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Good communication is being able to be honest and open with each other, actually hearing what each other is saying and respecting what each other is saying! It does not sound like that is what is happening here. Personally I would take a break from all the lifestyle play and expectations that are clearly coming with it until the communication part is fixed. One thing we both agree on is that anything we do that is lifestyle related comes with no expectations from each other or the people we meet! Maybe that disappoints other people, but we don’t really care. We are only in control of our own feelings and don’t owe anything to anyone else other then each other. The day that the lifestyle becomes more important to one of us then our relationship together is the day I am out.

We agree with Enhancer: Your communication is damaged. It sounds like you are saying how you feel...some of the times, and he is hearing what you say...some of the times, but the rest of the times it isn't working. Ms. Gold and I don't have very many surviving rules, but the few we do have are applicable here, and the rules are not just for sexual situations, but for everything: Never move faster than the slowest member is comfortable with Always ask permission (including if the other is interested or not in a couple) No means no (and this isn't just saying no to something sexual...if either of us are not 'feeling it' with another couple, we can say no and we move on to the next couple...no explanation expected or required) If one of us wants to take a break, then we both are taking a break until that person is interested in continuing again No expectations other than enjoying a night out with our partner (sex is never expected or required) Our rules are not just for swinging, but for everything. There are times when one of us may feel like the other isn't comprehending what we are saying, and it is okay...no, required for the other to say that they don't feel like they are being understood. It sounds to us that he's having fun right now and doesn't want you to rain on his parade which, in turn, is taking more of the fun away from you making you feel bad about it. He may SAY he isn't forcing you to do anything, but he IS forcing you to play along in a passive-aggressive way. You both need to take a break from swinging until you can get back on the same page. It may take a week, it may take several years (especially when you have kids involved), but it is more important that you fix the relationship before it gets too damaged. You can always return to swinging later...lots of swingers take breaks and eventually come back...and some don't but that's okay too. Swinging should ENHANCE your relationship, not become a central part of it. Sprinkles on the ice cream sundae of your love...the sprinkles are not necessary, but they make it just a bit better by being there. Take some time to reconnect before things start to really break down. Good luck and let us know how things go.

Hi guys, Thank you all for the input. We have been to our physicians, have started treatment, and are very aware on the effects of life this inconvenience has on ours. We have lost “Dear” friends (guess they were not that “Dear”) and have been ostracized in our community. We understand that this is more of an annoyance than a disease (for lack of a better term). It is just frustrating…..we are both honest and will take every precaution if we ever play again.

So the missus has been on a big yoga kick for a while and it has opened up new positions for us to try out! Not only is it helping her get in better shape it is also helping her be more flexible. I do my best to leave her alone when she is doing it, because I don’t want to be a perv checking her out in her tight yoga pants in all sorts of inviting positions, but the other day I walked in and she was laying on her back with her hips twisted to the side holding one of her legs up in the air looking oh so appetizing. I said we have so got to try that position some time which she agreed too. Sure enough we gave it whirl and both found it quite enjoyable. Looking forward to seeing what other yoga positions can be added to our playtime in the future.

So we got a message from a couple on one of the sites we are on that says we can’t stop looking at your pictures can you give us access to your private pictures! Open their profile and there is not one single picture on it. Meanwhile we have close to a hundred pics of both of us on our profiles. Why in the hell would we want to give access to our private folder when we already put ourselves out there so much and they have put absolutely no effort into giving anything of themselves? Are people really that clueless about what it takes to get interest back?

Yep. My favorite was when someone sent us a message that hit upon every single thing that our profile says we aren't interested in (i.e girl-girl, etc). Feeling nice, replied with a brief but polite "Thanks for the interest, but we aren't compatible" type reply. A month later, another message, again hitting on every single thing our profile says we aren't interested in. Feeling less nice, started to type out another more lengthy less polite reply, and then halfway through just said awww, the hell with it, waste of time trying to give the truly clueless a clue.

We have received a few PMs asking how things turned out last weekend. We did visit our friends, did discuss options both privately and with our friends which led Debbie and I to decide not to join our friends as swingers. We are still leaving future options open as we figure some of the opinions other posters offered and figuring out our own feelings. Thank you to those who have replied to our first post.

I agree. My GF loves them as do I and every guy who gets to see her in them. They are definitely her most popular form of clothing not just around the house but she wears them everywhere.

Yoga pants are one of the best inventions ever! That is pretty much all the missus wears around the house and it drives me crazy in a good way.

I know exactly how you feel. The yoga positions, the clothes it's all a big turn on for me too.

Most problems in relationships occur due to unfulfilled expectations. When one has an expectation that ___________ (fill in the blank) is going to happen, and it doesn't, one is disappointed. Often that disappointment turns into resentment. Unresolved resentments often manifest themselves in conflict. It can be a vicious cycle that screws up the best relationships. Jumping of this theme - the way to avoid the expectation trap is to make 'agreements'. As in, I agree to have drinks with couple ABC. If at the last minute you pull the plug - you have broken an agreement - and the other party has a right to be disappointed, etc. But, if you follow thru and meet for drinks you have kept to the agreement. If the other party has other unspoken expectations about what might happen after drinks - that is on them, not you. That said, it can be incredibly frustrating when trying to make connections and the only response back is 'we'll see' or 'let's play it by ear', 'let's see how I feel saturday', etc.

First, allow me to recommend a book for you to buy TODAY. It's called The Five Love Languages. You, and your girlfriend, need this information pronto. Second... I hate to be the one that arrives with a bucket of cold water, but I see some signs that are cause for some concern--particularly the lack of communication, the new distance between you two, and the changes in your sexual energy and habits. Yes, I appreciate your girlfriend is not overly verbal. However, her non-verbal cues are going in the wrong direction and should not be ignored. Sometimes giving her more space or creating more distance is exactly the wrong thing to do even if that is the vibe she might be giving off. My wife, Ann, is far less verbal than am I. We have different love languages. So, I can relate to what you are going through and have some experience with this. If I were in your shoes? I would immediately spring into action and give her a lot of non-verbal support combined with a lot of non-sexual affection and affirmations. I'm not sure what your economic situation is, but here are few easy starters that don't require much more than little planning and effort on your part: Bring her a big bouquet of flowers and put them in nicest vase you have (or buy a new one) Plan a night at home where you turn off the cell phones, order her favorite take-out food, and cuddle on the davenport while watching her favorite movies (when she falls asleep, carry her to bed--no sex!, then you stay up late and clean up the mess) Get up early, take her car and clean it spotless, inside and out, top off the tank, and put a Starbucks gift card for her on the dash Is there a project around the place that she wants completed? Get up early this Saturday and knock it out. In other words, don't just tell her you love her. SHOW her you love her in your deeds. That's the language she will understand and appreciate. You love this lady, so make her yours. Many a man has hesitated and lost. Best of luck to both of you. Keep us posted.

This is a good post. And the situation you are describing is fairly universal in most relationships, both inside and outside of the lifestyle. Ann and I have a theory by which we live: Most problems in relationships occur due to unfulfilled expectations. When one has an expectation that ___________ (fill in the blank) is going to happen, and it doesn't, one is disappointed. Often that disappointment turns into resentment. Unresolved resentments often manifest themselves in conflict. It can be a vicious cycle that screws up the best relationships. It appears your husband has the expectation that you will be as immediately excited and invested in the prospect of having sex with another couple as is he. When he perceives you aren't, he is disappointed. It appears you have the expectation that your husband appreciates you simply want to go a little slower and, more importantly, that he is understanding and respectful of your feelings. When you perceive he isn't, you are disappointed. Managing expectations (i.e., setting realistic expectations; communicating expectations; resolving differences in expectations, etc.) is, therefore, essential to having healthy, well functioning relationships. My suggestion? Set a time during an innocuous part of the day to have an open and frank conversation around your expectations. Lay all your collective expectations out on the table and have a conversation around them. Avoid the blame game. Simply try to understand where he is coming from and, likewise, he to understand where you are coming from. Then discuss where the differences exist and work out a plan to accommodate each other. Start with the easiest things first. Build consensus and momentum. Solving the easy stuff will make solving the harder stuff a lot easier. Note that trying to have this conversation in the "heat" of planning an evening with another couple is not going to work. It needs to be when both of you are calm and swinging (sex) is not immediately on your minds. When sex is on our minds, our prefrontal cortexes get hijacked by our lizard brains. Our ability to reason and be objective gets overpowered by our desire to satisfy our sexual urges. It would probably be a good idea to involve an outside therapist or counselor to assist you with this. Frankly, I would imagine this kind of thing is present in other areas of your relationship, too. Lastly, here is some food for thought on a topic where a lot of couples can get tripped up: feelings. You can be respectful and understanding of how others (i.e., your husband, your friends, your swinging partners, etc.) feel. However, you are not responsible for their feelings. You didn't cause them to feel anything. Their feelings are of their own creation. You have every right to proceed at your own pace, and to establish your own limits, regardless of how they may react to it. Likewise, you are responsible for your own feelings. Nobody else causes you to feel a certain way. Others can be respectful and understanding of your feelings. But, they are not responsible for how you feel. Your feelings are of your own creation. When we take responsibility (ownership) for how we feel, we take back the power we have been giving away to others. It's a profound change. It alters how we relate to others and how others relate to us. Best of luck to you. I'm sure everything is going to be okay 🙂

An update on this. I recently did another DP with my GF and buddy and it was far better and more comfortable than any time before. We were all definitely tipsy and I had most of my clothes on throughout it. My buddy had her sucking his dick while she was on my lap then was fucking her while she was leaning over me. The whole thing felt very much like a cuckold scenario which isn't our usual thing but it was hot so what the hell. I was going with the flow and didn't think I was going to have the opportunity to join in until he was fucking her from behind over my lap and instructed her to take out my cock and suck it. At this point he's pounding her from behind and pushing her head up and down on my cock. Eventually he instructs her to ride me. At this point I unbutton my pants and pull them down just a little bit but still have my dick out through my underwear, My buddy tries to come around to the side for a blowjob but doesn't work out so great. Then he goes into fingering her asshole and I know exactly where this is headed. Eventually he lubes up, asks me to spread her cheeks and he goes in. I'm not sure what the exact reason is but it just felt more comfortable and enjoyable. I think the main reason is because we weren't all fully naked. Maybe it sounds crazy but I think having some clothes on made the DP more enjoyable for me. I had said previously that I disliked DPs because I didn't like feeling that close to another guy. Even though we're technically still close and our dicks are close when inside my GF it just had a different vibe that made it more relaxing and less paranoid.

We have face pictures that we will open if the inquiring couple has opened their face pictures. We have no interest in viewing other people’s junk nor displaying ours in pictures. If we meet a couple and have mutual interest, the junk will come out.

If there was a setting on the sites that only allowed people with pictures of everyone who wants to be involved excluding useless cock pics to contact us we would install it. It would save us a lot of time reading and ignoring messages from people that do not have them. We all have real lives and would like to keep them private. No one is more special then anyone else in this regard.

We had done a number of pussy/ass DPs in our early hotwife/MFM and couples swap days, with me in either of Daniela's holes. The first time, however, I watched her doing DP with two other guys, it was a whole other level, both sexually hot and emotionally "WTF are we doing?" Of all the things we've done, it was the only time I felt that way.

What does your wife say? There is a good chance that after two hours she was wondering what was wrong that she wasn't getting him off.