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Totally disagree with the anti-swinger above! A person that says they are 99 percent sure this lifestyle is not for them, but spends 99 percent of their time on this site, lol. I don’t think how much a guy loves his wife has anything to do with him being unable to maintain an erection when with others. Completely normal and happens to many men in these situations. Too many distractions going on in the head will cause over thinking that makes the unit down below not work the way you want it too.

We have a trick too, a joint, if it’s legal. Calms everybody, tequila can make you sick.

Nice to see you are still talking and having fun in doing it. Neither of you have closed off the idea of playing with friends, that leads me to believe you just need that little push, that little wink that tells you it will be fine. Know that the world will not come to an end with either decision. You said you have been talking for years and you continue to talk. If nothing else happens this holiday trip you can still talk and have fun discussing the future. As someone who has enjoyed being with first timers, I find that the ones that are nervous and not jump into things are much happier with the results and when we meet those that rush into things don’t appreciate what has happened. There is no fast rule of how things will turn out, never blame the other if things aren’t perfect. We have a little trick to relax the other couples we meet, we suggest they start with each other instead of switching partners. None of them have ever had sex with others in the room or if they did it was in college in a shared dorm room. Some may have been on a nude beach before, some have never been naked outside their own bedroom. Small steps, unrushed can bring you both to a place you are headed to. Your friends are good friends, you have stated they aren’t pressuring. They sound as friends that would be perfect if you decided to try it.

Like others have said, you’re doing the right thing by talking about it. We talked about it for close to three years before we made the plunge. There’s a good chance your first experience will not go how you thought it would. Our first time with another couple was a complete shit show. You learn from those experiences and move on. It will get better as you get more comfortable.

Sounds like you are doing everything right. I think she will come around, but at her own speed. Letting her come to a decision on her terms is a wise thing. Couples we have seen where one spouse was just going along ended in disaster. Thanks for the update. We will be interested in following your journey.

There I said it. I see there seems to be some forum angst over using this sort of language (or the term share my wife) in a few posts lately. This denotes ownership and I fully claim it. We are a married couple, we made promises to each other, and in those promises was the idea that our sexuality was now tied together. As long as it is tied together any sex she has outside of our relationship is truly allowed by me. I can revoke it at any time. If she chooses to ignore this and goes a head with it anyways she is in breach of those promises we made and it would be grounds for dissolving our relationship. You can say we are joined, bonded, intertwined or any other more romantic but less pejorative term but it doesn't change it, I OWN her ass and I decide who gets to touch it as long as she wishes to be with me. This does not mean I can force her to have relations with other people, but it does mean I have a say in who those other people are. If they make me uncomfortable in any way I can pull the plug and she will just have to live with it. As should be obvious but I think I'll need to state this goes BOTH ways. She ALLOWS me. If she pulls the plug on a couple, thats it, I don't get to have sex with that other woman ever again. If they make her uncomfortable in any way, well I'll just have to live with it. If I choose to ignore that, she has grounds to permanently terminate our relationship. We are NOT just people living together and raising kids together, who are free to go their own way without responsibility to each other. To be poetic we are now of one body, and WE must both decide how those bodies get used and if they get used. We must both agree or there is no more argument.

Sharing a J and tequila can lead to sex when you aren’t planning it. Our first was delayed a few times because of nerves. Keep talking and be thankful that your friends are patient.

LOVTOSUC, As I remember our internal couples dialogue before stepping into the water it was very much just exactly that.

No life…no clue. Now posting as his “wife” too. He will soon learn nobody cares that he says nothing good. Does the word Troll fit?

I encourage it, the biggest thrill in sex for me is watching Mrs cum. It's sexy and beautiful as anything.

Only three years? We learned or were told that our friends went to a swingers resort before we moved, at least six or seven years ago. We couldn’t believe our close friends were doing this, amazed any couple do it. It took time before we could listen to the stories, we would go home saying we could never do that. They would call us bible people and living life as old people. Privately the husband told me what they were doing, in detail. Debbie told me she got juicy details too. We moved hours away, our contact was mostly my phone, the wives mostly talked. We would come and visit or they would come to us, always the conversation would come up about vacations. They never overly pushed, only suggested to including us. The talking we are doing now started before the world shut down, started again after they told us about a trip they took with another neighbor we had. We didn’t believe the others joined them, don’t know why we thought that. I can say I am not pushing Debbie, she talks about too. It is a mutual equal talk. Driving to our friends last month we agreed we might, we didn’t. We are still talking, still wondering.

No, I don't think it's strange. It does suggest to me that you're starting to overthink and worry about that part of things. Here's an important truth... you will never know what that first experience will be like until you do it and when you do it, it will probably be nothing like what you imagine. You can't prepare yourself or plan out the specific details of that moment, not the least because there will be at least three other humans involved (your wife and the other couple) over whom you have no control. It's important not to try. One hard thing I learned early in my swinging life is that the more you go with predetermined expectations, the more likely you are to be disappointed and/or upset when the moment fails to met them (as it will). So, what I'm saying here is - stop stressing over the details of this. Enjoy the fantasy. Enjoy the deep conversations you and your wife are sharing. If that moment comes when you the plunge, put the fantasy and the planning aside, and just relax and have fun. Because that is the point of all of this... to have fun together.

Two weeks since we didn’t go forward with swinging with our friends, two weeks of talking about what could have been, two weeks of sexy talk and what we say is role play, two weeks of talking of maybe we will maybe do things and two weeks of saying it won’t be different. This is becoming a choice that we know is different from all of our decisions. We always discuss Pros and Cons, and we are discussing the what ifs. I asked Debbie if she ever pictured our friends nude, her answer was she saw him almost nude, just swimsuit. She claims never wondering what was covered. I laughed. Don’t women ever mentally undress men? She said what he looks like, penis is not the factor. I kinda understood, I have mentally undressed our lady friend, don’t think what her pussy looked like would be a factor. Then the what if’s, what if he started kissing her. She didn’t know, that’s fair. In her mind would she be the first to touch him or would she see him touch her first. She returned the questions to me, I could kiss her, picture touching a breast and hoped our friend would reach for my crotch. I asked Debbie if she would watch, no answer. I asked her first could she undress him and would she want me to watch. Plenty of I don’t knows still. The more we talk I’m reading the closer she comes to thinking it could happen. Our friends are happy as far as we can see, it has not hurt their marriage. With Debbie asking more questions of me, I think she is leaning more and more in one direction. Is it strange that my fear is less how will I react watching Debbie and more can I preform like I normally do, will overexcitement overtake the moment, will I freeze, will Debbie freak midway? We know what our friends want, also know they won’t pressure. We are a week from facing our questions and fears.

Hit the three bars at top right, hit Account, go to Ignored Users, put in who you want to ignore. Makes for a more enjoyable experience.

May I suggest ‘ignore user’…

Been wondering the same thing.....

The most important word you wrote, “discuss”. So many couples say they discussed where truthfully one partner talks and the other goes along. I like your friends without knowing them, they discussed along with you and didn’t pressure you into doing anything before all of you could be in agreement. Peer pressure, whether it’s a spouse who is more eager, or the experienced couple pushing a less than willing participant. I have learned the signals given by the unfortunate woman who is going along to satisfy a man’s fantasy. I appreciate the man who honors a woman’s hesitancy. If and when you both agree you want to take the next step your waiting will be worth it.

Interesting question may be, is other wife not in to the LS, or is the other wife not into the two of you? Or as FL suggests, sometimes we are just not "in the mood" and will occasionally try to placate our partner by giving in. Is this what happened here? We tend to be over communicators; we won't hesitate to simply ask people "may I have your help please. we really are trying to understand where this is going tonight; is there anything you would like to share?"

We, and seemingly every couple we know, keeps a cordless Hitachi Magic Wand charged and readily available during playtime. We use it during most play sessions. So, apparently, do our friends. For us, it reliably guarantees her multiple strong and sustained orgasms until she has 'had enough'--usually between half a dozen and a dozen. The nice thing about the cordless version is that it is easy to manipulate between us onto her clit regardless of what position we are in at any particular moment.

I have no problem at all with my partners using vibrators (or other toys) when we play, though I’ve had several experiences with couples where the woman was shy about using any of the toys — vibes, plugs or dildos — that she normally uses with her husband or S.O. It’s like, threesomes or moresomes are cool, but somehow toys are too pervy to use except alone or when they are alone with their regular partner. I know that 130 years ago vibrators were one of the first applications once homes (and doctors’ offices) were wired for electricity. But it was only in the early 1970s that discussions of the use of vibes for sexual gratification became common in the popular press (and I think among casual friends.) My first wife and I married when we were in our early 20s, and it was only during our courtship that she had learned to have orgasms. Once we discovered vibrators she became totally entranced on how easy it made her cum. And I became a regular Johnny Appleseed among friends and lovers, sometimes purchasing vibes for our friends who were too shy to frequent an adult bookshop. (Which was pretty much the only place in those days one could buy sex toys.). I introduced both of my subsequent wives to vibrators and they quickly became so canditioned to the ease of achieving orgasm that they stopped being able to cum through intercourse. Which has never been an issue for me. My current wife, who was always an easy cummer (when she was younger she would sometimes finger herself to orgasm when on long solo drives) is now almost 70 and after 30+ years of vibrator play is experiencing the strongest and longest orgasms of her life. What’s not to like there? Plus, we have found a couple of positions for intercourse where a wand-type vibrator provides such strong stimulation that I experience quite intense vibratory pleasure as well. Backtracking to the early 1970s, my first real job out of college was selling business equipment in New Jersey. The son of the owner of the business ran an affiliated business that sold tab cards (only us old people will remember when tab cards were the main way of entering computer data) but on the side he started a business selling through the mail a massager-type vibrator called the Prelude 3. It was to the best of my knowledge the first vibrator that was unabashedly marketed for the purpose of providing sexual stimulation and satisfaction. I just did a quick internet search for Tex Williams and Prelude 3 and came up with this 1981 article from The New York Times. It’s worth reading if you need a reminder of how far things have come in the past three and a half decades: https://www.nytimes.com/1981/02/09/nyregion/sex-is-a-growing-multibillion-business-first-of-two-articles.html Here is the specific reference to Tex & the Prelude 3: “Tex Williams, developer of the Prelude 3 vibrator, whose success has spurred several major companies to enter the field, said that vibrator sales now totaled about 1.3 million units a year, worth $15 million. The agency always refers to the therapeutic use of such instruments, but they are often used for sexual stimulation, as manufacturers know.”

If it helps get the woman off (I am a man), that’s fine. As long as we discuss it and I had a chance to do my thing to an extent. If it totally replaces me, I can just watch or stay home and let Bob ( battery operated boyfriend) do it. But I am sensitive that many women need some help to approach or reach orgasm and if Bob or I can help, great. Most women have brought it up gracefully. I am on board. Adds to the fun.