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Ten years later, I’m assuming it’s been discussed.

Someone on this list once defined jealousy as fear of loss. That made sense to me as I looked at my reactions. Once I was a jealous type. Then I married my wife. I have never felt jealous with her. Why? I have never felt any danger that someone could get her to leave.

Unless you have experience with sex with others you can’t comment. There is no award for answering and posting the most posts in a week. Where do people have time to post so much? To answer the original post: I would hope if Honey is fucking a guy she is getting the best fuck ever. Why would you want her to have a just mediocre time. No matter how good I am there will always be a better player. I’m athletic, participated in a bunch of sports and was considered very good. In HS I ran track and was the second leg of a 4x400 relay that won the states. Two of my teammates had better splits than me and I was happy the final leg brought it home. In basketball I was not the best on my team, I was good enough to make the team. Honey is an excellent cook, makes fabulous schnitzel, speatzle and her moms sauerbraten is to die for. Then we found a restaurant that was even better. Still love Honey’s cooking. Honey has fucked so many guys I can’t worry about somebody being better. I can’t worry if a guy is bigger or goes longer or does new things to her. There is no way I can be The Best, if I can’t be the best why would I care if she found someone better. One time she came home after a threesome without me and said she one of the greatest times, so great she wanted me to meet them. When I met them I told the guy that Honey said he was one of the best fucks she ever had. Talk about feeding a guys ego. I don’t know what they different, he was athletic, decent looking, his cock maybe bigger but not huge. I was happy that she enjoyed as much as she did.

Sounds to me like your "friend" is pretty childish and petty. I agree with the majority... drop 'em. No need to say anything to him about it. He won't actually listen to what you say even if you do. He'll only hear what he wants to hear and he'll invent a reason that suits his ego. It's not your problem. Move on.

Well, we saw the couple. I was a little bit cold when I entered the club and saw them sitting in our usual spot waiting for us. He asked me if I was in a bad mood (who asks that?) and I simply said no, not at all. We made ourselves scarce, busy mingling with other friends and when we came back over to pick up drinks he had his back to us. Feels like high school all over again.

Just because you feel comfortable enough not to look at your husband doesn’t mean that this person does not have that need. Get over yourself. Not everybody has the comfort level that you do.

You need new friends. Drop them from your rotation.

He shoots, and SCORES!

IOHO, jealousy is a sign of a bigger problem and if you are feeling jealousy you need to figure out what that problem is. It's almost always a lack of trust, communication and/or love. I used to be a terribly jealous guy but that was because of my own insecurities and lack of faith in my partner. I never would have been able to get into this if it wasn't for my partner and I being able to talk very openly about...well, everything. Because of the communication, our trust in each other increased and that only made our love for each other grow as well. I KNOW that she is not interested in finding another guy, and it doesn't matter how well he looks or how great the orgasm may be. I consider myself the luckiest guy in the world to have found someone that I can talk about anything to and trust implicitly. I'm not going to do anything to mess that up. When we started this path, we took things slowly waiting for jealousy to rear its ugly head and found it never happened. Jealousy just has no room here. At the same time, if either of us were to ever want to stop, we would without a seconds hesitation. It's amazing that we are able to do this together but she is more important than anything to me. We could stop and other than some great memories, I would never look back. Jealousy is just an indication that the relationship still needs to have some work done to improve it...nothing more. People just need to understand that is all jealousy is.

One of the hottest things my wife ever said to me was mid gangbang when I looked into her eyes and she said "Thank you" to me for setting it up.

Threesome? Honestly, I'm not sure. The poly community uses the term "compersion" to describe feelings of happiness you get when your partner is happy or is receiving pleasure but that's more a high level emotional state. Compersion is sometimes called the opposite of jealousy. I don't know if there is an actual term for the act of connection with a partner while they are playing with another.

Somebody on this forum once said rules don't need to be fair or equal, they need to be safe and fun. In this case, though, I'd suggest that maybe the two of you could start off exploring soft swap. If intercourse is a sticking point for her with FMF, it might also be a little overwhelming to jump right in with it in MFM. Maybe agreeing to test the waters with consistent rules and see how you feel about expanding would be a better place to start.

Your wife is 100% correct...listen to her.

Well, at least what you suspected is now confirmed, so don't have to feel bad about putting them on your naughty list.

My wife and I have been very friendly with another couple for years. They are not easily social and so we introduce them to everyone when we are at swinger clubs and lifestyle events. We host parties and always include them. Several times in the past, we have become aware that they take our other friend's phone numbers and make plans to see them privately. We didn't really care what they did on their time. Lately, when we introduce them to a small group, they will invite the entire group and not us. My wife says, "drop them and let them fend for themselves in the future, they are using us." The man can be arrogant (not sure why) and would not handle confrontation well. I'm not looking for a fight but let's face it, that's pretty messed up. My wife also tells me that he knows women are more attracted to me and this makes it easier for him. Thoughts?

Is there a term for the “interaction” between and husband and wife while the wife is playing with the bull? For example… Where the wife is simultaneously enjoying the physical pleasure of the bull from behind while she is having this loving connection with her husband, with eye contact, kisses and caressing.

"Compersion" is the word that first came to my mind too. Like Lionheart said, not sure it is a perfect fit here, but the best I could come up with. May not know the perfect word for it, but have experienced it personally. Doesn't have to be a "bull" type scenario though, regular old MFM threesome will give you first hand experience with it.

"How can someone not be jealous. Yeah certain situations where jealousy is silly and I totally agree. But there are some times where people on the site have said it was jealous and my only thought was it wasn’t jealousy but it was just a person being hurt. " These are important...and even central questions that everyone deals with. For the sake of clarity, we are going to use a couple of simple words and offer two insights for each. Envy. This is the simpler concept. Most simply, "someone else has something I want". In ordinary life, it can be a bigger home, a fancier car, a corner office, a larger income, a smarter kid. In the lifestyle, it can be a bigger cock, perkier tits, a longer tongue, more stamina. Both lists go on and on. The root of envy is a fear of inadequacy: of feeling that you/I/we lack something that would otherwise make us somehow "better". The antidotes to envy are contentment and gratitude. A moment's reflection suggests that no matter how modest your home, it represents a homeless person's unattainable dream. No matter whether breasts sag a bit, women who have had mastectomies only have their memories of two healthy breasts. And so on. In vanilla life and in the LS, pausing for a little while each day and reflecting on what you, we, each of us have/has is a fairly effective strategy for dealing with the perfectly normal and near-universal feeling of envy. Jealousy. This is the harder concept. Most simply, "I have something that someone else wants (and maybe is trying to take away from me)". It usually is a spouse or lover, and it doesn't matter whether it is in the vanilla world or the LS world. Your/my spouse is attractive to--and attracted by--someone else. The root of jealousy is a fear of abandonment--that you/me will be found to be insufficient to meet spouse/partner's needs or at least someone else represents a "trade-up" that you imagine your partner would be willing to make. The emotion is so powerful, the potential for pain so perceptibly real, that violence not infrequently creeps into the imagined resolution--doing whatever "in a fit of jealous rage". This is a reaction to the depth of fear/pain associated with abandonment. Whether the fear is reasonable or just silly is immaterial. How it is perceived is what matters. The antidote here is described the neologism, "compersion". At its core, compersion asks one to feel happiness at a loved one's joy at/with/because of someone else. In the LS, it's often framed as the experience of physical pleasure. But the concept comes up in vanilla life as well--for example your spouse is an accomplished dancer, s/he and her partner are regional tango champions--and you have two left feet. Or your spouse is elected president of the big professional society where people fall over them to tell them how wonderful and accomplished they are--and you didn't get a raise this year. The "I am not good enough for spouse" tape starts playing in your head and won't go away. It can be hard to celebrate and find joy in their whatever when framing their whatever in terms of what you are not able to bring to the relationship. Here's the point: the "hurt" is nearly always self-inflicted, the consequence of imagined potential loss/abandonment.

The better question I knew was asked before, four years ago. Who searched for an old question? I am blessed to have a husband that isn’t jealous. He never tells me who or what I can do. He doesn’t lack in the pleasing department, he is pleased when I find a great partner or two and maybe three. Let us be straight, I don’t meet men because he wants me to, I pick the men I think would be fun and when we meet couples they should both be fun, sometimes we are right, not always. I also can be satisfied by making a partner happy. We have met men that don’t need to do everything, some men just want to go down and please, how come some men don’t understand if I just want to give head.

When I was 15 and my girlfriend and I were just discovering sex, we experimented with positions described in a book she had. (It was not the Kama Sutra and this was before “The Joy of Sex" was published.) I was an athlete and she was short, slim and lithe. On her 16th birthday we went to the movies. Neither of us had a drivers license, so afterwards we went to the ally behind the theater. She took off her panties and hiked her skirt up to her waist. I dropped my trousers and underpants, and lifted her up. I slid my cock into her pussy and she wrapped her legs around my waist. My recollection is that she was kinda thrusting but mostly I was lifting and settling her body on my cock. When we were finished we got our clothes back in order and went to where we were supposed to meet her dad with his car. More than a half-century later that night is still an enjoyable memory for me (I sometimes wonder if it is for her) but the reality of geriatric sex is that, whole it’s still immensely enjoyable, with nerve injuries in both arms, my partners and I are more concerned with finding positions that are comfortable for both of us and still ensure the critical pleasure bits get sufficient stimulation. 😉😂😊 (My other related observation is that perhaps a keen interest in exotic positions is an aspect of the "pornification" of sex. Beyond the factor of partners doing something new to them for the novel effect, I wonder if some people’s inclination to go through a series of positions during an encounter is a result of watching porn, where erotic stimulation channels are limited to visual and auditory, and the tactile and olfactory ones are missing.)

We used to do one where it was like missionary, but with the male turned 180. Her legs had to be way back and her hips held up, and then the guy had to be basically holding himself up like doing a pushup while still thrusting. Since there was usually some digital anal play going on at the same time, make that a one armed pushup Makes me hurt just thinking of it now 😂 Nowadays, if we didn't pull or strain something trying to do it, we would probably collapse into a pile and fall off the bed and hurt ourselves that way 😅

So let’s say you are a troll jerking off posting every few minutes and giving ridiculous comments about things you have no clue about. I think you are just lonely and refusing to realize it.

Everything went wrong when she broke the rules. Her boyfriend knows how much she can drink and even he said she was not drunk. She has a selective memory right now because her ass is in hot water with her boyfriend. She knew what she was doing and now she’s trying to find excuses for him to forgive her. And everybody on this board is trying to make excuses, everybody on this board is saying that they did not communicate what he is saying that they did communicate and they both made these rules, it was just not him making the rules, they both made the rules and boundaries.

We call it a really awesome memory and shared experience for both of us!

There is no communication problem between both of them. She wanted to break the rules and she did it. She can remember everything else but the rules and critical rules. She is using everything as an excuse with drinking and I thought it was OK if we went to the room. That’s total BS and that’s just her trying to cover her ass and to keep her boyfriend from breaking up with her. She knows what she did was wrong, the other couple knew it it it was wrong. And she’s trying to jump up and act innocent

Dude there was no misunderstanding. You get played by all three of them and your girlfriend is the worst player of all. That’s why she jumped up and said I tried it and I didn’t like it and I only want to be with you. That’s why the couple jumped up and ran out of the room as fast as they could because the dude knew that he had broken the rule that both of you have set amongst yourselves. Just like you said she can remember everything that happened at night but the most critical things. She broke every boundary and now she wants to make excuses that she didn’t understand the rules when both of you said it at the same time that you were going to do this and not that. You will be played for SUCKER

Be a man and tell her this is something that you do not want. It is obvious that you do not want this. And if she still says she wants to do this, show her the door. There is no way that you should tolerate this in the beginning of your relationship. She should have told you about this before you get serious with her. For her to spring this on you After only dating a few months was disrespectful. Because you have possibly have said to her that you did not want to date her if you would have known that she wanted to be a swinger and have other men and other women. That was a pure set up on her part.

...sure, TAKE the high road

I appreciate the input. We are sure to see them in the club tonight and we have decided that rather than being confrontational, we will say hello and walk away to mingle with other people, I agree that I would like to let him know that we are well aware of what they have been up to and perhaps one day it will come to that. I'll let you know.

I agree with the other posters. You can’t have a rule where one person limits the other person, but not themself. If you do go ahead with the threesome with the other woman, what are her desires? Maybe she will want intercourse with the male. Does she get deprived of this because the gf doesn’t want her bf banging women? Can get tricky. We always have a vanilla dinner or drinks with a prospective couple before we get to play. If they have fugazy rules that we cannot abide, we wish them well and move on.

Of course, we all love poorly punctuated, rambling, nonsense and new answers to posts that have been dead over 10 years…..

Is it worth the aggravation to call them on it? Most bad actors don’t understand that they are doing something wrong.

You have to say something to them or they will think they are getting away with something

When we arrived at the club on Saturday night we noticed a few couples that looked familiar. We hadn't been to this club in a while but we used to frequent it, so we knew some faces just looked familiar from having seen them there, and others might have looked familiar from having seen them online. One couple in particular seemed familiar and kept looking at us. We had some friends meeting us there, and shortly after they showed up, the male half of this couple came up to us and asked "are you Julie & Pet?" "yes, we are". "Hey, we met you guys about a year ago at....." At that point we remembering looking at their profile on SLS and the email history (they had no face pics) regarding having met at said party last year. I remembered their names form the email exchange and said "Oh, you're D right?" "yeah, and my wife is R, she's over there (points to her)." Ok. Great. He heads back to her and we decide we should be pleasant and go say hi to her. So, we decided to get up and give ourselves a little tour of the club to see what was new and as we walked past them, we stopped and said hello. He was all smiles and she seemed just kinda pissy. No smiles for her, no real pleasantness or nice to see you. We headed off to continue our tour and eventually returned to our seats with our friends. Later in the night, we headed upstairs and they followed. Again he was all pleasant and talking about how much they'd wanted to see us again after they met us before..... and she said...nothing. No smiles, she kinda wondered off at one point. Now granted, I wouldn't say we were interested in the couple right off, but we might have been had there been any sort of personality mesh from her. Basically, it was a situation where I wouldn't have felt I was taking one for the team if Pet had clicked with her. However, it seemed there was no interest from her whatsoever. I'm not even sure she wanted to be there. We did talk a little about the club and how they preferred the other club in the area. They've also been visiting our favorite club a bit (although not when we've been there evidently) and loved it (as do we). However, all of this info came from him. She said almost nothing. Eventually, we headed back downstairs and hit the dancefloor a bit. As we exited the dancefloor, she grabs me and says "Will you please dance with my husband!" (this was not a question, it was more of an exasperated demand to which the only allowable reply was "um ok"). So, I looked at him and he says "not right this second I've got to use the restroom" (or something) and walks off. She heads back to her seat and I head to mine. At this point I'm not feeling great, my stomach is hurting a bit (I just had surgery a few weeks ago and I'm still recovering, this was my first night out). He returns and asks me to dance and I oblige. However, I find that dancing is making me feel worse so I stop and head back to my seat. We left shortly thereafter. The next day we've already got a message from them (him?) about how great it was to see us and they'd like to get together..... Obviously, at this point there's little interest on our part, and it seems that there's no interest on her part. I really can't tell what her issue was. But, I know we are going to end up seeing them again, likely at our home club. I have no idea what my question is

Oh my god how funny your story was. But let me explain, not funny with respect to how you felt, very funny based on us having experienced similar situations. My wife and I read the entire story and we just wanted to say great ending to it. I guess no question was needed. Your story made it pretty clear she was not in any way shape or form interested in anything that was going on. Obviously the interest and desire and efforts were all coming from him. We unfortunately have experience situations such as that. We couldn’t help but laugh especially at the part where you received an email the next day saying how great it was to meet you and how much “they” would love to see you both again. incredibly comical. So tell us, when’s your next planned date with them?. Just kidding, just couldn’t resist asking that. LMAO

I hate that fucking question so much. To the guys in the group, don't ask that question unless you are prepared to get a truthful answer. I told my husband to never ask that ever. Sex is just different with different people. I enjoy sex with my husband but he is more of a passionate lover, but I like rough sex the most, so I got one guy that goes really hard an he is the best sex partner I have for my style of sex. Adam and I don't make live we Fuck. My husband makes love, I like being fucked but it Doesnt mean I don't enjoy being loved too.

Swinging is not cheating and cheating is not swinging. The reason swinging works for the couples who are successful with doing it, it because of trust. Don't even think about swinging until you can trust each other COMPLETELY and TOTALLY. What you currently have right now is a

Often times I'm thinking that the woman I've got my dick in right now and am fucking for all I'm worth is the best sex ever. But that's how I, as a guy, think.

We swing because we both recognize the we have a need to experience sex outside of our marriage. We also know that this means that we are going to have partners that simply blow us away for one reason or another. I have watched him with women that absolutely worship his cock and instinctively know how to make his toes curl. He has watched me be taken by guys that make me cum over and over and even squirt. It’s part of the game and if you are that insecure, it’s not a game for you.

The really odd part is that 'she' asked you to dance with her husband. I'm sort of thinking that they have a secret little game they play. Be alert for it next time..., if it is their game, it might be fun to be a participant.

Nice story, loved reading it. Wouldn't it be great to read this story from her perspective? I think your question is "How do I handle the next meeting with them that will result in no hateful or embarrassing feelings". And to that, I say good luck. Maybe Pet could pull her aside for a drink alone for a few minutes and get her to open up a bit. Who knows?

I fully understand the concept of wanting eye contact with your significant other when watching them play. It can add to the sharing aspect immensely. Starting out in the lifestyle I can tell you straight out the thing I had to get past from a jealousy standpoint was the intense eye contact and mating ritual my gf had with other men. The passionate kissing, the deep intense gazes tugged more at the heartstrings than oral sex or intercourse. It made me feel invisible, which was not a good sensation at all. But as time went on I realized that this mating dance is all part of the fun. She needs to be in the moment with her play partner at the time. The most important thing we talk about beforehand is that no matter what happens and with whom while playing we both know who we're going home with at the end of the night. It's good to talk about what we'd like to do before we start and our feelings about what went on right after play as we share quiet time together in the sauna.