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No, I don't think it's strange. It does suggest to me that you're starting to overthink and worry about that part of things. Here's an important truth... you will never know what that first experience will be like until you do it and when you do it, it will probably be nothing like what you imagine. You can't prepare yourself or plan out the specific details of that moment, not the least because there will be at least three other humans involved (your wife and the other couple) over whom you have no control. It's important not to try. One hard thing I learned early in my swinging life is that the more you go with predetermined expectations, the more likely you are to be disappointed and/or upset when the moment fails to met them (as it will). So, what I'm saying here is - stop stressing over the details of this. Enjoy the fantasy. Enjoy the deep conversations you and your wife are sharing. If that moment comes when you the plunge, put the fantasy and the planning aside, and just relax and have fun. Because that is the point of all of this... to have fun together.

Condoms are a good place to start, as are other strategies that prevent or minimize fluid exchange. But we live in a probabilistic world, and just as is the case with singles dating in the vanilla world, forbcouples dating in the swinging world any activities that physically engage others’ genitalia are going to have some level of risk. Every couple in the lifestyle, or contemplating getting into it, needs to make risk management decisions about STIs. (For the Funs, who made the original post, Ms. Fun’s background in urology means they will be making their risk assessments based on more solid information than many other couples.) For couples who find that ANY increased risk of STIs is too much, their lifestyle activities will need to be confined to watching and being watched and/or handjobs. And for some couples that’s all they need to provide a higher level of enjoyment in their sex life.

Swingers are not some elite group of super models! They are the same people you see day to day at the grocery store or restaurant. Considering the obesity rate in North America is over 40 percent and there are even more people then that which are over weight you can expect to see the same in people that swing. There will be no problem finding plenty of people that find your wife attractive although it might not be everyone. I am sure she does not find everyone attractive either. As for your age that will not be an issue either! There are way more people in your age range that swing then people in their 20 or early 30’s. There are also lots of people that are not interested in full swap. You can find people that are interested in many different scenario’s out there. You just have to find the ones with the same wants as you and do not feel pressured by anyone to do anything you do not want to. Also don’t settle for anyone you don’t think is a good match. It can take time, but you are worth it.

Welcome Body confidence issues are sadly common in Western culture. We as a society has a very unrealistic image of the female form (and the male form come to that). The truth of the matter is there is a lot of diversity in attraction. A hard fact is that, yes, some people will probably reject her for her body type. However, in my not-so-humble opinion, those aren't the kind of people I would want to play with anyway. Other people, more than she thinks, will be attracted to her purely for her body type. The good ones, again in my not-so-humble opinion, will the ones attracted to her. Confidence, humor, a sense of fun and personal style matter. Actually, while there aren't any good studies for the swinger population, in my experience and from everything I have heard that will put you slightly on the high side of average for swingers. In general swingers tend to be older, established couples... mid 30's to mid 50's being the most common age groups I've encountered. While some clubs and swinger gatherings do cater to twenty-something hot bodies (and most websites tend to put them front and center) the truth is most of us have a little grey in our hair, a little extra padding around the middle and a lot of joy brought on by lives well-lived and life lessons well-learned.

Hate to be Debbie Downer, but swingers have the misperception that condoms create an ironclad prevention of STIs. I am loathe to report that condoms have mixed results in preventing HPV and HSV. HPV can be prevented with a vaccine, but it is only available to those under 45 at present. Caveat emptor. No free lunch.

Two weeks since we didn’t go forward with swinging with our friends, two weeks of talking about what could have been, two weeks of sexy talk and what we say is role play, two weeks of talking of maybe we will maybe do things and two weeks of saying it won’t be different. This is becoming a choice that we know is different from all of our decisions. We always discuss Pros and Cons, and we are discussing the what ifs. I asked Debbie if she ever pictured our friends nude, her answer was she saw him almost nude, just swimsuit. She claims never wondering what was covered. I laughed. Don’t women ever mentally undress men? She said what he looks like, penis is not the factor. I kinda understood, I have mentally undressed our lady friend, don’t think what her pussy looked like would be a factor. Then the what if’s, what if he started kissing her. She didn’t know, that’s fair. In her mind would she be the first to touch him or would she see him touch her first. She returned the questions to me, I could kiss her, picture touching a breast and hoped our friend would reach for my crotch. I asked Debbie if she would watch, no answer. I asked her first could she undress him and would she want me to watch. Plenty of I don’t knows still. The more we talk I’m reading the closer she comes to thinking it could happen. Our friends are happy as far as we can see, it has not hurt their marriage. With Debbie asking more questions of me, I think she is leaning more and more in one direction. Is it strange that my fear is less how will I react watching Debbie and more can I preform like I normally do, will overexcitement overtake the moment, will I freeze, will Debbie freak midway? We know what our friends want, also know they won’t pressure. We are a week from facing our questions and fears.

Condoms

I take the attitude that the past is the past and if something in the past like that happened and it bothers you enough to ruin a relationship than the relationship probably wasn't that strong enough to begin with. I also want to say that I don't think it's easy for women to fully open up about their past sexual escapades and even their current sexual escapades all the time. I consider my GF to be extremely open about sexual stuff but even she holds back or hides a bit. When she talks to me or her closest friends it's easy for her to talk about having sex in a car, blowing some guy she met at a club, or even stretching it to experiences of threesomes. But it's not always easy to open up about gangbangs, BDSM, golden showers, DP, etc etc. Even with me I can tell there are times when she is telling me a sex story and she starts to blush from nerves or embarrassment and so I don't push it too much. I am sure it is mostly because there are stigmas attached to those types of activities so she doesn't know if her friends will view her the same or maybe I'm not as kinky as her so maybe she thinks I'll have a negative response to it (which I wouldn't so long as everything is legal and consensual and I've told her this). On the other hand it's different for guys. My best friends will give me every blow by blow detail of their sexual experience with my GF or any other girls they've had sex with no matter how wild, kinky, or perverted the experiences are. And they'll do it without any hesitation or shame and usually with some level of pride getting some sort of pleasure out of it. And this could be because guys like to brag about having a lot of sex and kinky sex because they won't be labeled dirty, whore, slut, etc. in traditional social settings like some women would be.

I doubt that it is a prescription for all. Sounds more like observations from one perspective. We all needed to find an entry point that suited us. For those of us with a more conservatize nature VERY soft swing can be that point. It was amazing how quickly things went from just touching to far more full service. I am talking hours , Steps were interspersed with, "Well that didn't kill us. You OK? What next?" For other acquaintances of the more "Rip the bandage off!" temperament it went from a decision to try it to Full Swing in one step. The initial questioning and conversations before starting determine where and how each couple steps into the pool. The exact manner only matters if they misjudge their combined wish and ability. Otherwise there is no "Right Way". This is one reason why we are of the opinion that it is vitally important that those considering swinging take all the time they need to be led by their big brains.

Sounds like you are doing everything right. I think she will come around, but at her own speed. Letting her come to a decision on her terms is a wise thing. Couples we have seen where one spouse was just going along ended in disaster. Thanks for the update. We will be interested in following your journey.

Public Service Announcement if you are new to a team, committee, social group etc. Maybe consider listening 10 times as much as you talk, integrate yourself into the group slowly, pick your spots to make meaningful remarks, support others in the group. If you do this you may find that you are welcomed and are brought into the fold. Alternatively, you can monopolize every conversation (relevant or not) to the point where even casual observers are sick of your shit - and then complain that you are treated roughly.

For me it is a simple matter of, I am not whatsoever, in any form or fashion into effeminate men.

The most important word you wrote, “discuss”. So many couples say they discussed where truthfully one partner talks and the other goes along. I like your friends without knowing them, they discussed along with you and didn’t pressure you into doing anything before all of you could be in agreement. Peer pressure, whether it’s a spouse who is more eager, or the experienced couple pushing a less than willing participant. I have learned the signals given by the unfortunate woman who is going along to satisfy a man’s fantasy. I appreciate the man who honors a woman’s hesitancy. If and when you both agree you want to take the next step your waiting will be worth it.

Every post on here leads to going forward or bad feelings and then your posts is a refreshing change, you talked it out. If swinging is for you more opportunities will be there. I had so many thoughts racing in my head before going forward, the pressure came from my wife and friends that were very accessible living not far from us. Enjoy your conversations at home, the thought of swinging seems to already started sexy talk for you.

It is great to hear that you two are really thinking things through on what you do or do not want to try! Regardless I am sure that it has opened up your communication with each other in a positive way and if nothing else that is only a plus. Keep using this site as a source while you guys think things through. Lots of different opinions with lots of different perspectives which is a good thing, because everybody’s journey is their own. Find whichever one works best for you two and don’t settle for less.

You experienced something that maybe 95% of married males will never, ever experience, and only dream about as a wildest fantasy. This is what you consider a bad experience? A couple of suggestions: 1. Drop the "Dragon" reference. It's a period, or menses. It happens every month, and even though it doesn't give a damn what your plans are, it isn't that big of a deal. 2. Stop going to these events with expectations. Expecting to play on a date night usually leads to disappointment, period or no period. 3. Apologize to your wife for being upset about this. It probably frustrated her too. I know that when Mrs two4you had a period that coincided with a party night, she was far more frustrated by it than I ever was. No need to add to her disappointment by making her feel guilty over a natural biological function. If the two of you stay active in swinging, this will happen again. We went three years without a glitch, then we hit a run where it seemed to hit every time for a few months. We laughed it off, enjoyed those nights by making good contacts for future 2-on-2 meetups, and spending time with friends. And yes, we did occasionally play as much as possible on some of those nights. As I recall, one of her favorites took her to the shower and had fun anyway. Good luck to you both!