 vs 2,813). Spread was reduced but deaths were not. Wonder how much of that is attributed to sticking infected people in nursing homes and other actions. There's certainly more than just the one variable of mask mandates at play. Though having a lower case rate/1M despite having a higher population density actually makes NY an argument in favor of masks as well. You also dismiss the results out of Asia because they have applied lessons learned about prior pandemics...one of those lessons was masks. An evidence review of face masks against COVID-19 Whether there was a mandate or not is largely irrelevant to the discussion on effectiveness of masks. What matters is how much compliance there was. In no state did we achieve the 90%+ found in Asian countries. Especially not within the first 60 days when they are most effective. Mask adherence and rate of COVID-19 across the United States The US response was among the worst in the world. We never had a real lockdown period. With not enough voluntary compliance on masking/social distancing and no enforcement mechanism for mandates we took half-hearted measures and got predictable results. We did not learn our lessons of prior pandemics, including masking in 1918. Mask Resistance During a Pandemic Isn’t New – in 1918 Many Americans Were ‘Slackers’

Yes, people do experience things, and interpret things, differently. Our perspective? Sex without passion is essentially masturbation with one step added. It appears some of you are equating passion with romance. They are not the same things. Can the two be easily confused? Absolutely. But, they are very different things. At least in our eyes.

There’s a 20 mg generic (Sildenafil) that can be prescribed for “off label” use. For me at least, one is enough to do the trick.

Did you use vitamin V, as my urologist calls it? I call it my insurance policy. If you have problems getting an erection, ask your doctor if a prescription is a good idea. It will give you confidence.

Or maybe next time, just try same room … i.e. both couples staying with their own partners while watching and being watched. See if you can handle being naked and performing in front of other people before moving on to any kind of swap.

We were at a party one night and while playing I started to feel sick. I leaned over to gently touch my SO to let him know that I wanted to leave. If he had ignored me, I would have been shocked. He is an incredibly passionate lover (I think we both are), but not to the point where he would ignore me if I touched him.

In my mind that is the goal regardless of who you are with, male or female, spouse or not. Being all in, physically and emotionally, having a great orgasm and getting that feeling afterwards.

Man, I probably forgot a few more than that. You are correct, the condom is another one. I remember one encounter with another couple where I was looking ok (still relatively new) probably 3/4 ready but was heading in the right direction but the other guy was struggling. They were brand new. His struggles distracted me, which led to a super slow-mo fall on my side for some reason. Eventually we both were up and running via oral from our significant others. However, as soon as both ladies started giving him oral, explosion. It was almost instantaneous. He was surprised. Embarrassed. So he went down and never returned. Then my mind went to "I'm supposed to be interacting with his and my wife while he's done for the evening??" So, it turned into a voyeurism night with the ladies playing. I tell you, if you own the equipment, you get it. If you don't own the equipment, you have no idea how temperamental it is. Insurance isn't a bad idea.

You sound a lot like my husband at first at 40. He never had problems getting or keeping an erection, but had performance issues at first. Like others have suggested, it was mostly mental. What helped for him was a combination of things. For one, he talked openly to me and one of our friends in the LS about it. His friend assured him that it was very common and described some aspects of it as a caveman instinct that your woman is yours (no matter how much your rational side wants to let go and have fun). From there we kept talking it out and kept playing and it worked out. The other part of the equation was “the blue pill” he ended up getting a low dose one off of the “blue chew “ site. No prescription necessary, there are 2 types. My advice is to try them and see how you feel (assuming you are medically ok to). The pills helped get over the last mental hurdle and he doesn’t use them much any more unless we are having a marathon sex night. 😄

No, they don't. And cherry picking a couple of stats that were measurements of moments in time does not tell the story. Looking at the pandemic in its entirety, here are what the stats tell us: New York and Florida have similar population sizes, roughly 19.5 million and 21.5 million respectively. If New York's aggressive mask mandates and social distancing policies were effective, we would expect the number of deaths to be far lower in New York than in Florida, right? Let's check the math: In TOTAL, thus far New York has recorded 56,500 deaths attributed to COVID-19. In TOTAL, thus far Florida has recorded 60,418 deaths attributed to COVID-19. Uh-oh. It seems, in spite of these two states having wildly different approaches to how they managed the pandemic, their respective rate of deaths per capita for the entirety of the pandemic are nearly identical. Actually, if we want to be entirely precise, Florida, given its larger population, has experienced a lower rate of deaths per capita than New York. What does that tell us? It tells us New York's masks, social distancing, long-term shut downs, and other heavy handed tactics, were simply ineffective. Of course, there is far more to the story: New York's extreme measures came with severe economic, lifestyle, health, and other consequences. New York is in terrible shape and is experiencing what has been described as an economic catastrophe. Tens of thousands of businesses, big and small, have been driven into bankruptcy. The NYC real estate market has collapsed. And New York, like California, is experiencing a net population loss of both people and businesses. Now, contrast New York against Florida. Economically, Florida is in remarkably good shape. Thanks the governor's far different approach, the economic impact of COVID-19 was largely mitigated. The avoidance of large scale, lengthy shut downs allowed Florida's economy to rebound quickly, thereby erasing much of the pandemic's initial impact. Florida's real estate market is experiencing one of it's biggest booms in history. And, most tellingly, Florida continues to experience net population growth. In fact, Florida one of the two fastest growing states in the union. Science is the pursuit of objective truth. It demands the facts lead us to logical conclusions. No logical person can look at the data and conclude mask mandates, social distancing, long-term shut downs, and other such measures, produced any kind of appreciable differences in outcomes when measured on a large scale over the entirety of the pandemic. And when we measure the impacts these policies made on people's financial lives, one can logically conclude they only served to exacerbate the negative effects of the pandemic. New York and California are Exhibits A and B. If you're interested: https://usafacts.org/visualizations/coronavirus-covid-19-spread-map/state/new-york https://usafacts.org/visualizations/coronavirus-covid-19-spread-map/state/florida https://www.census.gov/quickfacts/fact/table/NY,FL/PST045219 https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/25/realestate/nyc-real-estate-market.html

You forgot strike 5 - condom use. It disrupts the flow of action plus you lose sensation. Another thing that will help is when you lose it, is to reconnect with your wife briefly and see if she can help bring it back. If you've taken that small dose, you'll likely keep it. then move on. But, just to be clear - 90 percent of erection issues in this game - for men new to this game - are mental not physical. Once your big head is straight and less overwhelmed by the hyper sexual situation - your little head will be just fine.

I wouldn't recommend anyone take a prescription drug without a need. With that said...wink, wink, nod, nod, we've come across a few couples where the guy was taking it. I totally understand it. Being in a sexual situation with another couple is tough for a guy. That dang erection is a freaking mystery. When you want it, sometimes it doesn't show. When you don't want it...it shows. I've spoken with other guys about their blue friend in other forums, in person, etc and almost all of them say they take a small dose as insurance. As I said, getting it up isn't as easy as you get a little older. It isn't easy when you are in your first few swinger situations. It isn't easy if you had a drink or two to take the edge off of the nerves. It isn't easy when you start to worry that it isn't instantly up. How many strikes is that?? Strike four, you're out. And when you see your significant other having a blast with the other couple and you're standing there with a wet noodle, you start getting mental. Once the mind goes, you're finished. Turn on the TV and find a game to watch. So I second what NJBM said. From what I've learned, the smallest dose of the blue insurance will help. If you decide to give it a shot, the generic comes in 10mg. The blue one comes in 25mg (I think that's the smallest). Again, if you go that route, give it a test at home first so you know whether you have any side effects from it, see how it works in your body, etc.

I just look at countries specifically in Asia with a strong mask culture and see how they have had much, much better results despite having higher population density to see the value of masks. As well as to the opinion of the toxicologist in the family.

We both are extremely passionate people in anything we do! Whether it is sex, sports or playing music it isn’t worth doing unless we can put all of our passion into it. We both want each other to have the best possible time they can when they are having sex with other people or we just don’t see the point of doing it. That is why we don’t have a list of do’s and don’ts for each other when it comes to lifestyle play other then we are both there. We also avoid couples that do have big lists of rules for each other. No kissing is a big no thanks for us. There have been many times in play with others where she is completely lost in passion and not paying attention to me at the same time! I love the fact that she lets herself get lost in the moment and is the best lover she can be with someone she is attracted to. I just back off and enjoy watching her until my opportunity opens up. I know at the end of the day that I will be getting that same kind of passion from her all the time. Some folks enjoy random robot sex with others! We do not.

We are passionate lovers, we prefer same room sex and group dynamics like moving back and forth between partners and positions, we also enjoy lots of dirty talking. Some people love this but others can find it distracting and/or overwhelming, sometimes leading to glances of jealousy or performance issues on boys. Because of that, we have suggested and/or agreed on a few occasions to separate room play, not our preference like I said, but it has worked fine and we have managed to have fun.

Good points! That's what I love about this forum. You can get other points of view!! Thanks!!!

We recently met a couple where we only knew the woman before. She told us that her male friend would be plenty of fun for my wife. We both were thinking he was most likely be big even though she said that want the case. Most of our previous play has centered on two women playing and that led to full swinging. We met our friend and her male friend for drinks at a bar we go to. Our meeting went very well and we agreed to go play. I always feel strange and never am sure how to initiate things. As in previous meetings the girls started and I and the new friend joined in. I definitely didn’t finish too fast even if it was well before my wife and her play partner. I watched them go in and on and I got hard again and went for a second time. I thought I went pretty long and then realized my wife never stopped. I’m figuring they went non-stop for at least two hours. My wife and our friend finally got him to finish after another half hour of oral sex. I felt very inferior that night.

We have been in the lifestyle for over 20 years. Although the Queen has slowed down (her choice) We still attend gatherings, party and events. I am the only active player but we attend as a couple. I'm sure those that attend and do not know us may think many things….but it is our choice. we have had over the years many relations ships that were more poly based as opposed to anonymous sex play partners with constantly different experiences. Im sure from the casual observer they could imagine or suspect many assumptions. many times we or those we are with could get lost in the moment. But it is left to the person or couple to decide if they over stepped or let slip aside a personal rule or guideline. We have and have observed other singles and couples do the same. It is up to them to decide.

Inferior? You went twice, just that takes that feeling away. From what you stated I think your friend knew your wife was in for a long night. Two hours is a marathon and I’m sure I would have called it quits way before that. I know it would have pained me. I rather my partner finish when I orgasm, well maybe after a second orgasm. I would much more prefer a man to go twice over a man who goes that long. Your wife did what I would have done just I would have done it much sooner. You didn’t say if your wife enjoyed the experience or if she ached after. Some women would be jealous of her, just not me.

What does your wife say? There is a good chance that after two hours she was wondering what was wrong that she wasn't getting him off.

Don’t bring a stopwatch to swinging sessions. I often come faster than I would like. Many men my age have difficulty coming. We are focused on trying our best and pleasuring our partner.

Your wife had a good time. It sounds like you and the other woman had fun too. Isn't that what this hobby is all about? You know, fun times and good sex that we can share with friends. Sounds like you did that so there is no reason to feel inferior.

Like the topic said is there something you haven't done but want to do it and try it. I never did a guy with a Prince Albert piercing. I only meet 1 guy years ago with one when I was 19. It was not long ago I had my clit pierced, the ring style. I meet the guy at the Hedo. I was afraid that it would get stuck in my clit piercing and rip it off. I read old blog and piercing web site that it has happen before. So I gave the guy only oral. It was fun and a weird sensation that hard to put in words. Since then I never meet another guy with one. Still afraid but still willing to give it a try and take it off from my swinger bucket list.

So I had a interesting chat with my daughter last night. She's been having trouble dealing with this narcissistic female friend of her boyfriend's, whom she has tried to befriend herself, but who insists on doing everything in her power to drive the poor girl insane. For the record, my daughter is vanilla, and has a bit of a problem with jealousy, so it's really hard for me to not advise her to just let the boy fuck her, get bored with her mud-puddle-deep personality, and brush her off. Get it out of his system, you know? Life is too short for this kind of stressful bullshit. Anyway, long story short, I'm trying to help her deal with this self-focused, poisonous little biatch, and went on to relate a story about my friend. "I could tell you this story," I said, "but...it's...really...like...TMI. So much TMI. Like you won't be able to look at (my friend) ever the same again." "You don't even talk to her anymore, Mom." "I know, but it's really....REAL." "It's okay, Mom," she assured me, "I've seen your and Dad's search history." -- Silence -- I gave her a questioning look, to elaborate. Because I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to flop that one out there on the table. Nope. She wants the truth, she can damn well ask for it. "Swinging?" she said, "AFF?" I laughed, actually not missing a beat. "Yeah. Well. There you go." "So did you and, uh...(friend) ever, uh..." "Oh GOD no." I exclaimed. "No no no no no. There are some rules..." "Oh so there ARE some rules then?..." "Oh yes, there are rules." I said, "One of them is that you don't fuck your close friends." I proceeded to tell her about the nightmare threesome experience my friend and her husband had with a vampiric, soul-sucking bitch who got off on shattering marriages. The point was to outline how destructive narcissists can be, and how relentlessly devious and cunning they are. So after regaling her with that gem, she sat back digesting it, and then said, "So can I ask you a question?" "Sure!" I said. I'm thinking 'This is FANTASTIC!' "I mean, only if you want to! Your business is your business, if you're uncomfortable with it..." "No, I don't mind at all. This is fun, actually!" "Okay." she said. "So, how do you guys do it? Like, how does it work?" She meant, as in, how do we have such a great relationship while fucking other people? "It works really, really well, actually." "Oh." She seemed surprised and hopefully more at ease because of my frankness and comfort with talking openly about it. "It obviously doesn't work for everyone," I said, "But for us, it's been great. You have to be able to trust one another enough to do it. And it's more about wanting to be able to give one another more out of life." That part isn't verbatim, but something to that effect. She wondered aloud whether it might be something that her boyfriend needed. I didn't agree. I switched gears a little, and explained that this is why it's been hard to advise her before, regarding her jealous streak; my first inclination would be to tell him to go do what he's gotta do. Shrug my shoulders and let the little vampire do her worst, because in the end, she still can't touch what really matters between us. My daughter said she didn't think she could do that. I said, then, that she should not. I just know that, for her Dad and I it has more or less bomb-proofed our relationship. "Some other woman can be sitting on your Dad's knee, feeding him grapes, and it wouldn't bother me in the least." She was amused at the idea of it. "I don't give a damn, she can do whatever she wants, but if she's going to be disrespectful of me, that has nothing to do with me. I leave that up to your Dad to deal with." "Like that woman at the restaurant that time?" she asked. I had apparently been too flirty with a woman's husband after imbibing too much wine (100% unintentional), and she decided to get back at me by sitting beside my husband while I was in the ladies room, putting her hand on his leg and giving him the come-fuck-me eyes. When I returned, and saw that my spot had been taken, he looked her dead in the eye and said to me, "Here, Hon, you take my spot." Yeah. My man. She got shut DOWN. Hard. "Yeah, just like that." I said, "I just laugh about it. She can try to weasel in if she wants, and I'm just like, 'Hold on! I'll get the camera!'" She thought it was funny, and I think she was even more pleased at my willingness to talk about it. It has been a big fat-ass elephant in the room for too long. They knew. Of course they knew. But neither half of the parent-child equation knew how much the other wanted to know or reveal. I'm so glad she had the balls to bring it up. She has frequently complimented her Dad and I on our relationship in the past, and I'm sure this was a mystery to her, as she explained she suspected it for a very long time now, since they were kids. Believe me, were NOT indiscreet, we just have exceptionally observant offspring. She explained she had seen me browsing the Swingersboard, and had thought I was looking up swingsets. But she noticed some of the stuff on it was about sex. She had asked why I was on that site, and I told her because I enjoyed discussing the topic with other people. It was fascinating. She wanted to know what it was, and not wanting to lie, I believe I gave her the 10-year-old's version of the truth, which was something along the lines of 'married people who don't believe in monogamous relationships.' I DID lie when she asked if her Dad and I did that, and I told her no. I enjoyed the conversation. We never discussed it again until last night. "So are those your friends from Ottawa?" she asked. "Yes." I said, "We really like them. They're really very nice people." "Huh. That's cool." she said, "Yeah we kinda wondered about that. You know, you guys just randomly going to Ottawa to visit friends or go to a party." Because she knows that's not really 'us'. We've been social hermits for-frigging-ever. "So does your brother know, too--" "--Yeah." she said, "Oh yeah, he knows." Smart little farts. I have to say, I am actually super stoked about this. I have hated having to hide anything about ourselves from our kids. We don't get into the hairy details of what we do in the bedroom - and I have no intention of starting now - but I don't want to pretend like we don't have a sex life. And I don't want to pretend that this is not a part of who and what we are. Because it is, and it's something we both love. It's not dirty. It's not deviant. It's not harmful to our relationship, to anyone else's, or to society. It has been a very positive experience and a deeply beneficial relationship philosophy. I'm hoping we can now be more open with our kids, without having to come up with stupid cover stories that - deep down - we knew they didn't believe anyway.

Thanks for the replies, I get I should give more info. Im 38 with zero medical issues. Ive never had an ED issue until we've attempted to swap. My mind is all in, im super excited and then BAM, no hard on.