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Welcome. Here, I think you will find lots of people open and willing to answer any questions you have. So, to the heart of your questions... Depends on what you mean by "normal" I suppose. Conventional wisdom suggests that swinging just isn't right for the vast majority of people. Our society trains us for monogamy. Our cultural stories emphasize the idea that people should join together in pairs and that breaking that bond is wrong. There is even an argument to made that jealousy is a hardwired response related to our instinctive drive to perpetuate our DNA. Swingers, however, don't embrace that. For my wife and myself, we were never monogamous even before we knew what swinging was. We simply are not wired for it. I personally take great pleasure in watching my wife fucking someone else and she takes great pleasure in being watched. For us, it's a happy, positive, enjoyable experience that actually strengthens the bond we share. For you, it sounds like it's not. What is important to realize that that is OK. It is OK for swinging to wrong for you (just like it is OK for it to be right for us). Everyone has different things that work for them.

WE read so many posts last night. Some questions brought up more questions. Questions brought up conversation, conversation lead to SEX. Not a bad thing. Debbie asked me if I would watch, do I want to watch, would I enjoy watching, would I watch if it was our friend or better with a stranger. Good questions. She additionally asked if I think our lady friend is attractive, would I pick her up if she was in a singles bar and we were all single. She asked me if ever thought of her friend sexually before. Last night I sure did all night. I blocked out the thought of our male friend and Debbie and undressed in my mind the girlfriend. In my mind YEAH I would do it. Can I? Read a lot about sex with friends, pros and cons. I could go bad, more for us, less for them. They are already swingers. We read a thread that it’s better with people you know and like, and we read do we lose friends if it goes bad. We are still dealing with the can we question. Do we want to question. The more we talk the more curious we become. We found a recent article in a newsfeed, Is Monogamous Sex, Monotonous Sex. I never thought it monotonous but is it? Do we have the same sex every time, do we change it up? We have been monogamous since we became committed. She never complained about our sex, I’m happy, is there more? Debbie’s question if I would watch and enjoy, I asked her if she could watch. She said she would if I wanted. More talk, more questions, more answers, more excitement, more doubt, more reassurance. We decided that to the moment we can change our minds.

Welcome to the site! There is a ton of great info and a lot of great people always willing to give advice, so ask away with all of your questions Lionheart's post is right on the money and touches on things that are absolutely true. Some (most) people just aren't cut out for swinging, and absolutely nothing wrong with that. I too am a big believer in people need to do what's right for them. I think the cause for a lot of bad or failed relationships is when external influences (work, toxic friends and family, societal pressure, etc.) and/or selfishness within the relationship (cheating, dishonesty, etc.) are allowed to override that innate feeling that a couple develops of what's right for the relationship. There are those that shouldn't swing but do, those that should swing but don't, those should swing and do, and those those shouldn't swing and don't. Odds are people in those last two are having the best overall relationships since they are going with what they know is right for them. Another important thing is a word you don't see very often. "Compersion", which means taking happiness in someone else's happiness. So if you see your partner happy from enjoying a great sexual experience, no matter who it's with, that makes you happy. For most people, the negatives of even thinking about or especially seeing your partner with someone else block any compersion. They likely share their partner's happiness at other things, career achievements or whatever, but it doesn't extend to the sexual realm. With swingers, that line isn't there.

A theme I'm sure you've seen by now in many, many posts is that the key to successful swinging is communication. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It sounds like you're doing a great job of that! Even if you never end up swinging, that kind of open, honest communication is the bedrock of many a great relationship.

Hi Everyone. We are Billy and Debbie thinking about having sex with old friends. We have friends from our old city before we moved who we know are swingers. They told us to sign up on here to ask and find answers to all the questions they haven’t answered. We always were amazed that they are so free to have sex with others when they told us about friends they have and vacations they took. They always asked us to join them and they joked that we were like old people thinking sex is bad. I always asked how do you let guys fuck your wife, he would answer why not. I couldn’t do that to her and I don’t want you fucking Deb. We have been invited, always laughing it away. By joining here you can tell we are thinking. It has to be normal to feel you can’t let your wife fuck someone. Right? Is there a reason not to feel that way? Even thinking about my friend and my wife has me thinking how wrong this could be. We are making the list why we shouldn’t try this. Debbie and I are talking about why shouldn’t or could do this. We aren’t religious or so high moral thinkers. Why do people make judgments about swingers? My friend has made an offer to be our first or he would invite friends to the house so we can watch and chose. Thanks for letting us join this group and read comments and other posts. I am sure everyone answering will tell us how great swinging is.

Yes, but... There is only more with your sex life as a couple, which can be greater than the sum of the two parts. Individually, if you both are already happy with your individual sex lives, I don't think you are going to find swinging changes that much. Nor should it. But as a couple, I think you will find it supercharges your sex life as the compersion thing kicks in and her sexual happiness becomes part of you on top of your individual happiness and satisfaction, and same for her with you. I'm going to quibble... I don't think there is "more." I think there is "other." My wife and I are happy. We enjoy sex together. We have fun together. As cplnuswing says later, we know each other and we know what works for each other. What's more, because we communicate well, when we want to explore something new (in the bedroom or out) we are pretty willing to discuss it. What swinging brings to us is new and different opportunities. It isn't more. It isn't better (A lot of new people post the question "what do I do if the other person my partner is with is better/bigger/hotter/whatever than me?"). It's just different. Part of it is new experiences. My wife and I have both picked up some new tricks from swinging partners that we wouldn't have known we enjoyed if we hadn't encountered them. Part of it is things you just physically can't do with only two people. However, as I said, I would never call any of it "more." We actually haven't been able able to swing since we moved several years ago. While we both miss the fun of it, our sex lives are still plenty satisfying without it.

Agreed. Communication is all, it is totally essential. Yes, but... There is only more with your sex life as a couple, which can be greater than the sum of the two parts. Individually, if you both are already happy with your individual sex lives, I don't think you are going to find swinging changes that much. Nor should it. But as a couple, I think you will find it supercharges your sex life as the compersion thing kicks in and her sexual happiness becomes part of you on top of your individual happiness and satisfaction, and same for her with you. Swinging sex can range from bad to ok to fantastic. Honestly, most encounters are going to fall well short of fantastic, and you just hope the bad ones are few and far between. After you have been with someone for so long, you and her know each other in and out, including in the bedroom. For a lot of people, having sex with someone new, especially someone you just met say like at a club, that comfort level just isn't there and for many (including us), the more comfortable you are with someone the better the sex tends to be.

We think 100-101 is about right. If it feels warm, a few moments standing up and out is sufficient to cool off. Eventually, it's just time to get out. After getting out, we like to sit by the firepit for a while.