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We are in our early 40s and we didn’t start swinging until about 3 years ago. It made our sex life even better, and put things in a different perspective for us. It eliminated a source of potential jealousy by erasing that psychological barrier. For us it’s been a net positive. It certainly isn’t for everyone. The key is communication and consent. If the other person is feeling pressured, that’s a sign that more communication is needed. It should never be one person pushing and the other goin along just to make them happy. That leads to stress and problems.

If I may say so, I think it's very positive that you seem to be getting a handle on what does and doesn't work for you. I wanted to toss out another bit of advice (which you may seen in other posts but just in case). As you continue to talk, remember there is a big difference between what sounds really great when you're all hot and naked and having sex, and what sounds like a good idea when things are calm and clear. Lots of people find the fantasy of a thing really hot but when they think about it in the clear light of day, they could never do it. So, when your talking about swinging and considering actually doing it, focus on how you feel about it when you're dressed and sitting down to breakfast, not when you're all hot and bothered and climbing into bed.

No interest in a swingers club for us, no interest in watching strangers have sex in a club. Our big problem is can we have sex with others and watching adds to the problem. We are still talking about it, inching closer to maybe.

My contribution

I love big butts and I can not lie! Share them if you got them.

Let’s call our age 40. College graduates, Debbie has advanced degrees. We think of ourselves as thoughtful and open minded. We are discussing. Our haste is only due to a holiday visit with the friends we are considering having our first with. We are reading posts here and other resources, Debbie is very proficient at research. Pretty methodical in her approach to everything we do. Even dinner reservations have to be researched. If we go forward the decision will be mutual. Discussing swinging has been fun for us in the bedroom, we are talking more during sex and laughing more.

How old are you? It sounds like the two of you likely have a lot to discuss. It would not surprise me if this process took years, not months to work through. There are any number of very good resources on ethical nonmonogamy. We went through several on our journey. One was by a fellow list member fundamentallaw. Haste is not your friend.

Not all. Neither of us are interested in seeing or being part of that kind of activity.

There are swinger’s clubs, such as Trapeze in Ft.Lauderdale, Colette’s in Dallas and New Orleans. Newbies can go there one night with no intention to swap and watch what happens. Not to be pervs about it, but there are open play areas where people are ok being watched. You can even have sex just with each other there. It’s a step in the swinging direction and a chance to feel the vibe.

You are more than thinking if you signed up asking for advice. I asked all the same questions you are asking all the time trying to reconcile the thought of having sex with my wife’s best friend. I did that too. Heck she is good looking and I knew she wanted me, they were the swingers already just like your friends. I can tell you friends are the best way to start, they will be the least pressure and can make it fun.

WE read so many posts last night. Some questions brought up more questions. Questions brought up conversation, conversation lead to SEX. Not a bad thing. Debbie asked me if I would watch, do I want to watch, would I enjoy watching, would I watch if it was our friend or better with a stranger. Good questions. She additionally asked if I think our lady friend is attractive, would I pick her up if she was in a singles bar and we were all single. She asked me if ever thought of her friend sexually before. Last night I sure did all night. I blocked out the thought of our male friend and Debbie and undressed in my mind the girlfriend. In my mind YEAH I would do it. Can I? Read a lot about sex with friends, pros and cons. I could go bad, more for us, less for them. They are already swingers. We read a thread that it’s better with people you know and like, and we read do we lose friends if it goes bad. We are still dealing with the can we question. Do we want to question. The more we talk the more curious we become. We found a recent article in a newsfeed, Is Monogamous Sex, Monotonous Sex. I never thought it monotonous but is it? Do we have the same sex every time, do we change it up? We have been monogamous since we became committed. She never complained about our sex, I’m happy, is there more? Debbie’s question if I would watch and enjoy, I asked her if she could watch. She said she would if I wanted. More talk, more questions, more answers, more excitement, more doubt, more reassurance. We decided that to the moment we can change our minds.

Welcome to the site! There is a ton of great info and a lot of great people always willing to give advice, so ask away with all of your questions Lionheart's post is right on the money and touches on things that are absolutely true. Some (most) people just aren't cut out for swinging, and absolutely nothing wrong with that. I too am a big believer in people need to do what's right for them. I think the cause for a lot of bad or failed relationships is when external influences (work, toxic friends and family, societal pressure, etc.) and/or selfishness within the relationship (cheating, dishonesty, etc.) are allowed to override that innate feeling that a couple develops of what's right for the relationship. There are those that shouldn't swing but do, those that should swing but don't, those should swing and do, and those those shouldn't swing and don't. Odds are people in those last two are having the best overall relationships since they are going with what they know is right for them. Another important thing is a word you don't see very often. "Compersion", which means taking happiness in someone else's happiness. So if you see your partner happy from enjoying a great sexual experience, no matter who it's with, that makes you happy. For most people, the negatives of even thinking about or especially seeing your partner with someone else block any compersion. They likely share their partner's happiness at other things, career achievements or whatever, but it doesn't extend to the sexual realm. With swingers, that line isn't there.

Here are a couple more of Missus Enhancer in her new green outfit! Getting ready for Christmas.

OR flamingos with black neck bands being fed pineapple by gnomes sitting on a white rock in the pampas grass

The start of an anal session.. We love the butt

From my playdate with a submissive a couple weeks ago, she's been asking me to find outlets to display her so I'll make sure she sees this thread.

You know many many many people in the world would/could/do say the exact same thing about swinging/partner sharing/infidelity etc. Everything is a matter of degrees and here in this community I hope a pray we can all be open to others without judgement regardless of our/their unique kinks. My wife loves men sucking each other. Don't know why exactly, but I also don't care why. She gets off and that's all that matters. Is it for everyone? Nope. But I'm not into ass licking either, whether with a man or woman. But I don't judge those that enjoy that activity and I would never suggest it isn't desirable in this setting.

My wife and I have developed feelings for sex play partners, her "strong" feelings even. We believe it's a good thing actually to care about the people that you're fucking, and it's never diminished the love we have for one another. Besides, those feelings fade after a while. Fire can be useful, as can be playing alone. It's easier for two people to get together than three or four, and part of the variety.

The couple that plays together stays together. Couples that play separately have my admiration, but they are playing with fire.

If the wife has said stop, then you stop. The reason why doesn't matter. If either one of you says no, then the answer for the both of you is no. Time to move along.

yup, happens here all the time. It's like a Beavis and Butthead episode..."heheh he said 'swing'"

Apparently they don't like it when you finger a girl against the wall.