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Like others have said, you’re doing the right thing by talking about it. We talked about it for close to three years before we made the plunge. There’s a good chance your first experience will not go how you thought it would. Our first time with another couple was a complete shit show. You learn from those experiences and move on. It will get better as you get more comfortable.

We’ve never been to that club. As newbies, if you appeal to the regulars, they may descend upon you as fresh meat. Do stick relatively close to your wife. If you feel like being conservative, just watch. You can go further, have sex with each other and let others watch. If you are feeling your oats, you can swap partners with other partners. If you do that, make sure both you and your wife are on board with that couple. Condoms would be a great idea in a club setting. Take it easy with alcohol. While a little lessens nerves, too much may find you doing things you may not do sober. Also, for men, alcohol inhibits erections. Be friendly and polite. You may become regulars and you can’t have too many friends. Have fun and report back.

Hate to be Debbie Downer, but swingers have the misperception that condoms create an ironclad prevention of STIs. I am loathe to report that condoms have mixed results in preventing HPV and HSV. HPV can be prevented with a vaccine, but it is only available to those under 45 at present. Caveat emptor. No free lunch.

Sounds like you are doing everything right. I think she will come around, but at her own speed. Letting her come to a decision on her terms is a wise thing. Couples we have seen where one spouse was just going along ended in disaster. Thanks for the update. We will be interested in following your journey.

Only three years? We learned or were told that our friends went to a swingers resort before we moved, at least six or seven years ago. We couldn’t believe our close friends were doing this, amazed any couple do it. It took time before we could listen to the stories, we would go home saying we could never do that. They would call us bible people and living life as old people. Privately the husband told me what they were doing, in detail. Debbie told me she got juicy details too. We moved hours away, our contact was mostly my phone, the wives mostly talked. We would come and visit or they would come to us, always the conversation would come up about vacations. They never overly pushed, only suggested to including us. The talking we are doing now started before the world shut down, started again after they told us about a trip they took with another neighbor we had. We didn’t believe the others joined them, don’t know why we thought that. I can say I am not pushing Debbie, she talks about too. It is a mutual equal talk. Driving to our friends last month we agreed we might, we didn’t. We are still talking, still wondering.

Not really! We started in our mid and late 60s, and got to experience the lifestyle for only a year or so before COVID shut us down. But in that time, we were with half a dozen couples and every one of them was younger than we are. Three were in their early 60s, one in their late 50s, one in their mid 40s, and one was M late 40s F early 30s. So you’re FAR from too old for this!!

Swingers are not some elite group of super models! They are the same people you see day to day at the grocery store or restaurant. Considering the obesity rate in North America is over 40 percent and there are even more people then that which are over weight you can expect to see the same in people that swing. There will be no problem finding plenty of people that find your wife attractive although it might not be everyone. I am sure she does not find everyone attractive either. As for your age that will not be an issue either! There are way more people in your age range that swing then people in their 20 or early 30’s. There are also lots of people that are not interested in full swap. You can find people that are interested in many different scenario’s out there. You just have to find the ones with the same wants as you and do not feel pressured by anyone to do anything you do not want to. Also don’t settle for anyone you don’t think is a good match. It can take time, but you are worth it.

Welcome Body confidence issues are sadly common in Western culture. We as a society has a very unrealistic image of the female form (and the male form come to that). The truth of the matter is there is a lot of diversity in attraction. A hard fact is that, yes, some people will probably reject her for her body type. However, in my not-so-humble opinion, those aren't the kind of people I would want to play with anyway. Other people, more than she thinks, will be attracted to her purely for her body type. The good ones, again in my not-so-humble opinion, will the ones attracted to her. Confidence, humor, a sense of fun and personal style matter. Actually, while there aren't any good studies for the swinger population, in my experience and from everything I have heard that will put you slightly on the high side of average for swingers. In general swingers tend to be older, established couples... mid 30's to mid 50's being the most common age groups I've encountered. While some clubs and swinger gatherings do cater to twenty-something hot bodies (and most websites tend to put them front and center) the truth is most of us have a little grey in our hair, a little extra padding around the middle and a lot of joy brought on by lives well-lived and life lessons well-learned.

No, I don't think it's strange. It does suggest to me that you're starting to overthink and worry about that part of things. Here's an important truth... you will never know what that first experience will be like until you do it and when you do it, it will probably be nothing like what you imagine. You can't prepare yourself or plan out the specific details of that moment, not the least because there will be at least three other humans involved (your wife and the other couple) over whom you have no control. It's important not to try. One hard thing I learned early in my swinging life is that the more you go with predetermined expectations, the more likely you are to be disappointed and/or upset when the moment fails to met them (as it will). So, what I'm saying here is - stop stressing over the details of this. Enjoy the fantasy. Enjoy the deep conversations you and your wife are sharing. If that moment comes when you the plunge, put the fantasy and the planning aside, and just relax and have fun. Because that is the point of all of this... to have fun together.

Two weeks since we didn’t go forward with swinging with our friends, two weeks of talking about what could have been, two weeks of sexy talk and what we say is role play, two weeks of talking of maybe we will maybe do things and two weeks of saying it won’t be different. This is becoming a choice that we know is different from all of our decisions. We always discuss Pros and Cons, and we are discussing the what ifs. I asked Debbie if she ever pictured our friends nude, her answer was she saw him almost nude, just swimsuit. She claims never wondering what was covered. I laughed. Don’t women ever mentally undress men? She said what he looks like, penis is not the factor. I kinda understood, I have mentally undressed our lady friend, don’t think what her pussy looked like would be a factor. Then the what if’s, what if he started kissing her. She didn’t know, that’s fair. In her mind would she be the first to touch him or would she see him touch her first. She returned the questions to me, I could kiss her, picture touching a breast and hoped our friend would reach for my crotch. I asked Debbie if she would watch, no answer. I asked her first could she undress him and would she want me to watch. Plenty of I don’t knows still. The more we talk I’m reading the closer she comes to thinking it could happen. Our friends are happy as far as we can see, it has not hurt their marriage. With Debbie asking more questions of me, I think she is leaning more and more in one direction. Is it strange that my fear is less how will I react watching Debbie and more can I preform like I normally do, will overexcitement overtake the moment, will I freeze, will Debbie freak midway? We know what our friends want, also know they won’t pressure. We are a week from facing our questions and fears.

The next time you are out in public, look around. What you see is what swingers look like. They are rarely super models (with us being the exception - lol) and usually look just like your next door neighbors. All too often, most women have body issues...the fastest way to take care of that is to visit a swingers club. Sure, there will be some really hot looking people there, but most of the people will be 'regular people' and some will be too skinny and some will be bigger, but I guarantee that your wife will fit in just fine. Also, there are men and couples that don't even like the super model type (like us) and feel that real women have curves. I know it's hard to convince her before going, but afterwards she will feel just fine. At the same time, we use swinging as motivation for us to take better care of ourselves as well (stupid covid allowing us to get soft...time to get back into the 'swing' of things). The one thing that women don't realize is that it doesn't matter how you look in the skin you are in, but how you FEEL and PROJECT in that skin. Beauty is only skin deep, but sexy has nothing to do with beauty...it comes from within and has everything to do with how confident and comfortable you are within that skin. Finally there's age: you (IOHO) are in the 'sweet spot' for swingers. Most swingers are either early 20's (without kids) or late 40's or older (after the kids have left the nest). You will easily be able to find more than a few couples your age. However, there is only one way to find out what we are saying is true: take that next step and check it out (it doesn't mean you have to DO anything). Find a club and see if what we said is true and if it isn't you get to come back and call us all lairs (check out the search function, nobody has call us on this yet), Set up a free profile and see what swingers in your area look like online (although you will have more success finding people if you join that site). This is all especially true when you are looking for a single guy. There are men for every 'type' out there. While single women are rare (known as unicorns due to their rarity), single men are like cheeseburgers at McD's...they're all over the menu). Bottom line is that you will never know until you take that next step and that is totally up to the two of you now. Good luck and report back.

Yes, sex is risky outside your marriage. It basically boils down to whether or not you’re willing to take the risk. I’ve had condoms break or come off. We normally test quarterly but when things like that happen, I’ll get tested again a couple weeks after the fact. We don’t play with people we don’t know though. All of our friends we play with we’ve known for a while. And while that doesn’t prevent anything there is some safety in knowing that the friends we play with have the same approach as we do.

Well you are in luck, because most men love their cock sucked as much as she loves sucking cock!