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We got a message from a guy yesterday on one of the sites we are on that said “ I could fuck it I am in town for the day”. Open his profile and there is next to nothing on it and just the usual cock pic. Normally I just ignore these kind of idiots, but instead I replied “ we will take a pass. There is nothing about your profile that is appealing and we have real lives and don’t just drop everything to hook up with random people we know nothing about”. His response was “ well this is a swingers site after all”. Which made me realize that many people seem to think that if people are swingers they will fuck anybody and everybody. This misconception is about the furthest thing from the truth for us anyways. It does help explain why so many people including some couples out there think they can put absolutely no effort into their profiles, themselves or talking to people and people will just be desperate to have sex with them. Our experience is that swingers are not just sex fiends that fuck anyone that is available. At least not the ones that we would be interested in. If anything we are even more selective, because there are so many options out there.

Not uncommon. I believe it why there are so many single men signing up to swinger sites as free members with little to no profile content; swinger=easy/guaranteed. Same reason they will over run any club that allows them unrestricted. Then charges them twice as much for even the slightest hope that they’ll get laid. There are some super cool and chill ones out there but you have to put up with a lot of frogs to find that prince.

Some people think that after knocking on a hundred doors and only having limited (at best) success that maybe they are doing something wrong and come up with a new plan.

My husband and I do not live in the town nor state that we grew up in. So just last year after not being around a long time I went back to visit while my husband stayed and worked. I got invited to one of my old BFFs birthday partys. I told my husband and he said if something comes up to go ahead and play if I wanted to. At the party I was drinking and alot of old classmates where talking to me. By the later hours I was feeling good and horny and a few of the guys kept flirting. I ended up having sex with three of them at different times throughout the party

I don't know... how different is it really from the general "you have to kiss a lot of frogs" mentality of finding a couple or single that is a good match for you and isn't a fake or flake? Yes, these guys are looking quick, easy, no strings attached sex and they don't want to put in any real work to find it (beyond sending out lots and lots of copy n' pasted messages that say "hey, wanna fuck"). Yes, they are exactly what gives single men in the lifestyle a bad name. Yes, 99 our of 100 of us will turn them down without a second thought... but for that 100th couple, for whatever reason, these guys may be what they are looking for. You're not wrong. At the same time, when my wife and I used to go to clubs, we were totally there for the no strings attached, one night hook up with some agreeable anonymous guy... and as long as everyone agreed that was the deal and had a good time, everyone was happy. Basically, we were the sluts and we enjoyed it. I'm not saying these guys are right or good. Honestly, I've ignored and blocked guys like this on swingers sites too. Still, if they do have a 1 in a 100 or even 1 in a 1000 success rate, who am I to judge to people who do respond to those messages with "hot dick, do me now"?

We keep our hot tub at 95 degrees...hot enough to be comfortable but not so hot that everyone overheats.

People who want a quick hit knock on a hundred doors. If one person says yes, they’re happy.

No it is far from the first time we have received a message like this! The point I was trying to make is that the misconception that everyone on a swinger site is a slut that will fuck anything or anybody is the furthest thing from the truth, but it is clear that many people think that is the way it is.

Interesting, so according to the above, I am a Swinger/Hotwife

I have done several positions that involve deep penetration like: Viennese Oyster and pile driver, those are considered "party positions" for me, I like the feeling of being "owned" in front of others especially my husband, I really enjoy when they pin down my legs wide open and taking the deep strokes. I have never had sex with my husband in those positions, it is simply not appealing to do it by ourselves in private.

Lots of foreplay in the hot tub, kissing rubbings, etc, but I prefer no actual sex there, too hot, too uncomfortable and water is not a good lube.

Swapping in the shower and lathering each other up is a good time!

Hot tubs are awesome. It's also fun to swap partners and rinse off in the shower after!

Not so much different positions with different partners for us as we are all over the place when it is just the two of us! Definitely different things we have done that can’t be done with just the two of us though. Her bent over getting fucked while her face is buried between another woman’s legs, having my cock sucked by her and another woman at the same time, her sucking and stroking another guy and myself at the same time, her being spit roast by another guy and myself, her 69ing with another woman well I take turns fucking both of them, her fucking a woman with a strap on while I am fucking her, her on her back legs up in the air getting fucked by someone else while I fuck her face and boobs and the list goes on and on. These are the things we are in the lifestyle for! The things we can’t do with just the two of us. The younger adult me would never have believed that these things would ever happen in my life, but they have and they will leave lifelong memories of incredible experiences I got to share with the most amazing sexual person I have ever meet.

On the contrary, such musings are pivotal to this board. We would argue that sex and sexuality are central to adult life. Sexual exclusivity is conventionally used to define and circumscribe marriage ("Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"), The problem, of course, is that biology runs headlong into culture. How often do we see novices looking to "spice up their marriage"? That phrase acknowledges the tension. While there are surely sexless marriages, and while are surely there are asexual humans, sex is foundation to (most) adult lives and to (most) marriages. At its best, marital sex is joyous. Some marital sex is less joyous--makeup sex, pity sex, going-through-the-motions-sex. But it's still pretty good. Sex is generally pretty good. Whoever doesn't like physical pleasure and orgasms, you're free to leave the conversation. The angst arises with the possibility that someone else might be able not only to make your spouse feel good--but maybe do it better than you. The perceived vulnerability--the threat--is of marital dissolution and consequent abandonment. What makes a marriage "successful"? We would suggest that it is one that not only survives but actually thrives on events that occur both inside (e.g. raising kids) and outside (e.g. choosing how to interact with the complex pressures of work, money,time) the marriage. At the root of such success is the notion of partnership--"we are in this together, come what may, with and for each other, til death do us part".