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We have received a few PMs asking how things turned out last weekend. We did visit our friends, did discuss options both privately and with our friends which led Debbie and I to decide not to join our friends as swingers. We are still leaving future options open as we figure some of the opinions other posters offered and figuring out our own feelings. Thank you to those who have replied to our first post.

Hi Everyone. We are Billy and Debbie thinking about having sex with old friends. We have friends from our old city before we moved who we know are swingers. They told us to sign up on here to ask and find answers to all the questions they haven’t answered. We always were amazed that they are so free to have sex with others when they told us about friends they have and vacations they took. They always asked us to join them and they joked that we were like old people thinking sex is bad. I always asked how do you let guys fuck your wife, he would answer why not. I couldn’t do that to her and I don’t want you fucking Deb. We have been invited, always laughing it away. By joining here you can tell we are thinking. It has to be normal to feel you can’t let your wife fuck someone. Right? Is there a reason not to feel that way? Even thinking about my friend and my wife has me thinking how wrong this could be. We are making the list why we shouldn’t try this. Debbie and I are talking about why shouldn’t or could do this. We aren’t religious or so high moral thinkers. Why do people make judgments about swingers? My friend has made an offer to be our first or he would invite friends to the house so we can watch and chose. Thanks for letting us join this group and read comments and other posts. I am sure everyone answering will tell us how great swinging is.

Thanks for contributing! Looking great.

You should see some of the yoga positions I try to get Michael in, it’s hilarious. I try to stay limber and do stretches and meditation that helps in our play and I do wear yoga pants to the gym and have caught guys watching me on the elliptical machine.

I still haven’t found out. Do you know something I don’t know? I know when he found out I was bisexual. I’m sure some of the men we have played with might be bisexual even though none of them has acted that out with us or with anyone else in front of me.

The most important word you wrote, “discuss”. So many couples say they discussed where truthfully one partner talks and the other goes along. I like your friends without knowing them, they discussed along with you and didn’t pressure you into doing anything before all of you could be in agreement. Peer pressure, whether it’s a spouse who is more eager, or the experienced couple pushing a less than willing participant. I have learned the signals given by the unfortunate woman who is going along to satisfy a man’s fantasy. I appreciate the man who honors a woman’s hesitancy. If and when you both agree you want to take the next step your waiting will be worth it.

Lol, I am sure the next time we do some pictures I can convince her to let me take some of her in ready position! The way you describe it sounds similar. The best way to describe it is pretty much a Scissor Straddle position with a little variation.

The shooting happened shortly after we came back from Tulum, Mexico and we had actually visited 5th Ave. Where the shooting took place. 5th Ave was the only place we visited that was off the resort and not a planned excursion. From what I have read, the shooting took place between 2 cartel but tourists were caught in the crossfire and 2 died. I will say that our entire stay in Mexico, we never felt unsafe BUT we also planned ahead and communicated with resort staff on where to go and not go, we were back before dark and had the resort arrange transportation. Tulum is absolutely beautiful and amazing and we can not wait to go again. With all the cartel talk, we probably won't venture off the resort again until things cool down. I do know everywhere we went there were HEAVILY armed Police and Federali's just about everywhere, excursions and all. I'm talking AK-47, 50 cals, body armor, humvees, dogs, etc. When we landed in Mexico city, where we caught a connecting flight to Cancun, we were tod by a local not to leave the airport because it was not safe for gringos. 5th Ave was an amazing place full of shops, music and food and beauty. It's a shame what the cartel are doing.

Every post on here leads to going forward or bad feelings and then your posts is a refreshing change, you talked it out. If swinging is for you more opportunities will be there. I had so many thoughts racing in my head before going forward, the pressure came from my wife and friends that were very accessible living not far from us. Enjoy your conversations at home, the thought of swinging seems to already started sexy talk for you.

It is great to hear that you two are really thinking things through on what you do or do not want to try! Regardless I am sure that it has opened up your communication with each other in a positive way and if nothing else that is only a plus. Keep using this site as a source while you guys think things through. Lots of different opinions with lots of different perspectives which is a good thing, because everybody’s journey is their own. Find whichever one works best for you two and don’t settle for less.

One of the best things about LS couples is that they grasp the importance of clear and open communication. The standards discussed here are simply that much higher than we ever see most vanilla couples of our ken. Much better to hold to high communication standards and acknowledge when one falters than to ignore the need and benefit of those standards.

Yoga pants are one of the best inventions ever! That is pretty much all the missus wears around the house and it drives me crazy in a good way.

Good communication is being able to be honest and open with each other, actually hearing what each other is saying and respecting what each other is saying! It does not sound like that is what is happening here. Personally I would take a break from all the lifestyle play and expectations that are clearly coming with it until the communication part is fixed. One thing we both agree on is that anything we do that is lifestyle related comes with no expectations from each other or the people we meet! Maybe that disappoints other people, but we don’t really care. We are only in control of our own feelings and don’t owe anything to anyone else other then each other. The day that the lifestyle becomes more important to one of us then our relationship together is the day I am out.

This is a good post. And the situation you are describing is fairly universal in most relationships, both inside and outside of the lifestyle. Ann and I have a theory by which we live: Most problems in relationships occur due to unfulfilled expectations. When one has an expectation that ___________ (fill in the blank) is going to happen, and it doesn't, one is disappointed. Often that disappointment turns into resentment. Unresolved resentments often manifest themselves in conflict. It can be a vicious cycle that screws up the best relationships. It appears your husband has the expectation that you will be as immediately excited and invested in the prospect of having sex with another couple as is he. When he perceives you aren't, he is disappointed. It appears you have the expectation that your husband appreciates you simply want to go a little slower and, more importantly, that he is understanding and respectful of your feelings. When you perceive he isn't, you are disappointed. Managing expectations (i.e., setting realistic expectations; communicating expectations; resolving differences in expectations, etc.) is, therefore, essential to having healthy, well functioning relationships. My suggestion? Set a time during an innocuous part of the day to have an open and frank conversation around your expectations. Lay all your collective expectations out on the table and have a conversation around them. Avoid the blame game. Simply try to understand where he is coming from and, likewise, he to understand where you are coming from. Then discuss where the differences exist and work out a plan to accommodate each other. Start with the easiest things first. Build consensus and momentum. Solving the easy stuff will make solving the harder stuff a lot easier. Note that trying to have this conversation in the "heat" of planning an evening with another couple is not going to work. It needs to be when both of you are calm and swinging (sex) is not immediately on your minds. When sex is on our minds, our prefrontal cortexes get hijacked by our lizard brains. Our ability to reason and be objective gets overpowered by our desire to satisfy our sexual urges. It would probably be a good idea to involve an outside therapist or counselor to assist you with this. Frankly, I would imagine this kind of thing is present in other areas of your relationship, too. Lastly, here is some food for thought on a topic where a lot of couples can get tripped up: feelings. You can be respectful and understanding of how others (i.e., your husband, your friends, your swinging partners, etc.) feel. However, you are not responsible for their feelings. You didn't cause them to feel anything. Their feelings are of their own creation. You have every right to proceed at your own pace, and to establish your own limits, regardless of how they may react to it. Likewise, you are responsible for your own feelings. Nobody else causes you to feel a certain way. Others can be respectful and understanding of your feelings. But, they are not responsible for how you feel. Your feelings are of your own creation. When we take responsibility (ownership) for how we feel, we take back the power we have been giving away to others. It's a profound change. It alters how we relate to others and how others relate to us. Best of luck to you. I'm sure everything is going to be okay 🙂

What an unfortunate situation. We feel for you. Obviously, the first thing to do is to partner up with a physician familiar with STIs who can provide you proper medical resources, design an aggressive treatment regimen, and provide behavioral counseling. Some additional practical advice going forward: Always presume you are contagious and act accordingly. Asymptomatic persons with HSV2 shed cells roughly once every ten days, meaning you can infect someone regardless of how you "feel". The infection exists in the cells of the skin and the disease can spread even from healthy-appearing skin. People with frequent legions can shed HSV2 cells as often as once every three days. Do not engage in sexual activity with a partner when a legion is present. The consistent use of latex or polyurethane condoms (both male and female) are a MUST from here on out. Latex or polyurethane condoms provide a physical barrier that prevent skin-to-skin contact and are an essential part of the management of the disease. Studies show consistent use of condoms reduces the risk of STI transmission by upwards of 80%. This is true across the full spectrum of STIs, not just HSV2. Note natural membrane condoms are not effective at preventing STIs. The use of suppressive medications will reduce the risk of HSV2 transmission, but will never eliminate it. Don't place false confidence in your treatment regimen. According to the CDC, daily suppressive therapy will only reduce the risk of transmission by 70-80%. You should exercise special caution before engaging in sex with a woman (now called 'person with a vagina' by the ridiculously woke CDC! Lol!) of childbearing years. Although rare, HSV2 can present serious complications for a pregnant woman and her baby. Lastly, there is the ethical question: Do you continue to engage in sex with multiple partners when you knowingly have the potential to spread a chronic disease? That's something you will have to work out based upon your own ethical/moral compass. If you haven't yet reviewed the CDC's herpes resources, here's the link: https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/herpes.htm Best of luck to you and your partner.

Trying to resurrect our post….

We are in our early 40s and we didn’t start swinging until about 3 years ago. It made our sex life even better, and put things in a different perspective for us. It eliminated a source of potential jealousy by erasing that psychological barrier. For us it’s been a net positive. It certainly isn’t for everyone. The key is communication and consent. If the other person is feeling pressured, that’s a sign that more communication is needed. It should never be one person pushing and the other goin along just to make them happy. That leads to stress and problems.

If I may say so, I think it's very positive that you seem to be getting a handle on what does and doesn't work for you. I wanted to toss out another bit of advice (which you may seen in other posts but just in case). As you continue to talk, remember there is a big difference between what sounds really great when you're all hot and naked and having sex, and what sounds like a good idea when things are calm and clear. Lots of people find the fantasy of a thing really hot but when they think about it in the clear light of day, they could never do it. So, when your talking about swinging and considering actually doing it, focus on how you feel about it when you're dressed and sitting down to breakfast, not when you're all hot and bothered and climbing into bed.

No interest in a swingers club for us, no interest in watching strangers have sex in a club. Our big problem is can we have sex with others and watching adds to the problem. We are still talking about it, inching closer to maybe.

You are more than thinking if you signed up asking for advice. I asked all the same questions you are asking all the time trying to reconcile the thought of having sex with my wife’s best friend. I did that too. Heck she is good looking and I knew she wanted me, they were the swingers already just like your friends. I can tell you friends are the best way to start, they will be the least pressure and can make it fun.

Agreed. Communication is all, it is totally essential. Yes, but... There is only more with your sex life as a couple, which can be greater than the sum of the two parts. Individually, if you both are already happy with your individual sex lives, I don't think you are going to find swinging changes that much. Nor should it. But as a couple, I think you will find it supercharges your sex life as the compersion thing kicks in and her sexual happiness becomes part of you on top of your individual happiness and satisfaction, and same for her with you. Swinging sex can range from bad to ok to fantastic. Honestly, most encounters are going to fall well short of fantastic, and you just hope the bad ones are few and far between. After you have been with someone for so long, you and her know each other in and out, including in the bedroom. For a lot of people, having sex with someone new, especially someone you just met say like at a club, that comfort level just isn't there and for many (including us), the more comfortable you are with someone the better the sex tends to be.

A theme I'm sure you've seen by now in many, many posts is that the key to successful swinging is communication. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It sounds like you're doing a great job of that! Even if you never end up swinging, that kind of open, honest communication is the bedrock of many a great relationship.

WE read so many posts last night. Some questions brought up more questions. Questions brought up conversation, conversation lead to SEX. Not a bad thing. Debbie asked me if I would watch, do I want to watch, would I enjoy watching, would I watch if it was our friend or better with a stranger. Good questions. She additionally asked if I think our lady friend is attractive, would I pick her up if she was in a singles bar and we were all single. She asked me if ever thought of her friend sexually before. Last night I sure did all night. I blocked out the thought of our male friend and Debbie and undressed in my mind the girlfriend. In my mind YEAH I would do it. Can I? Read a lot about sex with friends, pros and cons. I could go bad, more for us, less for them. They are already swingers. We read a thread that it’s better with people you know and like, and we read do we lose friends if it goes bad. We are still dealing with the can we question. Do we want to question. The more we talk the more curious we become. We found a recent article in a newsfeed, Is Monogamous Sex, Monotonous Sex. I never thought it monotonous but is it? Do we have the same sex every time, do we change it up? We have been monogamous since we became committed. She never complained about our sex, I’m happy, is there more? Debbie’s question if I would watch and enjoy, I asked her if she could watch. She said she would if I wanted. More talk, more questions, more answers, more excitement, more doubt, more reassurance. We decided that to the moment we can change our minds.

We've wanted to go back to Desire RM since we left the last time, but have been concerned about the cartel activity. One of these days we will return, but not until we feel that it is 'safe'. We both feel once we arrive at Desire, we have nothing to worry about, but getting there and back to the airport is the real problem (especially with Americans being singled out for kidnapping/robbery).