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Nice to see you are still talking and having fun in doing it. Neither of you have closed off the idea of playing with friends, that leads me to believe you just need that little push, that little wink that tells you it will be fine. Know that the world will not come to an end with either decision. You said you have been talking for years and you continue to talk. If nothing else happens this holiday trip you can still talk and have fun discussing the future. As someone who has enjoyed being with first timers, I find that the ones that are nervous and not jump into things are much happier with the results and when we meet those that rush into things don’t appreciate what has happened. There is no fast rule of how things will turn out, never blame the other if things aren’t perfect. We have a little trick to relax the other couples we meet, we suggest they start with each other instead of switching partners. None of them have ever had sex with others in the room or if they did it was in college in a shared dorm room. Some may have been on a nude beach before, some have never been naked outside their own bedroom. Small steps, unrushed can bring you both to a place you are headed to. Your friends are good friends, you have stated they aren’t pressuring. They sound as friends that would be perfect if you decided to try it.

Only three years? We learned or were told that our friends went to a swingers resort before we moved, at least six or seven years ago. We couldn’t believe our close friends were doing this, amazed any couple do it. It took time before we could listen to the stories, we would go home saying we could never do that. They would call us bible people and living life as old people. Privately the husband told me what they were doing, in detail. Debbie told me she got juicy details too. We moved hours away, our contact was mostly my phone, the wives mostly talked. We would come and visit or they would come to us, always the conversation would come up about vacations. They never overly pushed, only suggested to including us. The talking we are doing now started before the world shut down, started again after they told us about a trip they took with another neighbor we had. We didn’t believe the others joined them, don’t know why we thought that. I can say I am not pushing Debbie, she talks about too. It is a mutual equal talk. Driving to our friends last month we agreed we might, we didn’t. We are still talking, still wondering.

We have a trick too, a joint, if it’s legal. Calms everybody, tequila can make you sick.

Binge reading all of these old threads in their entirety has been an interesting exercise. 10ths comments do have the limitations that have been discussed elsewhere. They often fall in the category of , "To those who know ,no explanations necessary and to those do not know, no explanation is possible." To me it sounds as though they have rules for their own marriage that work well for them. Some of them I even agree with. I am not sure though, from what I have read, that they would transpose well, for them, in the lifestyle.

No life…no clue. Now posting as his “wife” too. He will soon learn nobody cares that he says nothing good. Does the word Troll fit?

Thanks again to everyone who responded. we did talk about it some more and I explained my point of view easing into the conversation. It turns out that in one of her previous encounters that more attention was being paid to the other female than her. So this is where her boundries stem from. So We’re working on this together a little at a time. This still excites us both very much and just talking about it has really ramped up our fun in bed. The other side of this mff threesome is that my lady is not a giver to another woman, but just a receiver. So in my eyes that leaves the other woman out as far as receiving any pleasure from either of us. Boy this stuff can be a slippery slope.

Two weeks since we didn’t go forward with swinging with our friends, two weeks of talking about what could have been, two weeks of sexy talk and what we say is role play, two weeks of talking of maybe we will maybe do things and two weeks of saying it won’t be different. This is becoming a choice that we know is different from all of our decisions. We always discuss Pros and Cons, and we are discussing the what ifs. I asked Debbie if she ever pictured our friends nude, her answer was she saw him almost nude, just swimsuit. She claims never wondering what was covered. I laughed. Don’t women ever mentally undress men? She said what he looks like, penis is not the factor. I kinda understood, I have mentally undressed our lady friend, don’t think what her pussy looked like would be a factor. Then the what if’s, what if he started kissing her. She didn’t know, that’s fair. In her mind would she be the first to touch him or would she see him touch her first. She returned the questions to me, I could kiss her, picture touching a breast and hoped our friend would reach for my crotch. I asked Debbie if she would watch, no answer. I asked her first could she undress him and would she want me to watch. Plenty of I don’t knows still. The more we talk I’m reading the closer she comes to thinking it could happen. Our friends are happy as far as we can see, it has not hurt their marriage. With Debbie asking more questions of me, I think she is leaning more and more in one direction. Is it strange that my fear is less how will I react watching Debbie and more can I preform like I normally do, will overexcitement overtake the moment, will I freeze, will Debbie freak midway? We know what our friends want, also know they won’t pressure. We are a week from facing our questions and fears.

I, too agree with the other posters. Unless you specifically ask her why she would want it too be one sided you don't have the communication necessary for this to have a happy ending. I have a feeling that this is going to develop into a bigger problem. I strongly suggest you guys work this out first.

I agree with the other posters. You can’t have a rule where one person limits the other person, but not themself. If you do go ahead with the threesome with the other woman, what are her desires? Maybe she will want intercourse with the male. Does she get deprived of this because the gf doesn’t want her bf banging women? Can get tricky. We always have a vanilla dinner or drinks with a prospective couple before we get to play. If they have fugazy rules that we cannot abide, we wish them well and move on.

The most important word you wrote, “discuss”. So many couples say they discussed where truthfully one partner talks and the other goes along. I like your friends without knowing them, they discussed along with you and didn’t pressure you into doing anything before all of you could be in agreement. Peer pressure, whether it’s a spouse who is more eager, or the experienced couple pushing a less than willing participant. I have learned the signals given by the unfortunate woman who is going along to satisfy a man’s fantasy. I appreciate the man who honors a woman’s hesitancy. If and when you both agree you want to take the next step your waiting will be worth it.